Marks Daily Apple
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21 Mar

The Fuming Fuji Says No to Cheese and Crackers

FUJ

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it is aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with cheese and crackers.

Oh, Fuming Fuji, you say, I can’t believe you would have a problem with this healthy, natural snack! Maybe you should get your blood pressure checked, Fuji.

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Cheese and crackers provide calcium, protein, and fiber to children! I thought cheese and crackers were healthy for kids. What’s not to love?

The catch: Yes, Fuji agrees, the two most processed foods on earth are a wonderful combination for children everywhere. In fact, here is another great one: how about pepperoni slices on potato chips?

The comeback: That sounds kind of good, actually.

The conclusion: The Fuji did not just hear this! Cheese is reformed baby cow food. In fact, if the Fuji thinks about it too much, bad things will surely happen. Beware, oh ye lovers of blubber & biscuits, beware. Slapping cheddar curd cakes atop dead ground grain squares is not a wise or nutritious practice. The Fuji admits it is probably fun, though (but not as fun as fuming, which surpasses all other verbs).

The catchphrase: Cheese & Cracker conglomerate may squash the Fuji, but he still got the juice!

Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji. We are appropriately dazzled, however.

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You want comments? We got comments:

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