Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
25 Jun

Rejected Food Pyramids

The USDA recently released a report outlining dietary guidelines for 2010. While the new guide has not been finalized, one thing is for certain, the food pyramid is in need of an upgrade. The classic, 1992 food pyramid was scrapped five years ago. Apparently someone in the government figured out that 10 cups of grains a day was not solving the obesity epidemic. The 2005 food pyramid (shown right, click to enlarge) wasn’t much better, not so much a pyramid as a cacophony of clip art and food photos clustered under colorful disco rays. Seriously, the milk section includes transparent cheese. Is that a new Kraft product?

Fortunately, the USDA is currently accepting comments and opinions about their new health guideline. I am considering submitting my own pyramid for review. In preparation, the Worker Bees have collected other food pyramids submitted by various health professionals and concerned citizens. I have learned that all of the following have been rejected and will not be recommended as adequate diet guidelines for the average American, though several were heavily considered.

Submitted by: Taco Bell committee for enhealthenment

Submitted by: K. Bacon

Submitted by: H. Lector

Submitted by: Anonymous (of 215 S. Sesame Street)

Submitted by: Domino’s Pizza United Feed the Children Campaign

Submitted by: International Rambo Enemy Coalition

Submitted by: Anonymous (of 9th Circle Cafe, Hades)

Submitted by: P. McCartney, J. Lennon, G. Harrison, R. Star

Food Pyramid Contest

I wonder what other food pyramids exist out there. Maybe you can help. In the comment board share your own findings. List the contents of the food pyramid and who created the pyramid for a chance to win a Grok On! Kleen Kanteen. For example, here’s another one The Worker Bees found:

Submitted by: Chuck Norris

Whoop ass (4-6 cans/day)
You (for breakfast, 2-3 servings)
Nothing (Chuck Norris doesn’t need food)

The Worker Bees will choose a winner Monday morning.

I have a hunch that whatever you find I’ll be sticking with The Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful Friday!


It was no easy task, but the winning food pyramid submission goes to…

Russell with his Buddy the Elf Pyramid:

Candy (as much as you want)
Candy canes (as much as you want)
Candy corns (as much as you want)
Syrup (as much as you want)

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. Brick’s Pyramid:

    -Lamp-This much!
    – 3 Tablespoons Toasted Mayonaise
    – Chocolate Squirrel-Eat Sparingly

    PJ wrote on June 25th, 2010
  2. The H. Lector one needs some fava beans in there :)

    I’d go for a Grok on Kleen Kanteen as well.

    ToddBS wrote on June 26th, 2010
  3. Submitted by W.A. Yankovic (from bottom to top):

    Captain Krunch and Raisin Bran Group (enough to feed starving children in Japan)

    Egg Group (beaten)

    Chicken and Pie Group (broiled or fried)

    Yogurt and Spam Group (fresh or canned)

    Banana Group (1 or whole bunch)

    Tuna Casserole Group (just a touch)

    Tom wrote on June 26th, 2010
  4. Our fellow carnivores over at Zeroing In On Health has a really cool food pyramid t-shirt that says: Food group – Eat to Hunger; Water group – Drink to thirst. I love it.
    (No ad, I’m just a fan)

    Yngwie wrote on June 26th, 2010
    • Ops, BEEF group – Eat to hunger*

      Yngwie wrote on June 26th, 2010
  5. QUOTE:
    “Seriously, the milk section includes transparent cheese. Is that a new Kraft product?”

    LOL! Must be very thinly sliced.

    Jim Purdy

    The 50 Best Health Blogs wrote on June 26th, 2010
  6. I learnt about the food pyramid at school and became obsessed with it and would follow it all the time. That’s what scares me. Children being educated the wring way about food at school.
    What next? The one that you have shown is such a mess and looks like the old one just changed around a bit.
    Who are they kidding?

    brooki wrote on June 27th, 2010
  7. Obamas pyramid…10 servings of bullcrap topped off by fresh gushing crude oil. I think it’s low carb…

    Dusty wrote on June 27th, 2010
  8. Mark,
    We’ve been playing around with our “pyramid” for a while now…this post gave us just the push we needed to get it published, so…thanks. We’d like to submit it for the contest. I’ll link it here but should we send it elsewhere also? Thanks again.

    Brandon wrote on June 27th, 2010
  9. That was hilarious. Loved the one on “love”

    Paramjit wrote on June 28th, 2010
  10. I propose to make the base of the Chuck Norris pyramid to be roundhouse kicks!

    Julia wrote on June 28th, 2010
  11. Submitted by Super Mario

    Bottom Tier – 99 Green 1up Mushrooms
    2nd Tier – 5 Red and Wite Super Mushrooms
    3rd Tier – Fire Flower, Freeze Flower, Feather – Choose one as needed
    4th Tier – 1 Flashing Star
    Top Tier – Princess Peach (make it a quicky, don’t want to waste star power.)

    chima_p wrote on June 28th, 2010
  12. Oooh! I missed the contest. That’s what I get for waiting a few days to check back. Anyway… here’s a paleo pyramid I made a few weeks ago for PaleoHacks:


    gilliebean wrote on June 28th, 2010
  13. check out we are what we eat by aaron thomas lucich

    john lucich jr wrote on July 1st, 2010
  14. It is good to see that there are changes taking place in the recommendations. It’s time for a change.

    Stafford Fitness wrote on July 2nd, 2010
  15. Missed the contest, but did want to argue the case that the new pyramid should include a piece about the exclusion of sugars and refined carbohydrates. I’m sure there are rich companies lobbying against that, but it would really help to teach kids and adults that they need to avoid those things, even if our government is subsidizing them. I just looked all over the mypyramid site and saw nothing about avoiding sugars. It does describe the difference between whole grains and refined carbs, but nothing noting that refined carbs should be avoided. Hopefully, they’ll get it right one day.
    The comments are open through Friday.

    Trip wrote on July 13th, 2010
  16. It’s in reality a nice and useful piece of information. I’m satisfied that you shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

    sex shops wrote on September 12th, 2011
  17. Just found this!

    Harvards food pyramid!

    It says avoid BACON!?

    Zyon wrote on September 22nd, 2011

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