It Will Pass and I Will Be Stronger
It’s Friday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Friday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!
Dear Mark,
I have been completely Primal for just over a year, and working towards that for almost three years. It has changed my life from feeling like I was living in an unlit and windowless room, to really participating in life and finding fulfillment. It’s been that dramatic.
I was an active, healthy kid with a good diet until I was twelve. My home life became very unstable. I was moved around a lot, and lived with several different relatives and attended different schools. It was hard on me. I was a very introverted kid to begin with, and I didn’t make friends. I read books and did homework and ate. I quickly became very sedentary, and very sad, and I had access to a lot of processed, sugary foods that my mother had never kept in my childhood home. I was given a lot of autonomy over my diet, and I quickly became addicted to these foods.
By the time I was 16, I weighed 240 lbs at 5’7″ and I was extremely depressed, bulimic and very unhealthy, with bad skin. That was the year I was also diagnosed with PCOS, an explanation for my painful, irregular periods and other symptoms. I tried to lose weight by restricting calories, but when I was depressed I would care less about my long-term health than my need for something comforting to eat. So I would binge, and feel guilty, and purge, and my bulimia got worse.
By the time I was 18 and living on my own, I was very sick. I was binging and purging more or less all day long, sometimes close to ten times a day. I remember feeling very scared the first time I threw up and had blood start pouring like water from my nose. I was more scared to stop throwing up, though. I wasn’t having periods at all, but occasionally I would go to the bathroom and find that there was nothing but blood in the toilet. That scared me, too.
When I was 20, living alone and in college, my depression and bulimia continued, and I also started drinking, alone, most nights. The nights I didn’t drink alcohol, I would do other drugs. I also started smoking. Once I was intoxicated, I would go out for a walk, alone, in my very bad neighborhood at three in the morning. I would occasionally get bursts of energy, and in one such burst, I got a new roommate, a new job, and I joined a community group. Then I was assaulted by someone I thought was my friend. I felt like my depression was a black hole sucking me in, that my life would just feel worse and worse until I died. I wanted so badly to die, but I was afraid to kill myself. I was hoping, I think, that the world would take care of it for me.
When I was 22, I had another one of these moments when my depression lifted. I bought a gym membership this time. I started going all the time, I would use the gym sometimes, and run on the treadmill. I wanted to know what to do at the gym, so I was looking at lots of online resources. I found nerdfitness.com, and through them, I found Mark’s Daily Apple. I remembered that a customer at my old job had, a couple of times, mentioned that he ate a caveman diet, but I hadn’t cared to look into it at the time.
When I did read about eating like a caveman, it resonated with me. I had started learning how to cook, and I was enjoying it, so the idea of a diet made of whole, unprocessed ingredients appealed to the chef in me. I love reading about science, so the more I read, the more it appealed to me, and the more Primal principles I started to apply to my own life.
I found that not counting calories and not throwing up was nerve-wracking. I gained weight at first, started purging again. I stopped weighing myself. The better my diet gets, the less I get an urge to binge. With no binging, I don’t purge. I slip up once in a while, but those incidents are getting further and further apart. I also got a physical job that I love: working in the produce department at the grocery store. I lost a lot of weight. My high weight was around 290 lbs, and now I weigh between 155 and 165 lbs.
My depression started to lift even more after I eliminated grains and sugar from my diet. Within 3 months I could feel a major shift. I no longer had long periods of apathy and hopelessness interrupted by the occasional “good month.” I now feel very calm and still inside. I feel tethered, and even when I do get sad (because it’s got to rain sometimes), it no longer feels like I’m getting sucked into a black hole of depression. It will pass, and I’ll be stronger.
I am stronger. I get stronger all the time, and calmer, and happier. That’s what keeps me doing this caveman gig. I’m so strong, in fact, that this spring I’m leaving on an adventure, I’m going to walk across the USA, from my home on Vancouver Island, to my parents’ home in Connecticut!
Thank you for giving me the tools I needed to save myself.
Lindsey
Grab a Copy of The Primal Connection: Follow Your Genetic Blueprint to Health and Happiness Today!
Posted By: Mark Sisson
All I can say is wow!! You are one strong woman. I am so happy for you!
Thank you for sharing your story. It gave me the chills to know that i can do this too..
Food (especially the wrong foods) can be like a drug that you’re never allowed to fully quit thanks to that pesky problem of continued living.
What a powerful story! I wish you nothing but success for you in all of you endeavors. You deserve it!
You go girl! What a fantastic story. Congratulations and go conquer the world. It is waiting for you, Lindsey!
I also want to add that apart from the fantastic success you’ve had, I think getting a physical job was a really smart idea and your transition (not counting calories and it being nerve wracking) is a aspect of this lifestyle change that is often overlooked. We need to be more aware of it in order to manage it better if we this kind of experience.
I agree, Alison, it’s a hard habit to break, and a big source of anxiety for a lot of us.
So is weighing yourself each day. I still do, I just can’t shake a habit of a lifetime. Lindsey your story is chilling, good on you for pulling yourself away from the abyss. No one is joining the dots between the processed diet on offer and the mental health of our population. Congratulations I am in awa of your achievement
I hid my scale out of immediate reach under the bed at first.
I am reading this at work, and I need to stop myself from crying. Your story is amazing! What a journey you’ve been on (and continue to travel)!
Yes, this was the first time I had tears reading the Friday success story! Amazing story Lindsey.
+1
me too! – so moving
Ughh….I can’t help but cry reading this. Even though I’ve never experienced depression, reading your story gives me a glimpse at how lonely and dark it must have been for you. I hope you feel empowered now because you look SO happy in the last picture. I’m so proud of you!
You are such a strong woman and so inspirational! I’m about 8 months on Paleo. I’m hoping I get a 6 pack like you by the 1 year mark! Unbelievable transformation. I am so inspired by you as I too have pcos. Paleo has completely gotten rid of all associated problems.
What is your work out routine?
I’m so glad your PCOS is under control!
I do most of my “working out” at my job, which has me walking about 10 miles a day and lifting about 10,000 lbs over the course of the day. Other than that, I tend to get really into one activity, like sprinting or Pilates, for a few weeks at a time, and then move on to something else. I like trying new stuff. I also have a chin-up bar in my kitchen doorway, and I do push-ups on the stairs.
Hey Lindsey, I’m also from vancouver island!!! reading your story here today really moved and inspired me and I want to thank you for it. I wish you all the best
Thanks so much! Go Team Van Isle! I’m in Campbell River…for 49 more days
Wonderful to see you come out of your shell and into the cave! You look great!
Grok on!
That’s one hell of an ambitious walk! You going just through the states or cutting through Ontario on the way?
I’m thru-hiking the American Discovery Trail ( discoverytrail.org ), so I’ll just be in the states this trip.
Fair enough then
It would have been nice to meet you if you were passing through the bottom end of ontario. Either way it’s nice hearing your amazing story! Good luck on your journey!
I’d love to connect sometime- On the forum I’m under the username Ecks and I keep a regular journal on the forum.
*tears of joy*!!!!!!!!!!
The last picture says it all.
Hooooooly crap was along the lines of what I was thinking.
300 pounds to six pack ! Somebody give her a medal
+1
Amazing transformation, Lindsey- great job! You look soooo happy and solid inside now. Yay!
+1
Yes, quite amazing. I wish you continued success! Please post regularly during your walk.
Wow, Lindsey, what an amazing story! It’s so sad that you had to go through all those years of pain, and most of it due to the “foods” you were consuming. But it’s wonderful that you found the right path to health and happiness!
+1
Keep on walking!
amazing story – you should be so very proud
“Holy shit.”
Those were the words that audibly came out of my mouth when I saw your after pics. Seriously, awesome work, not only on improving your diet but improving your outlook. Way to go!
Haha I wasnt sure how Mark felt about swearing but I literally just said the exact same thing!
Congrats Lindsey it’s like a brand new you, sounds like your going to have quite a journey ahead of you with that walk! The mental health improvements are always the coolest!
+1
Happy 25th, Lindsey! What a great story!
Amazing transformation! Love that smile in the last pic – you can just tell you’re loving life.
Reading this was like a punch to the gut. I have a lot in common with you — at least the Before side of things. Your After is an inspiration, and something I’ll save to work through tough times. Congratulations on your success, and thank you for having the courage to so candidly share your story.
Same here. With the exception of certain details, she could be telling my story.
You’re an inspiration Lindsey!
Great story. Thanks for sharing.
Happy Birthday! A Votre Sante!
you have done an amazing thing. I got goosebumps reading this story and am trying not to cry at work. I am so happy for you. Thank you for sharing your story <3
Congratulations on your awesome transformation. And thank you for not being afraid to share the details of your purging days. People need to know how scary that can be and how it damages the body.
Lindsey, what a story! To come from such a dark place back to a happy life. There are so many good things to look forward to in life. It’s a lesson for us all not to believe we can’t improve our lot in life – how we feel is in our control more than we might think.
BTW you’re looking awesome these days – you rock girl!
Such as inspiring story. Thank you so much for sharing!
Like others, I was teary reading your story. Love the phrase – It will pass, and I’ll be stronger. What a great mantra. Keep a blog so we can follow your journey. I think your life will hold amazing things for you. Grok on and stay primal!
+1
You are one strong woman. A great song for your walking journey is an old Motown one. Look up on You Tube, Edwin Starr’s “25 Miles.”
+1
Damn fine.
Compared to the journey you’ve been on, the walk across the continent should be a piece of (primal) cake!
wow, good for you for embracing life, and then gradually making lots of changes to take care of yourself better! it’s great that you feel much more solid and stable, and great that you can MOVE and adventure!
Congratulations! Good to see that you found your way. Sounds like quite a journey.
I don’t think I’ll stop smiling for a week after reading this. Amazing job! I’m so happy for you.
Thank you so much for showing the awesome power of transformational living ….I hope you find much more enjoyment in the future. Heal well!