January 14, 2014

I've known since 1995 that I cannot be a vegetarian, that I gain weight on all starchy and sugary foods, and that these foods also increase inflammation all over my body (GI, skin, sinuses). In addition to that, eating a meat-free diet horribly increases my depression, and I suspect eating grains exacerbates this as well.

As a teenager I starved myself from 173 to 135 pounds. Then gained it back my senior year. As a vegetarian in college my weight increased from 173 to 190 pounds very quickly. I lost weight down to 158 after becoming extremely ill from the diet (severe GI inflammation that landed me in the hospital). My weight increased back to 173, but I was flabby. I used the Zone Diet in 1995 to get my weight back down to 158. Then I started losing muscle, and became hungry all the time.

It's been a rollercoaster ever since. I am now at my highest weight of my lifetime, over 220 pounds. I eat meat every day, but I also eat foods make from white flour and sugar every day. I stopped drinking alcohol last month and started working out, and while I feel better, and my body shape is improving, there has been no change to my weight.

I am borderline hypertensive (150/90).
I am borderline pre-diabetic (100 fasting glucose).
I have acceptable triglycerides (~100) and good LDL/HDL.
I have eczema on my arms and legs, sinus congestion, and acne on my jawline.
To be honest, the worst insult is to my vanity. I simply don't look good.

Another consequence of this weight is not respecting myself. I know what to do to improve my diet. I'm just not doing it. I'm not doing it because I think it won't matter. I think I won't lose weight. That it will be a lot of effort for nothing.

I won't know until I give it my best shot.

Today so far all I've eaten is a LARA bar and a diet coke. I don't plan my meals. I resent grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning the kitchen. I'm not a domestic, I never have been. I'm glad so many men follow a primal diet. I can get bachelor-cooking ideas from them.