12
April
2007

Never Fails to Inspire

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Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Have you gotten to know this little nutrition buddy brought to you by the FDA? If not, I think you ought to reconsider:

- Like many of the processed foods we enjoy in this great country, the exact nature of Labelman’s, er, origin, is difficult to ascertain. Is he a popsicle? A hot dog, perhaps? Maybe a tofu pup? I can’t stand it! I have to know!

- Fans need to know: Does Labelman work out? (If only we could all get muscles like that.) What is Labelman’s favorite shampoo? And is it true that Labelman is courting Zipperedtopgirl?

- Labelman decimates the burgeoning belief that the American government has become cynical and corrupt when it comes to health and nutrition. It doesn’t take a genius to see the level of creative sweat and tears that were clearly poured into this original, inspiring, visually dazzling creation! Like, duh! Even the unique and catchy name - Labelman - belies a sincerity and intensity of concern only our federal government is capable of.

I ask you, dear readers, if the Fuming Fuji met this vision of nutritional inspiration and personality (such brio!), what would happen? The world may soon find out…

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m totally disappointed by this half-hearted offering of nutritional guidance. I’m pretty sure even my pets could come up with something better. I mean, seriously - this is the best they can do with our tax dollars?



2 comments

  1. Mark’s Daily Apple » Blog Archive » Whose Food Pyramid Is It Anyway?:
  2. [...] ranting and issued endless criticisms of the FDA and the food pyramid. There, I said it. We did it here, and here, and talked about what you should be eating here. I’ve even offered up my own food [...]

  3. Mark’s Daily Apple » Blog Archive » Introducing a New Column: Primal Health:
  4. [...] Bill (Congress revises every five years). I’ve railed sarcastically against the various programs, mascots and pyramids our FDA and federal government promote. But the situation is real and the importance [...]



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