Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
19 Dec

The Fuming Fuji Says No to Macaroni and Cheese

FUJ

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with macaroni and cheese.

But, Fuming Fuji, you ask, isn’t mac ‘n cheese at least rich in complex carbohydrates, calcium and protein?

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Fuming Fuji notices a certain brand of mac ‘n cheese promotes itself as having calcium.

The catch: Classroom chalk also has calcium, and it is much less fattening. Children like chalk. Yet they do not sell chalk. Mac ‘n cheese is one of the emptiest foods known to humanity. Cats and dogs agree.

The comeback: Come on. It can’t be that bad, especially if you throw in some diced up hot dogs for protein?

The conclusion: The Fuming Fuji cannot believe what was just said. HOT DOGS? For protein? The Fuji only has time for one outrage per week. This week, it is macaroni and cheese, which is bleached processed flour mixed with chemically-altered powdered cheese product and fat. Enough with the calcium obsession! Calcium does not make up for garbage food.

The catchphrase: Heart Attack ‘n Cheese.

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