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Let me introduce myself. My name is Mark Sisson. I’m 63 years young. I live and work in Malibu, California. In a past life I was a professional marathoner and triathlete. Now my life goal is to help 100 million people get healthy. I started this blog in 2006 to empower people to take full responsibility for their own health and enjoyment of life by investigating, discussing, and critically rethinking everything we’ve assumed to be true about health and wellness...

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February 13, 2007

The Fuming Fuji Says No to Nestle Crunch Sticks

By Worker Bee
0 Comments

El Fritter

The Fuming Fuji is outraged at the marketing of toxic food, especially when it’s aimed at the small fry. This week, the Fuming Fuji has decided to have a serious problem with Nestle Crunch Sticks.

But, Fuming Fuji, you say, Nestle wants to make snacking more convenient and “keep consumers interested” with more crunchy sound and texture. Also, Fuji, it is Nestle Crunch Stixx.

The Fuming Fuji says no!

The claim: Crunch Bar has to satisfy baby boomers and kids as well as compete with new high-end chocolates. By making candy bars more convenient, consumers can continue to buy enjoy Crunch.

The catch: By making candy bars more convenient? Is a candy bar really so difficult? This new Stixx product is even worse for you than the original and uses more packaging. The Fuji wants to know why Nestle hates both people and the planet!

The comeback: But Nestle wants to increase the brand’s “premiumness” for maximum enjoyment! This is about quality and choice.

The conclusion: Enough about Nestle’s needs! What about the Fuji’s needs? The Fuji needs to never again see such hateful snacks. What is so difficult about a bar that you now need four smaller bars? The Fuji wonders if the BK Chicken Fries people are behind this.

The Fuji speaks the truth: Nestle wants to increase profits because dark, healthier chocolates are now in the market and eating into their ugly vegetable-oil-filled wannabe chocolate. What Nestle should be worried about is buying a dictionary, because premiumness and stixx are not even words.

The catchphrase: Do not buy products that teach children bad spelling!

Disclaimer: Mark Sisson and the Worker Bees do not necessarily endorse the views of the Fuming Fuji. Or something.

They can't even spell.

[tags]children’s health, nestle, crunch sticks, candies, chocolate[/tags]

TAGS:  humor

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