3 months off, 21 days to get back on
I've been one helluva jerk to myself and my body for 3 months now. I've neglected my sleep and rest, and abused my system by giving it some of the worst stuff out there, in large quantities. I feel like shit, my GI is a mess, I've put on 20+# of chub which has sorely effected my athleticism and IDK if I'll ever see the effortless leanness that I once prized again. Regardless of the knowledge of nutrition, health, and athletics/fitness that Ive acquired during the past 3 months, I've succeeded in failing to do right by myself and follow up on what I know I need to do.
How in hell did i get here? Ironically because of my leanness. I was trying to gain weight for several months but it was all a game in my head. I loved the fact that i was so naturally lean, but knew i was underweight. I went about trying to gain in the best way i deem possible, by eating tons of natural food, and working out like a madman. After seeing no results and actually losing weight, I gave myself an excuse to shovel crap in my face and its been downhill ever since. I've laid blame on professionals who have tried to help me become "healthier", environment, and family, and I need to realize that I have no one to blame but myself.
So here's how it is. I have genuinely sucked for awhile now. I accept this and, while I regret it, I will make the most of it and try my best to understand that this experience has shown me the consequences of poor lifestyle choices. Im moving on and turning things around. The Primal lifestyle was one of the best things to happen to me in terms of my health and gave me a way out of the idiotic, neurotic dieting that I used to take part in, refusing to admit that I was actually hurting myself. My goal is to get myself back on that path towards a full lifetime of healthy habits and prevented illnesses. I acknowledge that its not too late for me, I am still healthy and capable and have no excuses to give up on anything.
From December 1 through December 21, my focus will be on getting stronger, fitter, and healthier by way of the primal lifestyle. Processed shit will be 100% absent from my diet, and, although my situation prevents me from eating larger quantities of eggs and organ meats, and much coconut oil or whole dairy, I will focus my diet on the best quality food I can get. Sleep will be a top priority everyday, and I will aim to get minimum 8hrs nightly. I will also get back into art, cooking, and music, three hobbies that used to define me before i became engulfed by my neurotic obsessions. I will work hard, be diligent and dedicated, and love myself for working towards a better, stronger me.
My strength goals are as follows (by december 21):
Deadlift: 260# 1RM
Bench press: 165# 1RM
Backsquat: 180# 1RM
Come december 21, i will strive to get even stronger, healthier and overall better physiologically, and psychologically. This journey is only the beginning and I look forward to feeling the best I have in a long time!
so far today is alright. I slept poorly last night and i feel it in my mood, my energy.. Im realizing now that I i want to succeed i need to be flexible to a certain extent. There wont always be perfect conditions for me to live "primaly" and I just need to do the best I can. So far today, Iv had a large apple with 2tbsp of peanut & coconut oil spread, some leftover purple and japanese sweet potato, grapes, and some (non-organic) cheese. Were about to have a family lunch after getting home from church and I made a fruit salad out of some naval oranges, bosc pears, and mango and the aunt is cooking up some plantains with butter and sugar/cinnamon. I have a very weak appetite right now, but the plantains look awesome, and Ill probably have some with some leftover turkey.. its probably my lack of quality sleep, but I feel so weak today. Mentally I feel drained when i should feel refreshed from the holiday break. Im staying positive though.
Sounds like you've accepted responsibility for your situation and are ready to move on. I wish you well on your journey. I am new to the Primal way of life and feel so much better. I bet once your body is clear of all the processed crap you've been ingesting you will feel physically and mentally stronger.
Beginning of the week's been good. Began starting strength on monday and Iv gotta say, 5 days on break eating a ton of food and doing little to no exercise followed by a workout consisting of all 3 powerlifts performed to failure (and then a 2 minute sustained erg sprint) is a recipe for exhaustion. Slept well though and diet's been ~75-85% straight. Peanut butter and a little bit of cheese being the only offenders. I feel like im on the right path, now its just a matter of sticking to it and trusting the process!