Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
6 Feb

The Fuming Fuji Says No to Wonkazoids

FUJ

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with Wonkazoids.

But, Fuming Fuji, you ask, isn’t this a good way to keep tweens entertained during long car rides?

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: “Now your candy’s got game,” says Nestle. This combination video game and candy dispenser is the latest wonderful Wonka offering.

The catch: Watching wax melt is more exciting than this game, which is a glorified diabetes dispenser. Even the Fuji knows a stupid video game when he sees one.

The comeback: Isn’t this a nice alternative to violent games? What harm is a little candy?

The conclusion: Candy is what is violent to young seedlings. The Fuji is going to make a Myspace page for Nestle. The Fuji will name it Pied Piper. Nevermind, that has already been taken. Perhaps Malicious Marketing to Munchkins is still available. Fuji will be right back…

The catchphrase: Nestle cares so much about children’s health, even the toys come filled with sugar!wonkazoid
Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji. Mostly.

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Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

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