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Thread: How do you cope with loved ones eating to death?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Central Illinois

    How do you cope with loved ones eating to death?

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    It's the holiday season. Despite watching me lose 50 pounds since summer, my morbidly obese family still eats SAD. They do what the cardiologist says, and have no interest in changing. I've loaned my copy of PB to 4 people, and none have actually read it. Their health is just totally effed up. They've had heart attacks, gastric bypass, rhabdomylosis from statins, diabetes, etc. None are over 60. They're wonderful, supportive, kind people, but I feel like I'm watching them all die. I'm done trying to change them, but how do other people cope with this?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    I deal with similar circumstances. I just continue to do what I do and try to be an example. Hoping that at some point they will decide to change their ideas of food. It is ultimately up to them. They won't be successful if it is forced or they do it through guilt.

    Good luck. It is hard.
    44 F 5'5
    SW 205.4
    CW 180.4
    GW 150

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    SF Bay Area
    I came to the conclusion that there is nothing one can do. Your family does not want for themselves what you want for yourself. It's difficult knowing that they are literally killing and diminishing the remainder of the lives. It seems most people cannot "open the door" to discovery and change. You have to accept that and move on. If the majority of the worlds population had inquisitive minds and questioned the status quo, the world would be an absolutely amazing place...but that is not the way it has ever been nor will it be. Most people are asleep with their eyes open. I watched two sisters kill themselves via diet.
    Primal/Paleo is not for everyone, it's for those who have committed to understand.
    READ THE BOOK! Robb Wolf says: "Trying to convince people to save their own ass will burn you out."

    Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, and an affront to all I stand for -- the pure enjoyment of food.” Anthony Bourdain

    and yes, calories DO count my little piggies

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Appalachian Ohio
    Same conclusion - nothing more, sorry to say. You have done it all already - are/have been the example and provided the source information. Just roll along, getting lighter and fitter and plain healthier, and be there if one of them wakes up.

    My pop has the same excuse for everything - "Ain't killed me yet!!" Yeah... Knee replacement, quadruple bypass, pacemaker, meds, mood and anger issues, cataract surgery, still smokes, SAD diet, full dentures, cannot walk far without tiring or pain. No, he ain't dead yet, but he took strong genes and turned them all off. In his prime he was in training to box heavyweight.
    I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Well if it makes you feel any better eating the perfect diet, if there is such a thing, doesn't guarantee perfect health either.

    However, if they ask, I tell them and/or share resources (links, books, etc). I recommend they try it for 30 days. Only a month, if they don't like it, don't feel better, etc. they don't have to continue. Everything we put in our mouth everyday is a choice.

    One of the most daunting things about any type of diet is the ever present "I can't eat X,Y, and Z ever again??!?!?!?!" mentality that one usually feels at the start of a big dietary change. Most people can't get beyond that thought and literally cannot imagine their life without their favorite food which isn't part of the diet (bread, soda, etc). So they mentally check out before they even begin (if they begin at all).

    But I generally don't ever offer up dietary advice ever. If they don't ask, they definitely don't want to hear it anymore than you would want someone spouting off all the CW advice to you. And even when asked, most don't want to "really" know. They want to find out they just need to eat a dozen blueberries a day and keep everything else the same and the weight will magically melt away in 4 days. Quick and easy fixes -- that's what we all prefer and sadly reality doesn't generally work that way.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    New Zealand
    You just have to make peace with their decisions and remind yourself that you aren't responsible.

    And grieve, on your own, if you need to. And sometimes it helps to rant your frustrations.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Raleigh, NC
    AWESOME! If you've found the secret to losing weight and keeping it off, please inform the media immediately, because everyone would like to know. Ah, no, you're going through new loser syndrome. Most people do.

    If you are part of the 5% of people who keep a weight loss up to 65 pounds off for 5 years or more, I think you tend to develop some humility about what it takes to get that done. New losers are way worse than old losers. I made it three years, and I can tell you it did take the edge off a lot.

    But you'll probably be in the 95%. That's reality. And then you'll be facing a judgmental person just like you, and you'll maybe be a little more understanding because you've been there too. In fact, that was you about seven months ago. You were them *this year.* Remember where you have been.

    BTW, I do face this a little bit with my diabetic obese African American boyfriend, realizing how little time we likely have left. I have to remember that 1) About 50% of the lifespan of an American is determined at birth by the socioeconomic status of the parents (don't shoot the messenger- it is what it is, the #1 thing you can do to improve the health outcomes of Americans actually has nothing to do with health care it has to do with education), 2) changes in lifestyle after age 40 (other than stopping smoking) have almost no impact on lifespan. And wishing things were different is way easier than him being a different person for his whole life, so I have to remember how fundamentally lazy it is to equate the wishes to the work not just of the person, but really of being the God that could have made a different world. It is a deeply erroneous and immoral lack of humility that leads to these thoughts.
    “In God we trust; all others must bring data.” W. Edwards Deming
    Blogging at

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    I really feel like the holidays are a great opportunity to reach out to family. I hosted my Mr.'s parents for a Thanksgiving weekend dinner- made a beautiful roast duck with walnuts and cherries in it with bacon-braised Brussels sprouts and a pumpkin-coconut custard for dessert. During (and after!) dinner when they oo'd and ahh'd about how delicious everything was, I got to say that I (well, we) eat that kind of stuff every day: meat that has plenty of delicious fat, vegetables with yummy salty fat, and delicious treats that don't put me into a sugar coma.

    I really think that less talking and more doing has helped me. And I'll pony up the $50 worth or however much I can afford for some fantastic food anytime it helps me get my message to my loved ones :-)

    Ps if you do decide to do this- make sure you know that the recipe is fantastic. Give them a test run!

    Maybe I'm just a cooking nerd, but I'm literally in heaven cooking for people this holiday season :-)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Egypt with brief trips to Texas
    Quote Originally Posted by loafingcactus View Post
    changes in lifestyle after age 40 (other than stopping smoking) have almost no impact on lifespan.
    I'm not disputing this but I would be interested in the source for this information. But regardless, I would argue that even if your lifestyle is not increased by changes in your lifestyle, the quality of your lifespan will improve with changes.

    If I'm destined to live until only my 70s (I'm 58 now), I would much rather live my time until then healthy and active than in and out of hospitals and doctors and/or living in a nursing home.

    To the OP, I have been primal for about 5 years now and understand your frustrations. Most of my family is CW as are most of my friends. They are usually on multiple medications, using CPAPs at night, etc. I have tried to be an example on one way to improve your life and been there to offer advice when asked. I have given out copies of the Primal Blueprint and other books to those that seemed interested, alas, to no avail but I tried.

    My SO is on track to be, if not dead, debilitated in not too many years. She is to the point that at 57, she cannot make a day in a theme park without a hover round type chair. Pills to help her sleep, pills to help with her aches and pains. She has seen me go from almost 300 pounds to just over 200 where I am now. She has seen that it works but is not willing to buck CW to change. I have done what I can do.

    Healthiest person in my immediate family besides myself (not bragging, just fact) and my youngest kids is my 89 year old mother. And she was primal before primal was cool, it is just the way she was raised in her day.

    Best of luck but in the end, it is what it is.
    AKA: Texas Grok

    Quote Originally Posted by texas.grok View Post
    Facebook is to intelligence what a black hole is to light

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Washington state
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    For these people, I usually just wait for food conversations to come up, and tactfully insert lines like, "..but it's a personal choice, like smoking. If you LIKE being diabetic, nobody can talk you out of it." That makes them think. One guy I know, an obese diabetic named Al I was talking with every weekend, actually tried eating real food for a week but then decided he'd rather eat cake and have his feet chopped off. That's how addicted these people are.

    I'm watching my mom die, too. She's only in her late 50's and looks 75, fluffy, obese, frail skin, it's horriffic. Comes home every day with a box of Little Debbie something or other. Pretends to try, but just wants her sweets at the end of the day. I even walked her through turning on the stove, putting food in the pan, and flipping it. She was all about it that day. The next day? As if it never happened.
    Last edited by Knifegill; 12-11-2013 at 08:02 AM.
    Steak, eggs, potatoes - fruits, nuts, berries and forage. Coconut milk and potent herbs and spices. Tea instead of coffee now and teeny amounts of kelp daily. Let's see how this does! Not really had dairy much, and gut seems better for it.

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