Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
6 Nov

The Fuming Fuji Says No to Yogurt!


The Fuming Fuji is outraged by the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with yogurt.

But, Fuming Fuji, you ask, isn’t yogurt healthy in its wonderful bland creaminess?

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Yogurt is a great way to get a serving of dairy, which we all know is full of lovely calcium, protein, and vitamins.

The catch:
Yogurt is a great way to get a serving of gelatinous goop, which is actually full of sugar, antibiotics, hormones, chemicals, dyes, artificial flavors, and probably pus.

The comeback: But Fuming Fuji, yogurt contains healthful cultures like acidophilus bifidus.

The conclusion: Yogurt still has as much sugar as a Coca-Cola. Yogurt makers do not have to prove how much of so-called beneficial bacteria is in actual product. You need a lot more than they include. You can get more culture from a Steven Seagal movie. Yogurt is glorified dessert.

The catchphrase: Yogurt? Nogurt!

Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.

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Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. Too late to comment? I hope not – I have been catching up on Flaming Fuji posts, and in general I couldn’t agree more.

    And I basically agree with you here, too – 98% of the stuff marketed as yogurt is thinly disguised pudding, with all the high quality butterfat removed and replaced with sugar and worse. However, the really excellent full-fat unsweetened Greek yogurts on the market are wonderful food. I know the authors of this blog are not fans of dairy products, but my personal belief is that, for those who can tolerate milk products, butterfat is an excellent, healthy fat, and cultured dairy products are good sources of vitamin A, protein, B-vitamins, and minerals, as well as probiotics.

    Migraineur wrote on January 10th, 2008
    • Agreed. And you can “flavor” real, fullfat yogurt however you like, a bit of honey, fruit… or go for the savory flavors as it makes a great dip base.

      My milkman delivers quarts of fullfat yourt made from milk from pastured cows. It’s REAL yogurt, not the crap in the grocery.

      jpatti wrote on April 15th, 2013
  2. Whoops – Fuming Fuji, not Flaming Fuji. I humbly beg your pardon.

    Migraineur wrote on January 10th, 2008
  3. Granted and this is a one-sided spliff on yogurt. How about raw yogurt from grass-fed cows or wild-fed goats???

    Melina wrote on February 16th, 2010
    • Make your own 24 hour yoghurt [google it....] all the lactose is consumed by the good bacteria….add some cream to the mix, or make it on full cream, and it is thick and tastes beautiful…..

      I had to stop making it because I couldn’t stop eating it… it is my treat now……I pig out on it till it’s finished and won’t make it for a while.

      Jo-Anne wrote on June 4th, 2012
  4. Haha this is hilarious. I can not wait to read more Fuming Fuji posts!

    Melina – Raw yogurt from grass-fed cows is great! If you can tolerate lactose.

    Primal Toad wrote on July 7th, 2011
  5. Choose organic kefir! It might not taste good on its own but you can mix a spoonful in with some blueberries or whatever you want and then it becomes an enjoyable, healthy treat.

    Animanarchy wrote on August 10th, 2011
  6. FAGE anyone? Amazing

    lyttlebee wrote on August 16th, 2011
  7. Yoghurt sold in the US is typically a HFCS delivery mechanism – look especially at the “low fat” variety with as much sugar as a can of Coke!

    My question is about products like Plain Chobani – “Greek yoghurt” – that have NO sugars added. Aren’t they ok?

    Specs per 8 oz serving: 23g protein, 9g sugars (lactose is always in milk)

    I have this for breakfast along with almonds and a side serving of roasted soybeans. Oodles of protein and minimal carbs. Keeps me full til supper time – means I’m leptin sensitive?

    BTW this is no a planned long term diet – I’m starting on a “reset” now. Also, I’m of a Nordic background – no lactose intolerance here!

    Thomas wrote on September 26th, 2012
    • No. Yogurts like Chobani are not okay. They have no fat in them so they are merely sugar (lactose) and protein.

      Give Fage a try. It’s great!

      I wish the military commissaries would carry Fage. They sell plenty of sugar loaded no fat goo. (I’m currently living in a place where it’s not available on the economy.) Kimchi anyone?

      JP. wrote on January 9th, 2013
    • Nordic/Germanic here, too–lactose good, gluten bad. All of my attempts at veganism failed d/t my (ancestral?) love of dairy. So, wandering down the Primal path w/ a carton of unsweetened Greek yogurt every morning to go w/ my lg serving of eggs–last me for many hours.

      shrimp4me wrote on October 15th, 2013
  8. While this article is not necessarily entirely wrong, a lot of these posts—especially related to dairy products—only seem to be applicable to Americans (understandable since this is an American website). In Europe and other parts of the world where things like yoghurt and cheese are most often made properly (and not pumped full of additives and processed to oblivion), I think a primal living person could easily say yes to yoghurt, and no to the bloody Fuming Fuji!

    NN wrote on June 29th, 2013
    • When in Ireland in 2004 liberally enjoyed their dairy products, especially the butter and cheeses–will grab them here whenever the craving strikes. Kerrygold makes a knockout garlic and herb flavored butter that is WONDERFUL on chicken; tastes just like some of the food we enjoyed there.
      You’re right, so many American dairy products are comtaminated, adulterated junk.
      Oh oh, now I’m craving some of the above chicken w/potatoes, carrots, and mushy peas (sigh), all liberally dressed w/ that butter.

      shrimp4me wrote on October 15th, 2013
  9. Coconut yogurt? almond yogurt?

    mary wrote on October 10th, 2013

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