The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with Uncrustables.
But, Fuming Fuji, you ask, what’s wrong with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich already made and ready to go? And no crust? Kids will love it!
The Fuming Fuji says no!
The claim: Now you can buy pre-made frozen PB&J sandwiches with the crusts already cut off! Just think what you can do with those extra three seconds!
The catch: Now you can buy pre-made frozen PB&J sandwiches with this inside:
WHEAT BREAD: ENRICHED UNBLEACHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, MALTED BARLEY FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID), WATER, UNBLEACHED WHOLE WHEAT FLOUR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, YEAST, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: WHEAT GLUTEN, SALT, CARAMEL COLOR, DOUGH CONDITIONERS (MAY CONTAIN ONE OR MORE OF: DIACETYL TARTARIC ACID ESTERS OF MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES [DATEM], MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, SODIUM STEAROYL LACTYLATE, CALCIUM PEROXIDE, ASCORBIC ACID, AZODICARBONAMIDE, L-CYSTEINE), YEAST NUTRIENTS (MAY CONTAIN ONE OR MORE OF: MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE, CALCIUM SULFATE, AMMONIUM SULFATE), CALCIUM PROPIONATE (MAINTAIN FRESHNESS), ENZYMES (WITH WHEAT), GUAR GUM, XANTHAM GUM. PEANUT BUTTER: PEANUTS, DEXTROSE, SUGAR, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: PARTIALLY AND FULLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OILS (SOYBEAN AND/OR COTTONSEED AND/OR RAPESEED), SALT, MOLASSES, MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES (PALM AND/OR SOYBEAN OIL). HONEY SPREAD: CORN SYRUP, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, WATER, HONEY, PECTIN, NATURAL FLAVOR, CITRIC ACID, POTASSIUM SORBATE (PRESERVATIVE), CARAMEL COLOR, CALCIUM CHLORIDE.
The comeback: Well, I can’t pronounce most of those ingredients, but isn’t a crust-less sandwich a great way to get kids to eat something besides candy?
The conclusion: The Fuming Fuji does not have time for such questions. The Fuming Fuji is drowning in a pile of leftover crusts. If you think hydrogenated oil (trans fat) and bleached flour (sugar) with a lot of strange chemicals is great for your child, the Fuji cannot be of help.
The catchphrase: Uncrustables: We’ve removed the nutrition so you don’t have to!
Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.