Contest: Grokku!

The Prize:

Earlier this week US Wellness donated a 5 gallon bucket of fat as a prize (you’re not too late to enter that contest if you haven’t already). Today they’re giving away fresh, grass fed pemmican. It’s the original Eskimo energy bar, and US Wellness is pretty much the only place on the web you can find it. You can make your own, but I’m betting you’ll like US Wellness’ pemmican better. The winner will receive 6 bars of each flavor, original, honey and cherry free, and salt free (that’s 18 bars of meaty goodness). What do you have to do to win? Start counting your syllables…

The Contest:

It’s haiku time. To win the pemmican, leave a Primal Haiku – or “Grokku” – in the comments section of this post. What is a haiku? A haiku is a form of Japanese poetry containing 17 syllables. The haiku is broken down into 3 lines containing 5, 7, and 5 syllables (not words, syllables). They traditionally include a seasonal reference, though no need to be traditional to win. You’re good as long as you get the 5-7-5 thing right. If you’re still not sure what to do, check out these recession and zombie haiku.

Examples:

I hoisted a rock
Then ate a whole roast chicken
Slept like a baby

Chronic Cardio?
Sprinted, lifted, hiked instead.
Best shape of my life.

Chubby in Autumn
Went Primal in the Winter
Chiseled by Summer.

SlimFast, Jenny Craig,
Weight Watchers, and Healthy Choice
Can all kiss Grok’s @%#.

Eligibility:

This prize is only available to residents of the 48 contiguous states. [If you don’t live in the U.S. and you win I’ll ship you a bottle of my Master Formula instead, and the fat will go to an alternate winner.]

The Contest End Time:

August 13th, midnight.

How the Winner Will Be Determined:

I’ll pick my favorite. That’s the winner. But I’ll also post the top 10 on the results page.

To track all the contests visit The Primal Blueprint Health Challenge Contest Page for daily updates.

Visit The Primal Blueprint Health Challenge for challenge details.

About the Author

Mark Sisson is the founder of Mark’s Daily Apple, godfather to the Primal food and lifestyle movement, and the New York Times bestselling author of The Keto Reset Diet. His latest book is Keto for Life, where he discusses how he combines the keto diet with a Primal lifestyle for optimal health and longevity. Mark is the author of numerous other books as well, including The Primal Blueprint, which was credited with turbocharging the growth of the primal/paleo movement back in 2009. After spending three decades researching and educating folks on why food is the key component to achieving and maintaining optimal wellness, Mark launched Primal Kitchen, a real-food company that creates Primal/paleo, keto, and Whole30-friendly kitchen staples.

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231 thoughts on “Contest: Grokku!”

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  1. Ditch all sugar, hon
    Ditch all grains and starches, too
    Eat meat, veggies, fruit!

  2. Pemmican and fat
    Fed Lewis and Clark all year
    That’s PRIMAL living!

  3. Hike, sprint, lift, and eat
    Healthy and fresh. What’s that you
    ask? Primal, baby!

    Another:

    Primal health, fitness,
    Good food, even Ultimate
    Frisbee?! That’s our Mark!

    One more:

    No grains, or sugar,
    Lots of saturated fat.
    Weird? Yes. SAD? Hell no!

  4. Your primal body
    Made forty thousand years past
    Twinkies, yesterday

  5. Lawn mowing to start
    Then had some bacon and eggs
    Won’t eat again ’til night

  6. Lift Heavy, Move Slow
    Whole, Natural Foods. No grains!
    Primal Blueprint Rocks!

  7. Grok and Groketta
    Eat pemmican all the time
    Please let us win this.

    here is another

    Vibrams I love thee
    How dare they call you goofy
    Freed my toes greatly

  8. Run, jump, throw a rock;
    Barefoot’s the best way to walk.
    Life’s best lived like Grok!

    Pasta? Donuts? Yum!
    But then I see my rear end.
    Meat’s my new best friend.

    Eat clean, Lift heavy,
    Old school is best, but I sure
    could use (VFF’s) Five Fingers.

    I used to eat junk.
    Grok showed me how they were bunk.
    No more in MY trunk!

  9. Grok ate pemmican
    What works for Grok works for me
    Grain and sugar free

  10. Slosh tube, sledgehammer, tire
    No gym membership required
    Can afford whole foods

  11. Live like a caveman
    Evolved to eat meat and plants
    But no bugs for me!

    or

    Never moved before
    Bookworm I, stagnant and slow
    Now I run and play

    or

    I climbed a mountain
    I work my muscles and brain
    My body triumphs!

  12. I couldn’t pick a favorite so:

    The contemplative:
    endless options now
    so much to explore in life
    primal paved the way

    The advertisement:
    barefoot through the grass
    walking, sprinting, and playing
    Vibram Five Fingers

    The brown nose:
    Mark’s Daily Apple
    too much good information
    must go play outside!

    The ridiculous:
    dogs like primal too
    raw meat makes them feel like wolves
    even chihuahuas

    1. I love the last one… the image of a chihuahua feeling like a wolf after eating a tiny chicken wing or whatever meat chihuahuas would eat… awesome.

      1. Ha, thanks! They would just die if I gave them chicken wings…that would be very entertaining.

  13. Fresh air, Grokercise
    Meat, oil, veggies, fruit and nuts
    Everlasting love

  14. I cut out all grains
    They were the foods that I liked
    Now I like all food. 🙂

  15. In dreams saw a cow
    went outside and took a bite
    mmmm, grass fed goodness

  16. I see buffalo,
    Summer brings its tasty death
    inside my stomach.

  17. Are these hands my own?
    Dermatitis is no more
    Thanks to grain-free life.

  18. I lift heavy things
    I do not eat processed grains
    down thirty-five pounds

  19. They think we’re crazy
    Cutting carbs and cardio
    We’ll outlive them all

  20. In this fast paced world
    Step back, return to your roots
    Find your inner Grok

    How to be healthy?
    Lift heavy, run fast, eat whole
    Embrace Primal life!

  21. Sprinting for my food
    Lifting heavy for my home
    Playing for my health

  22. I enjoy my life
    will rock out with my grok out
    make sure that you play!

  23. hit wife over head
    I don’t think that she liked it
    please bring me more beef!

  24. On the wind a shout
    The barbarian strikes down
    Brings home his bounty

  25. let grok shine through you
    starch and grains only feed pain
    burning fat right now

  26. Ditch the running shoes
    And all the processed junk food
    Get back to nature

  27. Excuses their tools
    I choose the Primal Blueprint
    Live life to your best

  28. 90 days Primal
    this life is the best for me!
    Can’t see going back

  29. 3 o’clock slump nears
    Doesn’t phase me anymore
    I’m primal for life!

  30. Very sick before
    Seems primal cures everything
    Time to go live life

  31. Heart pounding, I chase
    oh a hunting I will go
    sprint, jump, leap, spear, kill!

    Sprint like a gazelle
    go for 100 percent!
    I’m gasping for air…

    Friends will question this
    with a conventional plea
    Alas! We Grok On!

  32. I’m having a warrior kind of day!

    awaken primal
    spirit flowing freely now
    predator, am prey no more

    Top of pyramid
    prey eat grain to live, not me
    I hunt, gather joy

  33. Grok knew what was best
    he did learn it the hard way
    why did we forget?

    Wanna be like Grok?
    take Conventional Wisdom
    throw it out the door.

  34. #1 Eggs for breakfast? Check.
    Pemmican in pocket? Check.
    Ready for a walk.

    #2 Didn’t eat last night.
    Had cannibalistic dreams.
    I’m hungry. Feed me!

  35. Fishy, fishy in the brook,
    Daddy caught him on a hook,
    Mommy fried him in the pan,
    Baby ate him like a man.

  36. Eat natural foods
    Such simple advice
    That WORKS, and I’m proof!

  37. A nation gets huge
    On low fat and high carb fare
    And I am crazy?

    A mind grows dimmer
    As the body grows weaker
    Does not have to be

    Rat on the treadmill
    Tells me that I don’t work hard
    I wish that he knew

  38. Vibrams might seem strange
    As I walk down the street, but
    (g)rok for play in woods!

  39. Underneath the bar
    Where we learn of what we’re made
    Squats begin with meat

    The economy
    Lives off your big healthcare bill
    I live off real food

  40. The Primal Blueprint
    You really need to read it
    Instructions for life

  41. Weak, slow and tubby
    Food and exercise primal
    Now strong, fast and trim!

  42. This is my first post! Woo! Hope you like my word-smithing…

    My sore, tired body.
    A slain boar makes a long walk.
    Let’s eat some bacon…

    or

    Behold, the masses.
    So fat; they look delicious.
    But they’re grain fed, bleh!

  43. Almond butter scoop
    For my bellie to lay in
    Is it snack time yet?

  44. Nature’s wisdom lights
    the way to strength and beauty,
    long lost gifts restored.

  45. I’ll try another one…

    A country that’s sick?
    Adopt a Primal Lifestyle.
    That’s Healthcare Reform!

  46. Here’s another…

    The US could save
    Countless billions in healthcare
    If all were primal

  47. Humanity’s genes
    Ascribe to earlier times
    Ages of wisdom

    Our senses deceived
    By doughnuts, pasta, bread, grain
    There is always choice

  48. Be fit and healthy
    food is fuel, put good stuff in
    Chicken again Mom?

  49. For healthy futures
    we need to look to our past
    and live like Grok did.

  50. Twenty-four hour long fast
    Will eat tomorrow a cow
    Fresh is the best

  51. Post old me on wall
    Spring, Summer, Fall images
    Post new me to wall

  52. Barefoot in the sun,
    Your future lies in your past.
    Become what you are.

  53. Living Primal means
    not looking for a shortcut
    to optimum health

    The Primal Blueprint:
    Conventional Wisdom out
    Uncommon sense in

  54. Walk. Play. Sprint. Lift. Sleep.
    The goal is to enjoy life.
    Eat veggies and meat.

  55. Sprinting and lifting
    Grok can’t hunt on a treadmill
    Get outside and play!

  56. Running barefoot now.
    Sun’s kiss makes vitamine D.
    Cherries are so sweet!

  57. man living as grok
    defeats the grain overload
    health and wellness reign

  58. grok a long slow walk
    grok the grass-fed pastured talk
    grok grok’s primal grok

    (with apologies to Robert A. Heinlein)

  59. Sprint, lift, hike, play, sleep;
    Earth’s succulent flesh, plants, nuts;
    Make me whole: Primal.

  60. Bread, pasta: Begone!
    Walk a mile. Eat a camel.
    Love handles vanish.

  61. natural state, our call
    meat and veggies for us all
    grow to be strong, tall

    grok played in the dirt
    often played without his shirt
    footloose, fancy free

    growing smaller yet
    growing heavier in weight
    my lean muscle mass

    sometimes i like to
    run through the grass barefoot and
    get mud in my toes

  62. Play the whole summer
    Shake off all stress and worries
    And even ten pounds

  63. Stay away sugar snacks
    Living strong and staying healthy
    I’m the strong Grok-man

  64. Reprogram your genes
    To emulate Primal Life,
    Fit into your jeans

    Rethink what you eat
    Fat is not the enemy
    It’s the grains that will kill you

    The Primal Blueprint
    An easy way to get fit
    My health is better

    Eliminate grains
    Eliminate sugar too
    Live long and prosper

  65. Free from grains in bliss

    Walk woods with primal marrow

    I evolve to Grok

  66. go find that your genes
    do not change and you will find
    that your jeans do change

  67. Fruits, Veggies, Meats and Fish,
    Live a life free of sugar demons
    Its all about insulin control

  68. Low-fat, whole grain food,
    Personal trainer once said
    Clueless bastard sick.

    Veggies for my side.
    (Brings a plate of corn with steak)
    “Stupid”, now your name.

    Whole grains, not white flour
    Now I’m eating healthier!
    Why chronic sickness?

    Used to run long miles
    Sores and pains along the way.
    Now, slow and steady.

  69. Grains, sugar, and fat.
    Guess which is the odd man out.
    You’re probably wrong.

    Goodnight insulin.
    Good morning testosterone.
    And hello ladies.

    I was unsightly.
    Then met Grok, now like
    My food, I’m tasty.

  70. walk the land barefoot
    protein and produce: eat it
    lift sprint hang: do it

  71. Simplify; real food
    nourishes mind body spirit
    for all life’s seasons

  72. Bowl of spring cherries
    After fish and grass fed beef
    What’s better than this?

  73. Fat as your best friend,
    Something active every day,
    Primal genes, Gimmick free

  74. One more….

    express your real genes
    eat real food, lift heavy things
    sleep and play today

  75. Where’d my time go?
    Primal Exercise and food
    My wife thinks I’m nuts

  76. Meat is wonderful
    Fat is ever much better
    Best way to eat right

    What are meat and fat?
    Necessary for great life
    Pemmican is both

  77. Walk in the forest
    Dark trees dance in the sunlight
    Scent of pemmican

  78. Winter pemmican
    Summer captured in a stick
    Beef berries and fat

  79. Another one:

    re-remember now
    better late than never
    Grok was very smart

    Seasons come and go
    Just eat what the earth provides
    good health will follow

  80. Vibram five fingers
    the next best thing to your own
    tough rugged bare feet

    daVinci said the
    human foot is masterpiece
    of design; start walking

    it’s not that hard
    eat real food play rest sun run
    watch your body change

    live like you evolved
    run throw rest stalk leap and roll
    in your heart you know

    for ten thousand years
    we have been poisoning
    ourselves with grain. STOP!

    they tell us how to live
    they don’t know how wrong they are
    live like you ought to

    live dance sleep play eat
    it’s how we were born to live
    don’t you know that yet?

    the best things in life
    the health strength speed agility
    we evolved to be

    we’re not zoo people
    we’re free range tip of the spear
    wild free and alive

  81. Run fast, lift heavy
    Eat meat, fruits, veggies, and nuts
    See results, feel good

  82. Primal for my food
    Crossfit for my exercise
    So How Fit Are You

    Sucralose,Trans Fat
    Can’t Read a label without
    My food… No Labels

    When I eat my meal
    I make sure it contains Fat
    My energy needs that

    My Carbs Come from Ground
    My Protein had a Mother
    Nuts, Seeds…That’s my Fat

    Low Fat..What a Crock
    Now I listen only to Grok
    I Eat, Play and Seep

  83. A poem for my 2-yr old. I might have to hang this over his crib.

    Grok these things, my son:
    Eat clean, sleep, lift, sprint and play.
    Your future? Primal.

  84. Mark’s Daily Apple
    Showing us the way to live
    No grains, dairy, or stress

    Primal Lifestyle
    How to eat, sleep, live and play
    Rewarded with health

  85. A great Grok once said:
    “Plans to be spontaneous,
    Will always fall through”

  86. With Grok I go eat.
    Be it fish, fowl, fat or meat.
    It’s the greatest treat!

  87. People laugh at me.
    Don’t care ’cause Grok equals me.
    Strong, smart, happy me.

  88. My girlfriend, she groans
    When I use the word “primal”
    Sans quotation marks

    Primal haiku lacks
    Indefinite articles
    Much like Grok’s vocab

    Like a Grok! Oh, like
    A Grok! Seger himself could
    Not have sung better

    Vegetarian
    Twelve long years much lacking in
    Great deliciousness

  89. Fancy Pemmican
    Dried meat mixed with melted fat
    Can’t wait to try it

    1. Me, too – I’ve gotten so curious and am too intimidated to make my own (yet…)

  90. Morning has broken
    The cool grass under my feet
    Movement bathes my soul

  91. A couple more:

    I spy tasty cow
    Silent and stealthy, I pounce
    Cashier unamused

    MDA.com
    Mark is muscled, tan; slowly,
    I put down the chips

  92. grass-fed flesh and plants
    energy from nature’s breast
    primal well-being

    1. Oops. Missing a syllable.

      Wanna bod like Mark?
      Then read his Daily Apple.
      Get primal. Grok on.

  93. Mark, did you guess this would happen in your wildest dreams? Wow! Looks like eating primal is good for your creativity, too! 🙂

    I feel another one coming…

    Play in the sunshine
    Eat whole foods; Shun frankenfoods
    Become my best self

    …ooh, and another:

    Don’t eat boxed or bagged
    Shop on the peripheries
    For fresh, whole, real food

    And…

    Misinformed, they gorge
    On grains and fat-free foods, but
    May they see the light

  94. time to play outside
    time for healthy nourishment
    time for peaceful rest

  95. Take a long, slow walk,
    Work out with a heavy weight,
    Sprint! You’re on your way

  96. Where’d my belly go?
    Primal Exercise and food
    My wife thinks I’m hot!

  97. Me like to eat meat
    Meat meat meat meat meat meat meat
    Also vegetable

  98. To know what to eat
    It is a breath of fresh air
    Eat primal, live long

  99. Pemmican, oh yeah!
    Meat and fat is where it’s at,
    it’s Grok’s daily bread.

  100. Rays shine down on me
    The knowledge of timeless man
    Past and present unite

  101. Awakened by sun
    Rested, fasted, quickly run
    Gene expression now

    1. Eat and play like Grok
      Primal Blueprint surely rocks
      Now, where is my fox?

      Against the grain we go
      Primal Blueprint we will show
      Makes you live past one oh oh.

  102. Fat cells get bigger
    when insulin resistant
    Need primal blueprint

  103. Live like a caveman
    Eat meat and vegetables
    Lift heavy things, sprint

  104. Lifting, sprinting, GO!
    Eating plants and animals
    In Grok’s steps – follow.

    ********** or the shameless plug type **********

    Mark’s Daily Apple
    Providing healthy blueprint
    Live long, live well

  105. Summer almost gone
    Enjoy ripe food in season
    Eat clean and live strong

  106. Exercise, good food
    Makes for a healthy, strong man
    and a happy wife.

    😉

  107. African mammoth
    Carnival elephant ears
    Ten thousand year change

  108. If Grok was that strong,
    Then I want to be that strong,
    I’ll eat a dozen eggs.

  109. Grok eats fat, liver,
    Brains, heart, brisket, ribeye, roasts,
    Wards off all disease.

  110. The food pyramid
    Makes one fat, sick, and weary
    Go primal and thrive

  111. Earth seduces me.
    Here, in explosive movement
    Grok has awakened.

  112. The Spring of my life
    Primal Living has begun
    Long, good life ahead

    Processed food taking life
    raw veggies and meat for me
    regaining lost ground

    Summer is now here
    My garden provides my food
    healthy, fresh, and good

    Work out primal way
    Run really fast for a time
    building strong muscles

    Primal Exercise
    Run, Jump, Flip a Rock
    Play Hard, it’s all fun

    Let’s forget the gym
    Tabata – that’s right for me
    Short, quick, effective

    As you can tell, I had fun with this.

  113. Grok walked the walk
    Mark talks the talk, daily
    Primal pack run free

  114. Beef fish egg veg yes
    Sugar wheat starch no
    mark knows what is best

  115. Subway, Eat Fresh!…NOT
    I’ve got a better slogan
    No More Grains, Eat Flesh!

  116. Breakfast – bacon, eggs
    A Big Ass Salad for lunch
    Salmon for dinner!

    This is what I actually ate today!

  117. Fresh fruit nuts and seeds
    Meat and fresh vegetables
    Primal energy

  118. 1.

    Ah, high fat low carb
    Primal reigns supreme stronger
    Yet are we No Grain.

    2.

    Grain eaters are weak
    Behold my caveman muscle
    Meat and veg fuel me

    3.

    Fatties are blind they
    Eat bread and corn like livestock
    They need Primal life

  119. Slow Food is Real Food
    Unprocessed and Package Free
    Keeps you healthy and active

  120. Sprinting faster still
    Lungs burn but I’m near the kill
    Tonight, feast we will

    Summer sun beats down
    Heavy rock picked up from ground
    Fit as Grok I feel

  121. No wonder man, now
    Eating only sweets and grain,
    Looks like such crap

  122. Perforce gaiety
    Adhere to gene expression
    Hence choice, hence purpose

  123. walk, sprint, lift, jump, play!
    don’t ever let Mark catch you
    running marathons

  124. Once pale and doughy
    Now Primal, ripped, skin glowing
    wife thanks Grok nightly

  125. Play is hard for me
    Band pull-ups are easier
    Also eating steak

    Grok had no TV
    Get rid of yours primally
    With sledgehammer-fu!

    Morning sun reveals
    The tremulous velvet doe
    QUICKLY! TAKE HER DOWN!

  126. Barefoot and pregnant
    Almost a life time ago
    Sprinting barefoot now

  127. Brownies are ready!
    No thanks, I’m full from dinner.
    Difficult choice? Nope!

  128. No grains or sugar
    Make Grok go something something
    Happy and Healthy

  129. I geuss I’ll give it a go;

    Bare feet running free
    Lifting, Leaping, loving life
    Never felt so fine

    Ghastly grains be gone
    Fat will forever be friend
    Eat well, be healthy

  130. ????
    ????
    ?????

    eating style huh?
    hunters and gatherers
    is the very best

    both say the same thing
    both “haiku”
    although theres a lot more to a real haiku than just 5-7-5

  131. Daisy once so sweet
    Now meows to Grok and Grokette
    Watch you back kitty

  132. Live a primal way
    Don’t wait for another day
    Time to make a change

  133. Lift Big:

    Grunt, lift, grunt, lift, heave
    Rock up, and up, thrown back down
    Stronger now me be

  134. creeping through switch grass
    Grok hunts his unknowing prey
    Posed, ready to strike!

  135. Me like to eat meat.
    Oh Shit! Run! A big ass bear!
    My huge pectorals.

    Ate too much gluten
    Did a whole lot of tootin’
    Now I am fine…GRRRRRR

    Ate a lot of bread
    Felt awful dead in the head
    Went primal instead

  136. Eat meat, lift rocks, sprint
    Tis how we were meant to live
    Embrace primal life

  137. A haiku cycle, about being on vacation during the first fifteen days of Primal Challenge:

    Two week vacation.
    Walked it like nomadic man.
    Now calves are bulging.

    Carried my daughter,
    sometimes, instead of stroller.
    Bonded, we’re stronger.

    Wore only Vibrams.
    Others looked and laughed and asked.
    May have sold some shoes.

    Tempted eating out.
    Some starch was in the diet.
    My eighty twenty.

    Leaving tomorrow.
    Bittersweet, but time to go.
    At home, will ‘Hard Grok’.

  138. I love to eat meat
    The cow only eats green grass
    Therefore, I’m happy

    Primal way of life
    Meats, nuts, veggies, fruits, and seeds
    Run, lift, play, be free

  139. Mountains All Around
    Water Flowing From Mountains
    Climbing Shops and Ropes

  140. Let sugar be caned
    Whole grains do not healthy make
    Embrace the veggies

  141. I ate my fats, yum!
    Walked the Summer streets an hour
    Feeling full of power.

  142. I like many bacons.
    It’s the food of many thrills.
    Age. My sprint skills taken.

  143. My haiku is called TV

    Latency no more
    Vicarious life adieu
    Welcome verve renewed

  144. To all seasons god made food
    I gather them all
    And eat what was meant for me!

  145. These are great!!! Thanks for all who wrote…you put a big smile on my face!

  146. All the things I eat
    Some are salty, some are sweet
    Primal can’t be beat