In the early days of Mark’s Daily Apple we used to have a little fun every now and again by covering ludicrous processed food monstrosities. There was the pizza cone, the deep fried potato on a stick, the deep fried macaroni and cheese ball, the Oreo pizza, and the chocolate chip pancakes and sausage on a stick to name just a few. To call these things “food” is almost an insult to all the natural, whole, real foods that nature has given us. “Junk food” is the go-to term for this garbage, but can’t we do better? How about “synthesnacks”? “Fake-o-food”? “Machine-o-meal”? “Foodraceuticals?” Meh. It needs some work. (Coin your own fake food term in the comment boards.)
Well, we were looking through the archives, feeling nostalgic, and this got us wondering what sort of new crackpot culinary creations are making the rounds on the net.
Here are some of the latest worth a good laugh (or a few tears…):
Super Bowl of Super Junk
Courtesy of HolyTaco.com
58 Twinkies, 4 bags of chips and nearly 25,000 calories of junk food (synthesnacks?) later the folks at Holy Taco paid homage to the Super Bowl with the ultimate in over-the-top football snack food mania.
They Call it an Octodog, but We Prefer Hot Doctopus
mudfud Flickr Photo (CC)
Hot dogs aren’t any fun unless you’ve sliced them up to look like squid meat! Sure, the nutritional info doesn’t change, but can you face your child’s tears when he throws a fit one day because his actual seafood doesn’t taste like SPAM?
Why Stop at Double?
Courtesy of SeriousEats
This Thai Double Bacon and Cheese Pizza topped with prawns and scallions, with a stuffed crust, and a side of cheese sauce to boot probably doesn’t top the hamburger and hot dog taco pizza, but it sure comes close.
Courtesy of BuzzFeed
No, folks. That is not soft-serve ice cream. That is soft-serve chicken. AKA mechanically separated meat. AKA chicken nugget meat.
Because All Foods are Better in a Pressurized Can (and John Tesh endorses it!)
At least it’s got one thing going for it: a catchy tune. “Make a Better Breakfast Faster, Batter Blaster!” Well, that and it’s organic! (Just in case you didn’t read that right, it’s batter not butter.)