The Fuming Fuji does not know what to do, but it rhymes with dexplode. What is this product of unspeakable sugarness? Fuji is baffled. This is a very difficult thing, to baffle a genius.
Kid Kupz may “take the ick out of sick” but they will forever nauseate Fuji. There is a solution to a cough or cold, and it does not involve more sugar! Yes, my adoring readers, you are not misunderstanding: candy is being used to assist in cold treatment. Who let Mary Poppins out of her carpet bag? And why are we putting unsafe chemicals in our children anyway? The Fuji is gravely disappointed in this treatment of the seedlings. Also, the Fuji fears we are raising a bunch of pithy pansies who cannot even take a dose of medicine without a sugar salvo. Should homework come with licorice pencils? When the Fuji was a seedling even the flu was taken in stride in the roll through the snow to school. (This daily sojourn was a journey of many difficult yards, but you shall be blessed with this story at another point in time if Fuji has the time.)
Further explosions of terror and awe: