The Butterfly
It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!
“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly…”
I will have my one year Primal Blueprint anniversary this 13 May 2012. Going Primal changed my life so completely, that I can only compare the transformation to a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.
When I found The Primal Blueprint a year ago, I was beyond desperate. I had finally admitted to myself and others that I had an eating disorder. I spent almost 37 years (since I was 9) being a binge eater. During that time, I also had several bouts of anorexia and exercise bulimia. My whole life revolved around gaining and losing 5-10 lbs. I can’t tell you how much time was spent managing my weight. This included all the time that I spent obsessing, avoiding people and life, exercising to compensate for the weight gain, manically working hard to get the weight off – only to binge again and gain the weight back. I put my poor body through hell. I spent my entire life being uncomfortable with myself. My self hatred was off the charts. I was constantly depressed.
I learned very early how to disguise my weight and how I felt about myself. It was no accident that I found a career in fashion, as I was an expert at styling-using clothing to disguise any and all perceived or imagined flaws. I never wore any fitted clothing, and if I did, it was during the few times that my weight had gone down to where I felt happy. That never lasted. Soon I would be right back to where I had started, plus a few more pounds on top of that. I learned that when I wore fantastic pieces of jewelry and/or shoes, that no one would focus on what I looked like, but what I was wearing. My entire life’s work revolved around trying to become invisible.
I am a single mom. My son will be 20 next month, and I raised him by myself since the beginning. Before I went Primal, he would express extreme frustration with the fact that I would wear sweatpants around all the time, especially in public. But it didn’t matter what he thought. I just couldn’t live up to my potential as a human being in the miserable state I was in. I thought I would NEVER, EVER break this awful pattern.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I went and got help. It only took a one hour session with an eating disorder counselor for me to feel better emotionally. After that, everything snowballed synchronistically. It was as if all I had to do was admit that I had a problem and confess it to those near and dear to me in order for my circumstances to change. The universe stepped in and soon afterwards, I discovered The Primal Blueprint online. The first story I read was The Unconquerable Dave. I was hooked immediately. Everything I read clicked and made sense to me. I ordered the books and began living the Primal Lifestyle. I never had to go back to that counselor.
In the beginning I doubted that it would work for me. Could I, would I, ever really love my body and myself?
The transition from a high carb diet to Primal eating was not painless. I definitely experienced the low carb flu for a while. In addition, when the fat began to melt away, the toxins that had been stored there caused me to have major blockages in my lymphatic system. I also developed a Healing Crisis. But I kept going no matter what. I wanted what Dave had. I wanted what I had always dreamed of having – a great body with self confidence and self love.
Slowly but surely, I discovered which foods worked for my body (not my emotions). For the first time in my life, I was satiated. I have always loved food, but no longer looked at it from a love/hate perspective. I LOVE the Primal Lifestyle. During this whole year, I actually NEVER did ANY of the exercises. After years and years of manic biking, running, walking, etc., I just felt really comfortable doing nothing. Even without exercise the weight came off, and my body transformed. I am very lucky. I am Greek, so I have a strong body to begin with. The Primal Lifestyle is a perfect match for me. Last month I bought a set of ballet tapes and am looking forward to beginning an exercise regimen for the upcoming year.
I don’t know exactly when it happened, but I stopped thinking about what I was doing anymore. Being Primal is truly a way of life for me – an ingrained habit. I still weigh myself everyday, as sometimes my brain tries to trick me into believing that I am still the same as I ever was. I sometimes don’t see the new me in the mirror. My friend who is a photographer has helped me with that. He has taken some amazing photos of me, some of which I am sharing with you here. It is through those photos that I can really see the results of my hard work.
Last week I had my first date in 15 years with a guy I went to college with. We hadn’t seen each other in 28 years!! The first thing he said was how amazing I looked and that he had never seen me look that good. We had an incredible time together. I felt beautiful. Not once during the time I spent with him did I feel insecure about my body, nor did I ever experience any slight level of self hatred. To be honest, if I hadn’t been Primal, I am not sure I would have ever shown up to see him.
I am SO incredibly grateful to Mark for the Primal Blueprint and to all the others on the forum who I followed and who helped me out in the beginning. I am healthy. I love myself. I love my body. I wear fitted clothing now. I feel like a million bucks. I feel sexy. I have maintained my set-point weight.
I am no longer the caterpillar. I am the butterfly.
Thank you for letting me share.
In joy and freedom,
Monica (aka mondawg)
I met Mark in NYC at CrossFit, May 2011
Grab a Copy of The Primal Blueprint 21-Day Total Body Transformation and Start Getting Primal Today!
Posted By: Mark Sisson
…You look GREAT!
Absolutely amazing woman! Good for you, you should be an inspiration to other females with similar eating disorders and those who obsess about food. Stunning.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this Monica. It resonates with me on so many levels. I’m about 10.5 months behind you on this experience, and reading about how you have progressed gives me a lot of hope. Thank you!
Monica, I like your butterfly comparison, because it is really a huge change! Best wishes for a great new life!
You are absolutely SHINING ! WOW …. Happy Primal Anniversary.
You just glow … so happy for you !!!
THE UNCONQUERABLE GREEK GODDESS!!!
WOW…An amazing story and transformation…the joy in your eyes is awesome!
You are beautiful!
Congrats! You look gorgeous
AWESOME!! You go butterfly!! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!
I love Fridays at MDA!
You look beautiful. So happy! I have a question, how did you build such pretty muscles if you didn’t workout(exercise) for a year. I’ve only been primal for about 3 months, I’ve lost weight and inches but I’m flabby. I do sprints, lift heavy things, and walk at 10,000 steps at least 5 days a week. Frustrated!
Honestly, I think it is my Greek heritage. My friend says that I am disproportionately strong for my size. The muscles have always been there, but I can see them now since the fat is gone.
u look AMAZING! what a great msg u are sending to your son as well! congrats!
You are beautiful Monica!!! Congrats and thanks for sharing!!!
GROKKETTE…..This always makes me smile>>>
Thanks for being an inspiration to me Papa Grok!!!
Wonderful story and, a fantastic smile to top it off!
SOOOO happy for you!
Jay
What a difference in the spirit and life shining in those eyes!
And thank you so much for so eloquently and perfectly expressing the sheer desperation that so many people, especially women, feel about their bodies and as a result themselves and their lives. I’m sure your story will help and inspire so many.
Plus you’ve also highlighted something that we should all have, namely a great primal photographer!!
My primal photographer is John Ferris Robben for anyone who lives in the NYC area!!!
You were lovely to begin with, but now the mind AND body are harmoniously synchronized. Great job!
Wow! You look so young!
Amazing. I am so happy for you.
Beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can relate on many levels and share your joy at finally finding peace, balance, and true pleasure in eating and in caring for and loving our bodies…ourselves.
Amazing story and transformation. I noticed you mentioned you met Mark at Crossfit in May 2011, do you do crossfit? If so, do you find it a hard workout. I just began Primal about 1.5 months now. I was considering crossfit in my local area but thought it might be too taxing for a beginner, your arms are amazing; love those guns
I do not do CrossFit. I did not work out at all this past year. I will be starting a fitness regimen this year!
You look amazing. I can’t imagine you after a plan this year. I can see the joy in you shining through
Your story gives me motivation and hope.
Congratulations!
Your comment “It only took a one hour session with an eating disorder counselor for me to feel better emotionally”, and then having successful health improvement fits perfectly into studies that show people who first improve self image have a higher rate of weight loss than those who do not.
Thanks for your story. It goes to show that losing weight and gaining fitness revolves more around just what you eat.
Wonderful story Monica,
It’s great to see a success that talks about the emotional side of body image. I also think that being alone creates plenty of time for “self dialogue” that can be so destructive to self esteem. When I saw your before, I thought ok, but the after shots show the inner glow, and self belief. Enjoy your new you, step out and shine, you deserve it!
Incredible!!! You should be so so proud. I cried reading this!
Monica –
Firstly, congratulations! I too have struggled in the past with cycling between periods of over and under eating. I find the primal way of eating makes me feel SO much more stable – emotionally and craving-wise – even though it hasn’t resulted in any real weight loss yet.
I was wondering how much fruit you ate during your transformation? Did you find it helped satisfy sweet/carb cravings, or did it exacerbate them?
Thanks!
I stayed away from fruit. The reason for that is that I had depended on a fruit based diet for years whenever I needed to lose weight.
when I have those sweet cravings, I eat fat in the form of coconut butter (not oil) and almond, cashew, or macadamia nut butters. A few tablespoons and the craving is gone (You can find them in Whole Foods)
Great and inspirational story! you have a great smile!
This is the first MDA success story that actually almost made me cry. Awesome.
Congratulations and thanks for sharing this!
Monica- this is an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing it. I’m 19 and have struggle with binge eating, restriction, starving, purging, and exercise bulimia for several years now. Things have gotten better over the years, but it took putting on 50lbs, tons of therapy, and still being uphappy with my body. The Primal Blueprint is by far the best lifestyle that I have ever tried, and slowly but surely, I’m giving up my life-long sugar addiction and losing the weight. I absolutely cannot wait to be 100% happy with my body again, as I know that many women who have done PB and had eating disorders in the past end up in a great place like you are now. Best of luck! -Jess
Thank you for sharing Jess-it works!!
Monica, you look great. I have been primal for 2 months but still have a way to go. Stories like yours help me stay the course. I especially like your comments about how your entire attitude about yourself changed. I am finding that too. It is not just a ‘diet’. It is a way of life.
Thank you ALL for reading my story and sharing your thoughts. I REALLY appreciate it!!!
You look so healthy and lovely, Monica!
Thank you for your inspiration.
Jay