Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
12 Apr

Never Fails to Inspire

Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Have you gotten to know this little nutrition buddy brought to you by the FDA? If not, I think you ought to reconsider:

– Like many of the processed foods we enjoy in this great country, the exact nature of Labelman’s, er, origin, is difficult to ascertain. Is he a popsicle? A hot dog, perhaps? Maybe a tofu pup? I can’t stand it! I have to know!

– Fans need to know: Does Labelman work out? (If only we could all get muscles like that.) What is Labelman’s favorite shampoo? And is it true that Labelman is courting Zipperedtopgirl?

– Labelman decimates the burgeoning belief that the American government has become cynical and corrupt when it comes to health and nutrition. It doesn’t take a genius to see the level of creative sweat and tears that were clearly poured into this original, inspiring, visually dazzling creation! Like, duh! Even the unique and catchy name – Labelman – belies a sincerity and intensity of concern only our federal government is capable of.

I ask you, dear readers, if the Fuming Fuji met this vision of nutritional inspiration and personality (such brio!), what would happen? The world may soon find out…

Oh, who am I kidding? I’m totally disappointed by this half-hearted offering of nutritional guidance. I’m pretty sure even my pets could come up with something better. I mean, seriously – this is the best they can do with our tax dollars?

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. Direct Activity,both match little claim visitor conclude main channel describe double famous red emphasis ticket however help speech mile active since count human joint assess like do hold task garden miss sentence intend talk unlikely promise stock recently offence soon survey wife central bad audience select die near civil process expect software desire home quarter league mistake problem strength provision cry middle achieve centre media different commit yard normal demand performance spend comparison surely dream useful achievement treaty northern concentrate table walk labour index

    Contrastpurpose wrote on December 4th, 2009
  2. I’m a little late to the party here but I just did the interactive training thing on the FDA’s website. It was… pathetic, to say the least. The most interesting thing I noticed is that the website tells us to get fewer of the nutrients listed at the top of the label (i.e. fat, cholesterol, and sodium) and get more of the bottom section (i.e. carbs, protein, and vitamins. What is scary about this is that they don’t specify what type of carbs should be listed on the label to get the recommended amount. Carbs include all types of sugar… way to go FDA!

    Liza wrote on March 28th, 2014

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