Meet Mark

Let me introduce myself. My name is Mark Sisson. I’m 63 years young. I live and work in Malibu, California. In a past life I was a professional marathoner and triathlete. Now my life goal is to help 100 million people get healthy. I started this blog in 2006 to empower people to take full responsibility for their own health and enjoyment of life by investigating, discussing, and critically rethinking everything we’ve assumed to be true about health and wellness...

Tell Me More
Stay Connected
August 01, 2013

How To Overcome the Naysayers in Your Life

By Mark Sisson
111 Comments

Naysayers NaysayingIt’s inevitable at some point. Beyond the safe and sympathetic community of MDA and other like-minded cadres, we move through the rest of the world on a day to day basis. It’s likely we even stick out at times. Some of us go barefoot when/where it’s socially unacceptable. Some of us (not me, thank you very much!) sleep on the floor. A few of us have squatting toilet accessories in our bathrooms. A number of us have assembled small CrossFit style gyms in our cubicles. Others store an astounding supply of lard or homemade jerky in our homes. We tend to skip the bread course in a restaurant – perhaps the most controversial of all choices…. When people notice what we’re eating or not eating, how we’re exercising, when and where we’re sleeping, they might begin to wonder (especially if we’re wearing a “live long, drop dead” t-shirt). When they begin to wonder, they often want to ask. Many do. Some, scandalized or seized by concern, may caution, direct or cajole. Sometimes they mean well. Sometimes they’re just mean. How do we deal with the naysayers in our lives? Who are these people, and how do our responses vary given our relationships? Think for a minute. Then sit back with your Primal egg coffee and entertain these possibilities.

Your Partner/Family

You love them. They love you. You disagree on some basic lifestyle issues like whether it’s healthy to eat 450 grams of carbs every day. The disagreement itself isn’t the issue. Emotion says worry for the people you care about. Wisdom says let go of what you can’t control. What happens, however, when they’re the ones who won’t let it go and the old “live, let live” mantra doesn’t keep the peace? If your nearest and dearest are your biggest naysayers, consider the following.

Double dog dare them to try a 30-day Challenge.

Yup. Go big or go home. This can work with the big personalities in your family or maybe your partner (if he/she relishes a good competition). Their diet against yours for whatever poundage, performance or medical measurements you want. I know a husband and wife team who did it this way and upped the ante. The Primal guy asked for a large screen T.V. as his prize. His wife, a CW-advocate, asked for a trip to New York. Let’s just say the guy will be enjoying fall football on the big screen, and his wife has a new appreciation for lower carb living. (Happy ending: they’re also planning a conciliatory trip to NYC this fall.)

Tell your success/success-in-the-making story.

Sure, you can show them the numbers from all your latest blood tests, weigh-ins, and workout routines. What matters the most to the people who love us best, however, is our happiness. Put aside logic and reasoning. Tell them what living Primal means to you – the same way you would tell the MDA community. Whether you’ve made significant strides or are just beginning, open up and let them know the motivation you have to make this happen and the good you’ve experienced. Ask for support and let them know the naysaying is raining on your Primal parade. Get them involved. Put a before photo up and ask them to take updated ones along the way or otherwise help you keep track of your progress. They still may cringe at the Brussel sprouts in bacon fat, but they’ll love the chance to bond.

Your Friends

Of course it depends on the kinds of friends. Truth be told, I don’t believe we owe acquaintances much justification, and they generally don’t expect much. Any arguments are less about your well-being and more about being right. As they say, you don’t have to participate in every argument you’re invited to. That said, for closer friends (the ones who really are motivated to care about your health and happiness), I think the answer is often one part “caring detachment” and one part casual suggestion.

Accept (and share) that it’s not your job to convince them.

You’re not blowing someone off when you draw a healthy boundary that will keep your relationship focused on what matters – for the relationship. You won’t judge them, and you ask them to not judge you. Friendship is based on a respect for each other’s space and choices as much as it is on commonalities you share. Sometimes it really can be that easy. Most of what we think is our business in life isn’t our business, and everyone’s happier for that.

Share the fun stuff.

Sidestep the justifications, and just share the stuff that makes for good conversation (and understanding). How about making a meal for your buddies, or showing off your Primal Cravings cookbook? Keep the peace – and the fun.

Your Doctor

While we can tune out other “experts” in our lives if we so choose, it’s a little trickier when we’re sitting in our doctor’s office stuck on the paper sheet in the ugly gown. We feel like, well, a subject. We might come armed and ready to share our latest Primal successes, but in the time it takes for the nurse to do our vitals, we can lose all sense of agency. I think the key is to first let go of the need to be on the defensive and think about the larger purpose and benefits of the relationship.

Deal in numbers.

Accept that you’re coming at healthy living from a different vantage point. It’s really okay. Just because you’ve adopted various ancestral health practices doesn’t mean you should feel banished from all modern medical care. You deserve to be there. You can benefit from being there. When differing philosophies get in the way, get back to the numbers themselves. They tell a story – a large part of your story. That said, know the numbers you should prioritize. Bond over lab sheets. Talk technical stuff where it’s relevant.

Recast the relationship.

I know a lot of people who, if they can’t find a Primal friendly doctor, will mentally recast their relationship with their health care provider. Use him/her as a resource for certain information and as a means to access certain services. It’s okay to depersonalize it that way. Health care is a commodity. There’s nothing inherently wrong with taking a consumer based view of it. Make the relationship work for you, and do the rest of your Primal work elsewhere.

Yourself

Finally, sometimes we might find ourselves caught in our own web of naysaying – especially if we’re at the beginning of the journey. Understand that doubt isn’t a weakness. Recognize it instead of resisting it. Take it apart to appreciate it. My advice?

Accept it as part of the journey.

Living Primally doesn’t just happen. It unfolds. It comes together and unravels here and there and takes a new and better shape and then proceeds to the same hundreds of times over. That’s the work of any meaningful change in life.

Keep learning.

That goes for learning about Primal living and your own physiology. In my experience, truth feels right before you end up finding the right words for it. Be your own experiment. Question, explore, test, try. Don’t ever stop learning and trying.

Thanks for reading today, everyone! How have you learned to respond to naysayers in your life? Have they learned to back off over time? Have you actually moved away from certain relationships?

Subscribe to the Newsletter

If you'd like to add an avatar to all of your comments click here!

Leave a Reply

111 Comments on "How To Overcome the Naysayers in Your Life"

avatar

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Groktimus Primal
3 years 1 month ago

Most importantly stop caring what other people think. Just keep an open mind and listen in case one of them starts to make sense.

Julie
Julie
3 years 1 month ago

Sure, 100% true. But… this is a lot like telling a fat person to stop eating so much.

It’s the “how” that matters, and there are a lot of good ideas here. Maybe you’ve got the chops to not let the disapproval of others bother you, but I don’t. I mean, I’d love to not care, and I work on it, but it’s not something that I can control that easily.

2Rae
2Rae
3 years 1 month ago
I understand Julie. That caring what people think makes you a nice person which attracts others to you. (it also can help them to feel they need to criticize your choices – not the fun part) I do the “mind over matter” and tell myself that I’m on my journey and they are on theirs, I change me and they have the right to change if they want. I was sort of addicted to “helping” people and that thinking helped me to stop, people help themselves, I found out, only if and when they want. Shrug, smile and put it… Read more »
Shary
Shary
3 years 1 month ago

I stopped caring what other people think a long time ago. Life is too short to put up with negative, disapproving persons, so I rarely mention the primal lifestyle or how I stay thin, fit, and healthy. If asked, I will give a brief explanation. The response is usually, “No grains? That isn’t very healthy”… or “Oh, I could never eliminate sweets or pasta.” Then I just smile and change the subject. They are entitled to their opinion but I don’t have to let it affect me.

Kevin
Kevin
3 years 1 month ago

nice! I do the same thing.

When anyone brings up particulars of my diet choices, I can usually shorten my entire philosophy into the following 5 words:

“I don’t dig on grains.”

wildgrok
wildgrok
3 years 1 month ago

hey agree with this 100%, my exact same reaction 🙂

Dalton K.
Dalton K.
3 years 1 month ago

That’s what I’ve been telling people for years in high school. They just told its easy for me because I didn’t mind not being popular and that I didn’t want to be. Which are both true, but those were just incredibly gratifying sideline benefits of my behavior.

Andrew
Andrew
3 years 1 month ago

“Most importantly stop caring what other people think. Just keep an open mind and listen in case one of them starts to make sense.”

Wonderful words of wisdom that gave me a good laugh and a lingering grin. Thanks, I needed that!

gibson
gibson
3 years 1 month ago

+1 Simple and effective.

b2curious
b2curious
3 years 1 month ago
“Just keep an open mind and listen in case one of them starts to make sense” is how I found this site. I link hopped and clicked on “Will Eating Red Meat Kill You?” (March 2012, guest post by Denise Minger). I figured it was a site run by some crazy vegetarian, but wanted to see just how crazy. (This was partially because my oldest had just become a vegetarian, and I wanted to see some of the propaganda she was hearing.) Very quickly, I revised my opinion to “not a vegetarian, but possibly still crazy.” Then I thought “Hmm,… Read more »
Madeleine
3 years 1 month ago

Good point! I also thought the whole paleo “thing” was crazy the first twenty times I read about it. I wasn’t ready for the wisdom at that point in my life. But over time it began to make sense.

Mary B. Leblanc
Mary B. Leblanc
3 years 1 month ago

my classmate’s aunt makes ($)68/hour on the laptop. She has been out of work for 9 months but last month her payment was ($)20459 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Go to this web site and read more… c­a­n9­9.?­?­M

Celestia
Celestia
3 years 1 month ago

Liar.

Charlotte
3 years 1 month ago

I think this advice holds true for all aspects in life- professionally, as well. when you’re taking the path less traveled, naysaying is the easiest thing to do. i only have a problem with it when i start to hear it internally, then its time for a self pep-talk! also, i agree with the first comment- stop caring what other people think 🙂

Tom T.
3 years 1 month ago

Charlotte, as always you have boiled it down perfectly. I find that in the professional setting you have to use these tips as well, it just makes work less stressful. The tip about talking number with your doctor and depersonalizing his/her services is spot on. That is the one that I use in the workplace sometimes as well. Most importantly you can’t let the naysayers get into your head. Trust what you are doing is right because you feel better every day.

Mary Mac
Mary Mac
3 years 1 month ago

I appreciate all you do for your community, Mark, and have found great benefit from many of your suggestions…but I don’t really think that egg coffee’s going anywhere. Sorry 🙂

Arryn
Arryn
3 years 1 month ago

Psshhh… That egg coffee is quite good! Gotta add some cinnamon and nutmeg.

Anyways, thanks for the articles, Mark! It seems like most of the ones you put out are right in-line with the struggles I am currently facing on my new Primal path. My best friend has been my worst enemy concerning my dietary changes…

Jo
Jo
3 years 1 month ago

I combined the egg coffee concept with the bulletproof coffee concept and ended up with a delicious and frothy brew. Mine had 1 Tbsp pastured butter, 2 Tbsp coconut oil, 2 egg yolks, a pinch of cinnamon, a dash of salt, touch of honey, and splash of vanilla.

Ross Alexander
3 years 1 month ago
I combined the egg coffee with the bulletproof coffee too and it is out of this world! 2 cups of hot organic black coffee; 2 Tbsp Coconut Oil; 2 Egg Yolks; a generous lump of Kerrygold grass fed butter – over here in Ireland we have no shortage of grass 🙂 – a spoonful of xylitol if you need it sweetened or honey; stick it all in the blender and gently blend it until frothy. And top it off with sprinkled 85% coco chocolate. All organic/grass fed ingredients and it tastes like the best gourmet coffee you could ever taste.… Read more »
Ross Alexander
3 years 1 month ago

Sorry, that should be 2 whole eggs, not just the yolks! Don’t know what possessed me to just write yolks. I’d even throw in the shells if I thought I could. 🙂

Harry Mossman
3 years 1 month ago

The only one of these that is an issue for me is the doctor. Thankfully, I just found a doc who is ancestral friendly. She recommends avoiding grains, she measures D level and works to bring it up, she recommends magnesium, etc. She still brings up crap like statins but doesn’t push when I say no. (The insurance company hassles her about “why isn’t this patient on [fill in the blank].”)

The doc is: Kathleen H. King, D.O.. Sacramento, California

Shary
Shary
3 years 1 month ago

I see my doctor about once in a blue moon because I don’t believe in routine screenings, unnecessary drugs, or yearly checkups. If I have a specific complaint, I’m more likely to see my homeopath or a naturopath. If I do need to see my doctor, he doesn’t ask what I eat and I don’t bring it up. Most doctors are woefully ignorant about nutrition, so why even mention it?

Amy
Amy
3 years 1 month ago
I don’t know if I’d go to a homepath or not, but I agree on the yearly checkups and annual screens. The point of regular dental checkups seems mostly to clean teeth and catch the odd cavity. (I knew before the “found” mine, though.) At least they do something real. On the other hand, it would appear the point of an annual physical is to be weighed, peered at, have your blood pressure taken, and then have the Doc ask pointless questions. If you’re really unlucky, they schedule or stick something in your privates or backside to check for cancer.… Read more »
Christin
Christin
3 years 1 month ago
Also, we should be thoughtful not to be naysayers to other persons’ diets. For instance, last weekend we went camping with our neighbors, who are full fledge white bread folks. A friend of their mother came along and as they were cooking meat and sausage on the grill, it came around that she was a Vegetarian. Well, we are in Texas and let me tell you, being a Vegetarian in Texas is almost as sacreligious as being a Veggie at MDA. So everyone was hounding on her, making comments ‘debunking’ her diet. I went and sat with her. We spoke… Read more »
Tom B-D
Tom B-D
3 years 1 month ago

Great point. The more harshly we judge, the more we can expect it to come back at us. Same with compassion, yes?

Mantonat
Mantonat
3 years 1 month ago
If more people were like you, the world would be a much happier place. I’ve never understood why some people feel the need to basically call other people idiots to their faces. I don’t agree with everyone’s choices, but if they are my friends, I support their choices. And if they’re people I’ve just met, there’s no way I would ever just come out and tell them they are wrong. When I have discussions about my eating habits, I try to say things like “according to the books and websites I’ve been reading, vegetables oils are bad because…” rather than… Read more »
Amy
Amy
3 years 1 month ago
“The fact is, the same way I have information, studies, and stories backing how I choose to eat, she also has this backing the way she chooses to eat, otherwise she wouldn’t eat this way.” So the truth is on both of your sides? Hmm… I want think is wrong about the story (and just plain rude) is harassing her for her food choices. It’s not anyone’s business but her own. It has never occurred to me to make comments like that to a stranger in the context of eating a meal. Well, actually come to think of it, I… Read more »
Sara in Brooklyn
3 years 1 month ago
I feel lucky with my doctor, too – not ancestral focused, but respects my thinking (and my numbers!). I must agree with Mary Mac about the egg coffee. I’m pretty sure Grok liked his coffee black, unsweetened, in the way it tastes most like coffee 🙂 For those struggling about what other people think… it might be OK to *care* what other people think, but not to *worry* about it, or let their opinion drive you (if that helps). Another way to think of it: I care about this person. That doesn’t mean I need to take their advice; eat… Read more »
Nocona
Nocona
3 years 1 month ago

I’ve been fortunate that my siblings and even a neighbor have come on board with the Blueprint. I like to think my high energy and positive attitude rubs off. It’s gotta be better than brow-beating and judging. And as Groktimus said, “stop caring what others think”. I think that’s easier for us that are in our 40’s-60’s. You stop a lot of that peer pressure crap in it’s tracks…

trackback

[…] Daily Apple / Posted on: August 01, 2013Mark’s Daily Apple – It’s inevitable at some point. Beyond the safe and sympathetic community of MDA and other […]

trackback
3 years 1 month ago

[…] How To Overcome the Naysayers in Your Life        […]

GiGi
3 years 1 month ago

It’s actually pretty easy to overcome the nay sayers as I do not let nay sayers in my life! My entire family is very active and all of the people I meet will learn firstly that I am all about health, nutrition, and eating right. If they don’t like that, well then they can just MOVE ALONG! I don’t need negative people who don’t care about their health in my life anyways.

Iron grok
Iron grok
3 years 1 month ago
I have had very little naysayers in my journey however have kept the primal lifestyle relatively quite. I have been getting more positive comments on my energy levels and improved mood and when they ask me how I do it I tell them I don’t eat grains, move often at a slow pace and lift heavy things once a week. The normal response is ‘that can’t be enough’. But they never try it for themselves. As Mark said going primal unfolds it’s not an overnight thing. but they never try it. I am lucky to have a very supportive girlfriend… Read more »
Amy
Amy
3 years 1 month ago

“P.s. I stick out when people see me eating a stick of butter with two boiled eggs for lunch and they look at me horrified like I will drop dead the same afternoon.”

After a while, you kinda get a sick thrill out of that reaction. They look at you like you’re at the top of an unfinished skyscraper in bad weather, while wearing shoes made out of bananas. You of, course, realize you’re sitting in your Laz-Boy in the suburbs.

Iron grok
Iron grok
3 years 1 month ago

…..in your Vibrams

Matt
3 years 1 month ago

Great post. One extra thing that helps is to write down what your goals are and write down your progress. Keep it to look at every time someone doubts you. You’ll have it to look at and use it for motivation to keep you going.

Beth
Beth
3 years 1 month ago

I haven’t come across many Naysayers…just the usual reaction of “I can’t live without my bagels!” Grains are so intrenched into the SAD diet that people can’t seem to think you can live with out them. I will share all the amazing benefits and they see the results, many just can’t get past the old programming of what is considered a “healthy” way of eating.

Randy
Randy
3 years 1 month ago

‘I can’t live without my bagels!’

Oooh, I needed a good chuckle.

Erin
Erin
3 years 1 month ago

My grandfather, a farmer, refuses to believe bagels are fit for human consumption. His reasoning? “Even our pigs wouldn’t eat them.”

Helen
Helen
3 years 1 month ago

My response? “It’s “reduced-carb”– I eat tons of fruits and vegetables. Also, I’ve found that if I go back to a high carb diet for several days, such as the BRAT diet when I’m sick, my vision gets worse, and I have to increase the font size on my computer. I’d rather see than eat pizza any day.”

ashley from georgia
ashley from georgia
3 years 1 month ago

Helen, the issue with your vision is extremely interesting to me. I recently had surgery and have been eating ice cream non stop to counteract the pain I feel in my throat from being intubated, and my vision is NOTICEABLY worse than ever before…… Guess I need to stop that asap!

Helen
Helen
3 years 1 month ago

Ashley, the doctors told me I was just fine the first time it happened (as in, no discernable problems they could see), but it was quite noticeable for me. My eyes were back to normal after about 3-4 days on reduced carb (no grains, sweets) diet.

Cindy
Cindy
3 years 1 month ago
I notice my eyesight is much worse if I have anything with too much sugar in it…even a clementine will do it. I work in a large, square building, and when I can’t see the picture at the end of one of the halls, I know I’ve overdone it. My Mom,who is diabetic, always said that if her blood sugar was too high that it affected her sight. Of course, I still can’t get her to stop buying donuts, but at least she is on board with my food choices. If I really over-do it, my feet will itch so… Read more »
Aloka
3 years 1 month ago

All the naysayers stop when they see results. When I was pregnant I had a lot of naysayers but when people saw me before and after pregnancy (i looked no different before and after) and saw the healthy primal baby all the naysaying stopped.

Mark P
3 years 1 month ago

Agreed!

People are all bark, but when you show them some bite (AKA results), they run away with their tails between their legs.

Kevin
Kevin
3 years 1 month ago

Or you see them compute and then divulge the old “I wish I had good gene’s” defeatist excuse…

Thats the one thing I can’t stand when you watch someones logic reduce your results down to something outside of one’s control like we lucked ourselves into some results.

Kriston
Kriston
3 years 1 month ago
I think we’re living in a society where we are obligated to try and convince people that not only is our way the right way, its the ONLY way. Personally, it’s taken me 3 years to step off that merry-go-round. The only thing I’ve asked for as I start this journey (and I’m just starting), is that my family not fight me or make it hard for me to eat the way I’m choosing. At the end of the day, the only person responsible for my journey is me. And I’m only responsible for mine. I can’t make anyone else… Read more »
George
George
3 years 1 month ago
I’m still not eating insect granola bars LOL. Yeah, I’ve lost 30 pounds over the past 18 months by cutting back on / nearly eliminating grains and doing an IF protocol (I always exercised regularly). I don’t try to evangelize, most people make a host of excuses and rationalize their behavior … “I could NEVER stop eating bread, you just have good genes, I read an article that you should have seven helpings of grains a day, your health will suffer in the long run” yadda yadda. I do think leading by example works best. Kudos to Mark (don’t agree… Read more »
Diane
Diane
3 years 1 month ago
I have found the best thing is to just not discuss it. Just make your food choices and keep them private. If someone comments on what is or isn’t on your plate just say it all looks so delicious and keep eating. As for doctors, thankfully this way of life keeps you from having to visit them much. Thus far I have avoided the statin thing by being young. Sooner or later he’ll write the prescription and I’ll file it in the round file. Deflect, dodge, bob and weave. It’s none of their business. I let Mark’s SEO magic do… Read more »
LM
LM
3 years 1 month ago
Yes. I think that talking about one’s health or diet, unless directly asked about it, is kinda bad manners. No one wants to know. Seriously – do you want to hear all about a complete stranger’s kidney function or that horrible bowel problem they have or how they get terrible belly bloat from eating wheat? I know I don’t. I just don’t tell people. For years, I didn’t tell anyone at all. Now, my parents know, because my mother is trying the same thing – I actually got her a copy of Mark’s book. Other than that, my health choices… Read more »
Jim
Jim
3 years 1 month ago
I am a doc which makes some of this easier. With fellow docs, i tell them about the various studies (the A to Z study is great; low carb is the best weight loss diet and also does not screw up your blood lipids. The Art and Science of Low Carb Living by Phinney and Vogel is good for docs, very technical. Low carb has more science to it than primal/ancestral from the pure medical point of view.) When the bagel/bread thing comes up, I tell people that you have to focus on the positive in anything. If I said… Read more »
Julie
Julie
3 years 1 month ago

This: “I’m eating every day like most people eat when they’re on vacation,” is awesome.

+1

ATM
ATM
3 years 1 month ago

Thanks for mentioning the book Doc. I’m currently a med student, have been going low carb for almost a year now (lost 25 pounds) and recently started reading MDA regularly (implemented primal fitness and now I’m getting ripped too)! I’ll try to fit in the read before I started classes for second year in a few days. Really needed a resource that would help bring this all together on a scientific level so I can implement these practices as a professional someday and teach my patients (to-be) how to help themselves.

Thanks Doc!

Miller
3 years 1 month ago

My friends are the worst naysayers I have to deal with. They are constantly on my case about how I am eating, or not eating, and it drives me nuts. But I guess I just have to keep on trucking and not let them get me down.

Doug
Doug
3 years 1 month ago
This hits a little close to home. Most people are curious, there are a couple of like minded people. But for the most part they are so set in their routines and conventional wisdom, they can’t see following it themselves. The part that bothered me the most was my sister, who has yo-yo’d for a few years, was betting how long it would be before I regressed – even though I’ve continued to lose for almost 3 years now. It’s as if she is just waiting and hoping for me to fail. I’m actually fairly tired of talking about my… Read more »
JoeHealth
JoeHealth
3 years 1 month ago

I don’t bother explaining or telling anyone anything anymore.

They don’t care. They are content in their infirmity.

At my age, it’s more cool to talk about your doctor appointments and joint pain anyway.

I need new friends.

Kim
Kim
3 years 1 month ago

Yeah, why is that? Why are some older folks so happy when some infirmity slows them down even more so they can say “I’m gettin old.” My mom loves her sicknesses and my dad totally wants wellness but is too entwined with her to really go healthy in a primal way. He sees my joy in it, and wants it, talks about it, but in the end ..no soap. At least they do not naysay all over me. I wish they felt better, though.

ninjainshadows
ninjainshadows
3 years 1 month ago

Great article! My friend asked me about health and he also asked someone more CW-minded and I didn’t really know how to handle it-almost debating with his other source. This kind of puts things in the right perspective for me.

ninjainshadows
ninjainshadows
3 years 1 month ago

And as far as the situation, the other person he was talking to thought pretty much the same things as me about health, minus getting the majority of energy from fats-sat and mufa.

FireFlyFan
FireFlyFan
3 years 1 month ago

“(Happy ending: they’re also planning a conciliatory trip to NYC this fall)…”

Of course they are. And guess who would NOT be getting a conciliatory flat screen if the 30 day challenge had gone the other way… 😛

Kurt
3 years 1 month ago

“Be your own experiment” – best line in the whole piece. It’s easy to read about stuff, tihnk about stuff, hear other people’s opinions about stuff… until you try it on yourself – whether it’s a dietary change, training change, or other – you don’t KNOW anything.

Norm
Norm
3 years 1 month ago
Mark, regarding modern medical care. Can you share a little more about how one can maintain a primal lifestyle and still benefit from advances in medicine? I’m interested in the broad question but also have a specific concern. I was born with bad feet and it sucks. Primal squats are a real chore and very painful because of the misalignment of my bones and the shortness of my calf muscles. Running and particularly sprinting are nearly impossible without a lot of pain and days of recovery. I’m having surgury next week to elongate my calf muscle and shorten as well… Read more »
Aria
Aria
3 years 1 month ago

I wish I knew how to convert my sister. She’s seriously against animal cruelty – I mean, she doesn’t care that my beef was humanely raised because we killed it in the end. And she loves soy fake meats and beans. I’m okay with the beans but the soy… yuck! Ah, I give up.

Amy
Amy
3 years 1 month ago
I don’t think there is a way to “convert” anyone, especially close relatives.. My sister is CW all the way…despite the high blood pressure (+ pills) at 35. Past attempts at conversation only resulted in her digging in her heels more. We generally just try to ignore the subject at family get together. The most serious problem is if she’s always commenting about the whole animal cruelty thing. The next time she brings it up, ask her to estimate how many small rodents were crushed by the harvester alone that helped bring the soy beans to her table. Anyone eating… Read more »
Kevin
Kevin
3 years 1 month ago

or that less than .05% of the biosphere on this planet fall under the mammal category at all.

The rest of all living matter is feeding off of each other in order to perpetuate all the same, the plants are eating dead plants it out competed underneath it in order to grow etc…

Theirs no way to continue on living without consuming something that was living. Circle of life and all that…

LM
LM
3 years 1 month ago
I just don’t tell people. Most of my friends and family have no idea. I don’t want my food choices to be the subject of commentary. It’s not a good conversational subject, and it’s bad manners to talk too much about one’s health, anyway. It’s no one’s business what I eat and don’t eat. The best way to signal that your dietary choices are NOT a fit subject for commentary is to not talk about them yourself. In fact, I’d rather break the diet than get myself into a situation when I’m required to discuss my food choices in detail.… Read more »
cb74
cb74
3 years 1 month ago

Great post, and I like the 80/20 idea applied this way. I have a bunch of great friends and a great wife who have been supportive, but outside of that I practice the notion of “concealing my nonconformity.” If anyone gives me some grief about how or what I’m eating, I simply say I feel a lot better eating the way I do. The 36lb weight loss in the last four months is hard to argue against too.

Julie
Julie
3 years 1 month ago
Fantastic and timely post. Thanks as always, MDA. I recently convinced a co-worker to do a Whole30 with me this month. Why? I don’t know. It validates me to have someone else I know (and respect) say “Hey, that makes sense.” Otherwise I just try to keep it on the down low. I am tired of the “BUT YOU NEED WHOLE GRAINS THEY”RE GOOD FOR YOU” mantra of the others so I must refrain from bugling my elation at finally succumbing to Primal eating (and even a Whole30 #letsseehowthatgoes) Spousal unit of course notices what I don’t eat but he’s… Read more »
Susan Alexander
3 years 1 month ago
Great post. I realized a while ago that I used to put too much energy into explaining this Primal thing. There’s no upside when the listener is the impenetrable, contrarian sort who won’t let in anything new, even for a minute to think it over before saying the usual stuff we’ve all heard a zillion times. It’s so much more peaceful to just be myself and do my own thing and not discuss this stuff – except with people who are open to what’s completely new to them and would take some doing to try out (read: relatively few people).… Read more »
Stacie
3 years 1 month ago
I have a hard time NOT sharing what I know about the Primal Blueprint and my way of living now, ESPECIALLY with those closest to me. I’ve been Primal a little over a year now, so maybe I’m still very excited about it and want to share it with the world. But heaviness (and diabetes) runs in my family, and I want to help those I love find a way to health. I try not to bombard and overload and overwhelm, and instead show them what I’m doing, cook amazing primal food for them, and carefully explain why I don’t… Read more »
Anna
Anna
3 years 1 month ago

Not caring what others think was hard for me until my 30s. I’m not sure why but it just got easier by itself after that. And I remember caring a hell of a lot in my 20s. So just hang in there?

Amy
Amy
3 years 1 month ago

You spend your 20’s learning how the world works, I think. It’s the era when people become self-supporting. By the end of that process, hopefully most people have figured out a)I need my time and energy devoted to keep this ship called my life afloat and b)people spend most of their time thinking about themselves anyway. If they have either a positive or negative reaction (rather than just indifferent), then that’s really more about them then you.

2Rae
2Rae
3 years 1 month ago
Anna, true, we all care about what others are thinking about us when we are young. I heard someone say “When we are 20 we worry what others are thinking about us, when we are 40 we really don’t care what they think, when we are 60 we realize no one was even paying attention to us in the first place”. I remember in my 40’s that I changed from caring to “well, if you don’t like what I’m doing then turn your head and don’t watch”….. very liberating. I guess that’s one of the best things about getting older,… Read more »
Tab
Tab
3 years 1 month ago

When someone asks why I’m eating this way I give them the quick primal/paleo brief, tell them of my benefits, and then leave it at that! So far that strategy has gained me/us about 7 converts (my mom and dad have went full bore with it!!). Really like the put up or shut up idea for a 30 day challenge…think my wife and me will have this out in the near future!

Thanks Mark!!

Ash Simmonds
3 years 1 month ago

Depends how much value you put in how other people think you should be living your life.

If you know what you’re doing and it’s what you want to do, do it unapolagetically, otherwise you’ll spend your life explaining yourself rather than being yourself.

McKel Hill
3 years 1 month ago

Great post Mark! This area is way too often overlooked when people are making changes in their lives (even if for the better), you’ll always having nay-sayers.

ATM
ATM
3 years 1 month ago

I admittedly on the read the title so far, but I have two words that will shut the naysayers right up: GET RIPPED!

When they see that six pack poppin’ while you forgo the bread and house the house salad and porter house instead, they’ll be left scratching their heads and questioning everything conventional they’ve heard till now. If not, oh well… be green with envy!

Zorica Vuletic
Zorica Vuletic
3 years 1 month ago
I do not have this problem any more. I think it’s b/c of karate. Ah, but alas I’ve got a lot of things figured out. Guess what though, I don’t skip some bread at a wedding. (I skip the pasta though b/c I am personally grossed out by pasta). I can brag to people that I don’t have to worry about food and the way I present it they interpret it on a global/ethical level about how people in developing countries would have to fare ie. I say “I don’t have to worry, I live in Canada. I can go… Read more »
kate
3 years 1 month ago

I’m a firm believer in instant karma, so when naysayers “attack” and throw out belittling comments, I just smile and move on…….

Mountain Diva
Mountain Diva
3 years 1 month ago

I am used to naysayers. I breastfed my kids for 2 years each. I used cloth diapers. They co-slept in our bed when they were newborns. I made their baby food. All organic. They still eat mostly homemade food and I homeschool them. People probably just think this is one more of my dirt-crunching-tree-hugging-Druid ways.

BT
BT
3 years 1 month ago

Well done!

Aknela
Aknela
3 years 1 month ago

Similar here, I am used to being questioned in terms of cloth diapers, tandem breastfeeding and co-sleeping. The home school is something I don’t need, living at a place with many choices in terms of education.
Being a foreigner, I think many people leave me alone for the fear of not offending my culture. It works, even though people of my own culture question me even more 🙂

Magda
Magda
3 years 1 month ago
Yep – just one more crazy thing to add to the pile! I had both kids at home, BF older one till he was 3 – just weaned my younger at 3.5. Did some cloth diapering and no vaccines. We co-slept with both of our kids and still do sometimes. We eat mostly local and organic and I went GF due to my grain allergies. Going Primal was a no brainer! It’s still tough, though, when after years of going without bread, etc. family still offers it to me! It’s not a choice, people – I just can’t eat it!!!… Read more »
James Petzke
3 years 1 month ago

I have a hard time convincing my parents of paleo. My mom is a dietician who was trained during the primetime of gluten and grains, and won’t even listen, and my dad is borderline vegetarian/vegan. Makes for some lively debate at least.

2Rae
2Rae
3 years 1 month ago
I just got off the phone with my Mother in law, asked if she was still using butter, yes. YAY, we are the Mrs and Mrs Buttertons for sure!! I told her that she should try the bullet proof coffee, my FIL is starting to show signs of dementia…. could it be the statins that his doctor has him on? Why worry about cholesterol if you actually need more as you age? So maybe they will start on the BPC tomorrow, she wrote it down and has a blender. I’m going to visit my mom, who has memory problems and… Read more »
Aknela
Aknela
3 years 1 month ago
When you start with the paleo/primal lifestyle, it is hard not to start preaching about it, because you yourself feel so good and so transformed. After a while you realize that only the ones who want to make changes will make them. You cannot force anyone. My excuse for not eating grains or sugary treats when somebody asks is that I don’t do well with gluten. It is partially true, I am not a celiac, can digest the occasional pizza crust here and there, but eliminating most of the gluten sources from my diet did make a big difference. It… Read more »
Lucylu
Lucylu
3 years 1 month ago

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference…

trackback

[…] It’s inevitable at some point. Beyond the safe and sympathetic community of MDA and other like-minded cadres, we move through the rest of the world on a day to day basis. It’s likely we even stick out at times. Some of us go barefoot when/where it’s socially unacceptable. Some of us (not me, thank you […]… Mark’s Daily Apple […]

brenny
brenny
3 years 1 month ago

If you think explaining a primal diet is tough , try giving up alcohol , the peer group pressure is unbelievable .

Jeanne
Jeanne
3 years 1 month ago

I say that my doctor has told me to avoid gluten and sunflower oil (because I have a terrible sunflower allergy). That right there eliminates breads and most of the gluten free packaged foods because nearly everything has sunflower oil in it. This is all perfectly true, it’s just that my doctor is more of a holistic doctor, but I don’t mention that. She specializes in hormones/thyroid (I am hypo). Most people shut right up after the words “my doctor says…”

Ellie Sandford
3 years 1 month ago
Nice post! I thinks it human nature to care about what others may think of us, especially those we love like friends and family. But equally it’s important to tread our own path through life and not try to live in a way that may satisfy others. Provided we live a life that is not hurting other people then what’s the problem? I personally tell everyone I know that I follow a paleo/primal way of eating. I’m not ashamed of it – quite the opposite. If I can convince a few others to try then I think that’s a good… Read more »
Bryan
Bryan
3 years 1 month ago
Great relevant topic Mark! Amongst friends/acquaintances I typically hear something sarcastic like, ‘oh, we can’t go there because Bryan can’t eat the food’. Then I have to remind them again that we can go anywhere we want and that I’ll CHOOSE to eat whatever the hell I want. Their comments flirt with jealously, ‘put your shirt back on’, ‘I suppose you’re running a race this weekend’… we all know the kind. Amongst family it’s very different. They’re all respectful of the changes that I’ve made, and my ‘diet’ (I remind them it’s a lifestyle) is a part of that. They… Read more »
Thomas
Thomas
3 years 1 month ago
Loved the post! I can relate on every level. I feel like an outcast in my Family. I guess I suck really badly at communication because I have tried these techniques with no avail. Even leading by example does not work. My family says that the reason why I am in good health/shape is because I work out. They also say that because I am young is another reason. Not that eating a primal/Paleo diet is the reason. Too much fat, you eat too many eggs and your Cholesterol is going to be too high. And on…and on….blah…I guess they… Read more »
wpDiscuz