The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it is aimed at the small fry. This week, El Fritter has decided to have a serious problem with Kellogg’s.
But, Fuming Fuji, you’ve been very vocal of late about your feud with David MacKay , Kellogg’s CEO. This seems like a thinly veiled attempt to lash out at your rival. What could you possibly have to gripe about when it comes to Kellogg’s? They just announced they’re making many of their foods healthier – and they will no longer be marketing sugary products to children under 12!
The Fuming Fuji says no!
The claim: Fuji, clearly this is personal. I don’t even want to hear it. In fact, I’m starting to think you just have a problem with breakfast. In the last six months, you’ve fumed against breakfast bars, breakfast cereals, breakfast waffles. Maybe you just need therapy, Fuji.
The catch: Clearly you are projecting. The Fuji cannot help you with that, he is not trained in psychotherapy. While MacKay and the Fuji have been feuding with a furor only outdone by Rosie and Donald, this has nothing to do with my anger over his hypocrisy . I am furious about the junk that Kellogg’s slings at the small fry! Big Agra’s tartlets of pop and not-berry death nuggets  should not fool anybody, even you, my carbaceous foe.
The comeback: Rosie and Donald Trump, huh. I wouldn’t go that far. You’re an apple. Maybe Paris and Nicole, though.
Here’s my “carbaceous” opinion: So Kellogg’s will still be selling products they decide they cannot reformulate into healthier versions – yeah, maybe that’s a tad disingenuous. Okay, maybe a lot, actually. Wait, where was I going with this?
Oh, yeah! At least they’re not going to market unchanged products to kids, and they won’t be using cartoons to hawk the junkier stuff. Isn’t a little progress better than none? Snap! I think you’re just being stubborn, Fuji. Some would say obtuse.
The conclusion: Good for you and your knowledge of angles. Unfortunately for you I have the right angle. Ha, ha. That is a little geometry joke. I do not know this “snap” you speak of, but his cousin Crackle is a real little weasel, let me tell you.
Mark the Fuji’s words: Kellogg’s will not change very much. What little they change they will brag about like they invented Christmas.
The catchphrase: Kellogg’s: new and improved, because we didn’t feel like a lawsuit!
Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji.
Hat Tip: Get the full scoop (food police lawsuit, ensuing settlement, ensuing “we felt like changing, no reason, really” announcement from Kellogg’s, and the ensuing blogosphere buzz) at the informative youth advocacy blog Shaping Youth . Thanks, Amy!
Yogurt? Nogurt!