Sometimes you’ll do anything to get out of a workout. In fact, you’d rather spend 30 minutes making up a really good excuse; time that, if you think about it, you could have totally spent (begrudgingly of course) on a quick and simple workout.
So here at Mark’s Daily Apple we thought it was time to examine some of your best excuses:
You may have heard by now. Mallie’s Sports Bar and Grill in Southgate, MI has created (built? constructed? engineered?) a burger that weighs in at 134 lbs, setting a new Guinness record. Congratulations, Mallie’s. You have done your part in giving foreigners the world over ample evidence to believe the notion that American’s are just a bunch of obese gluttons.
Oh, those experts – always falling for one thing after another! We’re partly kidding, of course, but there are a variety of myths that even health pros still believe. Have you been fooled? The British Medical Journal pares the meat from the mealy:
It’s not just gas stations that are increasingly difficult to find in urban areas. Bathrooms have also become a hot commodity requiring all manner of quarters, tokens, and nervous breakdowns. We’ve got the CIA, the IRS, the FBI, and your friendly neighborhood traffic cop ever at the ready to fine you $168 for daring to turn right on a green light going five miles an hour in Santa Monica (hypothetical, clearly), but heaven forbid we have access to urinary relief. It would seem municipalities are on a mission to ensure widespread micro-discomfort. Because when you’ve got a populace in need of a piss, you’ve got ’em by the…well, you get it.
Enter innovation. Civil engineers, governments and retail outfits may not find your bladder to be of any pressing matter, but the geeks are ever sensitive to room for innovation. Following that, room for a relaxed gait.
We stumbled onto this refined carbohydrate disaster as we were searching for healthy food services. Like the kiddie menus serving up fried meats and refined starches across the nation, this offering does not bode well for the health of the seedlings! This plate of yellow’s only bragging point is “real” cheese…rounded out with greasy bread, fried tater tots, and corn. Where are the vegetables? (For the last time…corn is not a vegetable!) It’s no wonder we are seeing increased rates of type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity in our youth when processed, refined grains and unhealthy fats are the standard options for children.
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In defense of the Twinkie (wait, haven’t we heard that one before?), the Important People at Hostess explain exasperatedly that trying to understand what the Twinkie is made of is just like trying to understand the entire universe. Look, this miniature sticky cake of chemicals is as mysterious and magical as the very cosmos in which we exist. Duh. Don’t you feel silly now?
Unfortunately, the Important People are not delusional in the slightest. Twinkies are made of dozens of chemicals and at least 5 different rocks, so in truth, these little loaves of limestone really kinda are the universe. It appears you can manufacture irony, and it requires only 39 ingredients. I feel the welling up of an existential crisis of the sort not experienced since I watched my landlord wear a Dolce & Gabbana jacket to fix the toilet. There are some things money can’t buy, but for everything else, there’s rent.
The Oreo Pizza gives you an Oreo mustache. And that’s the selling point…
Remember one Able Gonzalez of last year’s fried coke fame? (You do.) The deep-fried bad boy is back, along with all the usual suspects at this year’s Texas Food Contest. The TFC is the biggest fried food competition in the country, of course. Last year’s body bombs included such mega-hits as fried coke and fried avocados. This year the offerings include fried guacamole bites, which must be confusing for the chips, and deep-fried lattes.
Busted at last!
It’s time to dispel a myth, apples. Rather, let’s chop it up and fry it until it sizzles. There’s nothing like a post well-done.
Pork Avoidance: So Much More Than Mere Myth
Mark and your Bees have received several emails asking about the safety of pork. Although Sisson addressed this briefly a few months back, the question deserves attention because new evidence has come to light. Apples, we at Mark’s Daily Apple have friends in high places. Also, a few dark alleys. And these friends inform us that the common assumption that pork is unhealthy is far more than mere nutrition myth – it’s a calculated and cunning conspiracy. Today, we blow the lid off the Great Pig Conspiracy. And then we roast it with a side of applesauce.
FRIENDS LET FRIENDS GET FAT
They say obesity is contagious now. (It’s all over the news.) Leading thinkers talk about idea viruses and memes in everything from marketing to sociology to DNA to evolution, so it was only a matter of time before the health industry chimed in. Obesity, we’re being told, is contagious, just like the common cold. If you spend your time with overweight people, you’re likely to “catch” obesity.
I’m not really certain what the take-away message is here. Shun fat friends? I can’t decide if this is a case of Captain Obvious – no kidding we’re like the people we spend time with – or if it’s a cop-out for taking personal responsibility. And as a fellow Angeleno said, since we now face such high rates of second-hand obesity, we’re just a city council vote away from “obese” and “thin” sections in restaurants. Can I sue if I get fat because my friends have “caught” obesity?