Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
5 Apr

Why I’m Never Eating Another Salad

I’m feeling a little lost, Apples. My readers know that for over 20 years now, I’ve enjoyed a massive veggie-packed salad for lunch. At this point, the daily Sisson salad is just part of my identity.
So imagine the sense of betrayal – nay, dear readers, bereavement – when I learned that it. has. all. been. for. naught.

The reason I am never eating another salad is because Flat Earth Baked Veggie Crisps are the healthiest thing to come along since, well, plants. These “veggie” and “berry” crisps are just like eating real vegetables!

Only not.

The brand marketing concept is so extended, it feels like homework: people used to think the earth was flat, just like people used to think that chips couldn’t be healthy. Get it? To help the message hit home, Flat Earth’s logo is a flying pig. Because people used to think chips couldn’t be healthy, because pigs would have to fly first, and…my head hurts. Read the fine print: “Beliefs can change!” says Flat Earth. I find this particularly amusing. A belief certainly can change, if you throw enough money and marketing at it. But beliefs aren’t facts – yet again and again, we act as if they are. Marketers know this.

Pigs don’t fly. Almost the real thing is nothing much at all. My politically incorrect opinion is that there is nothing admirable at all about the desire to create a “healthy” chip. In fact, I think it’s a big, fat ethical cop-out.

I know what some will say: at least it’s better than a regular old potato chip. We all need a few healthy indulgences. Their hearts were in the right place (psst…no they weren’t. Flat Earth is owned by Frito-Lay). Baloney. This is marketing, not health.

I’m so disgusted with this trend of making bad foods kinda-sorta healthy, as if mediocrity is an admirable quality. Compromise might feel nice, but how’s that health philosophy workin’ for us? Uncle Sam says “just try to make half your grains whole”. Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence in humans’ capacity for excellence, guys.

Flat Earth’s Baked Veggie Crisps may not be as ridiculous as 7Up Plus (known formerly as corn syrup and chemicals) or vitamin-enriched children’s “milk ‘n cereal” bars (known formerly as candy and sugary goo). But Flat Earth is not a “one serving exchange” of “real!” fruits or vegetables. A chip is not a vegetable, period. You can add in all the dehydrated stale carrots and tomatoes and berries that you want, but until I see Veggie Crisps growing on trees, I’m afraid I have to agree with their slogan: “Impossibly good”. It is impossible – hey, at least they’re honest!

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. Mark, what about Terra chips? Just baked root veggies. I’m about three weeks into going Primal (down 11lb.), and I would be so happy if you approved Terra chips.

    Dave wrote on September 26th, 2011
    • I’ve never seen baked Terra chips, only ones fried in canola oil. I used to get them occasionally as an indulgence but it’s too hard to eat a reasonable serving and canola oil is so highly processed I can’t recommend it. Plus, while the root veggies in them are superior to potato, they’re still something you’d want to eat in moderation because they’re high in carbs. A good alternative would be dehydrated zucchini, beet or kale chips. I make them with a small amount of olive oil, garlic and dried onion. Yum. 😀

      Suzi wrote on February 16th, 2012
  2. Ah Mark – you’re a man after my own heart. You need to help me here in OZ!!!! I teach at a school that won an award for running a healthy canteen. It didn’t deserve the award, believe me. It stocked Flat-Earth type products and little that was nourishing.
    Fast track five years and the issue now beggars belief. What these children are enticed to eat is nothing short of appalling. Moreover, they love it!
    Sadly, I am but one voice in the wilderness. Nobody else links the bad behaviour of the children to what they eat.

    Maria wrote on April 27th, 2012
  3. Ok, don’t eat any type chip other than home made. Why is a salad so bad you’ll never eat another? Did I miss something in the article?

    John wrote on March 7th, 2013
  4. John, Mark was eating a generous portion of sarcasti-o’s when he wrote that. I’m guilty of it myself.

    Kodi wrote on May 27th, 2013

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