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Let me introduce myself. My name is Mark Sisson. I’m 63 years young. I live and work in Malibu, California. In a past life I was a professional marathoner and triathlete. Now my life goal is to help 100 million people get healthy. I started this blog in 2006 to empower people to take full responsibility for their own health and enjoyment of life by investigating, discussing, and critically rethinking everything we’ve assumed to be true about health and wellness...

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January 31, 2009

Soft-Serve McNuggets and Hot Doctopus: Together at Last

By Worker Bee
42 Comments

In the early days of Mark’s Daily Apple we used to have a little fun every now and again by covering ludicrous processed food monstrosities. There was the pizza cone, the deep fried potato on a stick, the deep fried macaroni and cheese ball, the Oreo pizza, and the chocolate chip pancakes and sausage on a stick to name just a few. To call these things “food” is almost an insult to all the natural, whole, real foods that nature has given us. “Junk food” is the go-to term for this garbage, but can’t we do better? How about “synthesnacks”? “Fake-o-food”? “Machine-o-meal”? “Foodraceuticals?” Meh. It needs some work. (Coin your own fake food term in the comment boards.)

Well, we were looking through the archives, feeling nostalgic, and this got us wondering what sort of new crackpot culinary creations are making the rounds on the net.

Here are some of the latest worth a good laugh (or a few tears…):

Super Bowl of Super Junk

Courtesy of HolyTaco.com

58 Twinkies, 4 bags of chips and nearly 25,000 calories of junk food (synthesnacks?) later the folks at Holy Taco paid homage to the Super Bowl with the ultimate in over-the-top football snack food mania.

For some Primal Super Bowl snack suggestions check out this and this.

They Call it an Octodog, but We Prefer Hot Doctopus

mudfud Flickr Photo (CC)

Hot dogs aren’t any fun unless you’ve sliced them up to look like squid meat! Sure, the nutritional info doesn’t change, but can you face your child’s tears when he throws a fit one day because his actual seafood doesn’t taste like SPAM?

Why Stop at Double?

Courtesy of SeriousEats

This Thai Double Bacon and Cheese Pizza topped with prawns and scallions, with a stuffed crust, and a side of cheese sauce to boot probably doesn’t top the hamburger and hot dog taco pizza, but it sure comes close.

Any Guesses?

Courtesy of BuzzFeed

No, folks. That is not soft-serve ice cream. That is soft-serve chicken. AKA mechanically separated meat. AKA chicken nugget meat.

Because All Foods are Better in a Pressurized Can (and John Tesh endorses it!)

At least it’s got one thing going for it: a catchy tune. “Make a Better Breakfast Faster, Batter Blaster!” Well, that and it’s organic! (Just in case you didn’t read that right, it’s batter not butter.)

Further Reading:

SNL on Hulu.com: Taco Town!!!

Crazy Hamburger Mania – The 134 lb. Publicity Stunt

Candy Coated WHAT?

It’s a Fried, Fried, Fried, Fried World

TAGS:  humor

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42 Comments on "Soft-Serve McNuggets and Hot Doctopus: Together at Last"

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JE Gonzalez
7 years 7 months ago

I almost puked at the sight of that mechanically separated chicken and the Super-bowl platter! Although the pizza looks pretty appetizing. BTW I think you guys will get a kick out of this Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1iexi_aqua-teen-hunger-force-51-diet_fun

damaged justice
damaged justice
7 years 7 months ago

Congratulations. That picture has made me swear off McNuggets for life, as it looks exactly like the phallic demon in the Buffy episode “Doublemeat Palace”.

Strong One
7 years 7 months ago

I think I got nauseated and sick to my stomach just looking at those pictures.
Blegh.

TrailGrrl
TrailGrrl
7 years 7 months ago

Ok I thought the mechanically separated chicken was some kind of cotton candy or taffy. Whoa!

The phallic squids are just plain scary.

I’ve seen Batter Blaster! They carry it at the local grocery chain where the organic milk and cream is located. Very creepy like Cheez Whiz or Redi Whip. My first thought was how dumb someone had to be to need pancake batter that sprays.

Off to the farmers’ market day this month to get some real food.

TrailGrrl

Ruth
7 years 7 months ago

I was eating almonds when I started reading this post. Big mistake. The Chicken McScary squirt–Oh my God!

I like Franken-food as a term for all this crazy stuff. But, I’m pretty sure I’ve heard or read that term somewhere else…

Lauroo
Lauroo
7 years 7 months ago

The chicken nugget meat is seriously disturbing….I totally thought it was ice cream or something before I scrolled down. I’ll remember to look back at that if I’m ever craving fast food

Son of Grok
7 years 7 months ago

Alright… that chicken nugget cream is absolutely disgusting. We do buy some all natural no hormone all beef uncured hot dogs ($7 a pack!) that are totally ok so the Hot Doctopi are kind of a good idea still!

The SoG

TrailGrrl
TrailGrrl
7 years 7 months ago

Now that I’ve looked at them again, the pizza actually looks kinda good.

There’s another reason not to listen to John Tesh’s music.

And the fact that the pink chicken nugget goo is being packed in a cardboard box… just really really weird.

TG

Kim
Kim
7 years 7 months ago

I must admit I turned a (non-paleo, obviously) friend onto the Batter Blaster. If you’re onboard with mainstream grain-heavy dietary recommendations and don’t mind a bit of soy, it’s more wholesome than a lot of convenient breakfast options.

Zen Fritta
Zen Fritta
7 years 7 months ago

I would totally eat that chicken, provided it comes from cage free, never grain fed chickens.

Star Trec
Star Trec
7 years 7 months ago
That chicken is NASTY…Can someone tell me what healthy “fast” options there are out there for kids? I can do many things at home, but when we need a quick meal on the go there just aren’t a lot of options. I’ll probably be reprimanded for even saying this on this site, but I got a salad from a fast food restaurant the other day (hey, that’s better than getting fried cheese and a burger!). I wanted to get my kids a healthy option, too, but what is there? And, btw, that cheese stuff in a can…pretty disgusting. Never understood… Read more »
Yavor Marichkov
7 years 7 months ago

So is THAT what chicken McNuggets come from? This is seriously disturbing. Ouch, Mark!

Yavor

Son of Grok
7 years 7 months ago

You could put that chicken in a sugar cone fry the whole thing then dip it in chocolate (like dairy queen) and have yourself a hit at the state fair!

The SoG

dr john
dr john
7 years 7 months ago

It’s so very sad when celebs pitch and promote very unhealthy crap!

new_me
new_me
7 years 7 months ago

What a different world it would be if resources were put toward growing REAL food rather than poisonous garbage to be labelled as food that later creates tremendous healthcare costs.

I wonder how many great roasting chickens could be raised on the costs that it takes to make nuggets. Perhaps very few, but at least the end product would be worthwhile.

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[…] one more, from Mark’s Daily Apple.  In the same theme of the Bacon Explosion, here are a few more foods you really shouldn’t eat! @Mark’s Daily Apple Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where […]

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[…] Mark’s Daily Apple covers some good ones. Want a hint? Watch out for soft serve chicken… ewwwwwwwww. 3. Rusty over at Fitness Black Book has a pretty good and controversial article […]

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[…] one more, from Mark’s Daily Apple.  In the same theme of the Bacon Explosion, here are a few more foods you really shouldn’t eat! @Mark’s Daily […]

Donna
Donna
7 years 7 months ago

At first sight i really thought it was some sort of ice cream or frozen yogurt. WOW, Was i wrong! Certainly takes away an appetite in a hurry! I’m speechless in describing how disgusting it IS!!!

Tom Parker - Free Fitness Tips
7 years 7 months ago

That chicken looks disgusting. At least with the other foods I can understand how people would want to eat them. In fact I would probably let myself have them as a cheat meal but the chicken is one step too far.

Rachel
7 years 7 months ago

That chicken is terrifying. Seriously.

anne jensen
anne jensen
7 years 7 months ago

I forwarded these images to a friend and the subject line was :do you still feed your kids chicken nuggets, and she replied regrding the nuggets: they all don’t use this type of “meat”, it depends where you buy them. OMG! Is there anyone who can give me some “proof” about a nugget being a nugget, or is she correct?

Rick
Rick
6 years 7 months ago

Even if she is right, who does she know which ones? As far as i’m concerned, if the chicked doesn’t peel or string when you pull it appart, its the crap we see above.

Owen
Owen
7 years 7 months ago
Man I had to see what that pink goo was anyways to find out it is the chicken nugget meat at Mcdonald’s not very surprising why I have always called it McPukes. This stuff probably is got just as much sugar as there ice cream though ever taste how sweet those nuggets are and crap the amount of salt as well oh my god. Really I think even living primal we indulge once in awhile and the bacon is great so the pizza sounds good. The super bowl thing was just nasty thinking of the 15000grams of sodium conglomerated on… Read more »
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Reverend Tex B. Acon
7 years 5 months ago

Very nice information…the World needs more Bacon info! Thanks for this 🙂

Pamela
Pamela
7 years 5 months ago

Hi Mark,

Great post that made me reflect on first moving here to Scotland. One of the national “foods” happens to be a deep fried MARS bar. Yup they dunk a candy bar in batter and then deep fry the sucker. NASTY! The Scots will deep fry just about anything. (Massive Heart disease and diabetes rates among the population)

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Candace
Candace
7 years 3 months ago
The chicken is disgusting, but it mostly makes me feel sad… for the chickens. There’s no way they weren’t raised in dirt cheap, crowded, deplorable conditions. That’s the biggest reason I hate McDonald’s; all the animals that end up in their “food” HAD to have been treated like garbage from beginning to end. It would cost too much for them not to have been. I eat chicken but only organic, free run at the very least (preferably pasture raised too, but that’s a bit hard to come by sometimes). “but can you face your child’s tears when he throws a… Read more »
TruckerGirl
6 years 11 months ago

Battered, deep fried Snickers bars, battered deep fried brownies, and battered deep fried Twinkies have made their way here to the States as well. I saw them on offer at the State Fair this year.
After seeing that meat I will never again be able to eat another chicken nugget, and I have to second the opinion of whoever it was who pointed out the similarities between that pile-o-goo and the “Doublemeat Palace” demon – that was the first thought that flitted through my mind when I read what it was.

Hugh
6 years 7 months ago

I feel bad for the people who don’t see anything wrong with the “food” in those pictures. But then again, I guess if you’re reading this blog, you would know those foods are a death sentence.

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[…] infinite fun to be had in downing every variety of fast food, sodas, energy drinks, chips and other snack abominations (just look at the youth-centered commercials). On the other, there are tabloid articles about […]

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6 years 1 month ago

[…] Subsisting on sea salt alone is almost certainly inadequate for iodine intake. If you avoid processed food (as you should), be sure to eat sea vegetation from time to […]

sharon
sharon
5 years 11 months ago

are you sure that is mechanically separated chicken meat? i think the real thing is grey. that picture has been a round the internet once or twice.

Carly
Carly
5 years 9 months ago

Have you seen http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com/

When every I start to get the urge to eat some non-food I go there and am instantly disgusted. Good motivation for those (like me) new to the primal lifestyle.

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[…] The Super Bowl. It’s a national frickin’ holiday. Primal your Super Bowl with these recipes. Not enough? Make these too.  But whatever you do, don’t make this! […]

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[…] It's mechanically separated chicken, step one in making chicken nuggets. Yum.(HT: Mark and this guy) […]

SophieE
4 years 9 months ago

Ok so the mechanically separated chicken looks really gross but the other day I overmixed some lamb mince in a blender and it pretty much looked like that (and tasted great when cooked- if a bit strangely soft). So at least we know it probably is just chicken and actually not that amazing.

Lisa Gibson
Lisa Gibson
3 years 10 months ago

I have already done the Octopus, been doing it for over 13yrs. I cut them and give them 4 tentacles and then boil them. When you boil them the little legs curl and I sit them on top of a plate of Shells and Cheese for my children. My son is 15 and still loves them lol

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[…] You dusted chunks of chicken with powdered almonds before plopping them in hot oil to produce a chicken nugget that even Loren Cordain would begrudgingly accept. And then you gained some weight back, and your […]

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[…] You dusted chunks of chicken with powdered almonds before plopping them in hot oil to produce a chicken nugget that even Loren Cordain would begrudgingly accept. And then you gained some weight back, and your […]

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