On September 8th I asked my readers to host picnics and to send me the results. The following is one of 27 amazing submissions, the best of which will win an entire cow, courtesy of US Wellness. Vote for your favorite on October 8.
We are the Tribe. The Tribe gathers nearly daily to do primal workouts that train us for the triumphs and hazards of life. This night we gathered to have a primal picnic.
Equipped with conch shells for tribal alerts and drinking mead (the most ancient of celebratory libations), plenty of food, and a machete for good measure, the Tribe split up the night’s tasks, as all well-delegated tribes do. Some Tribe members grilled up meat, others jumped on the trampoline, others made feather necklaces and painted faces with tribal colors, and the rest made Bulgarian sandbags. The lighter sandbags were filled with pea gravel while some of our stronger Tribe members doubled up bags and packed in the sand to optimize the weight to size ratio. The Bulgarian sandbags, also known as “sand-filled slugs,” will come in handy when lifting heavy objects, an important part of our Tribe’s rituals. They are perfect for slinging around your neck before practicing form-perfect backsquats or going for a barefoot run.
The conch horn was blown and the Tribe gathered for a primal feast. While we had been making our sandbags, one of our Tribe members had been heating up river rocks deep in the heart of the fire pit. These were taken out (carefully), and we grilled the meat from the beast we had speared earlier in the day directly on the rocks. The sizzling aroma of that day’s prize crazed us into a ravenous bunch, and we devoured the meat with our bare hands. It was so delicious that we almost forgot that we had also just eaten a veritable mountain of veggies, nuts, shrimp, a variety of sausages and skewers, and a primal pie.
But let’s be serious, we didn’t forget that pie. The recipe is below.
The sun was quickly setting. We still had to clean up to avoid getting ransacked by hyenas at night, and also so we could get to our favorite primal activity: sleeping. We danced one last dance around the fire pit’s meaty smoke and called it a night, with visions of primal plums dancing in our heads.
Crust:
Pie:
Blend the raw nuts in a food processor until they become small crumbs. Add the dates and blend again until you end up with a crumb-like mixture. In a mixing bowl, combine the nut-date mixture with the egg and stir.
Put the crust in a 9 inch pie pan. Use your hands to press it into crust shape. Pop it into a 350 degree oven for about 15 minutes. Let sit while you make the filling.
Blend 2 cups of strawberries, the dates, and the lemon juice into a smooth liquid. Chop the peaches and remaining strawberries into smaller than bite size pieces. Place the chopped fruit in a bowl and pour the fruit liquid over it. Mix it together. Pour the filling into your pie crust.
TA-DA! Pie! You can store it in the fridge or freezer for 1-2 hours to let it set if desired.
Bonita Thomsen, Jonathan Smith, Sarah Smith, Aaron Winning, James McMullen, Leila McMullin, Berni Porter, Paidia Porter, Sarah Ostlyn, Stephen Davis, Erin Ammon, Alexa Tang, Lory Conte, April
Dogs: Tank, Hobie, Lucy
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