The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it is aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with cluttered food.
But, Fuming Fuji, you have to admit this pizza is kind of cool.
The Fuming Fuji says no!
The claim: Seriously, Fuji, get a sense of humor. It’s not like this pizza is really any less healthy than BBQ chicken pizza.
The catch: I do not have to admit this pizza is cool. Clearly, this pizza is merely tepid. Also, the Fuji is gravely disappointed in you for thinking BBQ chicken pizza is healthy. But I suppose I should not expect so much from creatures who create such confused food. The Fuji recommends psychiatric intervention.
The comeback: Um, I did not mean the pizza was literally cool. But I did mean it when I said you have no sense of humor. Get a clue, you overweening fruit. Maybe you’re just jealous because it doesn’t have apple slices on it. Nobody is claiming this pizza is something we should be eating.
The conclusion: Oh, really? Have you asked everybody? That is a universal and therefore impossible statement you have made. (I learned much in my Fumology studies, as everybody knows.)
Where was I? You have ruined my concentration with your terrible fashion choices.
Oh, yes! It does not matter if there is a claim of health. The pizza is being made, and people are eating it, and it is confusing! The Fuji will overlook your personal attacks and character assassination attempts because you are clearly annoying. Also, you are not green, although this cannot really be helped.
Listen to the Fuji: do not indulge this cluttered food! It is a slippery slope that will quickly lead to very confusing combinations!
The catchphrase: What is next? Southwest cinnamon rolls? Mojito lattes? Macaroni ‘n cheese tacos?
Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.
Hat Tip: FitSugar