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Let me introduce myself. My name is Mark Sisson. I’m 63 years young. I live and work in Malibu, California. In a past life I was a professional marathoner and triathlete. Now my life goal is to help 100 million people get healthy. I started this blog in 2006 to empower people to take full responsibility for their own health and enjoyment of life by investigating, discussing, and critically rethinking everything we’ve assumed to be true about health and wellness...

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March 13, 2007

The Fuming Fuji Says No to Nutripals

By Worker Bee
1 Comments

He's ranting again...

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it is aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with Nutripals.

But Fuming Fuji, you say, Nutripals bars have twice the protein and fiber of other children’s snack bars like Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain bars! Just look at how great these nutritious snacks are!

The claims are so shiny!

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Nutripals are great, Fuji! The commercial explains that compared to other snacks, this is a “balanced” nutrition snack for kids!

The catch: Listen very carefully. The Fuji cares, which is why I may explode. That would be unfortunate.

ADDING nutritious ingredients to garbage does not make an unhealthy food miraculously healthy. These laboratories (Nutripals belongs to PediaSure which belongs to Abbott Laboratories) creating processed confections wish for you to believe their happy antioxidant marketing, but do NOT be fooled, Apples! The Fuji has seen the commercials you speak of. Puppies and flowers and protein grams do not change a food that is full of the same things that go in your automobile.

The comeback: Yikes! Calm down, Fuming Fuji! Sure, there’s a little sugar and processing. How bad can it be? You are getting carried away with that automobile nonsense! Kids want snacks. If you can give them fiber and protein and antioxidants, what is the harm?

The conclusion: The Fuji can slather olive oil on a candy bar, but that does not make the candy bar healthy (admit it, you thought about it for a second). I grow tired, Apples, very tired of these evil food manufacturers tricking people.

You see “protein” and “fiber” and “antioxidants” and think “Sounds good to me!” But look at the ingredients. Do not take my word for it, just look below. How does glycerine (a derivative of petroleum, thank you very much automobile analogy doubters) equal health?

Ingredients in S'Mores Nutripals

The journey of junk from a laboratory vat to a rectangular stick of sweet goo is a deceptive and ugly one that harms children. Of course they gloat about the protein and fiber (miniscule amounts the Fuji would not really be bragging about anyway). Just look at all the other garbage they do not discuss!

The catchphrase: You can dress it up in pretty vitamin sprinkles, but trash is still trash.

Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.

[tags]children’s health, nutripals, protein, fiber[/tags]

TAGS:  humor

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[…] Nutripals: “You see “protein” and “fiber” and “antioxidants” and think “Sounds good to me!” But look at the ingredients. Do not take my word for it, just look below. How does glycerine (a derivative of petroleum, thank you very much automobile analogy doubters) equal health?” Gym Junkies names the following as phony health foods: […]

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