Brainy and brawny go well together. That’s why today’s sponsor is ThinkGeek, a one stop web shop for the smart masses. Today’s prize is the the Homo Sapiens Caveman Kitchen Tool. Or as I’m re-naming it, the Grok Tool. It pounds. It smashes. It even…grates garlic? Yep, all that and you now have the ability to mercifully end the life of your spear-wounded prey. And whether you win or lose, check out ThinkGeek.com for fun stuff like killer bunny slippers, pice cubes, and previously featured miracle fruit.
If you were alive in the mid-1990’s, you may remember comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s empire of “You might be a redneck if…” humor. Today I’m looking for “You might be Primal if…” jokes. Think one up and leave it in the comment board.
You might be Primal if you’ve been banned from your local grocery store for repeatedly violating the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy.
You might be Primal if you’ve never used an elevator. Ever.
You might be Primal if you prefer your apple with worms.
You might be Primal if you accidentally broke your neighbor’s second story window with a kettlebell.
You might be Primal if every butcher in America can recognize you on the spot.
You might be Primal if you measure friends, relatives, and children not by the mettle of their character, but by how far you could throw them.
You might be Primal if you’ve started to use Tabata intervals for dish washing, shopping, shaving, and dating.
You might be Primal if you make guests take off their shoes before leaving the house.
You might be Primal if you measure time by the number of cows you’ve consumed since an event occurred… “When did we take that trip to Portland?” “Oh, that was about 3 cows ago.”
This prize is available to anyone in the world who has ever dreamed of mashing objects with a large chunk of sandstone.
The Contest End Time:
How the Winner Will Be Determined:
I’ll pick a handful of my favorites and let all of you decide the winner through a reader poll.
Update: With dozens of equally witty and humorous submissions I’ve decided to hold a random drawing for this prize. Check the contest page to see who has won!
Mark Sisson is the founder of Mark’s Daily Apple, godfather to the Primal food and lifestyle movement, and the New York Times bestselling author of The Keto Reset Diet. His latest book is Keto for Life, where he discusses how he combines the keto diet with a Primal lifestyle for optimal health and longevity. Mark is the author of numerous other books as well, including The Primal Blueprint, which was credited with turbocharging the growth of the primal/paleo movement back in 2009. After spending three decades researching and educating folks on why food is the key component to achieving and maintaining optimal wellness, Mark launched Primal Kitchen, a real-food company that creates Primal/paleo, keto, and Whole30-friendly kitchen staples.