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November 21, 2006

Scientists Perplexed: Issue ‘Impossible Calorie’ Award

By Mark Sisson
5 Comments

Researchers at Orchard University are burning the midnight oil as they attempt to determine how a single slice of the Cheesecake Factory’s carrot cake contains more calories than any of the combo “pick a number” meals at McDonald’s.

A professor leading the study quietly admitted to our reporters that we are probably closer to an understanding of string theory than a conclusive answer to what has been dubbed the “Carrot Cake Conundrum”. The professor has asked to remain anonymous to avoid jeopardizing her standing in the scientific community. “It’s the elephant in the room. No one wants to admit that we may never have an answer.”

The slice of carrot cake, which at 1 lb. weighs a lot more than even the largest of carrots, contains 1,560 calories. That’s well within the range of satisfying most people’s daily caloric intake needs. And it’s over twice the amount of calories in the Factory’s Original Cheesecake (a mere 710 calories).

Further confounding to the researchers is the fact that the cake does not appear to contain much carrot at all. The main ingredients are corn oil, cream cheese, eggs, butter, palm oil, butter, and hydrogenated palm oil. With 84 grams of fat crammed into six inches of sweetness, this dessert truly takes the cake.

The Cheesecake Factory does not reveal calories willingly – you really have to dig. Fortunately, there’s Google. Search “Cheesecake Factory nutrition information” and you’ll find lots of Factory quotes that all boil down to some variation of the following:

“Thank you for your interest in The Cheesecake Factory. Because we change our recipes and menu often, we do not currently have nutrition information for our menu selections.

Sincerely,

Guest Services for The Cheesecake Factory Restaurants, Inc.”

I think the more appropriate quote should be:

“Thank you for your interest in The Cheesecake Factory. Because we change our recipes and menu often, we [insert lie here].”

Here’s the Clickativity.
Impossible Calorie Award

[tags] cheesecake, carrot cake, restaurant calorie information, popular menu items, Cheesecake Factory [/tags]

TAGS:  humor, Hype

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5 Comments on "Scientists Perplexed: Issue ‘Impossible Calorie’ Award"

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[…] The catch: A sensible portion compared to what? The Cheesecake Factory and its evil one-pound slice of cake? This does not make a cupcake smart. Yes, the Fuji grants that your cupcake is better than many things. A cake in a cup is, for example, much better than lard in a cup. But the Fuji must inform you that a little bit of bad compared to a lot of bad does not make the little bit of bad good. You are stunned. […]

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[…] We try not to pick on McDonald’s too much. After all, there’s the Cheesecake Factory, where you can gain a pound by eating a single slice of cake. And to its credit, McDonald’s does make nutrition and calorie information available, something which the Cheesecake Factory evidently has a lot of trouble doing. But I feel McDonald’s is being blatantly disingenuous when there’s all this talk about premium chicken, premium coffee, and premium salads going on yet surreptitiously the G.A. (that’s Golden Arches) still pushes new sugary, fattening products with more speed and consistency than their employee turnover rate. […]

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[…] Just as the experts from Orchard University thought they were close to cracking the mystery behind the Cheesecake Factory’s infamous carrot cake their work was derailed by a four pound behemoth of a meal that further tried their capacity to imagine anything so calorie dense. […]

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[…] This week’s award goes to Chili’s for something unusual they have included on their menu. We aren’t about to suggest you go out and order their baby back ribs with a side of cheesecake. What we are excited about is that they actually list nutritional information for some of their entrees right on the menu. In the “Guiltless Grill” section they list calories, total carbs, total fat, saturated fat and fiber for each item. Now if we could only persuade them to make the nutritional facts for the rest of their menu items as accessible. “Fat chance,” (snicker) you… Read more »
Daniel Seita
2 years 2 months ago

This is why you avoid cakes (and desserts in general) sold in restaurants.

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