When Grok Lives with Korg, or How to Cope With an Unsupportive Partner
When I introduced a forum thread asking folks to share their top three challenges in going Primal, one issue got major traction: the S.O. factor (significant other, for those of you not into the whole online brevity thing). It’s a familiar story. One partner takes on a new health commitment. Life changes for that person. He/she goes through struggles, triumphs, growth – an entire physical and psychological process that potentially leaves a relationship chasm in its wake. Then there are the logistics, a menacing obstacle course of loaded questions and irksome details. Do you still eat together? Who cooks (not to mention shops)? Do we have enough pots and pans to make two different meals each night? How do we handle the kids’ food? Finally, what does it mean for the arrangement when one person’s food expenditure overshadows the other’s?
I’m not talking, of course, about couples who follow individual but similar lifestyle paths. Few people have a fully Primal S.O., and most people don’t exactly consider that a deal breaker to begin with. As many of you noted in the forum, it’s good to honor individuality in relationships. It certainly keeps things interesting. My wife, for example, eats fish but not fowl or red meat. While I’d prefer she join me in devouring a rack of lamb now and then, I understand and even empathize with her reasoning. I also recognize that she’s one of the healthiest people I know. She merges the Primal philosophy with her own chosen values, and the result is pretty impressive. Because her diet obliges certain restrictions, she’s more diligent than I am, I’ll admit.
What I mean here is a true Grok/Korg match. One partner is living (or approaching) Primal, while the other is fully entrenched in CW – or maybe worse. Some couples comfortably and successfully adopt a “live and let live” mentality with ne’er an argument to ruffle their domestic bliss. Others struggle at times, harboring low-grade resentments or continuing disappointment that their partners – however supportive – don’t take up the cause. For a few, the contrast ignites epic conflict akin to a veritable clash of civilizations.
In the forum, there was back and forth about the social and emotional significance we attach to food. It’s not a religion, many said. It shouldn’t derail an otherwise good relationship. Others countered that it was indeed a creed of sorts. As a significant dimension of one’s lifestyle, our food choices inevitably become imbued with our individual values – and even with our identities to a certain degree.
With this deeper facet – and the day-to-day logistics – in mind, here are a few targeted suggestions for both staying true to your Primal quest and keeping peace in the shared kingdom.
Be Comfortable With Your Choice
No, really. Don’t shoot the messenger here, but sometimes others’ divergent choices get under our skin because they’re a constant reminder of our own ability to fall off the wagon. There’s a certain vulnerability to living against the current of a society, let alone one’s own household. It takes a greater commitment – not a white-knuckle, hold-your-breath, dig-in-your-heels declaration, but a deeply personal kind of pledge. It’s a decision to live in the moment and make the best choice for yourself in that moment. No one can undo or undermine your commitment without your permission. It’s accepting the ultimate responsibility. Going Primal may not always be convenient or easy. Likewise, relationships are always convenient and easy either.
Dial In Your Expectations
Don’t start your journey with the grandiose (albeit ideal in my opinion) vision of a happy Primal family. As my mother used to say to us growing up, “You worry about you.” It’s your choice, your path. Would you travel down it knowing you weren’t going to be accompanied by your partner or other loved ones? Well, there you go. Be an example to your partner, but enjoy and own Primal living in its own right – not as a constant representation of the cause, so to speak.
To Each, A Pantry of One’s Own
It’s a similar sentiment to the old adage, “good fences make good neighbors.” A little space can sometimes be enough to keep you from feeling inundated by the alternative choices residing in your household. Claim a space for your stuff and make no apologies. As for shopping and spending, be prepared to sit down and have a practical negotiation with concrete, unimpassioned terms.
Gather the Support You Need
Your S.O. can’t provide for every need or play every role in your life. We all know this, but making/going through a significant transition in life sometimes clouds our judgment. You deserve respect, of course, but fill in the support you need with friends, other family members, online communities (wink), etc. Take the pressure off your relationship, and you’ll likely both feel freer and happier. It’s a funny thing: when you finally let an issue go, that’s when people can surprise you the most.
Research suggests that couples treat divergent dietary paths in much the same way as other conflicts or differences in their relationships. (I guess there’s cause for a potentially heartening – or unsettling – realization there.) It’s a question worth exploring. I obviously believe that going Primal is a good choice, but if your S.O.’s lack of conversion is nagging at you so dramatically that it’s undermining the fundamentals of your relationship, it might be time to examine the issue from a broader, deeper, or more emotional angle. (a.k.a. It’s never really about the toothpaste cap.)
That said, I think it’s fair to feel disappointed, even saddened, by a partner’s disinterest in maintaining his/her health. If you’re taking it upon yourself to stay in good shape and put life in your years (not to mention years in your life), you might wonder why the other person won’t hold up his/her end of the bargain. What exactly, then, is the understanding behind a relationship? I’m going to venture that it isn’t about being in lock-step at every turn, in every moment. Nonetheless, I think it is about explaining why you care. (Then there’s always the jaw-dropping, stunning example you set….) If you’re in it for the long haul, there’s time to grow together – or to realize that some commonalities just aren’t compulsory for lasting devotion and domestic harmony.
Readers, what say you? Are Groks and Korgs compatible? Have you found a way to peacefully coexist in the kitchen, or has going Primal changed the game with relationships for you? Is it ever a deal breaker? Share your thoughts, and thanks for reading today.
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Posted By: Mark Sisson
I find myself challenged in dating due to this issue. I have been primal for about 2 years, and it was my now ex-boyfriend who introduced me to it. It was fantastic being with someone who shared my eating habits and commitment to health and fitness. Now I can’t imagine a different situation. I am trying to find balance in my dating life now. I’m trying to imagine how I could ever be in a serious relationship with someone who would want our kids to have “whole grains and milk” every day. Obviously I can’t just write off every guy that eats grains, but how much time should one invest in getting to know someone and attempting to find out if they would ever compromise on food choices? I would never want to change someone so I will stay optimistic that the right person for me is inherently someone open-minded.
I think you’ll find that this is a life-style a lot of people are adopting. I bet it won’t be that hard to find someone with your views!
Go to some paleo get togethers in your area and do some networking!
Thanks, that is a good idea. I’m also a crossfit athlete so i’ve been trying to encourage the group to do more get togethers outside of the gym. Maybe its time I took it upon myself to host a paleo get together!
I’m in the same position. When you see how important a primal diet is, it really does become quite hard to compromise.
I’d just rather avoid the inevitable tension and keep my standards high.
I agree! There are quite a few people on this planet so I’m confident that it is not necessary to compromise on something so important.
Mark needs to set up a Primal dating service…
alright!! so I’m not the only one that thinks this. good to know!
Maybe we should hook up, lol.
I actually was thinking of joining crossfit for the same reason but not so much for a girl, just other primal people in general, and because I want to do it. it’s double the cost of my normal gym though and I can do everything there already.
finding a girl on the primal diet that is also a good match… I’ve been thinking it’s closer to impossible than just being hard. maybe us primal people should get some kind of sign so we can spot other primals. I’m not really a fan of tatoos but it would make it easier. maybe one day it will be easy – all the healthy ones! haha.
currently I don’t know anyone else on this diet. My old man and one of my sisters seems to be trying it but they live in another state.
How do you guys even make normal friends if they aren’t primal? All people seem to do these days is eat and drink. most social activities revolve around food or alchohol (even sports things if there is a social element).
It would be so good to have a bunch of friends that ate the same kind of stuff. These days I tend to just not go out anymore (for social things). so on the plus side I’m healthier but now I i’ve turned myself into a loner on purpose almost.
a friend (interstate) is organising for a few of us to get together later this year when I’m down there and his idea is to make pizzas in his woodfire oven and drink alcohol. (I currently don’t drink either). sounds great except that I’m going to have to be really inconvenient and isolate myself from everyone and bring my own food and not drink. now is it just me or is that anti social? I think it is, but what the hell is the social way to be around people and still be primal? just the fact that you’re not joining in almost by definition I guess means it’s antisocial I think.
anyway i’m not really concerned about that. what other people think is their problem (literally). but it is annoying. if i look at it from other people’s perspective, why would they want to hang around me if I can’t eat “regular” food?
anyway i’ll work it out somehow…
on the girl topic it’s good to know that there are others out there in the same situation. So i’ve upgraded it from impossible to almost impossible.
now to stop wasting time and go get some more primal food!
My husband did not used to be into the whole Primal thing at all. I did the grocery shopping, but I gave him an “allowance” each week for things that he wanted to pick out — so the cupboards were mostly Primal, but if there was something he really felt the need for, he could have it. He’s lactose intolerant, although I’m not, so I’ve always had dairy in the house that he doesn’t touch.
Recently, his stomach had really been giving him a lot of problems, so I directed him to MDA to look around. He was very pleased that scotch was high on the sensible alcohol list! He’s been experimenting with eliminating different types of carbs, and has come to the conclusion that he will eliminate everything except small amounts of unleavened bread and rice (once a week or so), and that this makes him feel a lot better. That’s where we are now, and I’m okay with that.
Oh, boy, try being a teenager in a family of 6.
I have no input into what isn’t in the pantry. I can go out and spend my money on eggs and farmer’s market stuff, sure, but the candy will always be there.
Plus, my dad, while it’s comforting that he worries about my health, feels that eliminating wheat is an extreme. Because my family is naturally slender, he sees no point in watching what he eats. Yet he has a number of health problems. Diet isn’t always about weight! I don’t think he gets that. I’m most concerned about health, how does that translate into him worrying that this is a bad thing?
But it eventually settles down.
eating wheat is an extreme!
that’s what I reckon anyway.
I would like to say that I found it quite an amazing breakthrough when we were shopping together and I asked for the third time, “Now, before we go check out, are you SURE you don’t want a box of cereal? Not even your favorite kind?” “Nope, I told you I don’t want to eat that stuff anymore. It makes my stomach not feel good.”
Primal 1, CW 0
Yay!!!!
I’m not dealing with an just S.O., I’m also dealing with my parents. I’ve been staying in their house the last few years while they were working out of state; they just moved back, so I’m living with them for awhile until I find a place.
Dad is type 1 diabetic for many years now. I think he can see the benefits of the primal diet, especially the weight loss side (he should drop ~25#). He’s already been doing quite well with his diet, and understand carb counts, now I just need to get him to lower the carbs.
Mom, however, just comes back with an attitude of “I don’t see why grains are bad, we’ve eating them for 10,000 years.” I need to compile a collection of data and papers that have been linked on MDA and elsewhere, maybe that’ll help.
In the meantime, I’ll probably be doing ‘my’ part of the fridge and pantry, hopefully bringing my dad online as well.
My GF is also type 1 diabetic, she does OK with food selection, but refuses to acknowledge the benefits of a higher fat intake and lower carbs. At least she’s already dropped almost all grains and processed stuff; her mother has celiac, so she’s learned from her that bakery stuff is easy to do without.
For the most part my husband and I have a good understanding on food, and since I am a chef and do all the cooking he eats what I make. Sometimes I will make him a small portion of pasta because he doesn’t want to do the spaghetti squash or veggies. He’s a carb and meat kind of person.
The one issue I have that I get annoyed with is how reluctant he is to look at his food choices as being a cause for the migraine headaches or heart burn. I tell him he should consider going off gluten and all grains, but his answer is “Impossible…I’d have nothing to eat”. And since he doesn’t cook and only eats out for lunch then yeah, it’s “impossible” for him. He’s gone a long way with me though and hardly touches soda, and is more sensitive to sweets so no things are “too sweet”, and he shops with me.
Not an issue in my house. I’m new to primal, my husband has not been interested, but makes primal dinners anyway (our dinners were pretty much primal before we knew what primal was). Interestingly, he went to his doctor a few days ago (chronic back probs from lack of exercise) and told the dr about how I’m eating primal. She had never heard of it before, but told him, “Start eating the same way!!” She’s convinced it’ll help his back. Interesting!!
I think we have more of a conflict around exercise. I’m very serious about training (muay thai, running, kettlebells), and he’s pretty lax. It sort of frustrates me that I’m getting stronger while he’s declining (see: chronic back probs). I try not to say anything…
We’ve had issue with exercise at the gym. I could go for an easy 1 hour long session, but he is done with about 10 minutes of light lifting, then stands around watching me sweat. I get annoyed, as in, why the hell did I bring you if you just want to do nothing and watch TV. So, I’ve been trying to arrange more HIIT exercises that we are both done with in 15 minutes.
I’ve expressed some of my success with doing the primal/paleo thing. I used to have horrible hip pain in my joints that I would mostly attribute to standing up all day working in kitchens and walking on hard flooring, but since I was into the primal thing after the first few months I noticed little to no join problems. These problems would keep me from gym time or any exercise because I just felt exhausted from it all. So, now I need to get a exercise schedule back up. I just wish he could have stuck with at least going gluten free for a month, rather than being kind of half asked about it and still suffering. I know I’m not suffering in the same manner, and all I really did was eliminate most grains save a little bit of rice now and then with Thai food.
I eat mostly primal, but my husband doesn’t and it can be quite challenging. We always sat down and ate dinner together, but after joining Crossfit 7 months ago I’m never home for dinner and when we can eat together on the weekends, he always wants junk. It’s weird sometimes he’s supportive and other times its like he doesn’t even know I eat primal and offers me crap! Frustrating and tempting all in one. So happy to know I’m not alone. I’ll never go back to my old ways, but I do cheat every once in awhile. Great thread.
I know how you feel. I will ask “What do you want for dinner?” The first words out of his mouth: pizza. I haven’t touched pizza since July 4th. One night he wanted pizza so much that I went with him to eat and I wondered around the area to find something for me to eat, and no dice for me… so I had to wait feeling hungry while he ate his pizza and a beer, and then I made he watch me eat a big plate of smoked brisket with slaw. Guess who was hungry a couple hours later? Not me ’cause I had a heap of brisket.
Oh, well. He can have his pizza when I’m not around.
This is an interesting topic and one that I think about very often. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and while he eats fairly healthy there is always room for improvement. I am primal.
I shouldn’t complain, really. He’s not out eating fast food all the time but he does LOVE his rices, pastas, cereals, etc. It drives me insane.
He does like eating squash, veggies, etc. But at the same time he says he gets bored with them easily and needs more variety….hence having the rices and pastas.
What I find the most difficult is the grocery shopping. I HATE the idea of his/hers shopping. I like to share dinner time not despise having to cook separate meals. I pretty much decided that 90% of the meals I make will be primal and if he wants something different he will have to make it himself. Same goes for the shopping…if I don’t buy it then it’s not there for him to eat and if he wants it then he will have to go get it.
Now, once kids come along all this will get a bit trickier….
My SO and I do something similar. I do the shopping and only buy a few things I won’t eat (sandwich bread and chips for lunches) so most of the food in the house is healthy. I feel that making his lunch most of the time, even with things I wont eat, is healthier than going out and getting something worse. If he doesn’t feel like veggies with dinner he can cook his own side which doesn’t typically happen.
And as for the other family members, my sister and BFF are very supportive, my mom thinks that I should eat some grains (oats and rice), and then all of the others I don’t feel like arguing with I’ve told I’m gluten intolerant and they are understanding of that at least.
Oh and on the nights I’m not home because of class he usually eats stuff like pizza and mac n cheese so he makes an effort not to eat stuff he thinks I might want in front of me
It’s not only spouses. I recently moved back in with my mom to afford to go back to school full time. She’s in mom-mode constantly with the “balanced” meals and always asking if I want ice cream or cookies or chocolate, etc….it’s slow going, but I’ve gotten her off of the grain based carbs for the most part. Baby steps.
The depression and carb link is interesting. I would not consider myself to be a depressive type, but a primal diet has had a very positive effect on my mood.
I’m a low-carber, and my spouse is just now getting used to the idea that he can live without a third of his plate being pasta or rice or potatoes. I still make carb sides for him, but I make less and generally de-carb them when possible, so he is gradually eating more meat and veg and less carb. At first, he marveled how I could get enough to eat without eating rice or pasta, but now he gets it – after years of seeing me ladle homemade spaghetti sauce over sauteed veggies, eat beef vegetable soup ‘naked’ while putting a little potato or rice in the bottom of his soup bowl (he says he gets “layered” soups now). He actually eats far less carby food now then he ever did – and I know his lipids have improved because of it. Mine sure have!
I’ve noticed that people around me are converting little by little. Everyone agrees that they feel better when they eat paleo.
The issue in my house is she does all of the shopping and most of the cooking.And I do not want to seem ungrateful at meal times. That said she does go out of her way to accommodate me most of the time and I don’t refuse to eat whats on the table when she can’t. Of course it would be easier if I could sell the primal thing, but for now a little compromise is required.
My boyfriend is usually pretty good about supporting my unconventional eating habits. For instance, we were going to get lunch and he suggested a soup/sandwich joint he really liked. I knew there probably wouldn’t be anything there I could eat, and after a little argument we decided on Brazilian BBQ instead. Delicious.
I only see him on weekends, but it seems like he fluctuates a lot with his diet, going from healthy stuff like home-made fish and veggie stews, salads, chicken, eggs and veggies to crap like bagels and diet coke (total caffeine junkie). He jokes about the “caveman” thing a lot too. I end up bringing my own food to his place so I can stay on the diet; I’ve been doing this for several months, but recently it seems like he is kind of offended that I don’t eat his food.
I just wish he’d give primal eating a shot because it would make things less complicated, and because he has these weird skin rashes that going primal would probably improve…fortunately he’s healthy otherwise. It’s tough to convince him of the benefits of this way of eating because he’s healthy and I’m the one with multiple health issues that haven’t improved yet after months on the diet.
I also feel guilty sometimes that I can’t just go out and get a sandwich with him and when I have to ask for special stuff at restaurants.
Remember, you could have a “naked” sandwich at his favorite place–meat w/ tomatoes, lettuce, onions and side salad–and skip the bread. Think of ways you can negotiate this part of your social contract.
That is what I do.
Everybody orders a sandwich/burger with buns…so do I, except when I’m done eating the buns will be left behind on my plate.
I have no issues when I order something breadless or substitute extra vegetables for fries. Restaurants are used to it now. I also have been known to eat the top off pizza with a fork, but I’m a little shy about that.
My husband loves the meat (esp bacon), but that’s where the similarities stop. I buy the groceries and they are all primal. He goes to the store for cookies when he wants and I can’t/don’t/won’t stop him — he is however about 60-70 lbs overweight and I am in great shape. He tells me all the time “I have never seen anyone eat as much as you and never gain weight.” Hello – I am eating veggies, meat, eggs, berries, etc etc, not cookies, donuts, cakes, and pies. But, we co-exist just fine. He thinks I am nuts but loves me anyway, and I wish he’d be in better shape for his health’s sake (he is on lots of prescrips), but if he’s happy then I’m not going to mess with his way of living. So, it works for us.
Wow, that’s my story in a nutshell! We used to be binge buddies; now he buys his own junk food and stores it (mostly) out of my sight. I cook for myself and add a starch for him. He loves that I’m healthier, but he’s hung up on sugar and flour. Meanwhile, he’s got all these ailments that would probably respond to primal eating. I don’t resort to arm-twisting and he’s not interested in changing, so we agree to disagree on food. Peacefully.
Been lurking for a while, but I’m coming out of the shadow to give Mark props for an incredibly thought provoking and well-written thread. Definitely struck a chord with me. We have to focus on our own health and happiness and if our S.O.’s follow our example, wonderful. Too often, our arguments about food are about our own fear of failure, or a desire to “fix” the other person. And if we’ve lived a little, we know that never works!!
I guess I have it pretty good. I can’t imagine dating a CW. My GF and I have managed to agree on almost everything when it comes to diet, and it’s gone through some drastic changes. She’s been a real gift. When we met we were both vegan eating a SAD (terrible amounts of fabricated vegan pretend food). Then she went to nutritional/culinary school at The Natural Gourmet Institute in NY and we started adjusting our diets almost completely in unison. I remember the first thing we stopped buying – soy milk. A big step for a vegan. Then margarine. All soy foods. Boxed cereal. White rice. Juice. Refined sugar including agave. Then we became raw vegan together. Then she and I (vegan for 13 years and 6 years respectively) did the unthinkable… we read The Vegetarian Myth & Nourishing Traditions and began eating pastured everything… raw milk, raw eggs, butter, scrambled eggs, fish, steak, chicken, and of course we kept up with our huge veggie intake since we were fresh off the raw vegan thing. I guess it’s pretty remarkable looking back at on it now. There were some tears and fighting when we transitioned from raw vegan to full on animal consumption, but other than that we see eye to eye.
I have a wonderful husband who has put up with many of my latest fads as long as they don’t interfere with him. However, I was getting concerned about his slow weight gain and decided (without asking the poor man)to send him with primal salads to work. He admits that he was extremely unenthusiastic but was impressed that he didn’t feel hungry until the afternoon. 3 months later he is at his ideal weight and loving his lunches!
I guess i’m lucky in a way…I’ve only been eating this way for about 6 weeks but i’ve lost 7lbs(which is a triumph when you have thyroid issues) I do all of the grocery shopping at my house and so my daughter and I eat Primal. My husband isn’t home during meals until his 2 days off, and since he eats alot of crap during the week he acctualy requests lots of veggies, and real meat. I do try to pack him a lunch when we have left-overs which he appreciates. He also tries the “different” things i make. He may not like them, but atleast he gives it a try. I thought my parents would be the hardest to deal with (my mom loves to bake and my dad has to have bread with his meals) but they’ve been supportive and when i come to dinner they always ask what i can have or what resaurants i can eat at. Comunication has been a big key for us. We’ll see what happens when DH isn’t working so much, in the mean time, all is good…
Oh, how I have ranted about this before! Well, here it goes again…
I am a healthy 115 lbs of active woman who has “fixed” a lifetime of SEVERE eczema,allergies, sinus infections,Gall Bladder issues, etc.. by going paleo/primal.(the most I ever weighed non prego was about 130)
I am married (barely) to a 300 lb man who is a total sugar/carb addict. zero exercise.
He has vascular problems in his legs, but is otherwise healthy (?). His family is all overweight diabetics with heart disease. He suffers from frequent sinus infections. He is currently very depressed, which I believe has been a big part of our current seperation.
We share two healthy, beautiful children.
He tried to drop carbs a long time ago, and lost lbs..but couldn’t stick with it. A life without pizza, pasta, etc? Not worth living..
We are both professional cooks, lifetime restaurant people. Cooking is never an issue. Because we do not work typical hours, he watches the chldren when I work, and vice versa. 3 days a week they eat healthy with me. Then it is a free for all of junk with Grandma and Daddy..OY
My point is that after 13 yrs of marriage, he has seen first hand what this way of eating has done for me. Why wouldn’t you want those results for yourself? And to possibly prevent history from repeating itself with our children? (no allergies, but one has a “thicker” build)***AND iT IS SO FREAKING EASY ONCE YOU BREAK YOUR ADDICTION TO SUGAR!***
I can not make sense of it now, and possibly never will..
P.S. we are of Portuguese descent and were raised on double starches..i.e. fried potatoes AND rice. AT. EVERY. MEAL.
Sorry for the rant again but, hey, Mark, you brought it up! LOL Thanks!
My husband enjoys the primal foods I serve. He thoroughly enjoys the grass fed beef and pastured eggs we buy, but he still buys a loaf of bread, and goes through giant jars of peanut butter (and not to make sandwiches, he eats spoonfuls of it with swiss milk chocolate bars). He also drinks sodas a few times a week.
It bothers me sometimes and I usually end up making a snide comment (of course it’s immediately ignored or passed off with a joke). He’s also one of those lucky people that has a high metabolism, so he never gains an ounce. For the most part, though, as long as he eats all the primal meals I cook, he’s basically an 80/20, which makes me happy.
Unfortunately, I am with your husband on the PB and chocolate it is GOOD!! It happens to be my biggest obstical at the moment. I have moved to all natural PB (NO oil added) and dark chocolate chips instead of candy bars and M&M’s. Now just need to stop eating it completely and save some money for other food.
Try switching to almond butter and apples!! Should hit the spot!
Its keeps me clean.. but I do eat less now, just on workout days.
Trying it to treat it like the treat it is.
I just find it amazing how much push back I receive for not wanting starches with dinner. It goes to show just how socialized we are to eat these relatively empty calories.
Oh, DH will gladly gobble up whatever I put in front of him, and enjoy it, but he is never really “satisfied” on some level without the starches…I don’t know what to make of it really…
My husband is addicted to sweets.
Every meal, every day needs to have some form of sugar to raise his insulin.
For lunch he’d eat half a melon.For breakfast it’s pasteurized yogurt with extra cane sugar and frozen berries. For dinner it’s breaded Schnitzels (least it’s grass-fed meat). He hates eggs and bacon. He loves sweet bread.
For snacks he’d consume 3-4 oranges a day, if they’re out of season he’ll consume any other fruit highly sweet.
All day long he raises his insulin with everything he eats and then complains when he isn’t losing weight and has low HDL and high triglycerides.
Have been working out and eating “healthy” for alittle over 2 years. Started on P90 & then P90X. Followed their eating guide and was introduced to Primal Living by my P90X coach. During the eating change the wife was totally against it. I took over 90% of the cooking responsibilities so that the kids got a “healthy” meal at least once a day. Since going/attempting primal (6 months) living nothing has changed. She is still totally against it and continues to fix the kids pizza, cereal, oatmeal, bread sandwiches, and pasta for every meal she cooks. When I’m home they get meat and veggies and occasionally some fruit. I lost 35 lbs and have kept it off for 2 years now. She has lost none but has gained some. It is tough and frustrating. I do 95% of the grocery shopping in the house so I control pretty much what comes into the house. If she wants crap food she has to buy it since I refuse. I’m not popular on the “Poptart” kid front but they have survived nicely without them for the last 6 months.
Here’s one for everyone…. In general, I can’t complain about my husband not supporting me. We’re very much “live and let live” but here’s where it gets a little weird. He doesn’t eat vegetables. At all. Ever. Period. And since I haven’t been able to overcome that in the 9 years we’ve been together, primal isn’t a choice for him because there wouldn’t be anything (besides meat) for him to eat. Thankfully, he doesn’t have a sweet tooth and he’s never really been into junk food (chips and crackers and stuff) so at least we don’t have that kind of stuff laying around the house.
I would like to nag him based on his health but sadly, I can’t. Our doctor is fine with all of his blood work and he’s one of the leanest people I know.
So…. Since I do 90% of the shopping and 100% of the cooking, I try to buy grains and starches that I’m indifferent to so that cooking them for him doesn’t make me nuts. Generally, dinner is some kind of meat (because we can both agree on that), a starchy side for him and a bunch of vegetables for me. It doesn’t take me any more time to cook dinner this way than it ever did before and we’re both happy with the results.
I have a similar situation with my S.O. He won’t eat veggies or fruit either. His fruit comes in juice form mostly orange and apple. I have to say he’s quite the sugar addict though; lots of Pepsi, donuts, breads (gotta have his PB and Jelly or ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch), potatoes, ice cream, a whole box of Kraft Mac&Cheese (I’d need to go to the hospital if I ate that much!), etc. He’s by no means fat but with his diet, he may as well be. Tansitioning to a healthier lifestyle has not been easy for me, and add in the sugary foods he buys for himself, the temptations are hard to resist. My own faults involve comforting and convenient fast foods and potatoes are a big weakness so finding adequate substitutes is important.
We’re about 50/50 on the grocery shopping. When I’m on track, I look for more organic whole foods. I’m not a major cook, but when I do cook I find I enjoy the act of preparing food and eating it is more enjoyable and wholesome too. You’d think that would be enough for me to keep on track, but I lose it more often than not. We generally share a meat course, and split on the sides (when I’m on track). On nights when I feel like cooking up some salmon, he usually has Campbell’s soup or Mac&Cheese, or a bowl of cereal, pumpkin pie, or some other sweet.
Reading the blogs from Mark and the forums here are a real help for me! I know what I need to do, and I preach it often with co-workers, and friends, but my actions speak louder. Time to change that, especially after reading Mark’s Get Real post. That was a real motivator and wake-up call this morning especially after splurging last night on a Chicago favorite. On my Journey to a more primal natural lifestyle, I hope to set an example for him (and myself).
beef broth, bone marrow, radishes, green cucumber, yellow cucumber, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, coconut milk, butter, pig fat, pork/bacon, beef steak, catnip, raddish greens, roman lettuce, tomatoes, cherries, cilantro, chicken eggs, duck eggs, turkey eggs, elk meat, duck meat, sardines, mackarel, salmon, rainbow trout, golden trout, bass, beef liver, elk liver, onion, onion greens, white beets, red beet juice, rabbit meat and organs, chicken and chicken livers, kiwis, mangos, RAW goat or cow milk, raw cheese, full fat ice cream from grassfed cows, (white rice), seaweed, raw honey, dried dates, roasted almond butter with apples, clams, oysters, lamb meat and organs, halibut, shrimp, garlic, catfish, boysenberry, beef heart, cantalope, watermelon, lemon, octopus, peaches, plums, grapes, mandarines, buttersquash, heirloom,…
more Plant stuff:
brussel sprout, asparagus, cauliflour, mustard greens, leeks, chard, kale, all kinds of lettuce, parsley, rose hip, nettle,…
flavors:
sea salt, rock salt, vinegar, butter, lard, coconut oil, black pepper, herbs, broths,…
nut flour for baking
most pizza places now also make pizzas out of potato flour for people with celiacs (just ask for it).
My Grok/Korg story has a happy ending. I started transitioning to a Primal lifestyle about a year and a half ago. I lost 10 pounds, added weight lifting to my work outs, and my constant stomach aches slowly went away. But my husband was still following CW. He said “but I need carbs to fuel my workouts!” So he and I ate separate breakfasts and lunches (me eggs and salads, him cereals and sandwiches) and either I planned dinners that would work for both of us, or that was a 20% meal for me.
Then this past summer we moved and hubby had more time on his hands. He finally sat down and read The Primal Blueprint. Even then he was a skeptic, but he changed his diet and now has impressively lost almost 20 pounds and says he feels better and has more energy than before! I am definitely proud.
For a year I just shook my head at him but now we are a Grok/Grok household!
Congrats Allison on wearing him down.
It seems like the soft approach works best for most people, and when they are ready to hear the lesson, they hear it!
I was just given a stack of Food network Magazines and as I was flipping through, several photos of meat and veggies (and nothing else) on a plate jumped out at me. Yes, there’s still far more junk, but I think there is hope for the masses!
I don’t live together with my partner, but when we do get together, I always offer to cook and she loves it. I’ll tease her if she eats grain or sugar, and she admits that she feels better after eating the food I cook. She finds the things I say interesting and tends to agree with me, and I’m sure by the time we move in together that we’ll both be primal. It’s just a life-style change, really, which is the most challenging part of all.
This is a great discussion! My marriage has been a training ground for conflict resolution for the 12 years we’ve been together. Power and control issues rear their ugly heads frequently and we have found our common ground with CrossFit, martial arts, and Primal/Paleo eating. When I get driven and rigid, he still starts dragging and sabotaging, yet the benefits of CrossFit and Primal eating are pretty convincing. I can be a know it all and very condescending when I emerge from checking out all the research, he hates that about me, even though I am usually right. Great food, better budgeting and better mental and physical health have motivated us to figure out how to not push each others buttons so we can share this part of our lives. LOL
Truthfully, my husband has been happier about our meals since I went Primal. I do 90% of the grocery shopping and cooking. He’ll occasionally cook up some rice to accompany a dish (usually curries or something else soupy) and frequently packs a sandwich if we don’t have enough Primal leftovers for a full lunch, but all of that is his choice and doesn’t interfere with my cooking.
We don’t have kids yet, but I look forward to having them on a healthy Primal diet from the start. No rice cereal for my babies!
I started Primal on Monday 11/15 after being physically assaulted by a stranger on a deserted public walkway. The man hit me in the leg for no reason and there I was, 61 years old, fat and vulnerable, unable to do anything. I went home to my partner and said, “I’m going to change this; I never want to feel this helpless again.” Though she is a CW eater, she has been very supportive. We talked about my need to keep sweets out of the house for now; she asks how my “regimen” is working for me and has said she has no problem cooking for herself when our menus conflict. This program is not something she wants for herself but I am hopeful that she’ll see the results and decide to grok on with me.
Best to all of you today!
Wow, I am so sorry that happened to you! That is great you are turning a bad experience into something positive; best of luck!
so maybe this stranger was an angel in disguise that got you to change your way of life?
Positive side to everything…