Primal Journal: Davella
I'm a little nervous as I write this, but here goes...
I've been intrigued by no sugar, no grain/paleo/primal for a few years now and have even attemtped it a few times but have never managed to make it stick. I guess that's what I'm nervous about~ I don't trust myself.
Due to early development and circumstances I was always underweight until I was about 17. I met my partner when I was 16 years old and 9 stone and the first thing his Italian mum said when she saw me was he had to fatten me up hehe. Well nearly 17 years later I have been hovering around 15 stone (210lbs) for long enough and I want to change, be healthy and live more.
I have Ehlers-danlos syndrome: hypermobility type which has made being active a challenge. But I don't want this to define me and stop me fulfilling my bucket list (which has a surprisingly large amound of very active things on such as trying body blading :P) and I want to prove that just because you are born a certain way, through your choices you can still achieve what you want. I also have IBS, have been recovering from heavy metal poisoning and a long list of allergies and intollerances.
I've felt like I've lost the last decade to be honest. An endless circle of trying new ideas, failing, trying the next one and generally being unhappy. It's time for this to stop. Taking control of my diet is not just about improving how I look (though would of course be a benefit). I need to move forward, be healthy, happy, be with the love of my life and financially independent. I know diet will not have a direct impact on most of the above, but it will give me the strength, confidence and energy to face the rest (I hope!).
My biggest downfall is sugar. I have a bad sugar addiction and in my family it is a long-running joke that all my happy memories involve sugar~ like sitting on the kitchen counter eating the sugar roses quicker than my mum could make them, baking chocolate cookies with mum listening to Mamas and Papas etc. The longest I've managed to go without sugar is 3 months, then the old thoughts come back 'I could handle a little at weekends only' and the bingeing begins again.
Then there's wheat~ the ultimate convenience on an extremely tight budget. This I can handle better though.
Due mainly to health I am self-employed and trying to make it as a graphic designer/content creator. This alas means sitting down for many hours a day~ though I at least try to keep my legs active whilst working. Other than that I try to walk a little each day and have started doing 30 reps on a light kettlebell with some gentle movement exercises each day. I would love to jump in with both feet and push myself more, but I've done that before and set myself back 3 months recovering...so sadly it's a case of slow and steady wins the race (I'm not known for my patience!!)
I know right before Christmas isn't an ideal time to start this quest, but I'm tired. I don't like me like this~ especially on sugar...it gives me depression, makes me obsessive, tired, makes my body hurt more, gives palpitations and even puts a strain on my relationships with the two people in my life who mean everything to me.
I think if I manage to get through Christmas without at least sugar, I'll be ok and will believe I can actually do this That's one reason I've stopped lurking on MDA and took the plunge to say hello!
Thanks for reading this,
~Kaz (aka Davella)
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