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Rejected Food Pyramids

[1] The USDA recently released a report outlining dietary guidelines for 2010. While the new guide has not been finalized, one thing is for certain, the food pyramid is in need of an upgrade. The classic, 1992 food pyramid [2] was scrapped five years ago. Apparently someone in the government figured out that 10 cups of grains a day was not solving the obesity epidemic. The 2005 food pyramid (shown right, click to enlarge) wasn’t much better, not so much a pyramid as a cacophony of clip art and food photos clustered under colorful disco rays. Seriously, the milk section includes transparent cheese. Is that a new Kraft product?

Fortunately, the USDA is currently accepting comments and opinions about their new health guideline. I am considering submitting my own pyramid for review. In preparation, the Worker Bees have collected other food pyramids submitted by various health professionals and concerned citizens. I have learned that all of the following have been rejected and will not be recommended as adequate diet guidelines for the average American, though several were heavily considered.

Submitted by: Taco Bell committee for enhealthenment

Submitted by: K. Bacon

Submitted by: H. Lector

Submitted by: Anonymous (of 215 S. Sesame Street)

Submitted by: Domino’s Pizza United Feed the Children Campaign

Submitted by: International Rambo Enemy Coalition

Submitted by: Anonymous (of 9th Circle Cafe, Hades)

Submitted by: P. McCartney, J. Lennon, G. Harrison, R. Star

Food Pyramid Contest

I wonder what other food pyramids exist out there. Maybe you can help. In the comment board share your own findings. List the contents of the food pyramid and who created the pyramid for a chance to win a Grok On! Kleen Kanteen [3]. For example, here’s another one The Worker Bees found:

Submitted by: Chuck Norris

Whoop ass (4-6 cans/day)
You (for breakfast, 2-3 servings)
Nothing (Chuck Norris doesn’t need food)

The Worker Bees will choose a winner Monday morning.

I have a hunch that whatever you find I’ll be sticking with The Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid [4]. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful Friday!


It was no easy task, but the winning food pyramid submission goes to…

Russell [5] with his Buddy the Elf Pyramid:

Candy (as much as you want)
Candy canes (as much as you want)
Candy corns (as much as you want)
Syrup (as much as you want)