What struck me is how much nicer people were to me as a size 12. Men call me honey, baby, darling. Hold doors for me. Touch me. People help me in stores and make eye contact. I get called back for second interviews when I am not really qualified. Women comment on my appearance with something other than a "pretty face". LOL, no one has told me I have a pretty face since starting MDA.
So my eating got better. Straight up effortless to not eat crap. I'm pretty good 90% of the time and enjoy occasional treats. I feel great, physically. My skin looks great.
This me today:
I wasn't really happy with my body so started crossfit. I'm down to 175, but am now a size 8-10. I just started a new diet as a temporary tool to improve my performance.
So yeah, I work hard and have seen, IMO, good results. But it makes me sad that in my day to day, people are nicer to me, but I've become a less nice person. As much as the fat pics of me pain me, they were of an empathetic, sweet woman with lots of interests and a willingness to please. I was smart, kind, and giving. A good person. But my sum review of them are "damn, you were fat". The sad thing is I still see myself like that. Fat, still being judged for being fat. These are the bikini pics. FYI, mom still lets me know... "tiny waist, but you will always have those fat legs".
So, I'll call my body healthy, and I look good in clothes. But sadly, I don't know if I'll ever be able to walk away from feeling inadequate because of how my body is. It makes me sad. I'll be 40 in a week, I'm an average size woman. I still worry that I am being judged for my body. It's a sad reality.
We are more than what we look like, and I hope anyone that reads this gets that message. Love your life and live it, get healthy, be happy. Being fat isn't the end of the world....I lived a lot of life in that fat suit. Did a lot of awesome things. Losing weight doesn't make you a better person, it just might make you healthier and able to wear smaller clothes.
MDA will make your body healthier. But it doesn't fix everything.