- Mark's Daily Apple - http://www.marksdailyapple.com -
The 10 Dumbest Drugs Ever Invented
Posted By Worker Bee On July 31, 2007 @ 7:58 pm In Big Pharma,Humor,Hype,Prevention,Top 10 Lists | 65 Comments
When Big Pharma and the health care system get together to “treat” our health issues, it’s like a Dumb and Dumber convention. (It’s a treat, all right.) Allow us to present the ten stupidest drugs, ever. Well, at least the ten stupidest drugs, today.
Ah, the golden elixir. Drugs: magically delicious!
Because why eat right and exercise when you can consume a known toxin (sugar) and then just take a drug for it that will give you a heart attack? Doesn’t that sound like more fun? Go Pharma, it’s your birthday!
Somehow, a drug that carries the warning to wear dark clothing in the unfortunate event of, well, “incidents” just doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence – but maybe we’re just being insecure. The oily spotting and lack of effectiveness are awesome, but seriously, who wants to wear black in summer?
This is a special statin. S-p-e-c-i-a-l. The ad for Zetia proudly explains how Zetia does – wait for it – not work. You see, most statins “work” (and that’s being generous) in the liver, but Zetia absorbs cholesterol from the food you eat. Zetia just works differently: unlike some statins, Zetia has not been shown to prevent heart disease or heart attacks. Well, that’s a comfort!
You know BiDil: the racist decades-old drug that is less effective than every other heart disease treatment. Obviously, it makes sense to market this golden oldie to African Americans on the basis of fun things like zero scientific evidence! Besides, other medicines work better on everyone (including African Americans). But whatever. It’s so encouraging to know that the federal government now has legal precedent to make medical rulings based upon race. It just makes sense, really. Think about it: giraffes and leopards belong together because they’re spotted. Tigers and zebras are both stripey. Treating humans based upon external appearance is just nature’s way. Hooray for segregation!
Now Yaz has a really cool commercial, and that’s what counts. Oh, you’ve seen it. A glamorous gaggle is hittin’ the club scene, gettin’ some party on, complete with fruity, hip cosmopolitans in every hand. Naturally, the ladies are discussing the hot new birth control pill: Yaz! After recounting recent medical studies and listing all the side effects alphabetically, exactly like a million other women in clubs all across America on any given night, we learn that one of these young lovelies is a real live doctor! With a capital M.D.! A female doctor ? How edgy and unusual! Yaz is cool, not just because the actress in the commercial is a “doctor”, but because it’s way more dangerous than other birth control pills. Best of all, Yaz understands that women are just crazy (something men have known all along). Yaz includes a special hormone to help you be less crazy. Isn’t that thoughtful? Poor women, they just need all the help they can get. (Runner up: Serafem. Because only women are affected by hormones, and the more we can numb the little loons, the better!)
Oh, That Yaz! 
It’s just too easy with this one. (Unlike exercise.)
“Understand the risks “…of being a sloth.
4. The Pecker Pills (Levitra/Viagra/Cialis)
Hey, not being able to get it up just might be God’s (or Charles’) way of reminding you that you shouldn’t have a shot at passing your genes along so some other poor bastard can share your fate. These are drugs of de-evolution. They reward genetic inferiority. Oh, were you expecting this post to be politically correct?
Viagra Facts 
Levitra Facts 
3. RLS Treatments
Because inventing diseases  is fun! Have you heard about PDA Separation Anxiety? Or trafficitis? You may want to consider getting checked for Roll Discomfort Syndrome, as well.
2. GERD treatments: the New Way to Spell GLUTTONY
Gerd your loins for these little purple pills. When Prilosec didn’t work so well, they just renamed it  Nexium and that did the trick! Because why exercise and eat vegetables when you can live on free-radical infested, acidic deep fried garbage? Just pop a pill and you can still enjoy all the chili cheese fries and Coca-Cola you’ve always adored! Best of all, this won’t get in the way of your best-laid plans for obesity.
1. Reader survey: what’s the worst drug, ever?
Tell us what you think!
Tuesday 10 Posts 
Most Popular Posts 
Note: this post is pure parody, so please do remember that fun is still allowed even in these days of regulation. If you think today’s been a riot, just wait until tomorrow when Mark posts his eagerly anticipated, guaranteed-to-ruffle-someone’s-feathers Health Care Proposal.
Also on the burner for tomorrow: Mark’s famous daily salad finally debuts at MDA! We’ll share some great salad recipes and we’ll also be posting a helpful guide to summer safety for the whole family.
This post was brought to you by the Damage Control Master Formula , independently proven as the most comprehensive high-potency antioxidant multivitamin available anywhere. With the highest antioxidant per dollar value and a complete anti-aging, stress, and cognition profile, the Master Formula is truly the only multivitamin supplement you will ever need. Toss out the drawers full of dozens of different supplements with questionable potency and efficacy and experience the proven Damage Control difference!
Article printed from Mark's Daily Apple: http://www.marksdailyapple.com
URL to article: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/top-ten-stupid-drugs/
URLs in this post:
 Start Here: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/welcome-to-marks-daily-apple/?utm_source=mda_wwsgd&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=mda_wwsgd_start_here
 Primal Blueprint 101: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/?utm_source=mda_wwsgd&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=mda_wwsgd_pb_101
 free weekly newsletter: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/subscribe-to-blog/?utm_source=mda_wwsgd&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=mda_wwsgd_newsletter
 books: http://primalblueprint.com/categories/Store/Books-and-Media/?utm_source=mda_wwsgd&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=mda_wwsgd_books
 support options: http://primalblueprint.com/categories/Store/Services/?utm_source=mda_wwsgd&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=mda_wwsgd_services
 supplements: http://primalblueprint.com/categories/Store/Supplements/?utm_source=mda_wwsgd&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=mda_wwsgd_supplements
 The Trouble with Avandia: http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/diabetes-drug-stays-on-sale-despite-heart-risk/2007/07/31/1185647903324.html
 …But That’s Not Gonna Stop the FDA : http://www.thatsfit.com/2007/07/28/fda-mulling-pulling-avandia-from-shelves-permanently/#comments
 Top 10 Alli Leaks, Oops, Links: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/alli-2/
 Zetia: a Different Way to Help Fight Cholesterol!: http://zetia.com/ezetimibe/zetia/consumer/index.jsp
 Big Pharma’s Benevolent Racism: http://www.healthbolt.net/2007/07/25/racist-drugs/
 female doctor: http://www.mommd.com/press07-29-05.shtml
 Oh, That Yaz!: http://www.yaz-us.com/home.jsp
 Understand the risks: http://www.celebrex.com/content/index.jsp?setShowOn=../content/index.jsp&setShowHighlightOn=../content/index.jsp
 Viagra Facts: http://www.thebody.com/content/art32246.html
 Levitra Facts: http://www.levitrafaq.com/drug-interactions.html
 Don’t Forget About Cialis!: http://www.forbes.com/home/2003/12/03/cx_mh_1203cialisintro.html
 inventing diseases: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/disease-inventing-contest/
 they just renamed it: http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/health/drugs/2005-01-26-nexium-usat_x.htm
 Tuesday 10 Posts: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/category/the-tuesday-10/
 Most Popular Posts: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/category/best-of-mda/
 Damage Control Master Formula: http://www.masterformula.com/
 Mark’s Daily Apple feeds: http://www.marksdailyapple.com../../feeds/
Copyright © 2009 Mark's Daily Apple. All rights reserved.