Now this is pretty funny right here....
In the deepest of winters, earthing is a must.
Baring one’s feet, the odour disgusts.
Night comes on early for us in the dark,
Blue-blocking, so drowzy, please come and tuck,
Us into our beds, but still what’s that smell?
Bone broth in the air, nom nom it’ll gel.
Reading a book, Paleo is the theme,
Tell us again why we must go gluten-free?
We’ve seen it on Bookface, confirmed by a tweet,
Shared by the thousands, in a neat little meme.
Dairy’s controversial, straight from the teet,
Hurry up and suckle, there’s gonna be some heat.
Police might be hiding, even amongst our fleet,
It just ain’t worth it, bickering over cheese.
No way we’ll buy labels, a long list of fables,
Just give it to us straight, we’ll stay young and able.
We read every label, GMO drives us mad,
Mutations and zombies, we all know how bad.
Workout in our short-shorts, we’re all out of shirts
Five finger foot-wear, makes us cool nerds.
Washing our hands, no chemicals needed,
Dishes as well, hot water will beat it.
A little of that powder, most use for baking,
Vinegar and soda, makes cleaning less frightening.
Our water is sacred, filtered not chilled,
Even our showers have a special kind of shield.
Our toothpaste peculiar, no fluoride for me,
One time I even used an organic ghee.
No thank-you sir, no aluminum from thee,
Deodorant from oils? We say yes please!
Bed-sheet on our windows, and not on our beds,
Shouldn’t it be here, keeping us warm instead?
Bump into our furniture, sure that’s ok,
We could turn on a light, to avoid a knee sprain.
Shaving is for suckers, most of us agree,
Let’s stop today, and celebrate with glee.
We prefer to stand, our desks are so high,
Ergonomic perhaps, is a small compromise.
A glass of hot water, some lemon in our tea,
Meditation right after, reigning in that chi.
Coconut oil might be to eat,
We use it for everything, from head to our feet.
From cleaning our teeth, to healing a wound,
Rub it on our skin, and lifting our mood.
We re-use jars, for so many things,
Activating our nuts, ensuring it brings,
A poop that’s so perfect, we say it straight faced,
Speak not at the table, it’d be in bad taste.
Our salt comes from mountains, and usually it’s pink,
When we eat our red kimchi, mum says it stinks.
We visit the butcher, he knows us by name,
Loves us and hates us, we drive him insane.
Is it grass-fed? Grain just ain’t the same,
We give him a lesson, boy what a pain.
Get us started on fish, we’ll be here for hours,
Wild, not captive, grilled without flours.
We go to the market with re-usable bags,
Hippies in the making, dreadlocks ain’t no fad.
Even on a Saturday, we look at the clock,
Like Cinderella, shoes are a crock.
Dicing and slicing, a little of that liver,
Kidney and brain, don’t make us shiver.
Ice-trays full of broth, kefir on its way,
Kombucha fermenting, oh get us away!
Onto a small Island, where we can all hide,
Away from the judgement, the eyes that do pry.
With a couple of others, who live the same way,
In with the monkeys, who just love to play.
Hunting and gathering might be too much,
Thank goodness for ease, the bush might be real tough.
Yeah, so we’re weirdos, eccentric and odd,
Not harming anybody, just silly little sods.
Our fingers are crossed, that this here’s endearing,
Hanging from the trees, the kids sit there leering.
Do we really care, if folks think us queer?
On second thoughts – NO! …we’ll stay right here.
Ode to Primal Weirdos