When Grok Lives with Korg, or How to Cope With an Unsupportive Partner
When I introduced a forum thread asking folks to share their top three challenges in going Primal, one issue got major traction: the S.O. factor (significant other, for those of you not into the whole online brevity thing). It’s a familiar story. One partner takes on a new health commitment. Life changes for that person. He/she goes through struggles, triumphs, growth – an entire physical and psychological process that potentially leaves a relationship chasm in its wake. Then there are the logistics, a menacing obstacle course of loaded questions and irksome details. Do you still eat together? Who cooks (not to mention shops)? Do we have enough pots and pans to make two different meals each night? How do we handle the kids’ food? Finally, what does it mean for the arrangement when one person’s food expenditure overshadows the other’s?
I’m not talking, of course, about couples who follow individual but similar lifestyle paths. Few people have a fully Primal S.O., and most people don’t exactly consider that a deal breaker to begin with. As many of you noted in the forum, it’s good to honor individuality in relationships. It certainly keeps things interesting. My wife, for example, eats fish but not fowl or red meat. While I’d prefer she join me in devouring a rack of lamb now and then, I understand and even empathize with her reasoning. I also recognize that she’s one of the healthiest people I know. She merges the Primal philosophy with her own chosen values, and the result is pretty impressive. Because her diet obliges certain restrictions, she’s more diligent than I am, I’ll admit.
What I mean here is a true Grok/Korg match. One partner is living (or approaching) Primal, while the other is fully entrenched in CW – or maybe worse. Some couples comfortably and successfully adopt a “live and let live” mentality with ne’er an argument to ruffle their domestic bliss. Others struggle at times, harboring low-grade resentments or continuing disappointment that their partners – however supportive – don’t take up the cause. For a few, the contrast ignites epic conflict akin to a veritable clash of civilizations.
In the forum, there was back and forth about the social and emotional significance we attach to food. It’s not a religion, many said. It shouldn’t derail an otherwise good relationship. Others countered that it was indeed a creed of sorts. As a significant dimension of one’s lifestyle, our food choices inevitably become imbued with our individual values – and even with our identities to a certain degree.
With this deeper facet – and the day-to-day logistics – in mind, here are a few targeted suggestions for both staying true to your Primal quest and keeping peace in the shared kingdom.
Be Comfortable With Your Choice
No, really. Don’t shoot the messenger here, but sometimes others’ divergent choices get under our skin because they’re a constant reminder of our own ability to fall off the wagon. There’s a certain vulnerability to living against the current of a society, let alone one’s own household. It takes a greater commitment – not a white-knuckle, hold-your-breath, dig-in-your-heels declaration, but a deeply personal kind of pledge. It’s a decision to live in the moment and make the best choice for yourself in that moment. No one can undo or undermine your commitment without your permission. It’s accepting the ultimate responsibility. Going Primal may not always be convenient or easy. Likewise, relationships are always convenient and easy either.
Dial In Your Expectations
Don’t start your journey with the grandiose (albeit ideal in my opinion) vision of a happy Primal family. As my mother used to say to us growing up, “You worry about you.” It’s your choice, your path. Would you travel down it knowing you weren’t going to be accompanied by your partner or other loved ones? Well, there you go. Be an example to your partner, but enjoy and own Primal living in its own right – not as a constant representation of the cause, so to speak.
To Each, A Pantry of One’s Own
It’s a similar sentiment to the old adage, “good fences make good neighbors.” A little space can sometimes be enough to keep you from feeling inundated by the alternative choices residing in your household. Claim a space for your stuff and make no apologies. As for shopping and spending, be prepared to sit down and have a practical negotiation with concrete, unimpassioned terms.
Gather the Support You Need
Your S.O. can’t provide for every need or play every role in your life. We all know this, but making/going through a significant transition in life sometimes clouds our judgment. You deserve respect, of course, but fill in the support you need with friends, other family members, online communities (wink), etc. Take the pressure off your relationship, and you’ll likely both feel freer and happier. It’s a funny thing: when you finally let an issue go, that’s when people can surprise you the most.
Research suggests that couples treat divergent dietary paths in much the same way as other conflicts or differences in their relationships. (I guess there’s cause for a potentially heartening – or unsettling – realization there.) It’s a question worth exploring. I obviously believe that going Primal is a good choice, but if your S.O.’s lack of conversion is nagging at you so dramatically that it’s undermining the fundamentals of your relationship, it might be time to examine the issue from a broader, deeper, or more emotional angle. (a.k.a. It’s never really about the toothpaste cap.)
That said, I think it’s fair to feel disappointed, even saddened, by a partner’s disinterest in maintaining his/her health. If you’re taking it upon yourself to stay in good shape and put life in your years (not to mention years in your life), you might wonder why the other person won’t hold up his/her end of the bargain. What exactly, then, is the understanding behind a relationship? I’m going to venture that it isn’t about being in lock-step at every turn, in every moment. Nonetheless, I think it is about explaining why you care. (Then there’s always the jaw-dropping, stunning example you set….) If you’re in it for the long haul, there’s time to grow together – or to realize that some commonalities just aren’t compulsory for lasting devotion and domestic harmony.
Readers, what say you? Are Groks and Korgs compatible? Have you found a way to peacefully coexist in the kitchen, or has going Primal changed the game with relationships for you? Is it ever a deal breaker? Share your thoughts, and thanks for reading today.
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Posted By: Mark Sisson
Right now, I’m glad I live alone.
I’m jealous.
My husband really doesn’t mind the meat and vegetables, the compromise we’ve struck is that once in a while he gets corn and white potatoes. He also buys Pepsi for himself. It’s pretty easy to whip up a can of corn for my husband and steam some chard for myself.
My partner has loved all the bacon and meat and eggs we’ve been having. We shop together at the farmer’s market on saturday. But he doesn’t like to exercise at all. This worries me, as he gets older. He had polio as a child and has a slight disability, but he can swim, and he joined a local pool to do that, but he almost never does. I’m worried that he will lose muscle and bone mass and start falling down more, and eventually have a fracture that might be really disabling. But I’ve given up on encouraging him to exercise more.
Hi Shannon,
Since your partner joined a pool, he obviously enjoys/has some interest in swimming. But it’s difficult to keep up a regular, meaningful routine of exercise just swimming laps alone in a pool. You should encourage him to join a masters swim group (lots of pools have them), where the exercise is performed as a group under the direction of a coach, with timed intervals and lots of mixing up of different strokes, speeds, distances, etc. Makes it far more interesting and the time flies!
it might get him more motivated if you two swam together! to get him to do the sprints you could say it’s a race maybe?
This was an issue with my ex-girlfriend and I (not the reason why we split). She constantly ate pasta, bread, cereal, etc. She made pasta everyday practically. I have good will power when I get going but when I am starting a diet I fall like a drunk on a treadmill. I never resented her for it. She knew what I wanted to do. She would offer to make food for me (pasta) and since my will power was low I conceded.
She does suffer from depression…and after doing research on depression I read that depressed people tend to eat more carbs. Maybe there is something to this after all.
We couldnt see eye to eye on dietary choices but it was never a starting point to have an argument. We let each other live the way that made us happy.
This fact intrigues me. My family suffers heavily from depression, and also from diabetes.
My father had major depression and committed suicide as a result. Just the other day I ran across an excellent lecture by Dr Robert Sapolsky (Professor at Stanford I believe) on depression that opened my eyes about what my dad was going through with this horrible disease. For anyone interested here’s the link: http://spoken-gems.com/2010/05/04/robert-sapolsky-depression/
Thank you for that link. I am going to read up on it some more now. I originally did a wikipedia search and read some about it. I know wikipedia isnt the best for research but it is quick, easy primer to a subject.
I feel terrible that people have to live with such a condition. I see my ex, she is an absolutely great person and even better girlfriend. To know that she has to go through that breaks my heart more than when we broke up.
I wish I was more proactive in my research but I doubt it would have changed our separation.
You should read the book “Lights Out: Sleep, Sugar, and Survival” Among other things it touches on the inter-relationship between sugar, sleep, and mental illnesses.
That is really interesting – I have recovered from bipolar disorder since becoming Primal, my father’s mother’s side of the family were diabetics and she was a manic depressive, her weight fluctuated hugely as the mania and then depression swept through her life. I’ve done battle with the mental side all my life until this year. And I was a gestational diabetic … there is most certainly a link. I’ve found quite a bit on the internet including a diet for bipolarity which low and behold is pretty much what we all follow with PB. I’m hoping Mark will do a post on this at some point.
And yes, as a friend and I talked about just this afternoon, you have to have been in depression to really understand it, good to know there are sources of information out there that can help the fortunate non-sufferers get a hold on what it is all about.
This post just makes me even more grateful for the acceptance, even enthusiasm, my husband has toward my personal quest for the optimal diet. But since going Primal, things have gotten even better. I chalk that up to our improved emotional well-being from all the good protein and fat that was missing from our previous mostly vegetarian and pasta, rice, legume filled diet. As a previous tri-athelete, he did resist giving up pasta, but came to his conclusion that he just felt better without it. He use to stop for Cheetos on the way home, but not anymore. And he really liked jam and toast with his eggs and bacon. So I made it for him, and not for me. Then one day, he said “I really don’t need bread and jam anymore.” So I said, “Great, but if you change your mind, let me know.” And he hasn’t changed his mind yet. I’m lucky that he came around so quickly, but even if he never did, there’s no way it would ever be a deal breaker.
wow, that sounds just like my own husband. I has joined me after months of going on about rice and pasta. He lost a bit of the fat he was gaining, has become very lean and better yet… his psoriasis is completelly gone.
It is the temptations that are thrown in your path with a non-primal partner that are the hardest to face. I’m not truly primal but most of the primal/paleo beliefs fit with my own.
But my partner is a million miles away and what he eats sometimes tempts me!
I find that dont push anything onto your partner. She-He will see the progress, your ENERGY LEVEL, body composition change and will, ONE DAY, go primal! There is no reason why! You just have to keep at it and not to force your partner into it!
I agree with you. Since I started eating primal foods and exercising with a purpose, my wife and I have noticed my six pack coming in and she is now making better food choices as well. I never push it on her, I just let her observe. Seems to work slowly but surely at my household.
I agree with RDunn, I’m really glad I’ve started primal living at a time when I live alone. It means I’m less likely to fall of the wagon
Its incredibly EASY to fall off when you live with parents who buy loads of non primal food. I have not fallen off completely but all the wheals are “loose.”
I think it might be a deal-breaker early on in a relationship, but once you’re in for awhile it’s unlikely. Too many other factors by that point. :p
That said, it can definitely be a problem. My wife frequently goes all-in on various diets and dietary changes, then loses steam after awhile due to temptation, fatigue, poor results, etc. It was the same with primal living – she stuck with it much longer than most things, but ultimately decided she loved bread and pasta and sweets too much.
One of her problems was that she didn’t lose any weight eating primal. During that time she had some simultaneous setbacks (a surgery, training injury, vacations and lapses) that make it understandable, but she was disappointed.
She has since turned to an off-label prescription that is supposed to help people lose weight and essentially eats a SAD, and unfortunately has lost weight doing this (seemingly the most important thing to her) so I don’t think she will ever be inclined to try again. All of her favorite things to eat are decidedly non-primal, and despite her autoimmune issues she’s said that she will not give up a number of things that could be exacerbating her problem.
One good thing is that, since we’ve gone our separate eating ways, she has started at least having a healthier attitude about food and eating – she was bordering on an eating disorder at times, she would be so upset with herself. Now she is more relaxed. But she has in turn taken to being that cajoling voice on my shoulder that it “doesnt’ matter” and I should “cheat with her this once.”
I really worry about her long-term health; she has enough issues as it is that I think she is setting herself up for more problems down the road rather than taking the (admittedly hard) steps that might actually improve her conditions. All I can do is try my best to set a good example, continue making primal choices when I cook for us, and be proud of the steps she does take along the way. But it is hard. Watching someone make harmful choices that will ultimately affect both of your lives (be it eating, or smoking, or exercise, or whatever) is one of the toughest things. Letting go is sometimes the only way, especially with stubborn people (and there are more of those than you think!) They have to choose it for themselves.
I really think there are some other considerations here. For example, are we talking about one healthy person who for mere whim or health-preference wants to go primal? Or are we talking about one person who is dangerously unhealthy, seriously intolerant to certain damaging foods, as a side-effect has addictive reactions to some of them, and is trying to save their own life, literally, and their energy for lifestyle, in the meantime?
When I first started eating well my husband took up making pies, cookies, cakes, and deep fried donuts. The man had no interest in sweets for 5 years until then. When I bought food for me to eat Atkins at the time, stuff he didn’t like, and he ate things I didn’t like (kraut, german sausage, beer), he mysteriously took up only wanting to eat MY food instead of his, without replacing it (I worked he didn’t so he had time, I didn’t), leaving me arriving home for work to the smell of chocolate cake and no ok food whatever.
It wasn’t that I didn’t communicate or try to solve this in 101 different ways, all of which merely reinforced the lesson that you really cannot change other people; you can communicate your views and what is workable as your minimum, and they change–or they don’t–it’s their decision.
When I dropped eating wheat, having just discovered my severe asthma and severe allergies and severe acid reflux were all directly caused by it (and cured by 2 weeks off it), I would make a careful dinner for us all, and then he would run in and broil a big french loaf garlic bread (my biggest weakness).
I certainly do have responsibility for my own decisions but SMELL is as affective as cigarette smoke on brain chems I suspect–certainly affects appetite and many enzymes. This is like helping your alcoholic spouse by waving shot glasses under their nose repeatedly.
So, coming to the conclusion that my ‘responsibility for my own decisions’ was a) not working out so well on the temptation front, and b) a matter of life and death (as I was severely morbidly obese), I made the responsible decision, and divorced his sabotaging ass.
This may not have solved my food problems entirely, but that 195# weight loss overnight certainly helped!
I’m probably only alive today due to changes I was able to make in my health after that point.
PJ
Wow, and thank you for sharing that.
Seconded. And if he was willing to act like this over mere food, I’m sure there were plenty of other factors for divorce too. (no need to get into them here, of course….)
Seriously. Word up to you for taking control!
Bravo!
For real, bravo.
This is a big one for our family.
My husband read all the literature and joined me about six months after I started, he’s lost 6 kg and feels and looks great, better than at anytime in the 15 years since we’ve been together (not bad for a 52 year old!). He isn’t hardline about it though and if he occasionally fancies something non-Grok he’ll eat it.
However, my brother’s wife, although very helpful with providing him with his Primal food continues in her eating habits – she is obese, and smokes, and rarely exercises (she drives the 1 mile to work and back every day) and is on multiple meds for blood pressure, cholesterol etc and has various digestional problems. It has caused stress in their relationship but now I think they are living and let living. It upsets my brother who has lost 6.5 stones and is now fit and well. He loves her and doesn’t want to see her so compromised healthwise and likely to live a far shorter life than him.
As for my parents, my mother is resentful of my Dad’s adoption of Primal eating (he’s lost 30 lbs and now takes minimal meds for osteo-arthritic knees and is walking much easier) but she does, mostly, provide him with the Primal diet. It’s an incendiary topic of discussion though. She continues with her CW low fat, high carb (wholegrains) fish only diet and is the only one who has to take meds for blood pressure and she has borderline glucose intolerance – go figure.
It amazes me that intelligent people can live alongside amazing transformations and not want in on the act themselves!
I’m reading some of these horror stories, and I must say, I count myself among the truly lucky.
My girlfriend and I met and bonded several years ago over our mutual vegetarianism, which both of us had practiced for more than a decade. When I made the switch to Primal eating (and living), I know that it was a big shock for her. However, I think she was more disconcerted by the macronutrient compositions of the diet (“you’re eating HOW much saturated fat?!”), because she comes at her own eating choices from a background steeped in medical knowledge. There was a period of about a month in which she kept coming to me with various questions about the biomechanics of the diet, how it worked, what I was supposed to eat and what I wasn’t, and – thanks in very large part to the wealth of great info available for me to study here on MDA – both of us learned a heck of a lot more in the process.
She’s comfortable with my dietary choices now, and although she remains steadfast in her vegetarianism, she has likewise taken it upon herself to be better about consuming organic, local, non-GMO foods, and to really consider the full nutritional picture of her own diet for her own needs. I’m super proud of that – not to mention that I feel blessed to have someone so thoughtful and understanding as an “S.O.”
So thank you, Mark, for all the great info and advice – I doubt I could have handled the situation nearly as well without it.
I am greatful for my awesome husband! He has 100% supported my quest and has stood steadfast with me. He tries absolutely everything I have made (and some of it was not very tastey) and either lets me know if he liked or would prefer something else. He loves his grains and cookies at the moment but I know sometime in the future he’ll jump on board with me full time.
grateful, rather. lol bad spelling.
I did the same thing Andrea…just got lucky and caught it before I hit ‘submit”!
tasty too. Man I’m off today.
I have considered separating the food into his & hers sections for quite some time now. Think I’m going to do it!
And ask that he not make certain things when I’m home as the scents are pure torture sometimes (ie: popcorn!)
I agree with you Kelda: I can’t understand it either! How can the see you transform & not be the least bit interested?
I met a couple in Hawaii last Fall. She was wearing Vibram Five Fingers and he was wearing those rocker shoes; she thought “Born to Run” was the awesome-est book ever, he thought it a load of merde.
Talk about a mixed marriage!
This is one of those instances where “LOL” actually means I laughed out loud!
My wife and I have been married for 28 years and we are polar opposites when it comes to health and fitness.
I’m always looking for non CW ways to improve my wellbeing. She keeps promising that she’ll come over to the other side but it hasn’t happened yet.
I’ve learned to explain what I’m doing without preaching and to gently encourage her to give it a try.
Someday It will happen. My only worry is that we are just turning 50. I just hope she realizes that a better health commitment sooner will make life a lot more fun later.
She’s a great person and would like for us both to be active for a very long time. I guess if there is any hint of frustration or resentment it would be to not have that happen.
In the mean time I’ll just keep plugging along.
I’ve only had to deal with a small similarity to this problem. I shared a house with a friend (I was a renter). She ate pasta literally every night. We found that I would just let her do her thing in the kitchen, because it was pretty fast and didn’t use many dishes (which is why did it – she doesn’t really cook much), then I would take over. I only cooked every 2-4 days, and she would do it almost every day. We joked about it.
My husband is okay with ME being primal, and is even fine with eating low carb dinners. He, however, eats his lunch at the drive thru almost every day (partially because I can’t seem to pack him a lunch).
I don’t know if I’ll ever get him off of diet pepsi.
I, myself, have a very weak hold on my diet, and can talk myself into eating whatever is around. He has been very resistant to the pantry purge, and my in my weakness I haven’t done it yet, and I’ve been “trying” to live primally for a year and a half. If I had his FULL support, I think I could do it, but with even a little resistance I give in. I am much more overweight than he is, and have been this way my whole life. I’m tired of it. He has only recently ballooned to a beer belly (he doesn’t drink, though) and doesn’t seem to care much at all about it. I care, because I know how hard it is once you’re fat, and don’t want him to be like me. It’s hard to tell him that, when I’m a female who weighs more (though not much, now) than him.
This is just a hunch based on my own experience, but you may want to read a book called Neris and India’s Idiot-proof Diet. It essentially describes a primal/low carb diet but I recommend it for the thorough and frank discussion of the emotional/motivational issues we go through with weight loss (particularly geared at women). It certainly gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to dive into this way of eating and stop giving in to outside pressures. It was also a fun read
I was fitter/healthier than most before I gave up grains, chips, sweets, etc. So it’s hard for my wife to see where I’m coming from. She’s supportive enough when it comes to my decision. The pain arises with our children. My 7 year old’s diet is primarily bread-based and nothing I do or say is making a difference. It’s probably the only troubling thing in my life right now, so I can’t complain. I just can’t shake it. I want him to eat fruits, nuts, and meat so badly, but she keeps shoveling bagels and sugary granola bars at him–saying that we can’t let him starve, and that the pediatrician supports it. Ugh.
Don’t fight food battles with kids. It’s the biggest waste of time on the planet. All you can do is try to limit the really horrible stuff like sodas and candy.
That pediatrician sounds like a failure even by CW standards…
I am by no means married or a parent, yet, but my response would be to put my foot down and take control of the situation. I’d probably say: NO! I am not allowing this junk in my house. From now on I’ll do the shopping, and I’ll do the cooking. Don’t worry about, because I’ll take care of it.
And that is why you are neither married nor a parent.
LOL!
Wow! It is a tough world out there. I just would like to add that it is not always the reluctant partner’s “fault.” My wife is the one who turned me onto the Primal lifestyle but she did so from an intellectual rather than experiential point of view. When I started living the life, I thought, live and let live would work fine so I kept the food and exercise to myself. i did not want to always be going on and on about the benefits of this and the problems of that, so I kept mum. It finally came to a head when she confronted me and asked why I was being so selfish? Why didn’t I want her to eat the same as me? Why did I cook alone?
“What we had here was a failure to communicate.”
Since then we share literature and plans to visit the 100% grassfed farms. I cook for all and she has joined with the Primal life. . . mostly. Slow and steady makes for a peaceful homelife and communication opens so many doors.
I deal with this daily , my S.O. is deadset to stick with CW despite what I have acheived going primal. she refuses to give up her cereal ,potatoes, pasta ect. I do a lot of the cooking so we are able to work around it and some days we basicaly have two different meals. but a lot of what I prepare the rest of the family loves anyways so it all works out . she has actually lost weight without trying just by eating what I do some of the time. it used make it hard for me sometimes when theres a pan of brownies in the kitchen , doesn’t really phase me at all anymore, I’ll take a steak or chicken over that anytime.
I figure after a while they will get it , forcing it on them wasn’t going to be effective ,just lead by example.
I don’t have an issue with the “you do your food thing, I’ll do mine” beyond the logistics. However… the kids. They aren’t mature enough to make their own choices here. My S.O. isn’t exactly hostile about it and is letting me set the menu for the month of February. Now I gotta figure out breakfast for six kids, a spouse and myself! The other meals are a challenge but breakfast is the quintessential carbfest.
One more thing, I’m putting together a “primal primer” class for my older kids and wife before February. Should be interesting to see if they “get it”.
Hi Scot,
I took the original recipe from the paleoplan.com and have been eating them Monday to Friday at breakfast time for two months.
They are a little high in carbs (according to fitday) for some people but worth a go!
Ingredients
2 cups blanched almond flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon celtic sea salt
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 cup dates, pitted
3 ripe bananas
3 eggs
1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar/lemon juice
¼ cup coconut oil/ almond oil
1 ½ cups carrots, shredded
¾ cup walnuts, finely chopped
Alternative
Dried apricots, ground ginger and the zest and juice of an orange instead of dates and cinammon.
1 Grated apple to replace a banana and some dried bluberries.
Instructions
In a small bowl, combine almond flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon
In a food processor, combine dates, bananas, eggs, vinegar and oil
Transfer mixture to a large bowl
Blend dry mixture into wet until thoroughly combined
Fold in carrots and walnuts
Spoon mixture into paper lined muffin tins
Bake at 350° for 25 minutes (in my oven it takes closer to 40 min and I cover them with foil after 20)
I get 15 muffins out of this mix.
The following is the nutritional info per muffin for my way: Calories: 218, Fat: 13.3 g, Carb: 23.6g, Fiber: 4.7 g., Protein: 5.5g
Wow, I really needed this post today. I need to be on a very restrictive diet for my health and two of my 4 children eat gluten free. My husband likes his breads, crackers and ice cream and sometimes it is all I can do to walk out of the room. I think it all comes down to respecting others choices…..it has been a huge learning curve for me! Thanks again
I got into this lifestyle recently through reading. This started with following links from Nassim Taleb to Gary Taubes and Art de Vany and on to Body by Science and Mark. Issue 1) is my wife doesn’t think you can learn from books. She wanted to lose weight and pushed me into buying an exercise bike and then a treadmill, neither of which she uses(but the exercise bike admittedly makes a good clothes hanger), but she can’t relate to my enthusiasm fired by learning from reading. This did get me on the road to exercise though. Issue 2) is that my wonderful wife is from Thailand, and the family business is (you guessed it) rice farming. So the advice that I wanted to ‘Go Primal’ and not eat rice (along with pasta, bread, potatoes etc..) did not go down very well. It caused and still causes major problems. I just have to compromise by taking a bit of rice when we eat Thai food. I get the feeling I am damaging myself and she gets upset because I am insulting her way of life, her culture, her mother and Thailand in general. When I talk about not eating rice to other Thai friends the reaction is intense. I’ve seen them covering their ears up shouting ‘I don’t want to know, go away’. Still the compromise is in place and nothing will damage our great relationship. It has been tested. It was further tested when she saw the Vibrams which she hated. She hasn’t yet spotted the pullup bar I installed in the loft hatch today but that should be interesting.
Don’t fight over rice. It’s way less harmful to you than other grains. If you can get rid of the other stuff & save yourself some marriage trouble, you’ll be in better shape.
Going Primal didn’t really cause a lot of hassle until my SO and I moved in together. There were a lot of conflicts early on about the cost of meat in particular vs. that of pasta, cereal, and other SAD staples.
A little at a time I’ve been able to get her into healthier dietary habits (though she refuses to touch a salad, and I almost never see her with a vegetable of any kind), but she still keeps the pasta and cereals around, still likes to buy breaded chicken and the like, and almost seems to have taken a passive aggressive stance on my diet, as if she’s determined to undermine me rather than outright oppose, which has led to some new conflicts.
Of course, as Mark pointed out, it’s never *really* about the cap on the toothpaste. That said, differences in diet are probably bigger than differences in religion. Not everyone lives their life around a religion, or even has one, or any special feelings about the topic. And even if they do, there’s no requirement to share or reveal such. Everyone, however, has to eat, and it’s pretty easy for everyone around them to see what they’re eating.
I’d say the most blowback that I get, actually, is from older relatives who are resistant to change (and taking me seriously), and relative strangers like coworkers or restaurant employees. With the former group, I’ve just achieved detente, but with the latter I sometimes resort to just saying that I’m diabetic and thus can’t touch sugar or certain other foods. Not that I’m proud of this, but it is shorter than explaining to every waitress why it’s important to me that I don’t get a regular soda.
I usually tell my coworkers and friends that diabetes runs in my family (which it does), and I am taking preventative measures against it. That usually keeps the conversation pretty neutral.
I’ve used that one, too, and it does seem to help. Often, though, I get the “a little won’t hurt”. I then explain to them that I’m one of those people who can’t eat “just a little” of anything.
Which you are! Loading the human form with more sugars than we evolved to deal with will certainly result in some illness of some form or another at some point!
I do the same, don’t name diabetes but say I need to keep my sugar low when pressed … I’ve long since stopped trying to explain, as soon as you mention evolution eyes roll and you are on a hiding to nothing!
Wow, do waitresses seriously ask you why you don’t want a regular soda?
How’s this?: I ordered a hamburger-no-bun and a side of green beans at a typical chain restaurant and the waitress was enthusiastic when she brought it to the table! I almost fell over.
Yeah. I’m a tall, lean guy (borderline skinny) so ordering a ‘diet’ gets a funny look. More often the problem is having to send back a regular one when they get lazy and don’t think I’ll notice.
Have a read of ‘diet’ drinks here on MDA, just having the sweet taste in the mouth can trigger the undesirable sugar reaction the PB is trying to combat!
Yea, I’ve also heard bad things about diet. I haven’t had soda (diet or regular) in over a year now, and I crave it in no way shape or form. I’m sure they wouldn’t give you such a hard time if you just ordered water!
My partner is the one in our household who chose to go primal first. I was adamant that I would not do another crazy “diet” as I had already done sooooo many over my 58yrs. After seeing how much energy she gained and great she felt I said I would try it for 30 days. That was back in February and there has been no looking back. woohoo
For several years now I’ve diverged from conventional eating both the food and the timing. I’ve tried many different ways of eating to help with behavioral issues in my kids which was the impetus for experimenting with different ways of eating in the first place.
All along my husband who eats reasonably healthily carried on doing his own thing. Over time, about 5 years, we’ve found a way to be. He has stopped bringing Pepsi into the house and often does small amounts of grocery shopping to buy the things he wants to eat.
For my part, I’ve had to accept that while I can reduce the amount of grains in my kids diet, I have to be realistic and understand I’m not going to be able to get as far as I would like. I also haven’t succeeded in getting the rest of the family to eat at 5pm, so they eat separately from me.
I would like to get more on the same page but we do the best we can.
Any change contrary to whats going on around you requires one thing “you got to get your mind straight” here’s a somewhat humorous, but intense article on the subject that helped me with becoming a non-smoker living with alot of smokers! http://selftalk4success.com/blog/2009/07/25/self-talk-quotes/ grok on
My situation isn’t so much about wanting him to join me, I just don’t want the eye rolling when he wants me to eat the split pea soup he’s made or the argument over quinoa being a seed when I say it’s a grain. So frustrating! We’ve always cooked and eaten “healthy” so I don’t get why this is that big of a deal. He says he doesn’t like feeling limited when he’s creating dishes. I see it as true creativity when eating this way. Oh well, he’ll get used to it or he won’t!