Have a very healthy, fun weekend, Apples…or else!
Have a very healthy, fun weekend, Apples…or else!
While it’s admittedly not health-related, I feel I must share with my readers the trials and tribulations of creating a blog tagline. It’s gotten to a point where it’s beginning to take a toll on my keyboard, so while no one’s health is being harmed in this painful process, I have to say, I really do miss the E, L, S, V, C and A keys.
This entire effort (cue trumpet: Ultimate Tagline), otherwise known as ongoing torture akin to being slowly kneaded to death by your daughter’s cat, has consumed more time than I care to admit. Tell a visitor, in four seconds, what your blog is about and why they ought to read it. Yes, friends, sit-up king Sisson of low-carb healthy living has been foiled by the quest for ten great words. Frankly, I’d rather go back to competing in Ironmans than face the task of writing the Ultimate Tagline.
The Bees, Lord bless ‘em, sensing my intensity – or maybe just desperation – even started a tagline wiki for all of us to generate a running list of ideas. At this point, I’m considering just making the tagline a hyperlink to the wiki. One of my Bees even took a Personal Day with the simple justification of “the tagline” before dejectedly shuffling home. That, with the lone tear, was too much. I promptly gave her a vacation and a raise.
I know it’s fine for a tagline to be matter-of-fact. Simple. Many blogs don’t even have taglines. But the challenge exists; therefore, I must hack it.
I present, for your consideration, perusal, and amusement, the evolution of the MDA tagline:
[really long list of "exciting!" adjectives] (No one can remember them.)
Better than bran muffins. (Oh, wait. Everything is better than bran muffins.)
It beats bran. (So does a pestle and mortar.)
Will blog for health. (MOTO.)
Putting the zing in amazing. (The only thing amazing about this is how lame it is.)
Shaking the tree is just the beginning. (…of a really bad tagline.)
Health doesn’t have to rock your world to shake your tree. (Focus group says: too Mae West!)
Doing my part to p*ss off the self-righteous health establishment! (Health establishment intact, valued viewers offended.)
Who got the juice? (I don’t even drink juice.)
Get the juice. (Again with the hypocrisy. Sisson, get it together, man!)
Do something right. (Such as penning a good tagline, for example.)
If you don’t love my blog, I’ll give you an apple. (This could get expensive. There’s the foodborne illness issue with which to contend.)
If you don’t love my blog, I’ll hit you with an apple. (Focus group says: too aggressive! I say: I think we can work with it.)
Juice. Pucker. Bite. Flavor. (Great. I’ve described an apple.)
Welcome to the Primal side of health. (Eden called: they want their archetype back.)
Join me in my crusade to take the boredom out of health! (Nearly 500 passionate subscribers now, but is this… crusadery enough?)
Doing my part to take the boredom out of health! (Revision of sentence structure does not an award-winning blog tagline make.)
Pith never tasted so good. (Oh, wait…pith never tasted good, period.)
Doing my part to create a better tagline. (Focus group says: refreshing honesty! I say: what am I paying you for?)
Any suggestions, Apples? I don’t really have a focus group, of course, but I do have all of you (much better, in my opinion). Your emails, suggestions and comments always make my day. So how about this: help me come up with a winner and I’ll give you a free month of the Damage Control Master Formula (Kryptonite free, naturally).
Although, what really needs damage control is that darn tagline. Sisson out.
What do you think? Gimme a shout at my new email: mdsisson1-at-gmail-dot-com. (The old one is fine, too, but I’m really liking Gmail.)
Most Popular Posts
Like red wine and grass-fed steak, good-quality chocolate is one of those decadent treats that miraculously manages to be healthy (within reason, of course). Leave it to the food producers of America to mess up a good thing.
I just happened upon a terrific food processing news blog run by one Dean Best. He reports that Guittard, a fine chocolate maker, is trying to get consumers inspired to fight new regs that would allow milk substitutes and cheap vegetable oils in chocolate. The reason? African cocoa production is down, so rather than let profits suffer for a few quarters, food producers would rather give you a lesser product.
You see this all the time – toilet paper is famous for getting thinner and lower in quality as the prices continue to rise. There are hundreds of examples, but in general, sleazy companies desperate to keep profits up will either pass on the expense to the customer or reduce the product’s quality – or both – rather than finding other ways to cut costs. “Sleazy” might seem like a strong word, but it’s deserved.
Here’s an idea: make a product that’s so good, you can’t help but succeed. (Or, just keep blaming the marketing department.)
You loyal readers know I almost never mention my own supplement company, Primal Nutrition. For one thing, I believe the products speak for themselves. For another, the purpose of this blog is to provide an insightful, enjoyable health community, whether you’ve ever been a customer or not. But this time, I do have to say something about this entire issue of short-changing the consumer, because I’ve proven a company can be an ethical exception to the rule of sleaze. There’s just no excuse – period – for short-changing customers. In ten years, I’ve never raised prices on my signature product, the Damage Control Master Formula, despite major production cost increases. I regularly update the formula based on new research, and over the years, I’ve continuously increased the quality and value. I make less money, but the funny thing is, by putting customers first, Primal has continued to flourish – more than ever.
Don’t be messin’ with my chocolate!
Worker Bees’ Daily Bites:
Want to know which veggies are cleanest and which are shellacked in pesticides? Read on…
Helpful Food Shopping Guide
Learn about the cleanest produce, the “dirty dozen”, and scoop up other healthy shopping tips. This easy guide is free and it downloads in a snap!
Waisted in the Wasteland has a must-read post about what Big Agra may be doing with all that bad pet food. We’re all for recycling, but this is going too far! Who wants to eat plastic?
Question of the day: do any of you make your own pet food?
Calling All Health Hacks!
Have you checked out Lifehack? (Not Lifehacker, a hot blog which helps you “geek to live”. Lifehack features healthy news and personal development ideas in addition to techie tips.) This is a terrific article on some of the healthiest foods for energy and longevity. Mark pointed out that he doesn’t think drinking 8 glasses of water daily needs to be a hard-and-fast rule of health. What do you think about that? Be sure to visit this great blog and add your own healthy food suggestions to their list. When you add your knowledge to bloggers’ articles, everyone learns a little bit more, so don’t be shy!
Obsessed with Big Moo?
The Definitive Guide: Part 1
Get sick and die. You know you need to. The government, dietitians and health experts remind us constantly – you simply can’t get sick and die if you don’t take the appropriate steps! That means logging plenty of hours on the sofa, eating your fill of fast food, and engaging in risky behaviors.
But finding the motivation and discipline to get sick and die isn’t easy. You’re not a celebrity with a posse of trainers, chefs and surgeons – you’re one of the millions of Americans desperate to experience your worst, look flabby and feel terrible. You’ve seen the news: tens of millions of Americans are already well on their way to getting sick and dying, yet you’re left out in the cold. What’s their secret? How are you supposed to wade through the avalanche of information to find the absolute worst, sickest, most disgusting lifestyle possible?
With a tight budget and busy schedule, I know that’s not always easy – but it can be! You may not be aware, but thousands of restaurants, stores and companies already offer convenient, inexpensive products and services that can help you get sick and die.
Why haven’t you heard about this before, you ask? Search no more. Here in this series, for the first time, you’ll get the real information you need, all in easy, clear terms. In fact, you may be surprised at how little you actually have to change in order to get sick and die. It’s really not so hard. No sacrifice. No uncomfortable physical activity, because that would be stressful. No strange pills or healthy supplements – only drugs approved by our government. And of course, no deprivation or starvation.
I’ve employed a team of researchers to find the absolute bottom-of-the-barrel, guaranteed-to-sicken recipes, tips and techniques for minimum health results. No guesswork. In fact, no work, period.
Here are five clicks to get you started on your way to getting sick and dying in no time! Now before you say, “Gosh, Mark, you must really love me; I too want to get sick and die!” don’t go giving me all the credit. I’m just telling you facts about food, fitness and health that everybody already follows! It’s not just chain restaurants. Even our FDA, federal government and health organizations like the American Diabetes Association support drug use, soda and refined sweets “in moderation”. But what I like most is that these leaders support a sensible, healthy weight range of 30 pounds per inch (Awesome metrics, BMI! It’s genius, is it not?).
This is just no-brainer stuff that you will discover you may already know about. Isn’t it a relief to know you can get sick and die with little change to the standard American lifestyle? Obviously we are doing everything right, or we would not be getting sick and dying faster than most other nations! You can help make us #1!
1. Get your omega-3’s! Everyone knows avocados are healthy. Duh. Eat them this way, though, and that pesky health issue is no longer a problem.
2. Why take vitamins? They’ve killed a few people who were gonna die anyway. We recommend prescription drugs instead, because they’ve killed millions! No comparison, homeys! Most Americans take several drugs daily – you don’t want to be left out, do you? How else will you get sick and die right away?
3. Eat fish. Everyone knows fish is great, but only if it’s cooked like this. Don’t forget the tartar sauce!
4. Don’t stress your body out by exercising. Exercise will make you live longer, and who wants that kind of pressure? Like we need that stress!
5. Avoid fat, because it will actually give you energy and make you live longer. (Jimmy covers this issue.) The low-carbers are part of a conspiracy with one goal in mind: making sure you lose weight and live longer – and maybe even cure those mood swings! Be sure to get a lot of sugar in your diet – The Man supports a minimum 6 servings of grain carbs a day and says it’s great for 3 of them to be refined. That guy knows what he is talking about – this is a completely effective way to get sick and die!
Next week, be sure to check out Part 2 of How to Get Sick and Die, when I’ll be highlighting wonderful recipes to help you get sick and die! Did you know meals like burritos, pizza, nachos, burgers and pasta are a sure-fire way to get sick and die? Yeah, neither did we, but how cool is that? You can eat all the regular American foods you know and love and still get sick and die in no time!
© 2014 Mark's Daily Apple