Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: How to help DH before he has a heart attack?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    England
    Posts
    99

    How to help DH before he has a heart attack?

    Shop Now
    My darling husband is stressed out by his job. This is hardly a new thing, but it's become constant and unrelenting, and suddenly it's reached the point where it's visibly affecting his health.

    He doesn't sleep well any more, and routinely wakes up in the small hours. I'm absolutely sure that's stress because he always sleeps properly when he has more than a weekend away from work. He's pretty much narcoleptic in the evenings because he's so tired.

    In the last year or so, he's started to develop central obesity. I'm sure that he doesn't overeat. If anything he doesn't eat enough food because he will skip meals - I think this is his reaction to his expanding waistline. Coffee consumption is up.

    His back hurts at lot. He broke the lower vertebrae about 20 years ago, and it's been okay up until about a year ago, but since then he's having constant problems with muscles in that area. He still cycles once a week, and we walk when we can.

    His eyesight has suddenly gone downhill. He used to have 20:20 vision and almost overnight he's become really long sighted.

    He's short tempered, easily discouraged and wastes mental energy on things he can't change. I can't easily give advice or make suggestions about how things could different - he only hears critisism. Counselling isn't likely to work - in the past it stressed him out even more because it took time away from his working day.

    His gut is probably compromised in the same way as mine - shared environment, some of the same symptoms - but adding dietary restrictions is only going to make life even more stressful.

    I'd really like to tell him that he can leave his job, but money would be a huge issue.

    At this rate I am convinced that I'm going to be a widow inside the next 5 years. If there's a likely cause of heart disease, it is stress, and he is a prime candidate.

    What can I do? Actually in tears writing this.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,630
    Ah Poing, it is very very hard to watch the one we love going through such stress and even sometimes making matters worse for himself. Please first of all look after yourself - get to bed on time, get up and create wholesome primal meals that you enjoy and take time to eat. Get out of the house and get some fresh air and sunshine, hopefully along with some movement.

    All this will at the very least help relieve some of your own stress so that you can be more supportive to your dh, you will be no good to him if you are depressed and strung out as well. It will also set him a good example and he may (or more likely not, but you can hope) catch some ideas off you.

    Next of all you can focus on the things you can do that will at least not hinder him, keeping the home life peaceful to provide that contrast to his work life, preparing wholesome dinner and maybe a packed lunch, showing your appreciation for what he does and maybe if you genuinely mean it offering to support him if he changed to a less demanding work situation even if it meant less money.

    Now is also a good time to exercise your faith.

    These ideas all come from a friend of mine who I have watched going through a very similar trial with the same fears and this is what she has found has helped her to some extent.

    Peace to you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    The Dutch lowlands
    Posts
    1,452
    I really feel for you. It must be hard to have to watch your hubs like that.
    I agree with what Annieh said. Look after yourself first, it's important to stay calm and clear minded.

    I do have a few ideas:
    - With the holidays coming up I'm sure your DH will have a day or two off, right? go do something fun that day! leave the phone, laptop or Ipad at home and just go. Take some time together and talk. Tell him about your worries. Talking is the number one way to solve issues. Don't go pushing him into changing or anything like that but just tell him you are worried in a loving way and that you hope it's not going to cause any health issues. To be honest no amount of money you earn if worth your health,

    - Take some stress away from him. Make his meals for him. If he argues on that, tell him that when he had lunch and breakfast ready to eat he has more time to do his job. More time to finish his projects. Make him healthy meals. Even if he doesn't want the "rabbit-food" there is no man who would say no to a steak and eggs for lunch. If he demands baked stuff, choose the healthiest amongst them... This way you at least know that he is eating healthy.

    - Are you and your DH able to take days off? Try to get him to take a day off. Just anywhere in the month. One day that he knows the world doesn't end when he is not working and use that day to get pampered and some time together. Take a break... you don't have to go on a sunny holiday but a day in bed and in front of the fire can be enough to make him realize how stressed he is.

    - try to get him to switch from coffee to tea when he is at home. That way he might sleep better when the caffiene isn't that high.

    - try taking his mind of his work when he is at home. I don't want to intrude on your sexual life but maybe seducing him will pull him out of his stress. Sex is after all the best stress relieve there is. And even better for the man there is no brain involved, all thoughts will be executed by 'that' part.........

    - Try to get him to play. When he has a moment of energy while at home try to get him to do fun things. no computer or laptop but old fashioned games, go watch soccer, play a game of soccer with his friends, go to a pub, have fun...

    The important thing is to elevate the stress as soon as possible (and the carbs would be nice as well)
    My story, My thought....

    It's all about trying to stay healthy!!!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Raleigh, NC
    Posts
    1,480
    I understand your concern- I get very concerned about the person I love and want to micromanage him. One thing that helps A LOT to remember is that almost everything that affects lifespan happens before age 30. Almost the only thing that has a large effect on lifespan after age 30 is starting or stopping smoking. So that is one thing to calm you down.

    Do you meditate? You could learn- it really takes consistent practice to be able to do it and to work up to doing it for any length of time. Start with 1 minute. Square breathing- in, hold, out, hold. Relax all your muscles. Empty your mind- you will have stray thoughts but as you practice you can have an empty mind more effectively for longer. And once you have that practice a) it actually changes how your brain works all day long and, b) you can call yourself back into that state any time during the day.

    AFTER you learn to meditate and make it a regular part of your life, you could try to help him make it a regular part of his life.
    “In God we trust; all others must bring data.” W. Edwards Deming
    Blogging at http://loafingcactus.com

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Raleigh, NC
    Posts
    1,480
    BTW, another thing that may be affecting you is that "Type A personality" and heart attack link that was published in the 80s and has been debunked.
    “In God we trust; all others must bring data.” W. Edwards Deming
    Blogging at http://loafingcactus.com

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    263
    Quote Originally Posted by MarielleGO View Post
    - try taking his mind of his work when he is at home. I don't want to intrude on your sexual life but maybe seducing him will pull him out of his stress. Sex is after all the best stress relieve there is. And even better for the man there is no brain involved, all thoughts will be executed by 'that' part.........
    Plus wearing him out at bedtime might help the sleep issues.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    2,319
    Do you work too? Also, would it be possible for him to find a job at another place, hopefully less stressful?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    England
    Posts
    99
    Hi Annieh, Marielle and loafingcactus,

    Thanks for responding, I really do appreciate that people took the time to read my post and reply.

    I do look after myself... although it seems to take a lot more work than it used to. I'm still recovering from a mystery illness that knocked me sideways about three years ago. I never got to the bottom of everything, but I did fix a few things which sorted out my mental state - most days I'm actually pretty calm and level. I try not to be too hard on myself, because I always want to achieve more than I actually do, and to get outdoors for a walk every day.

    One thing I do still struggle with though is the amount of time it takes to feed me and the family on a daily basis. I do ALL the shopping and cooking already. On the whole it's pretty healthy fare, because it's cooked from scratch with real food. I have to be GF so all of our main meals are GF, even though nobody else in the family is. My cooking seems to be appreciated. I'm improving with practice, but it's still hard going.

    I've been trying to encourage things to go in the right direction. He's taken up an old hobby again, which is outdoors. Sometimes the whole family goes to support him. I'm well enough again that sex is an option from my perspective, if we can get contraception sorted out (I'm out of options, it's his turn). Our children are just about old enough that we can go out together without booking a babysitter, which is more freedom than we've had in years, and we've been out a few times, including some rides on the motorbike, which is one of the things he loves doing.

    But as much as those kind of things improve, work seems to be dragging him down even harder.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    England
    Posts
    99
    Quote Originally Posted by loafingcactus View Post
    BTW, another thing that may be affecting you is that "Type A personality" and heart attack link that was published in the 80s and has been debunked.
    There is simply loads of stuff linking stress to heart disease. This is just the latest one that I've seen.

    If not cholesterol

    It's the fact that I'm watching him decline on a day to day basis and know how much stress is the driving force behind it. He was healthy and strong when he was younger - worked on farms as a lad, and we met while walking up mountains, which we both love doing. It's a good start, but I guess he's now old enough that's he's lost the robustness of youth, and things will start to break under pressure.

    At what point do you say this has stopped being purely a mental health issue, and become a physiological one?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    England
    Posts
    99
    Shop Now
    Quote Originally Posted by quikky View Post
    Do you work too? Also, would it be possible for him to find a job at another place, hopefully less stressful?
    Yes, I do work, but I'm self employed, so my future income is not guaranteed. I only earn half of what he does, although I don't have the same amount of time at my disposal, I suppose.

    I think if he quits without having another job to go to, he will feel a total failure and that will be the final nail in the coffin. Jobs seem to be pretty hard to come by these days, unfortunately. He has been looking...

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •