Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
26 Jul

The Fuming Fuji Will Not Tolerate Cluttered Food

I fume!

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it is aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with cluttered food.

Crazy pizza

But, Fuming Fuji, you have to admit this pizza is kind of cool.

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Seriously, Fuji, get a sense of humor. It’s not like this pizza is really any less healthy than BBQ chicken pizza.

The catch: I do not have to admit this pizza is cool. Clearly, this pizza is merely tepid. Also, the Fuji is gravely disappointed in you for thinking BBQ chicken pizza is healthy. But I suppose I should not expect so much from creatures who create such confused food. The Fuji recommends psychiatric intervention.

The comeback: Um, I did not mean the pizza was literally cool. But I did mean it when I said you have no sense of humor. Get a clue, you overweening fruit. Maybe you’re just jealous because it doesn’t have apple slices on it. Nobody is claiming this pizza is something we should be eating.

The conclusion: Oh, really? Have you asked everybody? That is a universal and therefore impossible statement you have made. (I learned much in my Fumology studies, as everybody knows.)

Where was I? You have ruined my concentration with your terrible fashion choices.

Oh, yes! It does not matter if there is a claim of health. The pizza is being made, and people are eating it, and it is confusing! The Fuji will overlook your personal attacks and character assassination attempts because you are clearly annoying. Also, you are not green, although this cannot really be helped.

Listen to the Fuji: do not indulge this cluttered food! It is a slippery slope that will quickly lead to very confusing combinations!

The catchphrase: What is next? Southwest cinnamon rolls? Mojito lattes? Macaroni ‘n cheese tacos?

Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.

Hat Tip: FitSugar

Further Reading:

The Fuming Fuji Says No to Cereal Bars!

The Fuming Fuji Says No to Sea Bugs!

More Cowbell

Fried Mac ‘n Cheese Balls

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You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. I wonder just how many calories is in that thing???

    nibbles wrote on July 26th, 2007
  2. Thats PIZZA?!?!?!?! I would have never known! Are those HOT DOGS in the crust? DANG!

    groovalicious wrote on July 26th, 2007
  3. I eat this all the time. Sometimes I like to top it with cottage cheese, a few cajun shrimp, some haggas, and drizzle the whole thing in horseradish hollandaise.

    Bradford wrote on July 26th, 2007
  4. oh, haggis is the way to go. I am waiting for haggis in a cup.

    Sara wrote on July 26th, 2007
  5. don’t be knocking the haggis, done right it is actually very tasty — of course that probably had to do with my gran’s whiskey sauce, that she used to cook it in…

    Brian wrote on July 26th, 2007
  6. I would rather eat 7 hot pockets than this pizza. At least I could say I ate 7 hot pockets before all of my major arteries exploded!

    nibbles wrote on July 26th, 2007
  7. I have to admit that I’ve actually eaten something very similar once (not with the hot dogs, but with the cheese in those crust rolls). Pizza Hut had marketed this as a new kind of pizza here a few months ago, my friends and I were in a Call of Cthulhu RPG period, and we basically went “let’s try that King in Yellow’s pizza, because it looks so weird it can only be that!”. (Yeah, I know, we’re all nearly 30 and we’re still big kids. Staying young starts in the head, right?)

    I wasn’t impressed. I’ve never eaten any again since then, and that’s not only because it’s expensive. Yuck. /shudders

    Kery wrote on July 26th, 2007
  8. …but…are those HOT DOGS???

    groovalicious wrote on July 26th, 2007
  9. Oh man, the hot pocket comment made me think of this stand up comedy clip. It’s so funny I almost fell off my chair. You can watch it here.

    Mel Practice wrote on July 26th, 2007
  10. Groovalicious~I believe the official name is pigs in a blanket.
    Mel Practice~Thanks for the comedy clip, funny. Love the name by the way.
    You know how kids won’t eat different foods on their plate if they touch? This could be a problem.

    Crystal wrote on July 26th, 2007
  11. Ok, who is the goofball who let the Fuji out? Great video, Mel. Thanks for stopping by.

    Mark wrote on July 26th, 2007
  12. It certainly “stands out.”

    Donna wrote on July 26th, 2007
  13. Thanks, I read your blog a lot. I really enjoy it. I just hadn’t posted before. This is another funny food related clip from the same comic you might like if you liked the last one.

    Mel Practice wrote on July 26th, 2007
  14. Brian, I really shouldn’t be knocking the haggis, because my grandma whips up lutefisk to this day. Yes, we Danes know how to wield some serious culinary delights. Ugh….

    Sara wrote on July 29th, 2007
  15. Looking at this pizza… makes my feet hurt!!

    paul wrote on July 31st, 2007
  16. My heart seriously jolted just looking at that

    hhh wrote on May 2nd, 2009
  17. you can eat MY cheesey hot dog. yeahhhhh. btw, has anyone ever tried the “Dee Pizza”?? comment back.

    pablo wrote on January 14th, 2010
  18. Am I the only one that secretly wants to try southwest cinnamon rolls?

    Michael wrote on May 7th, 2013

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