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Let me introduce myself. My name is Mark Sisson. I’m 63 years young. I live and work in Malibu, California. In a past life I was a professional marathoner and triathlete. Now my life goal is to help 100 million people get healthy. I started this blog in 2006 to empower people to take full responsibility for their own health and enjoyment of life by investigating, discussing, and critically rethinking everything we’ve assumed to be true about health and wellness...

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October 01 2007

The Fuming Fuji Does Not Give a Flying Finger Food

By Worker Bee

Dragging their buns far behind the rest of the junk food giants in the compliance arena, Burger King is introducing a crisp first strike on the PR front with “the Fry Pod”, apple slices cut to look like fries, packaged in a traditional BK sleeve.

In a nod to Stanford’s recent study that food packaging not only influences kids’ preferences but makes them favor the flavor, it seems this one is primed for marketers to trot out in the “we’re doing the right thing” arena, as ValleyWag reports here. Wash apples in lemon juice, make ‘em dead-ringers for the spuds and who can fault the logic that marketers aren’t being responsive? Brandwashing to present healthier fare? Hmn. Slick.

Maybe the novelty of it all will capture some market share, so that alone is worthy of applause…After all, BK operates more than 11,200 restaurants in all 50 states and 69 countries and territories, so if clever marketing catches on this could be big…

Editor’s note: the above content is reprinted with permission from our partner-in-prevention, Amy at Shaping Youth. Don’t miss this child advocacy blog that catches all the clever tricks of Big Agra, the media, and industries that influence youth. From toys to MTV to teens, nothing gets by Amy and Shaping Youth! And now, a word from the Fuming Fuji…

It is with mixed emotions that the Fuji assesses the new Fry Pod of Apple Fingerlingalings. Aside from the obvious problem (apple augmentation), Fuji declares that it is high time to call a scepter a scepter: Burger King clearly has a disturbing finger fetish. French fries are not enough; the Big Burger will not stop until everything is shaped like a finger and available in a convenient car cupholder container.

Fuji is concerned that the self-appointed fast food nobility’s Hooked on Fingers marketing will make children forget what actual chicken and apples and other real foods are shaped like. (We will overlook the audacity of using the term “food” in conjunction with said offerings.) Admittedly, Fuji cannot begin to understand the kinks of royalty, because Fuji does not wear a crown, which surely must be very heavy. Fuji prefers standard-issue Fumology, which allows for the use of the Royal We without the annoying weight of a medieval gold hat. Also, Fuji is not inbred, which is more than we can say for Burger King’s…menu. Additionally, 9 out of 10 surveys taken by the Fuming Fuji have concluded that Burger King is gross. This is statistical significance of the sort not seen since the Fuming Fuji surveyed the numerous new flavor offerings from Eggo, only to find that every single one – from Strawberry Waffull to Chocolate Chip to Flip Flops (waffle of choice in 2004) – is confusing to children and apples alike. Looking at the ingredients panel, it would appear that each carbohydrate concoction contained many ingredients, when in fact, Eggos are made of only two things: corn and chemicals! Also, they are ugly and stupidly spelled, and in this global economy we simply cannot afford to be instilling bad taste in our children.

In conclusion, the Fuming Fuji suspects that Burger King will be royally miffed to learn that someone else thought of the ultimate finger fried creation: meat. on. a. stick. fried. in. french. fries. Guard thy throne, Burger Kink.

link from reader Sonagi

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6 thoughts on “The Fuming Fuji Does Not Give a Flying Finger Food”

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  1. I Would NEVER Want My Little Grandkids Eating That Junk! At Least Subway Offers “Green Apple.” I’m NOT Implying To Eat There, Just Saying They Do Offer Something Natural.

  2. Hilarious post on the finger fetish factor! Sadly, it’s not all that far off the mark…

    Kids really do NOT know what certain foods look like in their original state sometimes…that’s why projects like “Doof” (food backwards) to SHOW and TELL where food comes from makes solid sense to me.

    Have you seen the great animated riff that Free Range Studios did in partership w/Fast Food Nation on ‘where junk food comes from?’ –Ewwwww…Let’s just say, I use it for counter-marketing and deconstruction of media messages at Shaping Youth when we work w/kids on fast food foibles all the time. 😉 Powerful stuff. Here’s the link if your readers haven’t seen it.

    Keep Fumin’little Fuji, your sense of humor is a refreshing, insightful, little apple slice in the pie of life! heehe.

    Amy Jussel
    Founder, Exec. Dir.

  3. I see your point about what a NYT food critic chided as the chicken nugget takeover of the children’s menu and how kids don’t get a chance to learn how to eat real food. Nevertheless, obesity is fast becoming the norm in this country. We have kids with high blood pressure and type II diabetes. Anything that gets healthy, real food into kids’ mouths is an improvement. When the kids are old enough to handle it, we’ll tell them the truth – that apple fries come from round red, green, and yellow fruits that hang from trees. Sort of like Santa Claus – the kids’ll figure it out eventually.