The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it is aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with iDeserv Energy Pretzels.
But, Fuming Fuji, you say, these pretzels give you energy! Why else would it say “Energy Pretzels” on the package?
The Fuming Fuji says no!
The claim: But, Fuji, iDeserv a snack now and then! These pretzels are not like the old, refined, sodium-filled pretzels I know you would fume about. These pretzels have protein and fiber added to them!
The catch: Fuji cannot comment on what we do or do not deserve. Fuji can comment on these ridiculous new “energy” pretzels which contain processed soy isolate and inulin from Cargill, fine makers of industrial food fillers. The Fuji grows so tired of bad food being injected with nice-sounding industrial filler goop and subsequently bandying about as a “healthy” treat. Get your energy from food, not filler! Soy and inulin are technically protein and fiber, this is true. But while we are being technical, iDeserv really deserves a spelling lesson.
The comeback: There you go with the spelling again, Fuji. Sounds like a cop-out to me. What’s so bad about a hybrid pretzel attempting to be a healthier snack? After all, you are a hybrid, Fuji.
The conclusion: …
The comeback, take 2: Fuji? Hey, where’d you go? I’m really sorry about that last comment. I crossed the line.
Okay, you little fritter, now I’m getting concerned. Stop playing.
The conclusion: Do you really think the Fuji plays? The Fuji fumes! I’m keeping my eye on you, oh ye snack frenemy. This silly pretzel product is merely refined flour in a trendy coating. Be junk, or be food. Pick a lane!
The catchphrase: Eat finery, not refinery.
Source: Junk Food Blog