I'm sorry to read all that Tim We've both been on the forum for a while but I havent really connected with you before. I hope things work out.
If it's any encouragement: having a journal on MDA has been one of the most life changing things I've ever done. In the space of 8 months I overcame an ED (that I'd had for 13 years), got rid of depression (31 years), and most lately have dealt with some severe trauma that was stopping me from moving forward in my life. There's something magic about journalling, if it's approached in the right way. And there's some amazingly enlightened and kind people here who only want to help. I bet this will be the first step in a new departure for you
"I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.
In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."
- Ray Peat