Marks Daily Apple
Serving up health and fitness insights (daily, of course) with a side of irreverence.
6 Oct

Grokfeast in New York

On September 8th I asked my readers to host picnics and to send me the results. The following is one of 27 amazing submissions, the best of which will win an entire cow, courtesy of US Wellness. Vote for your favorite on October 8.

Are you sitting down? If not, you should be, because I am about to tell you of the GrokFeast we threw that can only be described as the best party of the Neolithic era. One part luau pig, one part dinosaur, and one part giant bonfire dance celebration with one hundred of our nearest and dearest friends is all you need to have a true caveman party.

It all started at six in the morning when we went down to the beach and began digging the pig hole. Once the fire died down and we had some good coals going we took our sixty-pound pig, covered in spices and banana leaves and buried it in the sand to slowly turn into our delicious main course. Other prep activities included digging a bonfire pit (seven feet in diameter!), setting up speakers and lights for the evening festivities and several pre-party ocean plunges.

Warning: unless you are lucky enough to live on a private beach or your own island, be prepared to explain all the smoke and fire to your neighbors, fire department, and possibly your local policeman. We went with “clam bake.”

Fast-forward eleven hours when our guests start to show up. In this time we had constructed a twenty-foot tall brachiosaur near our slowly growing bonfire. Our brachiosaur was hungry so we fed it bamboo and appeased it by dancing to tribally influenced beats.

By 9 pm we Groks had gotten hungry and it was time to dig up our feast. 60 pounds of perfect fall off the bone pork was accompanied by pea salad, cabbage and carrot hash, avocado and melon salad, and spicy pineapple salsa. We quenched our thirst with primal margaritas flavored with hints of coconut and orange.

Once we finished what we could of the feast (sixty pounds leaves plenty of food for breakfast), it was time to continue celebrating. The music spiked in tempo and all one hundred of us danced around the bonfire in tribute to our splendid dinosaur friend. But this was not enough to soothe our cold-blooded beast. We had to make a tribute of fire! Fire was spun and manipulated in fearsome and beautiful ways as the night went on.

Before we knew it the sun was rising and the music slowed down to welcome the mellow morning sun. Some of us celebrated by bathing in the wonderfully warm ocean; others began to doze in front of our fire, which had provided warmth and entertainment throughout the night. By the end we paid our brachiosaur the ultimate tribute and fed him to the flames while the sun slowly rose out of the calm ocean waters.

We slowly made our way back home, making sure to leave no sign of our celebration on the beach, leaving it as pristine as we found it.

The Feast

  • Whole Roast Kalua Pig
  • Cabbage and Carrot Hash
  • Avocado and Melon Salad
  • Spicy Pineapple Salsa
  • Quick and Easy Pea Salad
  • Primal Margaritas

Recipe: Whole Roast Kalua Pig in a Traditional Imu Fire Pit

  • 1 whole hog, market weight 67#
  • 16 pk. banana leaves, frozen
  • Garden fresh herbs and spices
  • Heavy Duty Tin Foil
  • 5′ Chicken Wire
  • 40# lava rocks
  • 1 sm. bolt of burlap cloth

Night before the hog roast dig a pit about 2′ deep and slightly larger than the pig and fill it with fire wood until the wood is about a foot taller than the hole; pile lava rocks and mesquite logs on top. Thaw the pig in a bathtub overnight. At dawn begin the burning the fire and have someone keep an eye on it.

To prep the pig, begin by weaving some of the banana leaves together to form a mat or blanket. Next, rub the pig in your choice of fresh or dried herbs and place the pig belly up on the banana leaves. Place a few loose banana leaves in the stomach and chest cavity to line the area. Wrap the entire pig in the blanket of leaves and tuck loose ends neatly into the chest cavity- leaving a large enough space to fill the cavity with hot lava rocks. Using butcher string, tie the back and front of the pig so as to hold the leaves in place the support the legs and neck area.  Layout a couple layers of heavy duty tin foil and place the leave wrapped pig in the middle of the foil. Wrap in a similar manner so as to leave the chest cavity accessible for lava rocks. Lastly, place the hog on the chicken wire and shape the wire mesh into a cot or canoe that will make carrying to and removing from the fire easier.

Once the fire has turned to coals it is time to lay the pig on.

First, you should soak the burlap material in fresh or salt water. Next, set some hot lava rocks to the side for the inside cavity of the pig. Next take some extra banana leaves and place on the hot coals to begin steaming. Place the pig in the chicken wire on the coals and lava rocks. Place reserved lava rocks inside the chest cavity. Surround pig with remaining banana leaves. Cover entire pig and coals with the soaked burlap. Cover entire pit with heavy plastic wrap or a waterproof tarp and weigh down the edges with rocks so that no steam can escape. Shovel earth or sand over the plastic/ tarp.  Leave pig to cook for 12-24 hours.

The Tribe

Emerson Hoff, Kat Mareck, William Oberlin, Sasha Bouis, Tara Chaille, Marty Yoo, Albert Zuger, Gabi Fries-Briggs, Mitch Gerbus, 100 of our closest, most personal friends.

You want comments? We got comments:

Imagine you’re George Clooney. Take a moment to admire your grooming and wit. Okay, now imagine someone walks up to you and asks, “What’s your name?” You say, “I’m George Clooney.” Or maybe you say, “I’m the Clooninator!” You don’t say “I’m George of George Clooney Sells Movies Blog” and you certainly don’t say, “I’m Clooney Weight Loss Plan”. So while spam is technically meat, it ain’t anywhere near Primal. Please nickname yourself something your friends would call you.

  1. “Fire was spun and manipulated in fearsome and beautiful ways as the night went on.”

    Mixed with those “primal Margaritas” you guys are lucky to have gotten out alive! Just kidding, sounds like an amazing time, and I’m glad you guys had fun

    anzy wrote on October 6th, 2010
  2. fire! fire! heh heh heh
    mmmm, whole pig. this grokette very jealous

    Peggy wrote on October 6th, 2010
  3. i’ve always wanted to roast a pig, but never had the time nor resources. Looks great though.

    Adam wrote on October 6th, 2010
  4. What can be said, WOW! very well made pig and plans!

    Robert wrote on October 6th, 2010
  5. Looks like a blast! Had someone done a luau before? Y’all really knew what you were doing with that pig!

    Julie wrote on October 6th, 2010
  6. I might be biased, but this is my favorite submission so far! 😉

    Emerson wrote on October 6th, 2010
  7. hey, where in ny did you guys have this? do you have a meetup group?

    ian wrote on October 6th, 2010
  8. Bunch of hippies… I wish i was there! :)

    paul wrote on October 6th, 2010
  9. That was fantastic!! What a lot of work but I am sure it was well worth it

    Lori wrote on October 6th, 2010
  10. Wow, I totally want to come to the next one.

    David C wrote on October 6th, 2010
  11. WOW!

    SuperMike wrote on October 6th, 2010
  12. pigroast! mmmmmmm

    Me216 wrote on October 6th, 2010
  13. Wow. Looks almost like a mini burning man festival! The pig in a wheelbarrow picture killed me – so much pork!

    Mason wrote on October 6th, 2010
  14. Who ever designed this trailer, my hat’s off to you. It’s quite difficult to re-create professional looking videos without professional equipment.

    Luke wrote on October 6th, 2010
  15. Roasted pig – man…

    Ryan wrote on October 6th, 2010
  16. If you win, which you might with such a well organized, beautifully videoed, fun party, you’re going to have to dig a deeper hole for the cow roast.

    Sharon wrote on October 6th, 2010
  17. Epic!

    James Pang wrote on October 6th, 2010
  18. Wow, I am so jealous :) Kat and I are neighbors it appears! Why haven’t we met? If you ever want to grab a pig’s head at Fatty Cue, drop me a line!

    Melissa McEwen wrote on October 6th, 2010
  19. Looks like a blast! Was this an event that you attended and brought primal things to, or one that was planned with the purpose of being Grokfeast??

    love the kalua pig …!

    El wrote on October 6th, 2010
    • Thanks! It was definitely a lot of fun. We planned this as not only a Grokfeast, but a Grokdanceparty and Grokbonfire. Everything from the food to the music to the decor was primally influenced!

      Emerson wrote on October 6th, 2010
  20. Grok meets Burning Man! I’m hungry!

    AP wrote on October 6th, 2010
  21. This looks absolutely amazing! Wish I was there!!

    Matt wrote on October 6th, 2010
  22. Dang. That is epic.

    Ryan wrote on October 6th, 2010
  23. I’m probably biased (since your guys’ awesome Grokfeast reminded me of burning man) but this is my favorite submission so far! Grok on! Love the trailer too, whoever made that did a fantastic job!

    Angel wrote on October 6th, 2010
  24. LOVE this entry! Looks like an amazing time, with a fun group of comrades. We are hosting a chill, relaxing bonfire pit party with friends this weekend to celebrate an engagement. Puerco pibil is on the menu as well as margaritas. In the spirit of tribal~fire~friendship, are you able to share the primal margarita recipe? Many thanks!

    Podunk Primal wrote on October 6th, 2010
    • Paleo margarita is simple:

      Lime Juice
      Club Soda

      Very refreshing!

      Emerson wrote on October 9th, 2010
  25. I LOVE the teaser! It’s fabulous. 😀

    Melody wrote on October 6th, 2010
  26. nice work, NY!

    Graham King wrote on October 6th, 2010
  27. Love the rave-y fire dancing and party tents, and yet another dusk-til-dawn throwdown!

    Kris wrote on October 6th, 2010
  28. I hope everyone waited at least 30 minutes after feasting on the pig to go swimming! What a great event!

    Chris wrote on October 6th, 2010
  29. Looks like so much fun! Would love some of that pig.

    Mark wrote on October 6th, 2010
  30. If only modern parties were like this.

    Garth Whelan wrote on October 6th, 2010
  31. I cooked a whole hog for my little brother’s graduation party. It’s SOOOOO good! :)

    Funkadelic Flash wrote on October 6th, 2010
  32. VERY COOL.

    carol wrote on October 6th, 2010
  33. “That’ll do, Pig”
    Wow, that looks amazing! A primal/gourmet/Burning Man/campout/ beach party!

    Larry wrote on October 6th, 2010
  34. My favorite part is the wooden dinosaur – the whole thing looks so fun!

    mayness wrote on October 6th, 2010
  35. OMG those pitures are amazing!!! I may make a trek to come to the next one! WOW!

    tara tootie wrote on October 6th, 2010
  36. Wow each submission is better than the other. I’m impressed with all of them.

    Mike wrote on October 6th, 2010
  37. Wow! That pig looks amazing.

    Cindy Hanna wrote on October 6th, 2010
  38. Oh my gosh I am sooooo jealous of that pig!

    Ben wrote on October 6th, 2010
  39. Two thumbs up for the big freakin’ fire! Oh man this looks like a great time. *jealous* 😀

    Deanna (Diana Renata) wrote on October 6th, 2010
  40. That trailer was EPIC!

    mike wrote on October 6th, 2010

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