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November 18 2010

When Grok Lives with Korg, or How to Cope With an Unsupportive Partner

By Mark Sisson
153 Comments

When I introduced a forum thread asking folks to share their top three challenges in going Primal, one issue got major traction: the S.O. factor (significant other, for those of you not into the whole online brevity thing). It’s a familiar story. One partner takes on a new health commitment. Life changes for that person. He/she goes through struggles, triumphs, growth – an entire physical and psychological process that potentially leaves a relationship chasm in its wake. Then there are the logistics, a menacing obstacle course of loaded questions and irksome details. Do you still eat together? Who cooks (not to mention shops)? Do we have enough pots and pans to make two different meals each night? How do we handle the kids’ food? Finally, what does it mean for the arrangement when one person’s food expenditure overshadows the other’s?

I’m not talking, of course, about couples who follow individual but similar lifestyle paths. Few people have a fully Primal S.O., and most people don’t exactly consider that a deal breaker to begin with. As many of you noted in the forum, it’s good to honor individuality in relationships. It certainly keeps things interesting. My wife, for example, eats fish but not fowl or red meat. While I’d prefer she join me in devouring a rack of lamb now and then, I understand and even empathize with her reasoning. I also recognize that she’s one of the healthiest people I know. She merges the Primal philosophy with her own chosen values, and the result is pretty impressive. Because her diet obliges certain restrictions, she’s more diligent than I am, I’ll admit.

What I mean here is a true Grok/Korg match. One partner is living (or approaching) Primal, while the other is fully entrenched in CW – or maybe worse. Some couples comfortably and successfully adopt a “live and let live” mentality with ne’er an argument to ruffle their domestic bliss. Others struggle at times, harboring low-grade resentments or continuing disappointment that their partners – however supportive – don’t take up the cause. For a few, the contrast ignites epic conflict akin to a veritable clash of civilizations.

In the forum, there was back and forth about the social and emotional significance we attach to food. It’s not a religion, many said. It shouldn’t derail an otherwise good relationship. Others countered that it was indeed a creed of sorts. As a significant dimension of one’s lifestyle, our food choices inevitably become imbued with our individual values – and even with our identities to a certain degree.

With this deeper facet – and the day-to-day logistics – in mind, here are a few targeted suggestions for both staying true to your Primal quest and keeping peace in the shared kingdom.

Be Comfortable With Your Choice

No, really. Don’t shoot the messenger here, but sometimes others’ divergent choices get under our skin because they’re a constant reminder of our own ability to fall off the wagon. There’s a certain vulnerability to living against the current of a society, let alone one’s own household. It takes a greater commitment – not a white-knuckle, hold-your-breath, dig-in-your-heels declaration, but a deeply personal kind of pledge. It’s a decision to live in the moment and make the best choice for yourself in that moment. No one can undo or undermine your commitment without your permission. It’s accepting the ultimate responsibility. Going Primal may not always be convenient or easy. Likewise, relationships are always convenient and easy either.

Dial In Your Expectations

Don’t start your journey with the grandiose (albeit ideal in my opinion) vision of a happy Primal family. As my mother used to say to us growing up, “You worry about you.” It’s your choice, your path. Would you travel down it knowing you weren’t going to be accompanied by your partner or other loved ones? Well, there you go. Be an example to your partner, but enjoy and own Primal living in its own right – not as a constant representation of the cause, so to speak.

To Each, A Pantry of One’s Own

It’s a similar sentiment to the old adage, “good fences make good neighbors.” A little space can sometimes be enough to keep you from feeling inundated by the alternative choices residing in your household. Claim a space for your stuff and make no apologies. As for shopping and spending, be prepared to sit down and have a practical negotiation with concrete, unimpassioned terms.

Gather the Support You Need

Your S.O. can’t provide for every need or play every role in your life. We all know this, but making/going through a significant transition in life sometimes clouds our judgment. You deserve respect, of course, but fill in the support you need with friends, other family members, online communities (wink), etc. Take the pressure off your relationship, and you’ll likely both feel freer and happier. It’s a funny thing: when you finally let an issue go, that’s when people can surprise you the most.

Research suggests that couples treat divergent dietary paths in much the same way as other conflicts or differences in their relationships. (I guess there’s cause for a potentially heartening – or unsettling – realization there.) It’s a question worth exploring. I obviously believe that going Primal is a good choice, but if your S.O.’s lack of conversion is nagging at you so dramatically that it’s undermining the fundamentals of your relationship, it might be time to examine the issue from a broader, deeper, or more emotional angle. (a.k.a. It’s never really about the toothpaste cap.)

That said, I think it’s fair to feel disappointed, even saddened, by a partner’s disinterest in maintaining his/her health. If you’re taking it upon yourself to stay in good shape and put life in your years (not to mention years in your life), you might wonder why the other person won’t hold up his/her end of the bargain. What exactly, then, is the understanding behind a relationship? I’m going to venture that it isn’t about being in lock-step at every turn, in every moment. Nonetheless, I think it is about explaining why you care. (Then there’s always the jaw-dropping, stunning example you set….) If you’re in it for the long haul, there’s time to grow together – or to realize that some commonalities just aren’t compulsory for lasting devotion and domestic harmony.

Readers, what say you? Are Groks and Korgs compatible? Have you found a way to peacefully coexist in the kitchen, or has going Primal changed the game with relationships for you? Is it ever a deal breaker? Share your thoughts, and thanks for reading today.

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153 thoughts on “When Grok Lives with Korg, or How to Cope With an Unsupportive Partner”

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  1. My husband really doesn’t mind the meat and vegetables, the compromise we’ve struck is that once in a while he gets corn and white potatoes. He also buys Pepsi for himself. It’s pretty easy to whip up a can of corn for my husband and steam some chard for myself.

  2. My partner has loved all the bacon and meat and eggs we’ve been having. We shop together at the farmer’s market on saturday. But he doesn’t like to exercise at all. This worries me, as he gets older. He had polio as a child and has a slight disability, but he can swim, and he joined a local pool to do that, but he almost never does. I’m worried that he will lose muscle and bone mass and start falling down more, and eventually have a fracture that might be really disabling. But I’ve given up on encouraging him to exercise more.

    1. Hi Shannon,
      Since your partner joined a pool, he obviously enjoys/has some interest in swimming. But it’s difficult to keep up a regular, meaningful routine of exercise just swimming laps alone in a pool. You should encourage him to join a masters swim group (lots of pools have them), where the exercise is performed as a group under the direction of a coach, with timed intervals and lots of mixing up of different strokes, speeds, distances, etc. Makes it far more interesting and the time flies!

    2. it might get him more motivated if you two swam together! to get him to do the sprints you could say it’s a race maybe?

  3. This was an issue with my ex-girlfriend and I (not the reason why we split). She constantly ate pasta, bread, cereal, etc. She made pasta everyday practically. I have good will power when I get going but when I am starting a diet I fall like a drunk on a treadmill. I never resented her for it. She knew what I wanted to do. She would offer to make food for me (pasta) and since my will power was low I conceded.

    She does suffer from depression…and after doing research on depression I read that depressed people tend to eat more carbs. Maybe there is something to this after all.

    We couldnt see eye to eye on dietary choices but it was never a starting point to have an argument. We let each other live the way that made us happy.

    1. This fact intrigues me. My family suffers heavily from depression, and also from diabetes.

      1. My father had major depression and committed suicide as a result. Just the other day I ran across an excellent lecture by Dr Robert Sapolsky (Professor at Stanford I believe) on depression that opened my eyes about what my dad was going through with this horrible disease. For anyone interested here’s the link: http://spoken-gems.com/2010/05/04/robert-sapolsky-depression/

        1. Thank you for that link. I am going to read up on it some more now. I originally did a wikipedia search and read some about it. I know wikipedia isnt the best for research but it is quick, easy primer to a subject.

          I feel terrible that people have to live with such a condition. I see my ex, she is an absolutely great person and even better girlfriend. To know that she has to go through that breaks my heart more than when we broke up.

          I wish I was more proactive in my research but I doubt it would have changed our separation.

      2. You should read the book “Lights Out: Sleep, Sugar, and Survival” Among other things it touches on the inter-relationship between sugar, sleep, and mental illnesses.

        1. That is really interesting – I have recovered from bipolar disorder since becoming Primal, my father’s mother’s side of the family were diabetics and she was a manic depressive, her weight fluctuated hugely as the mania and then depression swept through her life. I’ve done battle with the mental side all my life until this year. And I was a gestational diabetic … there is most certainly a link. I’ve found quite a bit on the internet including a diet for bipolarity which low and behold is pretty much what we all follow with PB. I’m hoping Mark will do a post on this at some point.

          And yes, as a friend and I talked about just this afternoon, you have to have been in depression to really understand it, good to know there are sources of information out there that can help the fortunate non-sufferers get a hold on what it is all about.

  4. This post just makes me even more grateful for the acceptance, even enthusiasm, my husband has toward my personal quest for the optimal diet. But since going Primal, things have gotten even better. I chalk that up to our improved emotional well-being from all the good protein and fat that was missing from our previous mostly vegetarian and pasta, rice, legume filled diet. As a previous tri-athelete, he did resist giving up pasta, but came to his conclusion that he just felt better without it. He use to stop for Cheetos on the way home, but not anymore. And he really liked jam and toast with his eggs and bacon. So I made it for him, and not for me. Then one day, he said “I really don’t need bread and jam anymore.” So I said, “Great, but if you change your mind, let me know.” And he hasn’t changed his mind yet. I’m lucky that he came around so quickly, but even if he never did, there’s no way it would ever be a deal breaker.

    1. wow, that sounds just like my own husband. I has joined me after months of going on about rice and pasta. He lost a bit of the fat he was gaining, has become very lean and better yet… his psoriasis is completelly gone.

  5. It is the temptations that are thrown in your path with a non-primal partner that are the hardest to face. I’m not truly primal but most of the primal/paleo beliefs fit with my own.

    But my partner is a million miles away and what he eats sometimes tempts me!

  6. I find that dont push anything onto your partner. She-He will see the progress, your ENERGY LEVEL, body composition change and will, ONE DAY, go primal! There is no reason why! You just have to keep at it and not to force your partner into it!

    1. I agree with you. Since I started eating primal foods and exercising with a purpose, my wife and I have noticed my six pack coming in and she is now making better food choices as well. I never push it on her, I just let her observe. Seems to work slowly but surely at my household.

  7. I agree with RDunn, I’m really glad I’ve started primal living at a time when I live alone. It means I’m less likely to fall of the wagon 🙂

    1. Its incredibly EASY to fall off when you live with parents who buy loads of non primal food. I have not fallen off completely but all the wheals are “loose.”

  8. I think it might be a deal-breaker early on in a relationship, but once you’re in for awhile it’s unlikely. Too many other factors by that point. :p

    That said, it can definitely be a problem. My wife frequently goes all-in on various diets and dietary changes, then loses steam after awhile due to temptation, fatigue, poor results, etc. It was the same with primal living – she stuck with it much longer than most things, but ultimately decided she loved bread and pasta and sweets too much.

    One of her problems was that she didn’t lose any weight eating primal. During that time she had some simultaneous setbacks (a surgery, training injury, vacations and lapses) that make it understandable, but she was disappointed.

    She has since turned to an off-label prescription that is supposed to help people lose weight and essentially eats a SAD, and unfortunately has lost weight doing this (seemingly the most important thing to her) so I don’t think she will ever be inclined to try again. All of her favorite things to eat are decidedly non-primal, and despite her autoimmune issues she’s said that she will not give up a number of things that could be exacerbating her problem.

    One good thing is that, since we’ve gone our separate eating ways, she has started at least having a healthier attitude about food and eating – she was bordering on an eating disorder at times, she would be so upset with herself. Now she is more relaxed. But she has in turn taken to being that cajoling voice on my shoulder that it “doesnt’ matter” and I should “cheat with her this once.”

    I really worry about her long-term health; she has enough issues as it is that I think she is setting herself up for more problems down the road rather than taking the (admittedly hard) steps that might actually improve her conditions. All I can do is try my best to set a good example, continue making primal choices when I cook for us, and be proud of the steps she does take along the way. But it is hard. Watching someone make harmful choices that will ultimately affect both of your lives (be it eating, or smoking, or exercise, or whatever) is one of the toughest things. Letting go is sometimes the only way, especially with stubborn people (and there are more of those than you think!) They have to choose it for themselves.

  9. I really think there are some other considerations here. For example, are we talking about one healthy person who for mere whim or health-preference wants to go primal? Or are we talking about one person who is dangerously unhealthy, seriously intolerant to certain damaging foods, as a side-effect has addictive reactions to some of them, and is trying to save their own life, literally, and their energy for lifestyle, in the meantime?

    When I first started eating well my husband took up making pies, cookies, cakes, and deep fried donuts. The man had no interest in sweets for 5 years until then. When I bought food for me to eat Atkins at the time, stuff he didn’t like, and he ate things I didn’t like (kraut, german sausage, beer), he mysteriously took up only wanting to eat MY food instead of his, without replacing it (I worked he didn’t so he had time, I didn’t), leaving me arriving home for work to the smell of chocolate cake and no ok food whatever.

    It wasn’t that I didn’t communicate or try to solve this in 101 different ways, all of which merely reinforced the lesson that you really cannot change other people; you can communicate your views and what is workable as your minimum, and they change–or they don’t–it’s their decision.

    When I dropped eating wheat, having just discovered my severe asthma and severe allergies and severe acid reflux were all directly caused by it (and cured by 2 weeks off it), I would make a careful dinner for us all, and then he would run in and broil a big french loaf garlic bread (my biggest weakness).

    I certainly do have responsibility for my own decisions but SMELL is as affective as cigarette smoke on brain chems I suspect–certainly affects appetite and many enzymes. This is like helping your alcoholic spouse by waving shot glasses under their nose repeatedly.

    So, coming to the conclusion that my ‘responsibility for my own decisions’ was a) not working out so well on the temptation front, and b) a matter of life and death (as I was severely morbidly obese), I made the responsible decision, and divorced his sabotaging ass.

    This may not have solved my food problems entirely, but that 195# weight loss overnight certainly helped!

    I’m probably only alive today due to changes I was able to make in my health after that point.

    PJ

      1. Seconded. And if he was willing to act like this over mere food, I’m sure there were plenty of other factors for divorce too. (no need to get into them here, of course….)

  10. This is a big one for our family.

    My husband read all the literature and joined me about six months after I started, he’s lost 6 kg and feels and looks great, better than at anytime in the 15 years since we’ve been together (not bad for a 52 year old!). He isn’t hardline about it though and if he occasionally fancies something non-Grok he’ll eat it.

    However, my brother’s wife, although very helpful with providing him with his Primal food continues in her eating habits – she is obese, and smokes, and rarely exercises (she drives the 1 mile to work and back every day) and is on multiple meds for blood pressure, cholesterol etc and has various digestional problems. It has caused stress in their relationship but now I think they are living and let living. It upsets my brother who has lost 6.5 stones and is now fit and well. He loves her and doesn’t want to see her so compromised healthwise and likely to live a far shorter life than him.

    As for my parents, my mother is resentful of my Dad’s adoption of Primal eating (he’s lost 30 lbs and now takes minimal meds for osteo-arthritic knees and is walking much easier) but she does, mostly, provide him with the Primal diet. It’s an incendiary topic of discussion though. She continues with her CW low fat, high carb (wholegrains) fish only diet and is the only one who has to take meds for blood pressure and she has borderline glucose intolerance – go figure.

    It amazes me that intelligent people can live alongside amazing transformations and not want in on the act themselves!

  11. I’m reading some of these horror stories, and I must say, I count myself among the truly lucky.

    My girlfriend and I met and bonded several years ago over our mutual vegetarianism, which both of us had practiced for more than a decade. When I made the switch to Primal eating (and living), I know that it was a big shock for her. However, I think she was more disconcerted by the macronutrient compositions of the diet (“you’re eating HOW much saturated fat?!”), because she comes at her own eating choices from a background steeped in medical knowledge. There was a period of about a month in which she kept coming to me with various questions about the biomechanics of the diet, how it worked, what I was supposed to eat and what I wasn’t, and – thanks in very large part to the wealth of great info available for me to study here on MDA – both of us learned a heck of a lot more in the process.

    She’s comfortable with my dietary choices now, and although she remains steadfast in her vegetarianism, she has likewise taken it upon herself to be better about consuming organic, local, non-GMO foods, and to really consider the full nutritional picture of her own diet for her own needs. I’m super proud of that – not to mention that I feel blessed to have someone so thoughtful and understanding as an “S.O.”

    So thank you, Mark, for all the great info and advice – I doubt I could have handled the situation nearly as well without it.

  12. I am greatful for my awesome husband! He has 100% supported my quest and has stood steadfast with me. He tries absolutely everything I have made (and some of it was not very tastey) and either lets me know if he liked or would prefer something else. He loves his grains and cookies at the moment but I know sometime in the future he’ll jump on board with me full time.

  13. I have considered separating the food into his & hers sections for quite some time now. Think I’m going to do it!

    And ask that he not make certain things when I’m home as the scents are pure torture sometimes (ie: popcorn!)

    I agree with you Kelda: I can’t understand it either! How can the see you transform & not be the least bit interested?

  14. I met a couple in Hawaii last Fall. She was wearing Vibram Five Fingers and he was wearing those rocker shoes; she thought “Born to Run” was the awesome-est book ever, he thought it a load of merde.

    Talk about a mixed marriage!

    1. This is one of those instances where “LOL” actually means I laughed out loud!

  15. My wife and I have been married for 28 years and we are polar opposites when it comes to health and fitness.

    I’m always looking for non CW ways to improve my wellbeing. She keeps promising that she’ll come over to the other side but it hasn’t happened yet.

    I’ve learned to explain what I’m doing without preaching and to gently encourage her to give it a try.

    Someday It will happen. My only worry is that we are just turning 50. I just hope she realizes that a better health commitment sooner will make life a lot more fun later.

    She’s a great person and would like for us both to be active for a very long time. I guess if there is any hint of frustration or resentment it would be to not have that happen.

    In the mean time I’ll just keep plugging along.

  16. I’ve only had to deal with a small similarity to this problem. I shared a house with a friend (I was a renter). She ate pasta literally every night. We found that I would just let her do her thing in the kitchen, because it was pretty fast and didn’t use many dishes (which is why did it – she doesn’t really cook much), then I would take over. I only cooked every 2-4 days, and she would do it almost every day. We joked about it. 🙂

  17. My husband is okay with ME being primal, and is even fine with eating low carb dinners. He, however, eats his lunch at the drive thru almost every day (partially because I can’t seem to pack him a lunch).
    I don’t know if I’ll ever get him off of diet pepsi.
    I, myself, have a very weak hold on my diet, and can talk myself into eating whatever is around. He has been very resistant to the pantry purge, and my in my weakness I haven’t done it yet, and I’ve been “trying” to live primally for a year and a half. If I had his FULL support, I think I could do it, but with even a little resistance I give in. I am much more overweight than he is, and have been this way my whole life. I’m tired of it. He has only recently ballooned to a beer belly (he doesn’t drink, though) and doesn’t seem to care much at all about it. I care, because I know how hard it is once you’re fat, and don’t want him to be like me. It’s hard to tell him that, when I’m a female who weighs more (though not much, now) than him.

    1. This is just a hunch based on my own experience, but you may want to read a book called Neris and India’s Idiot-proof Diet. It essentially describes a primal/low carb diet but I recommend it for the thorough and frank discussion of the emotional/motivational issues we go through with weight loss (particularly geared at women). It certainly gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to dive into this way of eating and stop giving in to outside pressures. It was also a fun read 🙂

  18. I was fitter/healthier than most before I gave up grains, chips, sweets, etc. So it’s hard for my wife to see where I’m coming from. She’s supportive enough when it comes to my decision. The pain arises with our children. My 7 year old’s diet is primarily bread-based and nothing I do or say is making a difference. It’s probably the only troubling thing in my life right now, so I can’t complain. I just can’t shake it. I want him to eat fruits, nuts, and meat so badly, but she keeps shoveling bagels and sugary granola bars at him–saying that we can’t let him starve, and that the pediatrician supports it. Ugh.

    1. Don’t fight food battles with kids. It’s the biggest waste of time on the planet. All you can do is try to limit the really horrible stuff like sodas and candy.

    2. I am by no means married or a parent, yet, but my response would be to put my foot down and take control of the situation. I’d probably say: NO! I am not allowing this junk in my house. From now on I’ll do the shopping, and I’ll do the cooking. Don’t worry about, because I’ll take care of it.

  19. Wow! It is a tough world out there. I just would like to add that it is not always the reluctant partner’s “fault.” My wife is the one who turned me onto the Primal lifestyle but she did so from an intellectual rather than experiential point of view. When I started living the life, I thought, live and let live would work fine so I kept the food and exercise to myself. i did not want to always be going on and on about the benefits of this and the problems of that, so I kept mum. It finally came to a head when she confronted me and asked why I was being so selfish? Why didn’t I want her to eat the same as me? Why did I cook alone?

    “What we had here was a failure to communicate.”

    Since then we share literature and plans to visit the 100% grassfed farms. I cook for all and she has joined with the Primal life. . . mostly. Slow and steady makes for a peaceful homelife and communication opens so many doors.

  20. I deal with this daily , my S.O. is deadset to stick with CW despite what I have acheived going primal. she refuses to give up her cereal ,potatoes, pasta ect. I do a lot of the cooking so we are able to work around it and some days we basicaly have two different meals. but a lot of what I prepare the rest of the family loves anyways so it all works out . she has actually lost weight without trying just by eating what I do some of the time. it used make it hard for me sometimes when theres a pan of brownies in the kitchen , doesn’t really phase me at all anymore, I’ll take a steak or chicken over that anytime. 🙂
    I figure after a while they will get it , forcing it on them wasn’t going to be effective ,just lead by example.

  21. I don’t have an issue with the “you do your food thing, I’ll do mine” beyond the logistics. However… the kids. They aren’t mature enough to make their own choices here. My S.O. isn’t exactly hostile about it and is letting me set the menu for the month of February. Now I gotta figure out breakfast for six kids, a spouse and myself! The other meals are a challenge but breakfast is the quintessential carbfest.

  22. One more thing, I’m putting together a “primal primer” class for my older kids and wife before February. Should be interesting to see if they “get it”.

    1. Hi Scot,

      I took the original recipe from the paleoplan.com and have been eating them Monday to Friday at breakfast time for two months.
      They are a little high in carbs (according to fitday) for some people but worth a go!

      Ingredients
      2 cups blanched almond flour
      2 teaspoons baking soda
      1 teaspoon celtic sea salt
      1 tablespoon cinnamon
      1 cup dates, pitted
      3 ripe bananas
      3 eggs
      1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar/lemon juice
      ¼ cup coconut oil/ almond oil
      1 ½ cups carrots, shredded
      ¾ cup walnuts, finely chopped

      Alternative
      Dried apricots, ground ginger and the zest and juice of an orange instead of dates and cinammon.
      1 Grated apple to replace a banana and some dried bluberries.

      Instructions
      In a small bowl, combine almond flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon
      In a food processor, combine dates, bananas, eggs, vinegar and oil
      Transfer mixture to a large bowl
      Blend dry mixture into wet until thoroughly combined
      Fold in carrots and walnuts
      Spoon mixture into paper lined muffin tins
      Bake at 350° for 25 minutes (in my oven it takes closer to 40 min and I cover them with foil after 20)

      I get 15 muffins out of this mix.

      The following is the nutritional info per muffin for my way: Calories: 218, Fat: 13.3 g, Carb: 23.6g, Fiber: 4.7 g., Protein: 5.5g

  23. Wow, I really needed this post today. I need to be on a very restrictive diet for my health and two of my 4 children eat gluten free. My husband likes his breads, crackers and ice cream and sometimes it is all I can do to walk out of the room. I think it all comes down to respecting others choices…..it has been a huge learning curve for me! Thanks again

  24. I got into this lifestyle recently through reading. This started with following links from Nassim Taleb to Gary Taubes and Art de Vany and on to Body by Science and Mark. Issue 1) is my wife doesn’t think you can learn from books. She wanted to lose weight and pushed me into buying an exercise bike and then a treadmill, neither of which she uses(but the exercise bike admittedly makes a good clothes hanger), but she can’t relate to my enthusiasm fired by learning from reading. This did get me on the road to exercise though. Issue 2) is that my wonderful wife is from Thailand, and the family business is (you guessed it) rice farming. So the advice that I wanted to ‘Go Primal’ and not eat rice (along with pasta, bread, potatoes etc..) did not go down very well. It caused and still causes major problems. I just have to compromise by taking a bit of rice when we eat Thai food. I get the feeling I am damaging myself and she gets upset because I am insulting her way of life, her culture, her mother and Thailand in general. When I talk about not eating rice to other Thai friends the reaction is intense. I’ve seen them covering their ears up shouting ‘I don’t want to know, go away’. Still the compromise is in place and nothing will damage our great relationship. It has been tested. It was further tested when she saw the Vibrams which she hated. She hasn’t yet spotted the pullup bar I installed in the loft hatch today but that should be interesting.

    1. Don’t fight over rice. It’s way less harmful to you than other grains. If you can get rid of the other stuff & save yourself some marriage trouble, you’ll be in better shape.

  25. Going Primal didn’t really cause a lot of hassle until my SO and I moved in together. There were a lot of conflicts early on about the cost of meat in particular vs. that of pasta, cereal, and other SAD staples.

    A little at a time I’ve been able to get her into healthier dietary habits (though she refuses to touch a salad, and I almost never see her with a vegetable of any kind), but she still keeps the pasta and cereals around, still likes to buy breaded chicken and the like, and almost seems to have taken a passive aggressive stance on my diet, as if she’s determined to undermine me rather than outright oppose, which has led to some new conflicts.

    Of course, as Mark pointed out, it’s never *really* about the cap on the toothpaste. That said, differences in diet are probably bigger than differences in religion. Not everyone lives their life around a religion, or even has one, or any special feelings about the topic. And even if they do, there’s no requirement to share or reveal such. Everyone, however, has to eat, and it’s pretty easy for everyone around them to see what they’re eating.

    I’d say the most blowback that I get, actually, is from older relatives who are resistant to change (and taking me seriously), and relative strangers like coworkers or restaurant employees. With the former group, I’ve just achieved detente, but with the latter I sometimes resort to just saying that I’m diabetic and thus can’t touch sugar or certain other foods. Not that I’m proud of this, but it is shorter than explaining to every waitress why it’s important to me that I don’t get a regular soda.

    1. I usually tell my coworkers and friends that diabetes runs in my family (which it does), and I am taking preventative measures against it. That usually keeps the conversation pretty neutral.

      1. I’ve used that one, too, and it does seem to help. Often, though, I get the “a little won’t hurt”. I then explain to them that I’m one of those people who can’t eat “just a little” of anything.

      2. Which you are! Loading the human form with more sugars than we evolved to deal with will certainly result in some illness of some form or another at some point!

        I do the same, don’t name diabetes but say I need to keep my sugar low when pressed … I’ve long since stopped trying to explain, as soon as you mention evolution eyes roll and you are on a hiding to nothing!

    2. Wow, do waitresses seriously ask you why you don’t want a regular soda?

      1. How’s this?: I ordered a hamburger-no-bun and a side of green beans at a typical chain restaurant and the waitress was enthusiastic when she brought it to the table! I almost fell over.

      2. Yeah. I’m a tall, lean guy (borderline skinny) so ordering a ‘diet’ gets a funny look. More often the problem is having to send back a regular one when they get lazy and don’t think I’ll notice.

        1. Have a read of ‘diet’ drinks here on MDA, just having the sweet taste in the mouth can trigger the undesirable sugar reaction the PB is trying to combat!

        2. Yea, I’ve also heard bad things about diet. I haven’t had soda (diet or regular) in over a year now, and I crave it in no way shape or form. I’m sure they wouldn’t give you such a hard time if you just ordered water! 😉

  26. My partner is the one in our household who chose to go primal first. I was adamant that I would not do another crazy “diet” as I had already done sooooo many over my 58yrs. After seeing how much energy she gained and great she felt I said I would try it for 30 days. That was back in February and there has been no looking back. woohoo

  27. For several years now I’ve diverged from conventional eating both the food and the timing. I’ve tried many different ways of eating to help with behavioral issues in my kids which was the impetus for experimenting with different ways of eating in the first place.

    All along my husband who eats reasonably healthily carried on doing his own thing. Over time, about 5 years, we’ve found a way to be. He has stopped bringing Pepsi into the house and often does small amounts of grocery shopping to buy the things he wants to eat.

    For my part, I’ve had to accept that while I can reduce the amount of grains in my kids diet, I have to be realistic and understand I’m not going to be able to get as far as I would like. I also haven’t succeeded in getting the rest of the family to eat at 5pm, so they eat separately from me.

    I would like to get more on the same page but we do the best we can.

  28. My situation isn’t so much about wanting him to join me, I just don’t want the eye rolling when he wants me to eat the split pea soup he’s made or the argument over quinoa being a seed when I say it’s a grain. So frustrating! We’ve always cooked and eaten “healthy” so I don’t get why this is that big of a deal. He says he doesn’t like feeling limited when he’s creating dishes. I see it as true creativity when eating this way. Oh well, he’ll get used to it or he won’t!

  29. I find myself challenged in dating due to this issue. I have been primal for about 2 years, and it was my now ex-boyfriend who introduced me to it. It was fantastic being with someone who shared my eating habits and commitment to health and fitness. Now I can’t imagine a different situation. I am trying to find balance in my dating life now. I’m trying to imagine how I could ever be in a serious relationship with someone who would want our kids to have “whole grains and milk” every day. Obviously I can’t just write off every guy that eats grains, but how much time should one invest in getting to know someone and attempting to find out if they would ever compromise on food choices? I would never want to change someone so I will stay optimistic that the right person for me is inherently someone open-minded.

    1. I think you’ll find that this is a life-style a lot of people are adopting. I bet it won’t be that hard to find someone with your views!

    2. Go to some paleo get togethers in your area and do some networking!

      1. Thanks, that is a good idea. I’m also a crossfit athlete so i’ve been trying to encourage the group to do more get togethers outside of the gym. Maybe its time I took it upon myself to host a paleo get together!

    3. I’m in the same position. When you see how important a primal diet is, it really does become quite hard to compromise.

      I’d just rather avoid the inevitable tension and keep my standards high.

      1. I agree! There are quite a few people on this planet so I’m confident that it is not necessary to compromise on something so important.

        1. alright!! so I’m not the only one that thinks this. good to know!

          Maybe we should hook up, lol.

          I actually was thinking of joining crossfit for the same reason but not so much for a girl, just other primal people in general, and because I want to do it. it’s double the cost of my normal gym though and I can do everything there already.

          finding a girl on the primal diet that is also a good match… I’ve been thinking it’s closer to impossible than just being hard. maybe us primal people should get some kind of sign so we can spot other primals. I’m not really a fan of tatoos but it would make it easier. maybe one day it will be easy – all the healthy ones! haha.

          currently I don’t know anyone else on this diet. My old man and one of my sisters seems to be trying it but they live in another state.

          How do you guys even make normal friends if they aren’t primal? All people seem to do these days is eat and drink. most social activities revolve around food or alchohol (even sports things if there is a social element).

          It would be so good to have a bunch of friends that ate the same kind of stuff. These days I tend to just not go out anymore (for social things). so on the plus side I’m healthier but now I i’ve turned myself into a loner on purpose almost.

          a friend (interstate) is organising for a few of us to get together later this year when I’m down there and his idea is to make pizzas in his woodfire oven and drink alcohol. (I currently don’t drink either). sounds great except that I’m going to have to be really inconvenient and isolate myself from everyone and bring my own food and not drink. now is it just me or is that anti social? I think it is, but what the hell is the social way to be around people and still be primal? just the fact that you’re not joining in almost by definition I guess means it’s antisocial I think.

          anyway i’m not really concerned about that. what other people think is their problem (literally). but it is annoying. if i look at it from other people’s perspective, why would they want to hang around me if I can’t eat “regular” food?

          anyway i’ll work it out somehow…

          on the girl topic it’s good to know that there are others out there in the same situation. So i’ve upgraded it from impossible to almost impossible.

          now to stop wasting time and go get some more primal food!

  30. My husband did not used to be into the whole Primal thing at all. I did the grocery shopping, but I gave him an “allowance” each week for things that he wanted to pick out — so the cupboards were mostly Primal, but if there was something he really felt the need for, he could have it. He’s lactose intolerant, although I’m not, so I’ve always had dairy in the house that he doesn’t touch.

    Recently, his stomach had really been giving him a lot of problems, so I directed him to MDA to look around. He was very pleased that scotch was high on the sensible alcohol list! He’s been experimenting with eliminating different types of carbs, and has come to the conclusion that he will eliminate everything except small amounts of unleavened bread and rice (once a week or so), and that this makes him feel a lot better. That’s where we are now, and I’m okay with that.

  31. Oh, boy, try being a teenager in a family of 6.

    I have no input into what isn’t in the pantry. I can go out and spend my money on eggs and farmer’s market stuff, sure, but the candy will always be there.

    Plus, my dad, while it’s comforting that he worries about my health, feels that eliminating wheat is an extreme. Because my family is naturally slender, he sees no point in watching what he eats. Yet he has a number of health problems. Diet isn’t always about weight! I don’t think he gets that. I’m most concerned about health, how does that translate into him worrying that this is a bad thing?

    But it eventually settles down.

  32. I would like to say that I found it quite an amazing breakthrough when we were shopping together and I asked for the third time, “Now, before we go check out, are you SURE you don’t want a box of cereal? Not even your favorite kind?” “Nope, I told you I don’t want to eat that stuff anymore. It makes my stomach not feel good.”

    Primal 1, CW 0

  33. I’m not dealing with an just S.O., I’m also dealing with my parents. I’ve been staying in their house the last few years while they were working out of state; they just moved back, so I’m living with them for awhile until I find a place.

    Dad is type 1 diabetic for many years now. I think he can see the benefits of the primal diet, especially the weight loss side (he should drop ~25#). He’s already been doing quite well with his diet, and understand carb counts, now I just need to get him to lower the carbs.

    Mom, however, just comes back with an attitude of “I don’t see why grains are bad, we’ve eating them for 10,000 years.” I need to compile a collection of data and papers that have been linked on MDA and elsewhere, maybe that’ll help.

    In the meantime, I’ll probably be doing ‘my’ part of the fridge and pantry, hopefully bringing my dad online as well.

    My GF is also type 1 diabetic, she does OK with food selection, but refuses to acknowledge the benefits of a higher fat intake and lower carbs. At least she’s already dropped almost all grains and processed stuff; her mother has celiac, so she’s learned from her that bakery stuff is easy to do without.

  34. For the most part my husband and I have a good understanding on food, and since I am a chef and do all the cooking he eats what I make. Sometimes I will make him a small portion of pasta because he doesn’t want to do the spaghetti squash or veggies. He’s a carb and meat kind of person.

    The one issue I have that I get annoyed with is how reluctant he is to look at his food choices as being a cause for the migraine headaches or heart burn. I tell him he should consider going off gluten and all grains, but his answer is “Impossible…I’d have nothing to eat”. And since he doesn’t cook and only eats out for lunch then yeah, it’s “impossible” for him. He’s gone a long way with me though and hardly touches soda, and is more sensitive to sweets so no things are “too sweet”, and he shops with me.

    1. Not an issue in my house. I’m new to primal, my husband has not been interested, but makes primal dinners anyway (our dinners were pretty much primal before we knew what primal was). Interestingly, he went to his doctor a few days ago (chronic back probs from lack of exercise) and told the dr about how I’m eating primal. She had never heard of it before, but told him, “Start eating the same way!!” She’s convinced it’ll help his back. Interesting!!

      I think we have more of a conflict around exercise. I’m very serious about training (muay thai, running, kettlebells), and he’s pretty lax. It sort of frustrates me that I’m getting stronger while he’s declining (see: chronic back probs). I try not to say anything…

      1. We’ve had issue with exercise at the gym. I could go for an easy 1 hour long session, but he is done with about 10 minutes of light lifting, then stands around watching me sweat. I get annoyed, as in, why the hell did I bring you if you just want to do nothing and watch TV. So, I’ve been trying to arrange more HIIT exercises that we are both done with in 15 minutes.

        I’ve expressed some of my success with doing the primal/paleo thing. I used to have horrible hip pain in my joints that I would mostly attribute to standing up all day working in kitchens and walking on hard flooring, but since I was into the primal thing after the first few months I noticed little to no join problems. These problems would keep me from gym time or any exercise because I just felt exhausted from it all. So, now I need to get a exercise schedule back up. I just wish he could have stuck with at least going gluten free for a month, rather than being kind of half asked about it and still suffering. I know I’m not suffering in the same manner, and all I really did was eliminate most grains save a little bit of rice now and then with Thai food.

  35. I eat mostly primal, but my husband doesn’t and it can be quite challenging. We always sat down and ate dinner together, but after joining Crossfit 7 months ago I’m never home for dinner and when we can eat together on the weekends, he always wants junk. It’s weird sometimes he’s supportive and other times its like he doesn’t even know I eat primal and offers me crap! Frustrating and tempting all in one. So happy to know I’m not alone. I’ll never go back to my old ways, but I do cheat every once in awhile. Great thread.

    1. I know how you feel. I will ask “What do you want for dinner?” The first words out of his mouth: pizza. I haven’t touched pizza since July 4th. One night he wanted pizza so much that I went with him to eat and I wondered around the area to find something for me to eat, and no dice for me… so I had to wait feeling hungry while he ate his pizza and a beer, and then I made he watch me eat a big plate of smoked brisket with slaw. Guess who was hungry a couple hours later? Not me ’cause I had a heap of brisket.

      Oh, well. He can have his pizza when I’m not around.

  36. This is an interesting topic and one that I think about very often. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and while he eats fairly healthy there is always room for improvement. I am primal.

    I shouldn’t complain, really. He’s not out eating fast food all the time but he does LOVE his rices, pastas, cereals, etc. It drives me insane.
    He does like eating squash, veggies, etc. But at the same time he says he gets bored with them easily and needs more variety….hence having the rices and pastas.

    What I find the most difficult is the grocery shopping. I HATE the idea of his/hers shopping. I like to share dinner time not despise having to cook separate meals. I pretty much decided that 90% of the meals I make will be primal and if he wants something different he will have to make it himself. Same goes for the shopping…if I don’t buy it then it’s not there for him to eat and if he wants it then he will have to go get it.

    Now, once kids come along all this will get a bit trickier….

    1. My SO and I do something similar. I do the shopping and only buy a few things I won’t eat (sandwich bread and chips for lunches) so most of the food in the house is healthy. I feel that making his lunch most of the time, even with things I wont eat, is healthier than going out and getting something worse. If he doesn’t feel like veggies with dinner he can cook his own side which doesn’t typically happen.

      And as for the other family members, my sister and BFF are very supportive, my mom thinks that I should eat some grains (oats and rice), and then all of the others I don’t feel like arguing with I’ve told I’m gluten intolerant and they are understanding of that at least.

      1. Oh and on the nights I’m not home because of class he usually eats stuff like pizza and mac n cheese so he makes an effort not to eat stuff he thinks I might want in front of me 🙂

  37. It’s not only spouses. I recently moved back in with my mom to afford to go back to school full time. She’s in mom-mode constantly with the “balanced” meals and always asking if I want ice cream or cookies or chocolate, etc….it’s slow going, but I’ve gotten her off of the grain based carbs for the most part. Baby steps.

  38. The depression and carb link is interesting. I would not consider myself to be a depressive type, but a primal diet has had a very positive effect on my mood.

  39. I’m a low-carber, and my spouse is just now getting used to the idea that he can live without a third of his plate being pasta or rice or potatoes. I still make carb sides for him, but I make less and generally de-carb them when possible, so he is gradually eating more meat and veg and less carb. At first, he marveled how I could get enough to eat without eating rice or pasta, but now he gets it – after years of seeing me ladle homemade spaghetti sauce over sauteed veggies, eat beef vegetable soup ‘naked’ while putting a little potato or rice in the bottom of his soup bowl (he says he gets “layered” soups now). He actually eats far less carby food now then he ever did – and I know his lipids have improved because of it. Mine sure have!

  40. I’ve noticed that people around me are converting little by little. Everyone agrees that they feel better when they eat paleo.

  41. The issue in my house is she does all of the shopping and most of the cooking.And I do not want to seem ungrateful at meal times. That said she does go out of her way to accommodate me most of the time and I don’t refuse to eat whats on the table when she can’t. Of course it would be easier if I could sell the primal thing, but for now a little compromise is required.

  42. My boyfriend is usually pretty good about supporting my unconventional eating habits. For instance, we were going to get lunch and he suggested a soup/sandwich joint he really liked. I knew there probably wouldn’t be anything there I could eat, and after a little argument we decided on Brazilian BBQ instead. Delicious. 🙂

    I only see him on weekends, but it seems like he fluctuates a lot with his diet, going from healthy stuff like home-made fish and veggie stews, salads, chicken, eggs and veggies to crap like bagels and diet coke (total caffeine junkie). He jokes about the “caveman” thing a lot too. I end up bringing my own food to his place so I can stay on the diet; I’ve been doing this for several months, but recently it seems like he is kind of offended that I don’t eat his food.

    I just wish he’d give primal eating a shot because it would make things less complicated, and because he has these weird skin rashes that going primal would probably improve…fortunately he’s healthy otherwise. It’s tough to convince him of the benefits of this way of eating because he’s healthy and I’m the one with multiple health issues that haven’t improved yet after months on the diet.

    I also feel guilty sometimes that I can’t just go out and get a sandwich with him and when I have to ask for special stuff at restaurants.

    1. Remember, you could have a “naked” sandwich at his favorite place–meat w/ tomatoes, lettuce, onions and side salad–and skip the bread. Think of ways you can negotiate this part of your social contract.

      1. That is what I do.
        Everybody orders a sandwich/burger with buns…so do I, except when I’m done eating the buns will be left behind on my plate.

    2. I have no issues when I order something breadless or substitute extra vegetables for fries. Restaurants are used to it now. I also have been known to eat the top off pizza with a fork, but I’m a little shy about that.

  43. My husband loves the meat (esp bacon), but that’s where the similarities stop. I buy the groceries and they are all primal. He goes to the store for cookies when he wants and I can’t/don’t/won’t stop him — he is however about 60-70 lbs overweight and I am in great shape. He tells me all the time “I have never seen anyone eat as much as you and never gain weight.” Hello – I am eating veggies, meat, eggs, berries, etc etc, not cookies, donuts, cakes, and pies. But, we co-exist just fine. He thinks I am nuts but loves me anyway, and I wish he’d be in better shape for his health’s sake (he is on lots of prescrips), but if he’s happy then I’m not going to mess with his way of living. So, it works for us.

    1. Wow, that’s my story in a nutshell! We used to be binge buddies; now he buys his own junk food and stores it (mostly) out of my sight. I cook for myself and add a starch for him. He loves that I’m healthier, but he’s hung up on sugar and flour. Meanwhile, he’s got all these ailments that would probably respond to primal eating. I don’t resort to arm-twisting and he’s not interested in changing, so we agree to disagree on food. Peacefully.

  44. Been lurking for a while, but I’m coming out of the shadow to give Mark props for an incredibly thought provoking and well-written thread. Definitely struck a chord with me. We have to focus on our own health and happiness and if our S.O.’s follow our example, wonderful. Too often, our arguments about food are about our own fear of failure, or a desire to “fix” the other person. And if we’ve lived a little, we know that never works!!

  45. I guess I have it pretty good. I can’t imagine dating a CW. My GF and I have managed to agree on almost everything when it comes to diet, and it’s gone through some drastic changes. She’s been a real gift. When we met we were both vegan eating a SAD (terrible amounts of fabricated vegan pretend food). Then she went to nutritional/culinary school at The Natural Gourmet Institute in NY and we started adjusting our diets almost completely in unison. I remember the first thing we stopped buying – soy milk. A big step for a vegan. Then margarine. All soy foods. Boxed cereal. White rice. Juice. Refined sugar including agave. Then we became raw vegan together. Then she and I (vegan for 13 years and 6 years respectively) did the unthinkable… we read The Vegetarian Myth & Nourishing Traditions and began eating pastured everything… raw milk, raw eggs, butter, scrambled eggs, fish, steak, chicken, and of course we kept up with our huge veggie intake since we were fresh off the raw vegan thing. I guess it’s pretty remarkable looking back at on it now. There were some tears and fighting when we transitioned from raw vegan to full on animal consumption, but other than that we see eye to eye.

  46. I have a wonderful husband who has put up with many of my latest fads as long as they don’t interfere with him. However, I was getting concerned about his slow weight gain and decided (without asking the poor man)to send him with primal salads to work. He admits that he was extremely unenthusiastic but was impressed that he didn’t feel hungry until the afternoon. 3 months later he is at his ideal weight and loving his lunches!

  47. I guess i’m lucky in a way…I’ve only been eating this way for about 6 weeks but i’ve lost 7lbs(which is a triumph when you have thyroid issues) I do all of the grocery shopping at my house and so my daughter and I eat Primal. My husband isn’t home during meals until his 2 days off, and since he eats alot of crap during the week he acctualy requests lots of veggies, and real meat. I do try to pack him a lunch when we have left-overs which he appreciates. He also tries the “different” things i make. He may not like them, but atleast he gives it a try. I thought my parents would be the hardest to deal with (my mom loves to bake and my dad has to have bread with his meals) but they’ve been supportive and when i come to dinner they always ask what i can have or what resaurants i can eat at. Comunication has been a big key for us. We’ll see what happens when DH isn’t working so much, in the mean time, all is good…

  48. Oh, how I have ranted about this before! Well, here it goes again…

    I am a healthy 115 lbs of active woman who has “fixed” a lifetime of SEVERE eczema,allergies, sinus infections,Gall Bladder issues, etc.. by going paleo/primal.(the most I ever weighed non prego was about 130)
    I am married (barely) to a 300 lb man who is a total sugar/carb addict. zero exercise.
    He has vascular problems in his legs, but is otherwise healthy (?). His family is all overweight diabetics with heart disease. He suffers from frequent sinus infections. He is currently very depressed, which I believe has been a big part of our current seperation.
    We share two healthy, beautiful children.
    He tried to drop carbs a long time ago, and lost lbs..but couldn’t stick with it. A life without pizza, pasta, etc? Not worth living..
    We are both professional cooks, lifetime restaurant people. Cooking is never an issue. Because we do not work typical hours, he watches the chldren when I work, and vice versa. 3 days a week they eat healthy with me. Then it is a free for all of junk with Grandma and Daddy..OY

    My point is that after 13 yrs of marriage, he has seen first hand what this way of eating has done for me. Why wouldn’t you want those results for yourself? And to possibly prevent history from repeating itself with our children? (no allergies, but one has a “thicker” build)***AND iT IS SO FREAKING EASY ONCE YOU BREAK YOUR ADDICTION TO SUGAR!***

    I can not make sense of it now, and possibly never will..
    P.S. we are of Portuguese descent and were raised on double starches..i.e. fried potatoes AND rice. AT. EVERY. MEAL.

    Sorry for the rant again but, hey, Mark, you brought it up! LOL Thanks!

  49. My husband enjoys the primal foods I serve. He thoroughly enjoys the grass fed beef and pastured eggs we buy, but he still buys a loaf of bread, and goes through giant jars of peanut butter (and not to make sandwiches, he eats spoonfuls of it with swiss milk chocolate bars). He also drinks sodas a few times a week.

    It bothers me sometimes and I usually end up making a snide comment (of course it’s immediately ignored or passed off with a joke). He’s also one of those lucky people that has a high metabolism, so he never gains an ounce. For the most part, though, as long as he eats all the primal meals I cook, he’s basically an 80/20, which makes me happy.

    1. Unfortunately, I am with your husband on the PB and chocolate it is GOOD!! It happens to be my biggest obstical at the moment. I have moved to all natural PB (NO oil added) and dark chocolate chips instead of candy bars and M&M’s. Now just need to stop eating it completely and save some money for other food.

      1. Try switching to almond butter and apples!! Should hit the spot!

        Its keeps me clean.. but I do eat less now, just on workout days. 🙂 Trying it to treat it like the treat it is.

  50. I just find it amazing how much push back I receive for not wanting starches with dinner. It goes to show just how socialized we are to eat these relatively empty calories.

  51. Oh, DH will gladly gobble up whatever I put in front of him, and enjoy it, but he is never really “satisfied” on some level without the starches…I don’t know what to make of it really…

    1. My husband is addicted to sweets.
      Every meal, every day needs to have some form of sugar to raise his insulin.
      For lunch he’d eat half a melon.For breakfast it’s pasteurized yogurt with extra cane sugar and frozen berries. For dinner it’s breaded Schnitzels (least it’s grass-fed meat). He hates eggs and bacon. He loves sweet bread.
      For snacks he’d consume 3-4 oranges a day, if they’re out of season he’ll consume any other fruit highly sweet.
      All day long he raises his insulin with everything he eats and then complains when he isn’t losing weight and has low HDL and high triglycerides.

  52. Have been working out and eating “healthy” for alittle over 2 years. Started on P90 & then P90X. Followed their eating guide and was introduced to Primal Living by my P90X coach. During the eating change the wife was totally against it. I took over 90% of the cooking responsibilities so that the kids got a “healthy” meal at least once a day. Since going/attempting primal (6 months) living nothing has changed. She is still totally against it and continues to fix the kids pizza, cereal, oatmeal, bread sandwiches, and pasta for every meal she cooks. When I’m home they get meat and veggies and occasionally some fruit. I lost 35 lbs and have kept it off for 2 years now. She has lost none but has gained some. It is tough and frustrating. I do 95% of the grocery shopping in the house so I control pretty much what comes into the house. If she wants crap food she has to buy it since I refuse. I’m not popular on the “Poptart” kid front but they have survived nicely without them for the last 6 months.

    1. I started calling all my relatives fatty every time they were eating anything they shouldn’t. It’s hilarious to watch them get all ashamed and angry. Laughing helps. Then I offer them healthy choices and call them skinny when they eat it. It eventually worked wonders and they started doing it to each other too. Most of us have lost weight. Except fatty.

  53. Here’s one for everyone…. In general, I can’t complain about my husband not supporting me. We’re very much “live and let live” but here’s where it gets a little weird. He doesn’t eat vegetables. At all. Ever. Period. And since I haven’t been able to overcome that in the 9 years we’ve been together, primal isn’t a choice for him because there wouldn’t be anything (besides meat) for him to eat. Thankfully, he doesn’t have a sweet tooth and he’s never really been into junk food (chips and crackers and stuff) so at least we don’t have that kind of stuff laying around the house.

    I would like to nag him based on his health but sadly, I can’t. Our doctor is fine with all of his blood work and he’s one of the leanest people I know.

    So…. Since I do 90% of the shopping and 100% of the cooking, I try to buy grains and starches that I’m indifferent to so that cooking them for him doesn’t make me nuts. Generally, dinner is some kind of meat (because we can both agree on that), a starchy side for him and a bunch of vegetables for me. It doesn’t take me any more time to cook dinner this way than it ever did before and we’re both happy with the results.

    1. I have a similar situation with my S.O. He won’t eat veggies or fruit either. His fruit comes in juice form mostly orange and apple. I have to say he’s quite the sugar addict though; lots of Pepsi, donuts, breads (gotta have his PB and Jelly or ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch), potatoes, ice cream, a whole box of Kraft Mac&Cheese (I’d need to go to the hospital if I ate that much!), etc. He’s by no means fat but with his diet, he may as well be. Tansitioning to a healthier lifestyle has not been easy for me, and add in the sugary foods he buys for himself, the temptations are hard to resist. My own faults involve comforting and convenient fast foods and potatoes are a big weakness so finding adequate substitutes is important.

      We’re about 50/50 on the grocery shopping. When I’m on track, I look for more organic whole foods. I’m not a major cook, but when I do cook I find I enjoy the act of preparing food and eating it is more enjoyable and wholesome too. You’d think that would be enough for me to keep on track, but I lose it more often than not. We generally share a meat course, and split on the sides (when I’m on track). On nights when I feel like cooking up some salmon, he usually has Campbell’s soup or Mac&Cheese, or a bowl of cereal, pumpkin pie, or some other sweet.

      Reading the blogs from Mark and the forums here are a real help for me! I know what I need to do, and I preach it often with co-workers, and friends, but my actions speak louder. Time to change that, especially after reading Mark’s Get Real post. That was a real motivator and wake-up call this morning especially after splurging last night on a Chicago favorite. On my Journey to a more primal natural lifestyle, I hope to set an example for him (and myself).

    2. beef broth, bone marrow, radishes, green cucumber, yellow cucumber, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, coconut milk, butter, pig fat, pork/bacon, beef steak, catnip, raddish greens, roman lettuce, tomatoes, cherries, cilantro, chicken eggs, duck eggs, turkey eggs, elk meat, duck meat, sardines, mackarel, salmon, rainbow trout, golden trout, bass, beef liver, elk liver, onion, onion greens, white beets, red beet juice, rabbit meat and organs, chicken and chicken livers, kiwis, mangos, RAW goat or cow milk, raw cheese, full fat ice cream from grassfed cows, (white rice), seaweed, raw honey, dried dates, roasted almond butter with apples, clams, oysters, lamb meat and organs, halibut, shrimp, garlic, catfish, boysenberry, beef heart, cantalope, watermelon, lemon, octopus, peaches, plums, grapes, mandarines, buttersquash, heirloom,…

      more Plant stuff:
      brussel sprout, asparagus, cauliflour, mustard greens, leeks, chard, kale, all kinds of lettuce, parsley, rose hip, nettle,…

      flavors:
      sea salt, rock salt, vinegar, butter, lard, coconut oil, black pepper, herbs, broths,…

      nut flour for baking

      most pizza places now also make pizzas out of potato flour for people with celiacs (just ask for it).

  54. My Grok/Korg story has a happy ending. I started transitioning to a Primal lifestyle about a year and a half ago. I lost 10 pounds, added weight lifting to my work outs, and my constant stomach aches slowly went away. But my husband was still following CW. He said “but I need carbs to fuel my workouts!” So he and I ate separate breakfasts and lunches (me eggs and salads, him cereals and sandwiches) and either I planned dinners that would work for both of us, or that was a 20% meal for me.

    Then this past summer we moved and hubby had more time on his hands. He finally sat down and read The Primal Blueprint. Even then he was a skeptic, but he changed his diet and now has impressively lost almost 20 pounds and says he feels better and has more energy than before! I am definitely proud.

    For a year I just shook my head at him but now we are a Grok/Grok household!

    1. Congrats Allison on wearing him down. 🙂 It seems like the soft approach works best for most people, and when they are ready to hear the lesson, they hear it!

      I was just given a stack of Food network Magazines and as I was flipping through, several photos of meat and veggies (and nothing else) on a plate jumped out at me. Yes, there’s still far more junk, but I think there is hope for the masses!

  55. I don’t live together with my partner, but when we do get together, I always offer to cook and she loves it. I’ll tease her if she eats grain or sugar, and she admits that she feels better after eating the food I cook. She finds the things I say interesting and tends to agree with me, and I’m sure by the time we move in together that we’ll both be primal. It’s just a life-style change, really, which is the most challenging part of all.

  56. This is a great discussion! My marriage has been a training ground for conflict resolution for the 12 years we’ve been together. Power and control issues rear their ugly heads frequently and we have found our common ground with CrossFit, martial arts, and Primal/Paleo eating. When I get driven and rigid, he still starts dragging and sabotaging, yet the benefits of CrossFit and Primal eating are pretty convincing. I can be a know it all and very condescending when I emerge from checking out all the research, he hates that about me, even though I am usually right. Great food, better budgeting and better mental and physical health have motivated us to figure out how to not push each others buttons so we can share this part of our lives. LOL

  57. Truthfully, my husband has been happier about our meals since I went Primal. I do 90% of the grocery shopping and cooking. He’ll occasionally cook up some rice to accompany a dish (usually curries or something else soupy) and frequently packs a sandwich if we don’t have enough Primal leftovers for a full lunch, but all of that is his choice and doesn’t interfere with my cooking.

    We don’t have kids yet, but I look forward to having them on a healthy Primal diet from the start. No rice cereal for my babies!

  58. I started Primal on Monday 11/15 after being physically assaulted by a stranger on a deserted public walkway. The man hit me in the leg for no reason and there I was, 61 years old, fat and vulnerable, unable to do anything. I went home to my partner and said, “I’m going to change this; I never want to feel this helpless again.” Though she is a CW eater, she has been very supportive. We talked about my need to keep sweets out of the house for now; she asks how my “regimen” is working for me and has said she has no problem cooking for herself when our menus conflict. This program is not something she wants for herself but I am hopeful that she’ll see the results and decide to grok on with me.

    Best to all of you today!

    1. Wow, I am so sorry that happened to you! That is great you are turning a bad experience into something positive; best of luck! 🙂

    2. so maybe this stranger was an angel in disguise that got you to change your way of life? 😉 Positive side to everything…

  59. I’m feeling lucky reading some of this thread. My husband supported me through years of vegetarianism but I think he was grateful when I gave it up! During that time, he would just go eat meat (unfortunately usually McD’s) when I wasn’t around. Now we both Crossfit together in the garage, and he loves the primal approach to cooking and nutrition. Our only real sticking point is budget. It’s hard to feed a family on real food. A dinner of pasta or some kind of rice-n-beans type dish is Soooooo much cheaper.

    1. If no one is against such an endeavor, you could try adding hunting or fishing for your own meats or growing your own fresh veggies to reduce costs. a couple hundred pounds of elk or venison can really stretch a budget.

  60. I am lucky that my hubby, like Robin’s supported me as a vegetarian,even became one to keep me company! He was, also relieved, in the extreme, when I gave up.

    However, I’ve realised, that it isn’t just the type of food that’s the problem, in a relationship, but the amount.

    Hubby snacks all day and always wants a ‘little something’ with a tea or coffee.

    I was finding it hard to keep my weight down, even eating primal/low carb. Then I thought, enough. ‘Kelly’ just cannot eat as much as ‘Ken’. Period.

    So I stopped trying to keep up, and being lured into eating when I didn’t want to, or eating just to keep him company. Problem solved. Healthy and happy weight maintained.

    But, to be fair, I can’t always resist when he says “come on, just have a bite, help me out here”…

    nor do I always want to!

  61. I’ve been a lurker for a while and this thread inspired me to comment. I am coming at this from the opposite angle – my husband is Primal/Paleo and I am not!
    A little background… We have been together for 10 years; my exercise used to be limited to swimming, pilates and walking, he’s always been into working out and lifting. I have been pretty much the same (low, but not unhealthily so) weight my entire adult life, he has fluctuated a bit (probably all that pasta I fed him, oops). I am a professional cook, I love food, and have always believed that health and weight management is more about diet and not so much about exercise. My interest in nutrition and diet led me to authors like Pollan, Nestle and Taubes. I shop at farmers’ markets, try to find local meat and eggs, eat virtually no processed food. I do just about all the food shopping, and all the dinner cooking.
    My husband got into the Primal/Paleo thing via Crossfit, and it has been really good for him. Way less joint pain, no recent gout flare-ups, weight loss, better digestion, doesn’t snore as much, it’s all good. I think he is fairly lactose intolerent so giving up dairy was perhaps the biggest help. Our dinners have not really changed much, I was always into the roast vegetables, salads, stir-fries, steaks, baked fish etc. There is just less variety; no hummus, satay sauce, chili, pasta, homemade pizza… of course I can have whatever I like on the side, or for breakfast and lunch. I love my legumes and cheese!
    So I would consider myself to be fairly supportive, unlike some of the SOs in this thread. I’m really happy that this diet/lifestyle is working out for him, but he could be a little more grateful that I cook that way for him! It does sometimes tick me off that my husband is now all over the food-as-medicine idea and is now a nutrition ‘expert’ after reading a couple of books. And some of his paleo choices I see as completely irrational. To be completely honest, there’s a part of me that has taken his rejection of certain foods personally – ‘what! I’ve been killing you with the potatoes all these years!’ This might be something you recent converts-to-Primal might want to bear in mind; cooking can be, should be, an act of love, and if someone has been providing you with hot dinners they might well feel miffed if you start ranting on at them about wheat-is-poison. As other commenters have noted, you have to take a gentle approach to changing peoples habits; they have to want it for themselves. Also they have to learn it for themselves – I’ve been telling him about the dangers of added sugars in processed foods for ages, but no, he had to read it in a book:-)
    As for me, an injury a couple of years ago led me to rehab, which led to regular gym-going to lift weights and knock out the pull-ups and push-ups. I love getting stronger and my husband likes it too! So we kind of met half-way on the fitness side as well as the nutrition/diet.
    Great website Mark, thanks for all the information!

    1. You make some very good points here about tactfulness when approaching a loving SO who has also been cooking for you. Thanks for reminding us about the other view.

  62. This was a great post! When I first went Primal both my girl and I were vegetarian! I make most of the meals so most of the time we just continued eating vegetarian, and at other meals I would eat the meats I knew I needed. We never ate very much carbs so that was easy. The other day told me that she thinks it might be best for her to start eating meat again. I made a primal feast with salad packed with veggies, chicken sausage and whole chicken legs covered in bell peppers and onions. And BAM! She ate meat for the first time in 8 years. And she liked it.

    Thanks Mark, you have changed the health game for us! I feel better than I have in years.

    Remember ya’ll, you can compromise without compromising your Diet, if we can do it, anyone can!

  63. Just for the record… sometimes it really is just about the toothpaste cap. Seriously, how hard can it be to put the cap back on!!? have a good wknd ppl!

  64. My wife is constantly making antipathetic comments. However, she has compromised for the at most five meals a week she makes for me, by making the non-primal major ingredients separable, even if that means my pulling the crust off a quiche.

    House remains full of non-foods and people in poor health. Yet I’m the nutter. Its not a deal breaker but I sometimes fantasise about living in a house with nothing but real food

  65. Love the Big Lebowski reference, it tied the whole piece together.

  66. The problem I have is not with my wife(she loves eating the Primal meals I cook, except that she eats rice as she is Chinese, but this is OK) but with my mother and younger sister, who also live with us.

    They detest cooking, and when I do cook for them they just eat the meat, leave the vegetables and then fill themselves up with toasted pita bread with cheddar cheese inside. If I’m not around to cook for them they survive on a diet of fried eggs, pita bread and cheese. No fruit or veggies. And lots of coffee.

    My mother is in her mid-50s, is constantly tired, has muscle and tendon pains constantly, constipation, sleeps very little and never ever likes to walk or exercise.

    My sister is in college, gaining body fat steadily and rather than opening a can of tuna to make a salad when she is hungry, she opts for biscuits, tea, toast, margarine, etc. She never exercises at all and spends most of the time on Facebook and the phone.

    I have been trying to encourage them to eat proper food, and if they still want to eat grains, to make them a small part of their diet.

    I have shown them how my physical performance and physique have dramatically improved since I went Primal, yet they think it’s only because of all the exercise I do (weightlifting and gymnastics).

    I have kind of given up on them, but I am still very concerned about my mum, as she shows every sign of inflammatory diseases creeping up on her as she gets older.

    1. Have you tried spanking them? LoL, seriously I had to try a bunch of different things to encourage my family to swap to primal and they still fudge the lines when they can because they refuse to read anything… it’s frustrating. But I found negative re-enforcement worked well by simply calling them fatty every time I saw them eat something they shouldn’t and calling the skinny whenever they ate something good. Carrot and the stick motivate well.

  67. A primal lifestyle may not be a religion, but sometimes it feels like a cult.

  68. I have 3 kids and a husband who love their breads, cereal, pizza, etc. My husband thinks that there is another set of people who think that this way of eating is not healthy since he thinks the food guide pyramid is there for our health! We’ve had our kids food tested and they all should be off wheat and dairy but my husband thinks that’s too hard and doesn’t want them to be made fun of at school or parties if they can’t eat what everyone else is eating. I counsel people in nutrition and try sharing the amazing stories about how going primal has helped cure so many people of any health issues that they have. He’s even called my parents to complain that I fell off the deep end and doesn’t understand or want to understand about any of this. It’s quite frustrating and I’m left with eating this way on my own and just limiting the foods the kids eat as best as I can since he’s not around for most meals.

  69. Not only do I eat primal, but I also only eat once a day, as I feel that Grok wouldn’t have had constant access to food. My wife is on a totally different WOE where she eats all of her carbs before noon. This works out great for me because when I come home from work, I cook meats and veggies and since she eats no carbs after noon, she basically eats primally for dinner. 🙂 So even though we are on two completely different plans, the synchronicity they afford in the evenings makes life quite nice. 🙂

    1. With all respect, in my experience, assuming anything about how Grok lived has been either proven false or shown to have been thought on false presumptions. Maybe Grok had many small things throughout the day, for example, or maybe it depended on the time of year.. but that aside, how does eating once a day work out for you? how long have you been doing that? Any interesting results?

      By the way, if your wife is eating vegetables in the evenings, she’d be defeating her plan of not eating carbs after noon, seeing as all vegetables have carbs in them – some more than others.

      1. Been eating once a day for two years. I commute by bicycle to work 30 miles a day and maintain 7-8% bodyfat. My meal is generally 1000-1800 calories, depending on how I feel. I did say that I will cook meats and veggies, but I guess I left out that when she sits down to eat dinner she’ll eat the meat portion like ribs, fish, liver, eggs, bacon or whatever.

        I also don’t think that we can know what Grok ate because the prototypical Grok would have existed in many different time periods or areas on the planet with access to different foods. But really, have you ever hunted your own food? Can you imagine successfully hunting and killing something 4-6 times a day during the ice age before salt was used as a preservative or smokehouses were invented? I really think there may have been days when Grok and his family may not have eaten at all. But the body has an amazing array of endocrine processes built in to make us stronger, faster, more agile, and a bit more aware if we haven’t eaten. Imagine chasing down an animal but you miss it and you’re left exhausted and hungry. The body actually fortifies itself for the next burst of energy so that we have a better chance of success next time.

  70. FYI, typo in: “Going Primal may not always be convenient or easy. Likewise, relationships are always convenient and easy either.”

    “aren’t”.

  71. Mark, I think that this is the best article I’ve come across on your site. The writing is elegant, and it cleverly addresses the fact that even though my spouse and I might be married, we are still both individuals who must do what is right for us at any given point in time while still working in the structure of the relationship. Absolutely outstanding article.

  72. My wife is doing everything she can right now to sabotage my commitment to eating Primal. Complaining about the price of fruits and meats, telling me its “not healthy” scoffing at the weight loss Ive had, everything. Shes comparing it with some idiot at work on a cereal diet. Im really getting tired of this crap.

    1. Resentment on her part. And any guy who eats 3 bowls of cereal only a day is going to lose weight- muscle mass! Then they’ll get sick… she really needs to do some reading before judging your efforts.

  73. I have recently gone about 90%. My husband on the other hand is a junk food, fast food junkie! I would love for him to change his ways but he is not convinced and believe I am “Being fed bad info.” because I used to do the whole low fat thing and now I eat bacon! However, even then he would eat half the stuff I eat. The main issue we have is when we eat out but we tend to take turns picking places and have a couple of places we just don’t go together. I am hoping that I will reach all my fitness and health goals and maintain this for a lifetime. Hopefully the LGN factor might convince him to make the change as well. My theory is that I cannot complain because we were both into those bad habits when we met, its not like he suddenly changed. I fell in love with his unhealthy ass and I still love him! 🙂

  74. My husband is a genetic freak. He is a CW MASTER, and somehow maintains awesome inside and outside health eating the way he eats. After 10+ years together, I have learned to accept it (along with his cookies, ice creams, pasta’s, sandwiches, rice, cereals, and anything else I know is not good for me). In the beginning, when it was just about a low carb diet for me, it was hard to not give in to things lying around the house. Not all the time, but occassionally I did give in. That was 6 years ago. back then, my husband did NOT discriminate in regards to the kind of Junk food he ate. You name it, he ate it. And still maintained his beautiful under 10% body fat body. He also did not work out, and maintained his muscles through various forms of physical labor on the job. At one point in his life, (long before we met), he was a SLAVE to CW dieting and fitness. His entire life revolved around body building and eating plenty of pasta to back it up, with days in excess of 5000 calories to maintain 185 lbs at 6ft tall. Now days, although he is not Primal to say the least, he mostly eats what I eat (minus most vegetables), and I usually just make him his side of pasta, beans, rice, or french fries, and the thought never crosses my mind to sample any of it. It’s a beautifully choreographed arrangement. I do the cooking, and he eats it. I don’t deprive him of what he likes, and he doesn’t pretend to agree with or understand what I believe. He has seen me take this approach to nutrition and use it to lose 95 pounds of fat off my body. He knows I know what I’m doing with myself – and from what he can see, he likes it 😉 Since that beginning 6 years ago, he no longer eats at “chain” fast food places, only occassionally indulges in things like pizza, or grilled sandwiches. Still buys cookies and potato chips, and still eats his pasta. He makes his own breakfast (oatmeal or cereal)lunch (sandwich and chips) eats what I cook for dinner and has dessert from the junk list above. Of all the crap in the house, ice cream seems to be the only one that I sometimes wish I could have. Was never a huge ice cream lover, but sometimes you just want something ice cold and sweet. Fortunately, we like almost NONE of the same flavors 😉 Anyways, as anyone can see, you can make it work. Instead of me sitting around jealous that he can do what he does and look so great, or trying to force what I do on him just to make it easier on myself, I OWN my situation. I OWN my results. I spend a couple extra minutes and dirty another pot to make something extra for him, I use extreme caution when I suggest little changes (thinking of how I would feel if someone were trying to get me to change things), I don’t wallow in self pity over not eating the JUNK food in the house, I remind myself that when he tells me to just eat a freaking cookie, that he really is the exception here, and the difference between him eating it and me eating it is crazy, he is supportive of my 4:30 alarm to workout, and although he doesn’t get why we keep lard in the house or use a lot of chopped bacon to cook with, his tummy is happy, my butt is smaller and our home is harmonious. I don’t need him to be primal. One day he may just give up grains. Not likely, but if it happens, we will find a way to make it work 🙂

  75. My husband is a vegetarian. We only eat dinner together. The only overlap in our diets is veggies. I often like to put meat in my veggie dishes or cook with tallow, so that often takes away the overlap. I used to cook for him, and I once hired someone to cook for him. Now, I just leave him to his own devices. We have separate food cabinets, and we share our fridge.

    It’s been hard for me to relinquish responsibility for his dinners, but I have. I make my own food and he’s on his own for his. When we go out, I often cheat if the menu is “difficult.”

  76. Hi
    I’ve made the change to primal because I have Crohn’s disease (in remission right now and I want it to stay that way!)
    My partner is a junk food addict! But, I stay strong make good, family meals (with a side of potatoes or rice if they really must) and it seems to be working, but I need willpower to avoid the bad food traps that live in my kitchen! But, we all have to live together and my kids love chocolate and crisps, hard as I try to persuade them that the nice carrot or apple is a better snack!

    My point is, that for me, I can say “I can’t eat that chocolate bar, bag of chips, potato (etc) because it makes my belly poorly” and I do get more support because of the weird diets I have had to go on for health reasons, because this is new, but dietary change is not.

    Now, how to I convert them all……….?

    1. Does Crohn’s have any genetic factors? If so fear can be your ally. Scare your children with tails of debilitating pain and the nightmare scenarios of the disease. Then laud the primal way of avoiding the problem. When they insist they don’t have the issue, just look really sadly and say “Not yet.”

      BTW
      Scientists believe that Crohn’s disease is caused by a combination of these factors:
      Immune system problems – unnatural foods cause what?
      Genetics – they share these with you…
      Environmental factors – they live in the same place….

  77. I cook for our multi-cultural family, and my Latin American partner and his side of the family cannot live without white rice and fried plantains at every meal. But they also eat lots of meat and vegetables. My husband doesn’t care what I do or don’t eat as long as I am happy & healthy, so I prepare all the different kinds of food and we each eat what we want- nobody tries to control what anybody else eats! There will be questions, but if your partner loves and respects you then they will be supportive of you even if they don’t agree with the diet or they themselves don’t want to follow it- one day I just stopped putting rice on my plate and quit eating breakfast (always fried plantains) and simply explained to my husband that this was the way I was going to be eating from now on.

    It would be easier to go Primal if he were on board with me, but every choice I make is mine and only mine… and it is even more empowering to know that I can do it all on my own, even with a non-Primal partner. Good luck everybody!

  78. A rabbi once told me that kashrut (the dietary restrictions for observant Jews) in truth serves one primary purpose: to make sure that Jews cannot eat together with non-Jews, thus ensuring the isolation, and thus continued identity of Jewish communities.
    It is said that kashrut alone is responsible for the survival of the Jewish identity through centuries of diaspora – countless other nations in similar context have been assimilated into the majority population, and essentially disappeared.

    So a restrictive dietary choice can have a VERY significant effect on social connections, life and identity…

  79. Well, this is a huge topic! My problem is that we have tried SO many things and he always wants to go back to the eating late at night habit, and that tends to spin into other bad habits. He is so tired of me talking about food and why I want to try something different, I don’t even want to bring it up. I’ve been trying my best to go primal for a while but he won’t even talk about it because we’ve gained and lost weight on so many different plans. Well, HE would lose, I would not. I tried this past challenge and eventually failed because I just couldn’t get my heart into it if his wasn’t. He says he’ll eat whatever I make but doesn’t want to hear about why, doesn’t want to keep up with what to eat when, or intermittent fasting, etc. To me if you don’t understand why you’re doing it you might as well not waste the time. He doesn’t like avocado mayo and asked the other day did we not have any “real people” mayonnaise. He loves bread and other carbs and just hates doing without it. He thinks the gym is the answer, but he doesn’t go, either, and when we do, my physical limitations cause me so much pain it’s days before I can get into it again. And he finishes long before I do and then goes out to the car and takes a nap while he’s waiting for me. It’s hard. He says I get obsessed with weight loss and health, and maybe I have been, but one day I would love to be a health coach, but it’ll never happen because I can’t afford the training and I’m going to retire within the next year. I really feel that his resistance is my fault because I do get excited when I’m successful with health and weight loss but I haven’t been successful at making it last. We’ve been through everything else together for the past 30 years, this is just the one thing that I can’t get him on board with anymore. I wish there was something more I could do, and I’m not even asking for suggestions by posting this. I just needed to vent! Thanks, everyone. I’m sure I’m not alone.