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Thread: thoughts on parent dietary habits/attitudes influence on kids page 3

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid Gusto View Post
    He apologizes now and then when he knows there is a restaurant I'd like to go to but we can't and apologizes he can't try meals I make.
    Why can't you go out occasionally by yourself or with friends to try a new restaurant?

  4. #24
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    To be honest, talking about these problems from the outset is the issue.

    With your step daughter, it might never come up at this point, and that's fine. If it does come up, you can talk about it, but I don't' think I'd have an overt conversation right now.

    But with future children, they start asking questions about food differences around age 3/4. Maybe a little before. DS will ask why this or that family eats this or that when we don't, or why this person eats X and we eat Y and so on.

    So, if the question comes up, you just have to be honest. It's nothing to be ashamed of in terms of the medical condition, just as you aren't ashamed of being celiac, right? So, you know, there it is. It just is as it is. And a child accepts it.

    And later in life will question it, and go from there.

  6. #26
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  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid Gusto View Post
    Me expecting him to give up gluten because I can't eat it due to a medical condition would be unfair because he would literally starve.
    Literally?

    He would die because steak and potatoes are so unpalatable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid Gusto View Post
    We both have medical conditions forcing us to eat the way we do... It's just his forces him to eat loads of sugar and gluten.
    I have never heard of this diet. What is it?
    Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

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  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid Gusto View Post
    I have to respectfully disagree on not bringing it up until it comes up. My concern is, I don't want my stepdaughter, but more so my children, to ever think it is "normal" to drink soda/pop with every meal. From the beginning, I want to have a plan in place that ensures they'll know it is not healthy before they're ever think to question why Dad can have sugary drinks and deep fried meat, or even candy, for each meal, while they have vegetables, fruit, and protein. I don't want to wait until it is a problem/concern/issue and then discuss it. I've seen how that approach worked out for my stepdaughter to some extent, and it isn't pretty. Food and health are important to me, so to not think about how I will deal with living with this, and raising a family, for the rest of my life would be a mistake.
    I'm a bit confused about this, because it doesn't seem to take into consideration a variety of factors at play. I guess this is because it is chewing on your mind so much.

    First, you acknowledge that you cannot change your partner's eating habits. Therefore, the environment that your children will be in will dictate that this behavior is "normal." That's end of story. That is the father's behavior, it becomes the wall paper. It is normal.

    But, that doesn't mean your children have to eat that way, and I didn't suggest this. Instead, I suggested not worrying yourself too much about it until it comes up with the direct questions.

    A little one -- say under the age of two, really -- doesn't have any concept of these concepts around healthy, normal, etc. There's breast milk, there's the food provided to the child. THere aren't a lot of questions about it. Honestly, it doesn't come up.

    When they hit around age 2-4, then questions start: why can daddy have this? why can't I have that? That's when you explain it, because that's when their brains want to know why.

    Later, the questions will shift even more, to even more complex constructs. It's difficult to explain to my son why my extended family has certain foods regularly and why we don't and/or he's not allowed. We talk about not just health, but cultural differences between the families and also different ideas about what food is acceptable and what food is not acceptable (and how those may be considered).

    As your children age, their ability to understand these things in depth will make more sense.

    It's good to have a plan, certainly.

    But right now, you don't actually know your children or their needs or how and when these things will come up, what sorts of questions they'll have, and what sorts of answers will satisfy those questions for them. And that's why I'm telling you to cross the bridge as it comes to it. Because you can prepare, and certainly you should, but the reality is going to be very different from your plan.

    It doesn't mean you won't succeed in the overall theme or idea of your plan, but rather, it's not going to work out exactly as you might be thinking it will.

    This is just from my own experience. I mean, people told me all the time to just let it happen, etc, try not to plan everything out, and it was frustrating to hear. Most people added to that "you're going to fail at what you want anyway" stuff -- and I don't add that to this situation because the reality is that I have done everything that I set out to do thus far in terms of how I've raised him. But, it hasn't been identical to what I expected at certain places, but overall, we've definitely headed in the direction that I want to go with him.

    I agree he shouldn't be ashamed, and he isn't for the most part as long as he is comfortable with people. Like you said, kids are pretty accepting in their younger years, so I suppose they'll just accept it as a "rule" of life: Dad can eat like that because of his medical condition, I don't have that condition so I can't. It gets all messed up with my stepdaughter in the mix since she doesn't have an eating disorder but eats pretty unhealthy because she is allowed to most of the time.. but oh well I guess!
    Right, so your step-daughter's dominant paradigm is that this food is acceptable. It's what her mother feeds her, it's what her father eats. So in this way, unless your partner is going to step in and explain everything to her now, and let you guide her food availability when she is in your home (plus using charts, etc), she's going to hold to the idea that these foods are acceptable without question. That's just her experience and worldview, and very little is saying otherwise. And even if you are, her mother has far more authority in her life and experience than you do right now anyway. And her dad is second in line to that (if not equal).

    so moving in with this information about healthy/unhealthy (which is acceptable/unacceptable), and it's going to be confusing. It just is. But you have no power/control over it really (unless you come up with a workable plan between the three of you to shift her diet radically over the course of a couple of weeks or months). to me, it will be better for you, emotionally, to let it go if no one else is willing to work on it.

    But for your own children, yes, you can have a different process and experience. But i would wait on explaining the eating disorder bit until they ask. As babies, they won't get it, so I don't really see the point there.

  9. #29
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    I didn't read the whole thread so I hope my response is at least somewhat helpful...

    You don't have to turn your step-daughter into 100% primal for your actions to make a positive impact in her life. Small changes add up. You never know what sticks.

    For example, I have 2 much-younger siblings. I only see both of them 2-3 weeks a year because I'm away in law school. They are still curious why I'm eating "weird" when I come home. My sister would stop eating chips for a while to inquire about my baby carrots on the road trip, and then nibble on a carrot herself. My brother now eats much less restaurant fried foods because I told him they give him acne. My brother will eat more protein when I'm around him. My sister watches my every move so I can't be too restrictive (go IF or on a hack, for example) in front of her. We go on walks around the neighborhood.

    Some of these habits last past my visits. Even if they don't, 3 weeks of healthier choices out of 52 weeks a year isn't nothing.
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  10. #30
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    Last edited by Liquid Gusto; 01-10-2014 at 07:14 PM.

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