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Let me introduce myself. My name is Mark Sisson. Iโ€™m 63 years young. I live and work in Malibu, California. In a past life I was a professional marathoner and triathlete. Now my life goal is to help 100 million people get healthy. I started this blog in 2006 to empower people to take full responsibility for their own health and enjoyment of life by investigating, discussing, and critically rethinking everything weโ€™ve assumed to be true about health and wellness...

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June 25, 2010

Rejected Food Pyramids

By Mark Sisson
129 Comments

The USDA recently released a report outlining dietary guidelines for 2010. While the new guide has not been finalized, one thing is for certain, the food pyramid is in need of an upgrade. The classic, 1992 food pyramid was scrapped five years ago. Apparently someone in the government figured out that 10 cups of grains a day was not solving the obesity epidemic. The 2005 food pyramid (shown right, click to enlarge) wasn’t much better, not so much a pyramid as a cacophony of clip art and food photos clustered under colorful disco rays. Seriously, the milk section includes transparent cheese. Is that a new Kraft product?

Fortunately, the USDA is currently accepting comments and opinions about their new health guideline. I am considering submitting my own pyramid for review. In preparation, the Worker Bees have collected other food pyramids submitted by various health professionals and concerned citizens. I have learned that all of the following have been rejected and will not be recommended as adequate diet guidelines for the average American, though several were heavily considered.

Submitted by: Taco Bell committee for enhealthenment

Submitted by: K. Bacon

Submitted by: H. Lector

Submitted by: Anonymous (of 215 S. Sesame Street)

Submitted by: Domino’s Pizza United Feed the Children Campaign

Submitted by: International Rambo Enemy Coalition

Submitted by: Anonymous (of 9th Circle Cafe, Hades)

Submitted by: P. McCartney, J. Lennon, G. Harrison, R. Star

Food Pyramid Contest

I wonder what other food pyramids exist out there. Maybe you can help. In the comment board share your own findings. List the contents of the food pyramid and who created the pyramid for a chance to win a Grok On! Kleen Kanteen. For example, here’s another one The Worker Bees found:

Submitted by: Chuck Norris

Whoop ass (4-6 cans/day)
You (for breakfast, 2-3 servings)
Nothing (Chuck Norris doesn’t need food)

The Worker Bees will choose a winner Monday morning.

I have a hunch that whatever you find I’ll be sticking with The Primal Blueprint Food Pyramid. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful Friday!

UDPATE:

It was no easy task, but the winning food pyramid submission goes to…

Russell with his Buddy the Elf Pyramid:

Candy (as much as you want)
Candy canes (as much as you want)
Candy corns (as much as you want)
Syrup (as much as you want)

TAGS:  humor

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108 Comments on "Rejected Food Pyramids"

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unchatenfrance
unchatenfrance
7 years 25 days ago

“Submitted by: P. McCarthy, J. Lennon, G. Harrison, R. Star”

One Mr. MCCARTNEY will surely not be impressed.

Grokette
Grokette
7 years 25 days ago

That’s SIR McCartney to you.

unchatenfrance
unchatenfrance
7 years 25 days ago

My bad! I do beg your pardon.

Aaron Blaisdell
7 years 25 days ago

LOL! I’ve got one on my laptop’s hard drive to submit to the worker bees.

Aaron Blaisdell
7 years 25 days ago

Actually, mine’s already a graphic. Any possibility of submitting it as is?

Primal Toad
7 years 25 days ago

Mark,

Where can I buy my Grok On! Kleen Kanteen????

This has been on my wish list but I did not know there was a Grok on” version. I want one…. NOW!

cathyx
cathyx
7 years 25 days ago

Very funny.

cathyx
cathyx
7 years 25 days ago

There must be a chocolate lovers pyramid out there somewhere.

JUPITER
JUPITER
7 years 25 days ago

HOLY SH*#, THAT IS FUNNY

Len
Len
7 years 25 days ago

Submitted by: Shooter McGavin

Pieces of s*** like you (for breakfast)

Bound to Earth
7 years 25 days ago

You eat pieces of sh*t for breakfast?!

Peggy
Peggy
7 years 25 days ago

NOooo…

Peggy
Peggy
7 years 25 days ago

Hah! Is this the *new* friday theme? Primal comedy club? I grokkin love it!

Len
Len
7 years 25 days ago

Submitted by: Weezer

Candy (1-2 servings)
Pork (2-3 servings)
Beans (2-3 servings)

Len
Len
7 years 25 days ago

Submitted by: M. Tyson

Lennox Lewis’ Children (2 servings)

Marisa
Marisa
7 years 25 days ago

Also:
Evander Holyfield’s ear (1/4 serving)

Rick
7 years 24 days ago

That’s hilarious!

I also really enjoyed the bacon and bacon wrapped non bacons pyramid

Drey
Drey
7 years 24 days ago

Tyson pyramid = awesomeness!

Emily M
Emily M
7 years 25 days ago

An interesting pyramid, “Why a Salad Costs more than a Big Mac” – http://www.livingtheamericangreen.org/?p=955

And a funny “Food Pentagram” – http://theoubliette.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_archive.html

Emily M
Emily M
7 years 25 days ago
Jesper
Jesper
7 years 25 days ago

Hi Mark
Could you please link me to the report you are talking about – the one from USDA?

Hope you’ll make a new post, when they release the new pyramid.

Keep up the good work ๐Ÿ˜€

Regards
Jesper

madeline
madeline
7 years 25 days ago

On a serious note Mark, please do send your Blueprint piramid along w/ all the back up you have lol. ๐Ÿ˜€

Simon Clement
Simon Clement
7 years 25 days ago

Cute.. but not very useful. Sorry for being a crumudgeon today but I look forward everyday to the daily MDA post for valuable information to help me on my quest for health. This just doesn’t make the cut.

Kristen
7 years 25 days ago

here’s one that may actually be useful ๐Ÿ™‚

http://www.nourishingourchildren.org/Pyramid.html

Not So Fast
Not So Fast
7 years 24 days ago

That’s a cool and very un-CW pyramid, Kristen. Swipe the grains part off the picture and you have a PB pyramid!

nathan
7 years 25 days ago

That bacon pyramid had me laughing out loud. Referring to all other foods as “non-bacon” is sheer genius!

Grokette
Grokette
7 years 25 days ago

You mean there’s such a thing as non-bacon??? Is that even possible???

moonablaze
moonablaze
7 years 25 days ago

think of it as bacon condiments.

Primal Lioness
Primal Lioness
7 years 25 days ago

Also, add me and my hubby to the list of buyers of the Kleen Canteen…….

I am slowly converting him over to be Caveman Rob.

cathyx
cathyx
7 years 25 days ago

My personal food pyramid would contain meat, cheese and red wine.

Momto3
Momto3
7 years 25 days ago

Thanks for the smile today. My husband and I are enjoying this new primal lifestyle – 3 weeks in! I love your light-hearted, practical, fun approach. My favorite part so far is getting up from a meal energized to do something, rather than want to go sleep. Wonderful!

Primalrob
Primalrob
7 years 25 days ago

submitted by: The Dude
8-9 white russians
2-3 joints
1 carpet

Jennifer
Jennifer
7 years 25 days ago

Love It!

mike
mike
7 years 25 days ago

MARIO KART FOOD PRYAMID

2.5%-Epileptic seizures
2.5%-Childhood obesity
10%- Red Turtle Shells
15%- Regular power ups
20%- Speed
50%- Fast moving primary colors

Kansas Grokette
Kansas Grokette
7 years 25 days ago

I don’t have a pyramid, as I went to grade school back in the “Four Basic Food Groups” era. I have my own “Four Basic Food Groups” (arranged in my mind in a tidy little square with bright primary colors.)I try to balance my four groups each day. Note that only 1/4th of my intake comes from the “other” group.

Beef Group
Pork Group
Chicken Group
Other Group – this includes eggs, nuts, greens, berries and dairy products. (Sort of a square-within-a-square…)

And I would love a Grok kleen kanteen.

Shebeeste
Shebeeste
7 years 24 days ago

OMG 4-4-3-2! Only four servings of grain were required in the ’70s.

Ika
Ika
7 years 25 days ago

hehehe this made me laugh so hard! Laughter really is the best medicine! ๐Ÿ˜‰
On a related note, I just found a food pyrimid the other day over at paleohacks.com that I really liked…hopefully I saved that link! Mark’s food pyrimid is also awesome, and is displayed on the wall in our computer room! ๐Ÿ˜€

Renaud
Renaud
7 years 25 days ago

If global warming, volcanoes, asteroids or martians come here to take a lunch, maybe they could consider this one :

Humans = (1 Bilion should be enough)
Animals, insects ====
plants, trees… ======
Bacteria & fungi ========

It’s up to you to figure it as “they should not eat more than 1 billion of us”, or as “there should not be more than 1 bilion of us on earth to be eaten” ๐Ÿ˜‰

Angela N
Angela N
7 years 25 days ago

My co-workers and I just burst into laughter at the “Bacon Pyramid”. We all agreed that it was missing a bit, possibly the very tip of the pyramid: bacon wrapped in bacon. Nom!

jus
jus
7 years 25 days ago

http://www.bbqaddicts.com/blog/recipes/bacon-explosion/

That should satisfy your requirement!

Kim
Kim
7 years 24 days ago

All I could think of was the “bacon explosion” recipe – a bacon roll w/ pork and chopped bacon in the middle. Surely that belongs at the pinnacle of the bacon pyramid!

jus
jus
7 years 25 days ago

Submitted by R. McDonald:

3 servings of filler daily (extra ammonia for those wishing to avoid sickness)

Angela N
Angela N
7 years 25 days ago

A quick Google search turned up a “Vegan Pyramid” over at Wikimedia Commons. Ingredients, in layers from bottom to top (I’ve excerpted some of the suggested foods):

Grains, 6 servings: bread 1 slice; 1/2C cooked grain or cereal; ready-to-eat cereal 1oz.

Legumes, nuts and other protein-rich foods, 5 servings: cooked beans, peas or lentils 1/2C; tofu or tempeh 1/2C; nut or seed butter 2Tbsp

Vegetables, 4 servings: cooked vegetables 1/2C; raw vegetables 1 C; vegetable juice 1/2C

Fruits, 2 servings: one medium fruit; cut up or cooked fruit 1/2C; fruit juice 1/2C, dried fruit 1/4 C

Fats, 2 servings: oil, margarine 1tsp.

Link here: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Vegan_food_pyramid.svg

AutumnP
AutumnP
7 years 25 days ago

Just reading this makes every cell in my body scream “noooooooooo”!

Heather
Heather
7 years 25 days ago

Submitted by B. Marley

Two joints (morning)
Two joints (afternoon)
Two joints (night)

Russell
Russell
7 years 25 days ago

The Buddy the Elf pyramid:

Candy (as much as you want)
Candy canes (as much as you want)
Candy corns (as much as you want)
Syrup (as much as you want)

Greg
Greg
7 years 25 days ago

The REAL Department of Agriculture food pyramid:

Real food (use sparingly)
Processed wheat products (3-5 servings)
Processed soy products (4-6 servings)
Processed corn products (9-14 servings)

Eva
Eva
7 years 25 days ago
My mother saw a sample food pyramid for 2010 on the news last week. I looked all over the net but couldn’t find it. She said they are considering a number of changes including less meat and more carbs. Gak! I was hoping they were moving in the right direction with the one from 2005. Sure they had a small sliced area for meats, but did you note the serving sizes? 5.5 ounces for meat and 6 ounces for grains. That is not great but WAY better than the previous pyramid. Strange they made the visual slice so small when… Read more »
Andrew
Andrew
7 years 24 days ago

I don’t understand how they can even be considering different changes. What’s to consider? There is only ONE correct direction to go in!! Do they realize how many people still uphold the food pyramid as strict dietary law (albeit none of us)? Do they realize what’s at stake??

Katherine
7 years 25 days ago

the kids I babysit for would have a pizza and an ice cream food group. all these are so skewed and people just want to be told they can eat what they want and lose weight. not the case!

Jeff
Jeff
7 years 25 days ago

Submitted by John Lee Hooker (with a similar version courtesy of George Thorogood)

1 bourbon,
1 scotch, and
1 beer

epistemocrat
7 years 25 days ago

Raw crumbled blue cheese (1 tub)
Eggs (12)
FAGE Yogurt (1 large tub)
Coffee (8 cups)

Repeat each day.

Aaron Blaisdell
7 years 23 days ago

What? No chocolate? Or bacon?

Trevor
Trevor
7 years 25 days ago

Supersize Me Pyramid

Veggies (1 serving from condiments with High Fructose Corn Syrup)
Dairy (2 servings from cheese and shakes)
Meat and Eggs (3 – 4 Servings)
Grains and more Starches (6-7 Servings)
Sugar (1 pound from just about everything on the menu)

He actually did consume about 1 pound of sugar a day with his McDonald’s binge. Double yikes. That level of sugar consumption would give me nightmares 24 hours a day if I did that. The servings may need to be adjusted.

Marisa
Marisa
7 years 25 days ago

Sadly, if you didn’t mention that this was the “Supersize Me” diet, I would have just called it the average American diet!

Trevor
Trevor
7 years 25 days ago

Yeah, your right. Scary but true. I actually seen a Dr. Phill show once with severely overweight kids and the one Mother could understand why her child was so fat. She mentioned, she was feeding him wholesome foods. She was bottle feeding the kid pop instead of milk. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it.

jus
jus
7 years 25 days ago

You would need to add diet coke in there somewhere. As in:

Double quarter pounder with cheese
Supersize fry
Extra large diet coke (have to watch your figure)

Trevor
Trevor
7 years 25 days ago

Diet coke wouldn’t be good either but if should be added to that pyramid.

Vince
Vince
7 years 6 days ago

The only thing diet Coke helps with is the guilt! ๐Ÿ™‚

Marisa
Marisa
7 years 25 days ago

Submitted by: Anon. Elderly Woman (may she rest in peace)

Housefly (1 serving)
Arachnid (1 serving)
Bird (1 serving)
Feline (1 serving)
Canine (1 serving)
Goat (1 serving)
Bovine (1 serving)
Equine (1 serving)

I’d say it pretty primal – lots of protein too!

Trevor
Trevor
7 years 25 days ago

I was wondering if I could cut my grocery bill down by eating insects. Anyone know of some good insect recipes and how to catch enough for a meal.

Willow NyteEyes
7 years 24 days ago

I wouldn’t eat them unless I grew them. Too many illnesses passed by bugs these days.

TexasGirl
TexasGirl
7 years 25 days ago

Submitted by: Pepe Le Pew

Top: Decadent desserts au chocolat (1 serving)

Middle: Extra rich meat in sauce (3 servings)

Bottom: Crusty breads and creamy cheeses (as much as you can eat)

Eva
Eva
7 years 24 days ago
–The Runway Model Food Pyramid– (the uncensored version) -Build the foundation of your healthy fiber eating plan with 6 to 11 servings from the flavorless colored cardboard rice cake category. -Choose an item from the diet coke or bottled water with ice cubes and lime 3 to 5 times each day in order to maintain healthy hydration and electrolyte balance. -It’s a treat to enjoy 2 to 4 servings from the strawberry margarita group as part of your daily fruit colored diet. -Limit your selection of pure white organic cocaine to just 2 to 3 hits per day. -Get protein… Read more »
Venna
Venna
7 years 24 days ago
Love these! Too much fun. I have to say I’m in no hurry to try the transparent cheese. I’ll need to think a bit to come up with my food pyramid but I had to comment on the bacon pyramid too. TOO FUNNY!! It reminded me of an episode of home improvement where Tim the tool man Taylor was cooking a camping breakfast. He had bacon, sausage links and Canadian bacon. He told one of his sons about his favorite morning treat, a pig in a blanket wearing a parka (sausage link, wrapped in bacon and Canadian bacon folded around… Read more »
PJ
7 years 24 days ago

Brick’s Pyramid:

-Lamp-This much!
– 3 Tablespoons Toasted Mayonaise
– Chocolate Squirrel-Eat Sparingly

ToddBS
ToddBS
7 years 24 days ago

The H. Lector one needs some fava beans in there ๐Ÿ™‚

I’d go for a Grok on Kleen Kanteen as well.

Tom
Tom
7 years 24 days ago

Submitted by W.A. Yankovic (from bottom to top):

Captain Krunch and Raisin Bran Group (enough to feed starving children in Japan)

Egg Group (beaten)

Chicken and Pie Group (broiled or fried)

Yogurt and Spam Group (fresh or canned)

Banana Group (1 or whole bunch)

Tuna Casserole Group (just a touch)

Yngwie
Yngwie
7 years 24 days ago

Our fellow carnivores over at Zeroing In On Health has a really cool food pyramid t-shirt that says: Food group – Eat to Hunger; Water group – Drink to thirst. I love it.
http://www.zazzle.com/zero_pyramid_t_tshirt-235186723076239884
(No ad, I’m just a fan)

Yngwie
Yngwie
7 years 24 days ago

Ops, BEEF group – Eat to hunger*

The 50 Best Health Blogs
7 years 24 days ago

QUOTE:
“Seriously, the milk section includes transparent cheese. Is that a new Kraft product?”

LOL! Must be very thinly sliced.

Jim Purdy

brooki
7 years 23 days ago

I learnt about the food pyramid at school and became obsessed with it and would follow it all the time. That’s what scares me. Children being educated the wring way about food at school.
What next? The one that you have shown is such a mess and looks like the old one just changed around a bit.
Who are they kidding?

Dusty
Dusty
7 years 23 days ago

Obamas pyramid…10 servings of bullcrap topped off by fresh gushing crude oil. I think it’s low carb…

Brandon
7 years 23 days ago

Mark,
We’ve been playing around with our “pyramid” for a while now…this post gave us just the push we needed to get it published, so…thanks. We’d like to submit it for the contest. I’ll link it here but should we send it elsewhere also? Thanks again.

http://www.health-bent.com/nutrition/health-bent-umbrella

Paramjit
7 years 22 days ago

That was hilarious. Loved the one on “love”

Julia
7 years 22 days ago

I propose to make the base of the Chuck Norris pyramid to be roundhouse kicks!

chima_p
chima_p
7 years 22 days ago

Submitted by Super Mario

Bottom Tier – 99 Green 1up Mushrooms
2nd Tier – 5 Red and Wite Super Mushrooms
3rd Tier – Fire Flower, Freeze Flower, Feather – Choose one as needed
4th Tier – 1 Flashing Star
Top Tier – Princess Peach (make it a quicky, don’t want to waste star power.)

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