7 Reasons to Love Wheat

Inline_Reasons_to_Love_WheatWheat gets a bad rap in the alternative health sphere, receiving blame from all sides. Today, I’m here to provide the other side. Today, I’m going to give you seven solid reasons to love wheat, ranging from its effects on the environment, its role in the foundation of the American republic, its effect on gut bacteria and your health, its ability to stamp out hatred, its protective role in the lives of Bronze Age Chinese women, and its status as an enduring symbol of human rights and prosperity.

Let’s get right to it.

Wheat is a great source of glyphosate.

Just before harvest, many wheat farmers apply glyphosate, the primary ingredient in Monsanto’s blockbuster pesticide Roundup. It kills weeds and most importantly acts as a “harvest aid.”  If you eat conventional wheat, you’re eating Roundup, too (PDF).

Some people call Roundup the safest pesticide around. I’ll go one further and say it’s the most beneficial pesticide. It targets so-called “good bacteria” via the shikimate pathway, which really only cocoon your gut from the harsh realities of the food we eat and render our immune systems completely reliant on their microbial machinations. It’s probably carcinogenic, which really means it’s exposing the weakened, senescent cells in your body beginning to revolt against the host.

A steady intake of Roundup-laden wheat is taking the red pill for your health: It reveals and amplifies the sorry state of your physiological state, and in doing so ultimately strengthens it.

Wheat saved Bronze Age Chinese women from cancer and heart disease.

From 5000 to 2900 BC, humans living in Central China subsisted primarily off domesticated pigs, millet, and hunted foods. Stable isotope analyses reveals that both men and women ate similar diets of roughly equal amounts of plant and animal food in this period. Shortly after the introduction of wheat, that changed. Men began deriving a larger share of their caloric intake from animal foods, while women ate fewer animals and far more wheat.

Sure, this may have given rise to a male-dominated social hierarchy that persists to this day, but at least women were getting all the heart healthy whole grains and insoluble fiber found in wheat, and none of the diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and unseemly vitality and physical robustness provided by meat.

Wheat provides necessary acceleration of environmental degradation to galvanize action.

Accelerationists claim that the only way to save the world from capitalism—a lamentable ideology that’s robbed billions of the dignity of abject poverty—is to accelerate its ascent and expand its reach until the failures and horror are laid bare. The monocropping of wheat plays a similar role in environmental accelerationism: It speeds up the demise of our environment, erodes our soil health, and destroys our ability to grow food.

Wheat agriculture itself has a large environmental footprint, causing huge levels of carbon emissions.

Wheat monocropping promotes topsoil degradation. Topsoil is the nutrient-dense portion of the soil where things grow. If we grow too much of the same thing in the same patch of soil without resting or replenishing it, that topsoil erodes. Without topsoil, we can’t grow anything.

Wheat fertilizers frequently run off into waterways, creating unsightly and even dangerous algal blooms and upsetting the balance of nutrients in our natural bodies of water.

Maybe when plants don’t grow anymore we’ll start composting, start rebuilding that topsoil back up. Maybe when the algal blooms stretch for thousands of miles and grow so thick and dense entire seasteading communities establish colonies on them, we’ll rein in the fertilizer overuse. Maybe wheat’s so bad for the environment that it’s good.

Wheat built the Pyramid.

Every civilization has its monuments, its grand, usually architectural homages to the transcendent. The Ottomans had the Blue Mosque. The Incans, Macchu Pichu. Egypt, its pyramids. Rhodes, its Colossus. But not America. The foundation of the American republic rests not on the Washington Monument, the Statue of Liberty, nor even the bloody grounds of Gettysburg. When migrants flocked to our shores, they came not for the enumerated freedoms, the economic opportunities. They came to be told exactly how many servings of grains, fruits, vegetables, meat, beans, nuts, dairy, and fats they should be eating. They came for the USDA Food Pyramid.

Without the Pyramid, we wouldn’t have known that meat, nuts, and legumes belong in the same category and possess interchangeable attributes.

Most importantly, without the Pyramid, we wouldn’t have known we’re supposed to eat between 6 and 11 servings of wheat.

Without wheat, the Pyramid crumbles. Without wheat, there is no America.

Wheat embraces diversity and openness.

There’s a lot of talk these days about the importance of cultural diversity and openness. There’s an almost equal amount of chatter about cultural homogeneity and closed borders. If you believe in the former set of values and reject the latter, you’d better eat some wheat. Why?

Wheat breaks down doors. It topples walls. It, with the help of gluten, initiates the production of zonulin—the molecular messenger which instructs our tight junctions to open and allow passage to all who enter. This may admit some unsavory characters and increase the risk of autoimmune disease, but it’s a small price to pay for enriching your body with the rich and diverse panoply of bacterial endotoxins, protein fragments, and foreign molecules.

Wheat prevents micronutrient overdoses.

Micronutrients can be helpful in certain contexts, but they’re easy to overdo. Too many of the foods we eat are too high in micronutrients. Modern wheat prevents micronutrient overdose by two primary routes.

First, modern wheat itself is lower in nutrient excess. The introduction of dwarf wheat coincided with a reduction in zinc, magnesium, iron, and copper to more moderate levels. Another study found that the “ancient” wheats—emmer, spelt, and einkorn—have higher concentrations of selenium than modern wheat. The moderate-nutrient content dwarf wheat also happens to be higher yield (more evolutionarily successful), so it’s able to outcompete those traditional wheats with excessive nutrient loads.

Second, wheat is high in phytic acid, an anti-nutrient that binds to minerals like calcium, iron, and zinc and prevents you from absorbing and utilizing them. Dwarf wheat is especially good here, as its phytate:mineral ratio is high.

Moderating one’s micronutrient intake is tricky. Wild animals don’t “count magnesium ions,” so why should you be expected to? And even if we do religiously track our vitamin and mineral intake, the references we use for nutrient information vary wildly in accuracy. There’s no way to really know for sure. Eating modern dwarf wheat is an easy, effortless way to ensure we’re not getting too many nutrients.

Wheat exposes the intolerant among us.

Intolerance is a social evil that deserves to be stamped out. But first, we must identify it.

Most food intolerance is silent and subtle. Carb-haters are particularly sneaky. The request to swap out hash browns for berries at the diner. The quick removal of the second corn tortilla at the street taco stand. Wheat’s power is such that the intolerant don’t even try to hide their hate. They blurt it out. Willingly. Why, I’ve overheard bigots so brazen that they openly request that their food be “gluten-free” when ordering in restaurants. They know people can hear them. They want people to hear them. They simply don’t care.

Almost every day, I hear from readers who experience real physical revulsion from wheat. They get headaches, diarrhea, even peripheral nerve pain and other physical symptoms from even incidental exposure to wheat and gluten. They call themselves “celiac,” or “gluten-sensitive,” or “gluten-intolerant,” but we know what they really are, even if we don’t want to admit it. After all, they’re our parents, teachers, colleagues. Maybe I don’t want to admit it because in accepting their patronage I’d be complicit in their hate.

If you don’t know how to incorporate wheat into your life, here are a few easy ideas:

A Ziploc bag full of pastry flour and a straw make a great snack on the go. Start slowly. Don’t inhale.

Morning porridge: whole wheat flour and water in 1:1 ratio, simmered over low heat for five minutes. Really filling.

Gluten balls: Mix a stiff dough, then knead it until it feels like an earlobe. Rest in a bowl of water for an hour. Rinse the earlobe under warm water, squeezing and kneading and later needing it. Once the water runs clear, not white, when you squeeze it, you’ve got pure gluten. Roll into balls and cook or eat directly. I like a little dusting of Roundup powder on mine.

I’m being totally, utterly serious here, folks. Wheat is the solution to, well, almost everything. 

That’s it for today. Thanks for being part of the fun. What can I say? Some days I just have to let the sarcasm out to play…. For those interested in the real Primal take on wheat, check out a few of my past posts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) on the topic. Take care, everybody.

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About the Author

Mark Sisson is the founder of Mark’s Daily Apple, godfather to the Primal food and lifestyle movement, and the New York Times bestselling author of The Keto Reset Diet. His latest book is Keto for Life, where he discusses how he combines the keto diet with a Primal lifestyle for optimal health and longevity. Mark is the author of numerous other books as well, including The Primal Blueprint, which was credited with turbocharging the growth of the primal/paleo movement back in 2009. After spending three decades researching and educating folks on why food is the key component to achieving and maintaining optimal wellness, Mark launched Primal Kitchen, a real-food company that creates Primal/paleo, keto, and Whole30-friendly kitchen staples.

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220 thoughts on “7 Reasons to Love Wheat”

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    1. Tim’s right. Mark has missed the mark, whatever it was. Satire or just plain sarcasm doesn’t work when the target is ill-defined and the shooting scattershot.

      1. Really? I got it immediately, though i had to check the calendar…

      2. I also had absolutely no issues identifying this as satire, and found it amusing.

        1. I’ve got no trouble identifying satire. The problem here is the satire doesn’t hold together and ends up being somewhat confused.

          I think Mark’s a good writer with an easy, relaxed style. His stuff is usually a pleasure to read. This one wasn’t.

          1. I agree with Ross.
            And add
            This was poorly written and not funny –

          2. As soon as I read this post, I thought of all the people I can share this with who DO NOT understand why staying away from wheat is so imperative. Writing in satire often will gain attention as opposed to writing a straight, information laden blog on the dangers of wheat. We have plenty of those blog posts and no one is listening.

    2. I don’t think you should be. I follow this blog on Feedly and noticed that this post got nearly five times the amount of interest as other posts of his on any given day. From a marketing/business perspective it was pure genius. You could draw any conclusion you want from that but I see it as:

      A. people love wheat products
      B. people love wheat and still consume wheat even though they identify as Paleo and finally want Mark to tell them that it’s okay to eat wheat so they can come out of the closet.

    1. Yep. A little satire is great for getting people to see that today’s wheat ain’t quite the staff of life it may have once been. .

  1. Too facetious for your blog. Many people, including first time readers, are going to be very confused.

    1. I kind of agree. He should probably put a disclaimer in somewhere. Sadly, we know some people just won’t or can’t understand the sarcasm and will take this as “real news.”

      1. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I was on the fence earlier but decided to include a light-hearted comment at the end (along with some links to how I really feel about wheat) just now after reading that some were confused. I tend to lean toward the serious here, but I just can’t fully escape the desire for sarcasm and humor now and then. Grok on, everybody!

        1. As an 8 year PB’er and having seen a softening of the stances on beans and potatoes, still, I was totally floored…………until I started reading.

        2. No way! I say let them wonder. I was praying that you wouldn’t put a disclaimer or backtrack at all at the end. This had to be one of the funniest thing I’ve ever read, I’m a little bummed for the last line but this was still an incredibly funny article. Thanks for this, my kind of humor.

          1. Not as funny as this: “This guy walks into a bar….and says ouch”

        3. Mark, you very infrequently utilize sarcasm and humor to this level. I absolutely loved it. Thank you for everything! Sincerely, one of the 100Million you’ve helped to lead to a healthy, happy, active life! 🙂

          1. Thanks, Gregg Frank – and all who enjoyed today’s post. You’re right there. It’s been a long while since I let loose to that degree. Good to shake things up now and then. Grok on!

          2. I’m disappointed to see you cite an activist group like USRTK, Mark. Their claims about exposure to glyphosate have long been debunked.

            Moreover, the research they reference has been reviewed to death by every regulatory agency on the planet, and none of them are convinced that glyphosate is dangerous, unless anyone here plans on drinking it.

            Humans simply aren’t exposed to enough of the pesticide to experience any negative health effects. See the most recent EPA report on the subject: https://src.bna.com/iE2

          3. Seriously: you believe anything, the EPA tells you? I’ll bet you think Montsano is looking out for your best interests as well….

          4. All I know is that if I’m reading the bottle of round up when I go to poison the weeds, it’s got a whole page of “this stuff is dangerous” warnings on the side.

        4. You underestimated the stupidity of the dumbed-down public. Please don’t do that again. They’ll believe anything you tell them, sadly.

        5. Two things:

          1. I liked it, and I’m not confused, maybe a primal diet has helped keep my perception razor sharp.

          2. What were you doing sitting on a fence ? – is that some sort of primal exercise ?

    1. You go!!!!….. your exquisite sense of humor might be misunderstood by some, but those of us with half a brain just LOVED IT. TOCHEE!

  2. Would have been perfect for April Fool’s Day… nah, too obvious. It was perfect for today!

  3. I had to check and see if it was April 1st. Couldn’t stop laughing. Oh Mark… Ouch!

  4. Hahaha! There are some great lines here. I love the American Food Pyramid bit. And the earlobe. Fabulous!

  5. I like to add round-up to my ziploc bag of pastry flour. Everyone thinks I’m crazy…finally someone who get’s me! 🙂

  6. Being allergic to wheat, I particularly enjoyed the “Wheat Exposes the Intolerant” section. Thanks for making me laugh this morning! 🙂

  7. This was weird. I assume it’s heavy sarcasm..? But last sentence is a but confusing. He must be sick of the “wheat people” I’m telling Chris Kresser and Robb Wolf, haha

  8. Mark , Nice to see your cranky side . We should all be more than cranky about lifestyle diseases and the cost to the human race. “Monsanto resistant mutants” will ensure the future of the human species.

    1. Love the “Monsanto Resistant Mutants”!!

      Resistance is necessary – we refuse to be assimilated…

  9. Damn you wheat! You’re so tasty! I’ve been paleo/primal for ten years with cheating, but still enjoying the great effects. Butter and great bread is a treat that I cannot resist at times. Arghhhhhh…. Life is just too short not to enjoy the occasional indulgence – even if I do make it to 108 as I’m planning. I’ll eat a whole loaf with lots of butter, on my hundredth birthday.

  10. The thing I love about white bread is that you can roll it up into a tiny ball and pop it in your pocket for a perfect snack later.

  11. Male-dominated social hierarchy? You’re out of touch. We live in a gynocentric malstrom. Female trumps everything. You can kill males if you’re female and get away with it, you can molest boys and get away with it, 75% of the time you take all his assets in divorce, your female teachers give you better grades than the boys for less work, you’re not drugged like boys nor failing at a national rate of 35%. You’re not a bumbling fool in social media, not the dumb scum of feminists, nor the disposable AMT that non-feminist lament when there ask “where have all the good (rich) men gone? If eating wheat is a bad thing perhaps we should encourage females to eat it.

    1. Blimey! Are you on the right website? This was a lighthearted look at wheat, not a female-scourging session! Whilst there are no doubt some undisputed truths buried in all your let’s politely call it passion, the world largely remains weighted against females and it’s sad you have no empathy for that. Maybe if you had another look at what your eating you may find fine-tuning your diet results in a more pleasant disposition! ?

    2. Wow, way to get all misogynistic on a light-hearted satire post, buddy. Maybe go try pandering your hatred elsewhere.

    3. I think you meant to post this on iHateFemales dot com. Please seek help for seriously twisted perspective.

    4. Only 22% of Congress is female, 20% of Mayor’s in the US are female, 24% of Governor’s are female, 0% of US Presidents have been female, 38% of countries have ever been run by a female for more than a year, 5.8% of the S&P 500 companies are run by females, at least two religions (Catholic and Mormon) have 0% females as their leader, and women get paid 80% of what men get paid…but don’t appear to get 20% off of anything they purchase, which makes life more expensive for the average female.

      Thanks for setting me straight.

      1. And yet women make up slightly more than 50% of the population. What you need to work out is why your fellow women don’t see fit to elect more women, pay their female employees more, and seek religious and social groups that allow women to be leaders. Women are free to support and fund whoever they so choose.

        Illustrating the point quite nicely is the female vote split between Trump and Clinton, 42% to 54% respectively. A woman runs for president and only 54% support her? Are men to blame that she failed to impress enough women in that huge 42% to get her over the line?

        The Equal Pay Act was passed into law in 1963, a fair time ago. It is illegal to pay men and women different rates for the same work. Are you suggesting the 80% figure you cite is because vast numbers of employers are paying women less than men for the same work? No, they’re not. Women have children, leave work, don’t advance their careers, seek part-time work when children get older, and other related factors. So where’s your complaint? If it’s anywhere, it’s with nature or with yourself for making the decision to have children. Either way, it’s not with society or with men.

        Woman, heal thyself.

      2. Did I miss something in the article – I thought it was about wheat ?

        Germany has a female president, and more than equal rights, women actually have more rights – unfortunately the female desire to help everybody has let to an inrush of invaders that is destroying the German lifestyle, and once they take over based on this bad decision and misplaced altruism, I guarantee Germany won’t have any women in any places of power for a very, very long time, if ever, again – such is the law of Islam I guess, all that hard work for equal rights lost…

    5. Even though we live in a male dominated social hierarchy, it is true that sexism hurts men and women alike.

    6. I also picked up on marks reference to the red pill…I could be reading into too much…maybe.

  12. When I saw the header in the email, I was so confused, “I’ve been following Mark for 4 years now and he always advises against wheat?!”

    Well played, sir!

  13. I added 6-8 T’s of white sugar to my whole wheat flour porridge this morning. It was awesome, best morning nap I’ve had at work in a long time.

  14. A dusting of Roundup powder goes great on just about everything.

  15. Love it! I’m sending this one to my vegetarian (and wheat loving) sister!

    1. I was getting ready to say how big was the check from Monsanto and I am so glad you were just jerking everyone’s chain.

      1. Thought the same thing… great read is Dr Mercola’s articles about glyphosate and Monsanto…

  16. This is just wrong in sooo many ways…

    Love the Roundup powder reference.

    And yes, there are folks that are going to completely fall down the rabbit hole with this one.

  17. I think the post is kind of late. It should be posted on April 1st. 😉

  18. Mark, this is hilarious and well done! A real keeper.
    For me it serves as a strong reminder that if I eat wheat, it needs to be 100% Organic from regenerative and no till agriculture farm. The whole grain needs to be fully fermented, as in 24hr sourdough process to greatly reduce phytates in the outer shell fiber. And to reduce the volume and frequency of ingestion so as to limit the effects of zonulin on gut tight joints. I have been glutin free for about 5 years as I rebuilt my gut. I’m experimenting with Organic ancient wheat now for it’s beneficial fiber, per John Douillards discussion, and strict adherence to my criteria above which I think addresses your true and eminently valid concerns in this article. Thank you!

    1. Or you could just not eat wheat…not worth the hassle in my opinion.

  19. Lol, when I received notice of your article and saw the title, I thought, has Mark flipped his lid!

  20. Actually, wheat really IS the foundation of our republic. Wheat production was highly encouraged by Thomas Jefferson, it gave us freedom from British control of the tobacco market, and it was, at the time, much less exhausting to the soil. I get the sarcasm in this article, but some of it was really hard to parse. Would have been better to end it with some positive information.

  21. LMAO. Great sarcasm. Hey if you listen to former presidential candidate Ben Carson not only did grain build the pyramid but the pyramid was built for the sole purpose of housing the grain, lol!

  22. Mark you had me, I was ready to write a wtf letter, you should have heard the rant I was on. lol

  23. When I got the e-mail of the new blog post I was VERY confused, until about the first sentence of the first section after the intro. Then I started laughing!

    A+ sarcasm and Snark!

  24. Thanks for wasting my time Mark, you are preaching to the converted. That’s five minutes I’ll never get back.

    1. …yes, but 5 minutes of stress reduction via laughing… time well spent.

  25. This article is a confusing, time-consuming waste. It’ll take you forever to sift through this esoteric-sounding verbiage to consider whether it’sserious or just a joke.

    1. hmm. I guess it took YOU “forever”. It took the rest of us 4 seconds. Lighten up.

  26. Phew! If you could have heard what I was thinking (*^#@*!!) as I clicked on the link to this article, Mark! Thanks for the laughs 😉

  27. Loved this. Loved the spoofs on political correctness including many things I really do believe in. Every day needs some laughter!

  28. I am going to have fun with this blog. Apologize to my family for my soap box rants against demon wheat and ask them to read the blog for a different point of view.

  29. /sarc indeed. And unfair. Another example of the pervasive human habit of blaming externals for problems actually caused by human behavior.

    Wheat is not the problem. The problem is what humans have done to wheat – first milling it to produce the much-prized “white” flour that is devoid of nutrients and, yes, mostly gluten; then hybridizing and now genetically modifying it into a monster that bears little resemblance to its ancient, vital ancestor.

    And the second problem is what humans have done to themselves. All the fuss these days about so many foods that people have been eating for thousands and millions of years, which suddenly turn out to be murderously UNHEALTHY. It’s not the foods themselves – though there are certainly many cases like wheat where they have been radically changed from their original healthy forms – but what our modern, marvelous technological civilization has done to our bodies, rendering them, among other things, simply incapable of digesting anything that requires a little effort. So we blame the world for our own self-induced weaknesses.

    Entire civilizations were build on wheat. The Roman legions conquered the world on a diet of mostly wheat. (Indeed, I believe I read somewhere that Roman soldiers would mutiny if they didn’t get their daily allowance of wheat – in the form of whole grains that they ground and cooked themselves.) As a northwest European, most of my ancestors for several thousand years subsisted mostly on wheat – or its relatives rye, barley, oat.

    Michio Kushi put it well: “Civilization is the disease. Cancer is the cure.” (Well, not exactly, of course; but excellent rhetoric.)

    I discovered macrobiotics 50 years ago, and was quite excited to learn about what seemed to be a coherent philosophy of diet. Interesting how the fashion has moved exactly 180º since then: from “grains are the perfect food, meat is evil” to “meat is the perfect food, grains are evil”. I eat a lot less grain now than I used to, and more meat. (I was vegetarian, initially for ethicals reasons, for two decades, then realized I needed stronger food, so returned regretfully to flesh foods – which I obtain only from local farmers who raise free-range sheep and outdoor poultry. Recently I learned that there were reasons for my weakness, and am working on correcting them.)

    I do eat some wheat, but only in the forms of (a) naturally-leavened (“sourdough”) whole wheat bread, made from locally-grown, heirloom wheat (plus salt, water and culture, nothing else); (b) tortillas made from sprouted, organically-grown wheat; (c) very occasionally noodles made from organically-grown wheat, heirloom varieties when I can find them. I eat some other grains as well – oat, rice, barley, millet. I don’t think these are going to kill me. World War III is more likely, speaking of human stupidity.

    Btw, this is an excellent site, with lots of great information. Don’t mean to blowtorch, just thought the other side deserved a little space. The Primal diet is a great idea, especially if you’ve been eating SAD all your life. But the real aim, I feel, should be to become healthy humans again who can eat anything/everything our ancestors ate – and thrived on – up until only a century ago. All agriculture was “organic” until the Second World War and its leftover chemical weapons that were then marketed as “pesticides”. We’ve done it to ourselves; only we can undo it.

    1. Btw, I no longer believe there is such a thing as a “perfect” food. Everything we eat stresses the digestive and other body systems in one way or another. Everything we eat, whether animal or plant, is the body of a once-living (in most cases) creature who wanted to survive and prosper just as we do. Animals can run away or fight, plants must use chemical defenses – and do, thus our problems with e.g. grains, nightshades, etc. Ironically, it has been our very efforts to make our foods easier to obtain and eat that have destroyed our health and vitality.

      Oh, and the article was funny, yes.

  30. “[T]he references we use for nutrient information vary wildly in accuracy.” That’s a canard. It’s the foods themselves that vary widely in nutrients! I’ve linked here to “The World’s Healthiest Foods” description of Brussels Sprouts, a widely loved food that’s considered nutritious. Information is for a cup of cooked Brussels Sprouts, but how large they are or how finely they’re cut is going and whether they’re roasted, steamed of boiled is going to affect how much Brussels Sprout you get in a cup. Even if you used a dry weight measure, though, sprouts are going to vary with the freshness, terroir, climate and harvest date, among many other things.

    This is on top of, and completely orthogonal to, the individuality of nutrition needs.

    I’m not suggesting a solution, I’m just defending the hard work of the earnest men and women who measure Magnesium micrograms day in and day out to support public health.

  31. Mark, that was absolutely brilliant! I’ve been following you and your philosophy for years, and this being my first comment, I have to say that your humor is one of my favorite things about you.
    Keep it up!

  32. When I saw the headline in my inbox I was intrigued. Then… then I saw, “Wheat is a great source of glyphosate,” and it took me a moment and I laughed.

    This is pretty damn funny.

  33. Ahh the golden fields of sarcasm blowing in the wind. Well done sir.

  34. Although this is obviously humor, there are too many of your readers that are way to serious about life, and cannot see humor even when it hits them on the side of their head.

  35. Oh man, this was great. When I got the email for this post, my head almost fell off thinking Mark had gone of the deep end. In turn, I have confirmed just how dang funny this man is. Great post Mark!!

  36. Mark, you forgot to mention the benefits of grains to keep the dependent peasant class well fed but malnourished and weak enough to limit the potential for uprising against the noble class. In addition, grains as a food source for the dependent masses preserved supplies of wild game and preferred vegetation for the most important humans at the top of the pyramid.

  37. I didn’t realize Donald Trump ghost-wrote for you (re: your unnecessarily thinly-veiled political comments throughout, including stupid comments about border control letting in criminals)! What a busy man. One less subscriber here, and I’m sure you’re glad to see me go. I, on the other hand, am sorry to be losing this channel to information, but I can find it elsewhere, without the offensive commentary.

    1. Diane, I’m sorry you came away offended by what you perceived as political views in the post. Trust me, there were none. Best to you, Mark

      1. This person is obviously a troll no way an intelligent human being can actually mean what she wrote. Just looking for a rise out of you.

    2. You sound like a butt hurt social justice warrior. No one cares what you think.

      1. Lots of people care what he thinks…looks at these posts!

    3. Thank you for reminding me why I usually avoid internet comments; there are always those so blinded by their own biases that the most innocuous humor trips their outrage sensors. Enjoy tilting at straw men elsewhere.

    4. Wow, you might want to have your ego checked, it seems way overinflated.

      Truly sad that you will deprive yourself from sound knowledge just because of your perception of something that doesn’t even exist.

  38. This is a great example of why I love reading Mark’s diatribes!!! Great sacrcasm and a good morning chuckle! Thanks for keeping us entertained!

  39. Here’s the thing: On my reading list, only the first few sentences of this blog post shows. It gives the impression that you’re encouraging wheat consumption. I was stunned and almost didn’t click on the post. Once I began reading, the sarcasm was obvious…but it wasn’t from the reading list blurb. This post needs a disclaimer at the outset. Other than that, it was pretty funny.

      1. Thanks. I was posting on my phone and just copied the link but I’ll keep that in mind for next time.

  40. We all eat too much wheat but it’s been unfairly demonised. I bought into ‘the wheat belly’ crusade and did manage to banish it to the margins. However, I recently read Dr John Douillard’s book, ‘Eat Wheat’. His 600 or so scientific references present a sound basis for wheat/dairy consumption. His ‘sugar belly’ description literally lends weight to his position.

  41. Ah, sarcasm – the privilege of the highly intelligent. 😉

    I especially loved, ” Wheat’s power is such that the intolerant don’t even try to hide their hate. They blurt it out. Willingly. Why, I’ve overheard bigots so brazen that they openly request that their food be “gluten-free” when ordering in restaurants. They know people can hear them. They want people to hear them. They simply don’t care.”.

    Great read!

  42. The headline that appeared in my email box (7 Reasons to love wheat) compelled me to read the article, considering bread and olive oil is my number one vice. I think its a very good way to get people to understand what Monsanto has done to our world.

  43. Don’t tell me Marc that you have been bought out by Monsanto? Your article on wheat makes me believe that. I don’t know if I can continue to subscribe to your newsletter.

      1. Humor, like reading comprehension, seems to be at an all time low.

        I thought it was a brilliant post Mark.

  44. This post is even funnier if read using the voice of JP Sears in your head. Thanks for the belly laugh, Mark! I’ll be looking for the “Roundup Ready” section of the menu and the special glyphosate dusting powder at my local Primal Kitchen.

      1. I too on reading 7 reasons to love wheat thought that Mark was losing it. At the first mention of Roundup I was greatly relieved. Eating wheat in any form for me is like popping a pain pill for my knuckles. The sarcasm probably a bit too intense to send the article to my vegan eating sister.

    1. I thought the active ingredient in Roundup was glycophosphate??

  45. Well a happy April Fool’s Day to you too, Sir! 🙂 … I was confused for about the first 3 lines, and then I had to laugh out loud.

  46. Ahh, snap! Haven’t seen this many replies in a very long time!

    1. Mark, Enjoyed laughing through your article but some of the comments were even funnier. I am amazed at the diversity of your readers from those who totally got your humor to those who were dazed and confused and even some who saw political commentary where none existed. Keep up the great work and throw your sarcasm around a bit more. Grok On!

      1. Likewise, Bob Yankovich, I’ll second that ! The article is brilliant Mark Sissons, I’m still LMAO, but some of the the comments really make me wonder what their writers are doing here. Oh well, it takes all sorts….

  47. Not a fan of this style. A little snark is fun but too much ain’t like the Sisson I appreciate.

  48. You bastard. I was already trying to figure out if dinner was going to be linguine or fettuccine.

  49. Thanks, Mark! I live in Eastern Washington State, where wheat is everywhere, and wine. Eat Wheat! Yes!! …wait…ah, sarcasm. Drink Wine! Seriously, I love this post and you do a fine job of clearing up the confusion at the end. Sadly, I agree that a disclaimer at the beginning is needed because people get their reading stamina and literary education from Twitter now. But please do let your sarc out to play once in awhile!

  50. “Some days I just have to let the sarcasm out to play….”

    Indeed. Otherwise it just gets bigger.

  51. Mark – you kick ass! This was hilarious. And now that i think about it…humor is a great way to open some doors! Maybe people will be confused by this article, some will try and eat a bag of flour… but those people will likely become more motivated to do further N=1 experiments and hopefully figure things out

  52. Is supplemental Roundup as effective as getting it fron wheat? Like spray jugs from Home Depot?

  53. The line “I’m being totally, utterly serious here, folks.” is really what I’m having difficulty with. Unless you read to the very end, which is hard to get to when you’re so confused…you might miss it. Not a huge fan of this one…

  54. I was amazed at the subject line and had to dive straight in to read what you had to say. I was actually wondering if some group had hacked your website. Quite relieved when I got into it. Great article!

  55. “The quick removal of the second corn tortilla at the street taco stand.”

    True that! Who decided every taco needs two tortillas?

  56. Wheat may also be a key element in reducing the population crisis.

  57. I think I need a bowl of Wheaties and maybe a bagel now. Very funny and clever, Mark!

  58. Thanks Mark, this was a great laugh!

    So sad it proved to be an IQ test for some, and I feel sorry for those who could not appreciate it at it’s full value… that was satire at it’s best.

  59. Oh this just totally made my day!!! The snack recommendations at the bottom had me in tears. Well done, sir!! Keep ’em comin!

  60. Is this a joke, Mark?
    I spent 60 years with gut misery, ramping up mid-riff fat, increasing blood pressure, lack of energy.
    UNTIL I stopped eating breads, biscuits, anything containing wheat to experience huge, amazing intestinal relief, slimmed down, BP lowered and much more energy.
    WHEAT IS POISON to most people. Do not tell me it is “good” for anyone!!!!!!!

  61. Wheat is good for you but Like most foods, too much is Not. Its all about the diet Intake and bits of everything not just one source.

  62. Some really great ideas came from this post. 1) Wheat is a great source of glyphosate. 2) how to destroy a pan, by making stovetop cement. 3) how to shorten a URL by noting the position of the “?” (Comments). 4) “…most people get their reading stamina from Twitter.” (Comments). Those who see my comment, probably aren’t twits.

  63. “The quick removal of the second corn tortilla at the street taco stand.” Ha, ha, ha…that’s me. Sometimes, I’m even worse and just eat out the insides of the taco!

  64. When I went Primal thanks to you Mark around seven years ago I didn’t know what a fantastic effect that would have on controlling my blood sugar. I have Type 1 diabetes. What’s really interesting is how my body tolerated grains before and now if I “cheat” there’s a complete no tolerance policy. It sends my blood sugar through the roof and I experience a lot of insulin resistance for at least the next 12 hours.

    So yes there’s nothing redeeming about ingesting wheat.

  65. This was my favorite article on here in a long time hahaha.

  66. Mark, Thanks for the great laugh! I really needed it today! ! Love your sense of humor on your regular days and this was over the top funny! I love the ziplock bag and straw…I immediately thought of “how about just putting it in a pixie stick “..you know, those classic sugar laden children’s treat! Great job! Loved it.

  67. Mark, you have a real gift! It was hilarious satire! The ‘merits of wheat’ and how wheat has impacted gut health, history, economics, conservation, civilizations, obesity, disease and social mores and intolerance was brilliant! I enjoyed your post very much.

  68. Wheat also aids in reducing belly fat because it gives you leaky gut enabling the fat to drain out!

  69. Epic! For a second there almost got me… important to go back and reassess beliefs often and well.

  70. Excelent article! A nutritional article in the vein of Frédéric Bastiat (especially with your take on capitalism).

  71. My nieghbors must think I am crazy – I am sitting in my home alone laughing my head off- too funny, too funny and…. too funny.
    I suspected what you were up to frim the start Mark- I almost checked the calendar too!

    To my fellow travelers….. life is terribly short to leave out the giggles!

  72. Well I, for sure, believed this and found it totally credible. Next I will be voting for Trump’s health care plan that will be so beneficial for America!.

  73. You had me for a second…what a hoot..I had to share. Thanks for the giggles

  74. Love your sense of sarcastic humor!!!
    Keeps the reader on her toes : ))

  75. I think wheat is ok in moderation. I grow it sometimes in my garden. It actually does build soil, like a lot of grains, because of its extensive root system. I’m not gluten intolerant, and I enjoy making bread. I just don’t eat a lot of it. I don’t think we need to demonize wheat, exactly. Maybe a lot of people eat too much of it in the form of processed food, but when organic whole wheat is freshly milled at home and eaten in moderation, it can be a reasonably healthy food.

  76. When I read the title of the article I thought “wtf, my husband thinks I’m whacky for cutting out gluten, now what am I going to tell him? Please don’t let this be true”. Then I came back to reality and read the paragraph on the post. I love your sense of humor! I seriously had to laugh at myself.

  77. I loved this article, Mark! That’s a very clever way to educate and illuminate. Thank you for not dumbing down your articles just to avoid a few raised eyebrows, and speaking in your own unique voice.

  78. Just had to read the title and knew what type of post it was…hilarious. This is a great post to send to any “brainwashed by grain propaganda” friends just to see how they react.

  79. It’s not so much wheat itself as the farming methods we’ve used over the last 60-70 years to produce wheat that has caused a lot of the problem. The problem is very much due to the amount of anhydrous ammonia that we’ve dumped on the wheat to make it grow big, quickly, that’s messed up the amino acid chains in the wheat, forcing unbalanced glutamine development. You get higher protein levels but in an unbalanced way that the body cannot digest. Add to that indigestible protein concoction the fact that much (not all; #1 in the article is incorrect) inorganic wheat in the USA is sprayed with Glyphosate (Roundup, etc) to dessicate it prior to final harvest, and you get a very poisonous substance to the body. Indigestible and poisonous wheat, but it’s not really wheat per-se, but what we’ve done to the farming of wheat that’s caused the problem.

  80. I usually enjoy your site and perspective, but I think this is in poor taste. Clever? Eh, maybe depending on taste. But unnecessary.

  81. Mark, I think this is “irony” rather than sarcasm…

    “Irony is used to convey, usually, the opposite meaning of the actual things you say, but its purpose is not intended to hurt the other person.Sarcasm, while still keeping the “characteristic” that you mean the opposite of what you say, unlike irony it is used to hurt the other person. ” -Quora.com

    The thing is, only about 10% of the population understands irony. Remember in the late 1960’s when they started showing Monty Python’s Flying Circus on TV? I do. American audiences didn’t think it was funny (they thought “Laugh-In” was funny, which actually was just silly). They didn’t understand irony the same way that English audiences did at the time.

  82. This didn’t go over my head at all, I am too fast for that, if it tried, I would catch it with my fast reflexes.

  83. I thought you’d lost your mind up until – “A Ziploc bag full of pastry flour and a straw make a great snack on the go.” That made me snort with laughter. Good one, Mark. 😉

  84. Hilarious! I love that I was fooled by the title, pressed into what I figured would be the last article I’d ever read on this site, and then catapulted into some seriously awesome sarcasm! You keep me coming back for more, Mark. Thanks for the laugh!

  85. Hey Mark,

    I just listened to the cellular healing podcast with Dr Pompa interviewing Dr John Doillard about his new book “Eat Wheat”

    They touch on some interesting points about how wheat is only so bad when your digestion is poor, have an actual intolerance or it comes as a packaged food with lots of seed oils and preservatives. Once fixed you can and should reintroduce wheat and they even cite a number of studies showing health benefits compared to those who are “Gluten-free”. They go to talk about how having hard to digest foods (like those containing gluten, lectins, phytates, etc) keeps the digestion resilient.

    Have you heard of this? What are you your thoughts?


  86. I have teenagers. Complete sarcasm may be the only way to get through to them…unless Philip DeFranco read it out loud, that is!

  87. I’m incredibly upset that you’ve written this article. I laughed so hard I woke up all 3 of my sleeping children and thats almost as bad for my health as the gluten balls I made for breakfast tomorrow. Unimpressed.