Meet Mark

Let me introduce myself. My name is Mark Sisson. I’m 63 years young. I live and work in Malibu, California. In a past life I was a professional marathoner and triathlete. Now my life goal is to help 100 million people get healthy. I started this blog in 2006 to empower people to take full responsibility for their own health and enjoyment of life by investigating, discussing, and critically rethinking everything we’ve assumed to be true about health and wellness...

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April 12, 2007

Never Fails to Inspire

By Mark Sisson

Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Have you gotten to know this little nutrition buddy brought to you by the FDA? If not, I think you ought to reconsider:

– Like many of the processed foods we enjoy in this great country, the exact nature of Labelman’s, er, origin, is difficult to ascertain. Is he a popsicle? A hot dog, perhaps? Maybe a tofu pup? I can’t stand it! I have to know!

– Fans need to know: Does Labelman work out? (If only we could all get muscles like that.) What is Labelman’s favorite shampoo? And is it true that Labelman is courting Zipperedtopgirl?

– Labelman decimates the burgeoning belief that the American government has become cynical and corrupt when it comes to health and nutrition. It doesn’t take a genius to see the level of creative sweat and tears that were clearly poured into this original, inspiring, visually dazzling creation! Like, duh! Even the unique and catchy name – Labelman – belies a sincerity and intensity of concern only our federal government is capable of.

I ask you, dear readers, if the Fuming Fuji met this vision of nutritional inspiration and personality (such brio!), what would happen? The world may soon find out…

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m totally disappointed by this half-hearted offering of nutritional guidance. I’m pretty sure even my pets could come up with something better. I mean, seriously – this is the best they can do with our tax dollars?

TAGS:  humor

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4 Comments on "Never Fails to Inspire"


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[…] ranting and issued endless criticisms of the FDA and the food pyramid. There, I said it. We did it here, and here, and talked about what you should be eating here. I’ve even offered up my own food […]


[…] Bill (Congress revises every five years). I’ve railed sarcastically against the various programs, mascots and pyramids our FDA and federal government promote. But the situation is real and the importance […]

6 years 10 months ago

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2 years 6 months ago
I’m a little late to the party here but I just did the interactive training thing on the FDA’s website. It was… pathetic, to say the least. The most interesting thing I noticed is that the website tells us to get fewer of the nutrients listed at the top of the label (i.e. fat, cholesterol, and sodium) and get more of the bottom section (i.e. carbs, protein, and vitamins. What is scary about this is that they don’t specify what type of carbs should be listed on the label to get the recommended amount. Carbs include all types of sugar…… Read more »