Journal on depression/anxiety
Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).
His mother was a crack whore and he was adopted at a young age by a very conservative couple he refers to as his parents. He does seem to remember his mom overdosing a couple of times, but over all his upbringing was very conservative.
I have my own issues as well, and I'm sure there are a lot of issues he deals with. Like I'm noticing that as he gets more comfortable with me his O improves...yet after our first spat I tried to see if I could get some angry sex and he couldn't perform. That tells me right off bat that it's not all physical.
Liftinglife- earlier you mentioned asking for a 3some and getting a nil response. Keep asking! The first time I asked I got shut down pretty quick, and I had not mentioned again until recently. This time I got a maybe. Then he did some research on his own about how to make it go well and not wreck our marriage. That's huge progress! I don't think it will happen right away but now it's in his mind and next time it may be him who brings it up (best case scenario). I also had wanted to sell my worn thongs on craigslist (don't ask, there's a market, I'm curious about the easy $$) and at first he was shocked and I've now mentioned it 3-4 times and he finally said yeah go for it. So if you don't get what you want at first, keep asking. It may take some time for an idea to grow on him.
Ok, might as well add something other than a stupid comment.
To the OP, someone else mentioned sex is very much a mental activity as much as a physical activity. If one is not completely enjoying it, there are a couple of possibilities. One could be medications. Some affect that area of life in a significant way. Another possibility is a physical issue or condition. If it is not one of those, it must be something psychological. If so, it's not like a light switch that can be flipped and it be all better but if both parties are on the same page, it can be solved. Maybe a little hinting early in the day about what is going to happen later, or a surprise blindfold, or something that creates the heightened mood. Partners can be really frustrated as you or someone else mentioned because they will think it is a technique thing. It probably isnt, just need to build up to the right frame of mind. Trust has to exist for it to happen without pressure.
And to the vanilla boyfriend situation, could be a physical or psychological issue or could be taking care of himself too much when you arent around?? Just throwing that out there. Sometimes guys just watch too much porn and real life ends up not being as exciting. And between you and moluv, I cant get anything done at the office today. Imagination running wild.
On to the real topic...
My first gf was an on top O-girl. I didn't realize at the time but she squirted a little. We didn't have a condom (stupid kids) so I was pulling out cause I was close and woosh. In the back of my head I was thinking, "wait that wasn't me". No biggie, cleaned up and got back to it. There had been some negative events in her past so I think the control helped and I had no issues with that. We weren't together a long time so not sure if the O's would have come in other situations after a while.
Now my wife on the other hand is good to go with the O's. I'm no superstar so I'm more than happy to put in the extra work to get the job done. Just because I can only go once there's no reason she shouldn't get the chance to before, during, and after.
Oh, and toys... use them.
Last edited by Kegas76; 10-28-2013 at 09:02 AM.