Rejected Food Pyramids
The USDA recently released a report outlining dietary guidelines for 2010. While the new guide has not been finalized, one thing is for certain, the food pyramid is in need of an upgrade. The classic, 1992 food pyramid was scrapped five years ago. Apparently someone in the government figured out that 10 cups of grains a day was not solving the obesity epidemic. The 2005 food pyramid (shown right, click to enlarge) wasn’t much better, not so much a pyramid as a cacophony of clip art and food photos clustered under colorful disco rays. Seriously, the milk section includes transparent cheese. Is that a new Kraft product?
Fortunately, the USDA is currently accepting comments and opinions about their new health guideline. I am considering submitting my own pyramid for review. In preparation, the Worker Bees have collected other food pyramids submitted by various health professionals and concerned citizens. I have learned that all of the following have been rejected and will not be recommended as adequate diet guidelines for the average American, though several were heavily considered.
Submitted by: Taco Bell committee for enhealthenment
Submitted by: K. Bacon
Submitted by: H. Lector
Submitted by: Anonymous (of 215 S. Sesame Street)
Submitted by: Domino’s Pizza United Feed the Children Campaign
Submitted by: International Rambo Enemy Coalition
Submitted by: Anonymous (of 9th Circle Cafe, Hades)
Submitted by: P. McCartney, J. Lennon, G. Harrison, R. Star
Food Pyramid Contest
I wonder what other food pyramids exist out there. Maybe you can help. In the comment board share your own findings. List the contents of the food pyramid and who created the pyramid for a chance to win a Grok On! Kleen Kanteen. For example, here’s another one The Worker Bees found:
Submitted by: Chuck Norris
Whoop ass (4-6 cans/day)
You (for breakfast, 2-3 servings)
Nothing (Chuck Norris doesn’t need food)
The Worker Bees will choose a winner Monday morning.
I have a hunch that whatever you find I’ll be sticking with The Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful Friday!
UDPATE:
It was no easy task, but the winning food pyramid submission goes to…
Russell with his Buddy the Elf Pyramid:
Candy (as much as you want)
Candy canes (as much as you want)
Candy corns (as much as you want)
Syrup (as much as you want)
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Posted By: Mark Sisson
My mother saw a sample food pyramid for 2010 on the news last week. I looked all over the net but couldn’t find it. She said they are considering a number of changes including less meat and more carbs. Gak! I was hoping they were moving in the right direction with the one from 2005. Sure they had a small sliced area for meats, but did you note the serving sizes? 5.5 ounces for meat and 6 ounces for grains. That is not great but WAY better than the previous pyramid. Strange they made the visual slice so small when the serving size was so close to that for grains. I was thinking maybe this was their way of sneakily improving the pyramid without admitting they had been wrong with the old one. But if they change the serving size to less meat, then I stand corrected. My Grok oriented mother said all the possible changes being considered and reported by the news show had been anti Grok changes.
I don’t understand how they can even be considering different changes. What’s to consider? There is only ONE correct direction to go in!! Do they realize how many people still uphold the food pyramid as strict dietary law (albeit none of us)? Do they realize what’s at stake??
the kids I babysit for would have a pizza and an ice cream food group. all these are so skewed and people just want to be told they can eat what they want and lose weight. not the case!
Submitted by John Lee Hooker (with a similar version courtesy of George Thorogood)
1 bourbon,
1 scotch, and
1 beer
Raw crumbled blue cheese (1 tub)
Eggs (12)
FAGE Yogurt (1 large tub)
Coffee (8 cups)
Repeat each day.
What? No chocolate? Or bacon?
Supersize Me Pyramid
Veggies (1 serving from condiments with High Fructose Corn Syrup)
Dairy (2 servings from cheese and shakes)
Meat and Eggs (3 – 4 Servings)
Grains and more Starches (6-7 Servings)
Sugar (1 pound from just about everything on the menu)
He actually did consume about 1 pound of sugar a day with his McDonald’s binge. Double yikes. That level of sugar consumption would give me nightmares 24 hours a day if I did that. The servings may need to be adjusted.
Sadly, if you didn’t mention that this was the “Supersize Me” diet, I would have just called it the average American diet!
Yeah, your right. Scary but true. I actually seen a Dr. Phill show once with severely overweight kids and the one Mother could understand why her child was so fat. She mentioned, she was feeding him wholesome foods. She was bottle feeding the kid pop instead of milk. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it.
You would need to add diet coke in there somewhere. As in:
Double quarter pounder with cheese
Supersize fry
Extra large diet coke (have to watch your figure)
Diet coke wouldn’t be good either but if should be added to that pyramid.
The only thing diet Coke helps with is the guilt!
Submitted by: Anon. Elderly Woman (may she rest in peace)
Housefly (1 serving)
Arachnid (1 serving)
Bird (1 serving)
Feline (1 serving)
Canine (1 serving)
Goat (1 serving)
Bovine (1 serving)
Equine (1 serving)
I’d say it pretty primal – lots of protein too!
I was wondering if I could cut my grocery bill down by eating insects. Anyone know of some good insect recipes and how to catch enough for a meal.
I wouldn’t eat them unless I grew them. Too many illnesses passed by bugs these days.
Submitted by: Pepe Le Pew
Top: Decadent desserts au chocolat (1 serving)
Middle: Extra rich meat in sauce (3 servings)
Bottom: Crusty breads and creamy cheeses (as much as you can eat)
–The Runway Model Food Pyramid–
(the uncensored version)
-Build the foundation of your healthy fiber eating plan with 6 to 11 servings from the flavorless colored cardboard rice cake category.
-Choose an item from the diet coke or bottled water with ice cubes and lime 3 to 5 times each day in order to maintain healthy hydration and electrolyte balance.
-It’s a treat to enjoy 2 to 4 servings from the strawberry margarita group as part of your daily fruit colored diet.
-Limit your selection of pure white organic cocaine to just 2 to 3 hits per day.
-Get protein from sex with drunken strangers at seedy bars 2 to 3 times every day as long as the cameras are still rolling.
-Top off your daily eating plan with exercise via hefting of tiny snarling chihuahuas in glittering pink carriers and screaming stomping hissy fits at moronic personal assistants, but only in moderation so as not to raise blood pressure beyond healthful limits.
-Oh and don’t forget to jiggle your pasty white boobs in the sun in order to get your vitamin D!
Love these! Too much fun. I have to say I’m in no hurry to try the transparent cheese. I’ll need to think a bit to come up with my food pyramid but I had to comment on the bacon pyramid too. TOO FUNNY!! It reminded me of an episode of home improvement where Tim the tool man Taylor was cooking a camping breakfast. He had bacon, sausage links and Canadian bacon. He told one of his sons about his favorite morning treat, a pig in a blanket wearing a parka (sausage link, wrapped in bacon and Canadian bacon folded around it). That made me giggle.
Brick’s Pyramid:
-Lamp-This much!
- 3 Tablespoons Toasted Mayonaise
- Chocolate Squirrel-Eat Sparingly
The H. Lector one needs some fava beans in there
I’d go for a Grok on Kleen Kanteen as well.
Submitted by W.A. Yankovic (from bottom to top):
Captain Krunch and Raisin Bran Group (enough to feed starving children in Japan)
Egg Group (beaten)
Chicken and Pie Group (broiled or fried)
Yogurt and Spam Group (fresh or canned)
Banana Group (1 or whole bunch)
Tuna Casserole Group (just a touch)
Our fellow carnivores over at Zeroing In On Health has a really cool food pyramid t-shirt that says: Food group – Eat to Hunger; Water group – Drink to thirst. I love it.
http://www.zazzle.com/zero_pyramid_t_tshirt-235186723076239884
(No ad, I’m just a fan)
Ops, BEEF group – Eat to hunger*
QUOTE:
“Seriously, the milk section includes transparent cheese. Is that a new Kraft product?”
LOL! Must be very thinly sliced.
Jim Purdy
I learnt about the food pyramid at school and became obsessed with it and would follow it all the time. That’s what scares me. Children being educated the wring way about food at school.
What next? The one that you have shown is such a mess and looks like the old one just changed around a bit.
Who are they kidding?
Obamas pyramid…10 servings of bullcrap topped off by fresh gushing crude oil. I think it’s low carb…
Mark,
We’ve been playing around with our “pyramid” for a while now…this post gave us just the push we needed to get it published, so…thanks. We’d like to submit it for the contest. I’ll link it here but should we send it elsewhere also? Thanks again.
http://www.health-bent.com/nutrition/health-bent-umbrella
That was hilarious. Loved the one on “love”
I propose to make the base of the Chuck Norris pyramid to be roundhouse kicks!
Submitted by Super Mario
Bottom Tier – 99 Green 1up Mushrooms
2nd Tier – 5 Red and Wite Super Mushrooms
3rd Tier – Fire Flower, Freeze Flower, Feather – Choose one as needed
4th Tier – 1 Flashing Star
Top Tier – Princess Peach (make it a quicky, don’t want to waste star power.)
Oooh! I missed the contest. That’s what I get for waiting a few days to check back. Anyway… here’s a paleo pyramid I made a few weeks ago for PaleoHacks:
http://paleohacks.com/questions/6279/what-would-a-paleo-food-pyramid-look-like/6294#6294
Enjoy!
check out we are what we eat by aaron thomas lucich
It is good to see that there are changes taking place in the recommendations. It’s time for a change.
Missed the contest, but did want to argue the case that the new pyramid should include a piece about the exclusion of sugars and refined carbohydrates. I’m sure there are rich companies lobbying against that, but it would really help to teach kids and adults that they need to avoid those things, even if our government is subsidizing them. I just looked all over the mypyramid site and saw nothing about avoiding sugars. It does describe the difference between whole grains and refined carbs, but nothing noting that refined carbs should be avoided. Hopefully, they’ll get it right one day.
The comments are open through Friday.
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Just found this!
http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-eating-plate/index.html
Harvards food pyramid!
It says avoid BACON!?