So we’re beating a dead llama here, but it’s just flabbergasting that the newest weight-loss gimmick, alli, has made it so far. Maybe I’m just grumpy today. This pill is a) all but ineffective, b) dangerous, c) embarrassing, d) expensive, and e) a retread of an old drug nobody wanted. As you may well know, the blogosphere is having a lot of tawdry fun with this. Here are the best (and – relatively – cleanest) links.

10. Orwellian

Is this our world?

9. GSK Asks You: “Are You Losing It?”

GlaxoSmithKline wants to know if you are losing it. Hmm. This appears to be a case of psychological projection. Glaxo, call us. We know a great therapist.

8. The Gift That Keeps on Giving

After ruining your social life, thrashing your digestive tract, and depleting critical vitamins from your body, alli increases your risk of colon cancer. Just ‘cuz.

7. But, But…It Comes with a Shiny Book!

Would you really want this on your coffee table?

6. “It’s Gonna Take Work on Your Part Too.”

Because our part doesn’t work.

5. In Case You Needed Convincing, the FDA Really Does Not Give a…

But, boy oh boy, you sure will. Do not eat any fat if you take alli (k. d. lang must be excited about GSK’s super-trendy capitalization choice). Avoiding fat is a smart way to get diabetes and depression, but at least you won’t have any trouble with regularity. The results of fat + alli = not pretty. Oh, and alli depletes vitamins from your body. So just like the sailors of yesteryear, you too can experience the joys of rickets. And we can all agree there’s nothing better than experiencing history first-hand.

4. Why Did They Have to Ruin Pizza Forever?

Thanks, Glaxo. Thanks a lot. “You’re probably curious about what alli does in your body.” Why would you draw a pizza comparison to your disgusting drug? What did pizza ever do to you? That’s just rude.

3. So You Want to Take Alli?

Terrific! You’ll just need to diet, exercise, get healthy, and then wait six months. You’ll (maybe) lose five whoppin’ pounds beyond what all that regular exercising and dieting would yield you after six months. People, those five whole pounds will only cost you $360 bucks, your health, and your dignity, so what’s not to love? Come on, you wanted a new wardrobe anyway.

2. When Your Drug Is a Bust…Slap a New Name on It!

Alli is just a lower dosage of xenical (generic orlistat). This weight loss drug bombed as an Rx – apparently people got sick of having to keep an extra pair of dark clothing on hand. Babies.

1. With Allis Like This, Who Needs Enemas?

The Bitter Pill Award goes to Alli, your partner in oily spotting. The incredible thing is that GSK is totally upfront about how terrible alli is…and they’re still selling it. What a world.

Graphic: Bitter Pill Awards TM

Further reading:

Here’s a tip: eat less

We need more fat, not less!

What to eat in a day

Simple, fast weight loss tips for all you busy bees

Eating healthy when you’re pinching pennies

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[tags] alli, orlistat, xenical, side effects, drugs, weight loss, diet pills, GlaxoSmithKline [/tags]

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