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Thread: Question for serial monogamists... page 4

  1. #31
    AMonkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingofbaconandeggs View Post
    Different strokes for different folks but IMO it boils down to this:

    Women need love. Men need respect.

    Perhaps a serial monogamist only feels loved or respected by being invovled with someone. I agree with the following:

    Love is the attachment that results from choosing to deeply appreciate another's goodness.

    I am not a religious person. I try to keep an open mind and heart. I've found Aish's Dating section, as well as several other sections, provides sagely wisdom from different aspects than I originally thought about. Perhaps the following articles can help:

    Serial Dating
    What is love?
    7 Dating Myths
    True Romance
    Thanks for the interesting links.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    I think meaningless sexual promiscuity is lonely, and it's a way to avoid actually falling in love or bonding with another person.
    I see people doing the opposite of this––oftentimes promiscuity looks to be an attempt to connect, repeatedly, in the only language that person knows. They never learned other ways to express love. They think this is their best currency and all they have to offer. Which is why it could seem lonely. It might be like living on only ... carrots. Very one dimensional.

    And for me, serial monogamy is when you have a committed relationship, usually for a period of time. Not that there are no gaps btw relationships. Only that you are not a casual dater.
    Last edited by spk; 10-09-2013 at 10:01 AM. Reason: syntax

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  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blacksmith View Post
    When I see the term "serial monogamy" I take it to mean someone who goes from one relationship to the next without a courting period in between. When they meet someone they immediatly become bf/gf or what have you. They sort of miss or skip a step in the dating process where you should be a bit excited or making an effort make the other person feel like they are a bit special and you want to show that you are putting forth an effort to impress them. Instead they are instantly comfortable with the other person, as in within a few times dating they are hanging around in their sweatpants watching Seinfeld re-runs.
    Really interesting observation, and I see the same. But I wonder if these guys have it right in some way... I agree that there needs to be a courtship but, for me, the best relationships I had were where the formality of dating broke down quite quickly. Maybe the dating ritual puts people on "best behaviour", and stops you from getting to each other in a real, everyday way?

    I don't think me and my bf have actually ever been on a "date": first time I met up with him we just went to the park. Coincidentally, he's a serial monogamist...
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  4. #34
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    Taken literally, serial monogamy would just mean one monogamous relationship after another. It doesn't really state how much time has elapsed between each one. It doesn't say anything about courtship. It doesn't address whether one sleeps around between the relationships or whether one remains celibate between them. Those are all just various interpretations. And I'm sure that all of those vary as much as anything else varies from person to person.

    I like courtship. But I also like that odd little moment when someone I always thought of as a friend suddenly seems more sparkly (for lack of a better word). Like, "Hey, we've seen each other in the laundry room (or at the mailboxes, or at the grocery store) on and off for a year, but today for some reason, I want to jump your bones."
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  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoanieL View Post
    Taken literally, serial monogamy would just mean one monogamous relationship after another. It doesn't really state how much time has elapsed between each one. It doesn't say anything about courtship. It doesn't address whether one sleeps around between the relationships or whether one remains celibate between them. Those are all just various interpretations. And I'm sure that all of those vary as much as anything else varies from person to person.

    I like courtship. But I also like that odd little moment when someone I always thought of as a friend suddenly seems more sparkly (for lack of a better word). Like, "Hey, we've seen each other in the laundry room (or at the mailboxes, or at the grocery store) on and off for a year, but today for some reason, I want to jump your bones."
    That's true, but Blacksmith's observation (that "relationship people" bypass the courting phase) is interesting. Obviously it's not always the case, but I wonder if it's to do with courtship being associated with the thrill of the chase, whereas daily life sets people up more into affection...

    Ha, I've never had that! I either fancy someone straight away or it doesn't happen.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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