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Thread: Question for serial monogamists... page 2

  1. #11
    magicmerl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    To clarify: by "serial monogamists", I mean people who go from one serious relationship to another, with very little breathing space. I'm not questioning monogamy in general.

    Not on this thread anyway
    So is this thread for the people who desperately don't want to be single, or are enthralled by the idea of being in love?
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by magicmerl View Post
    So is this thread for the people who desperately don't want to be single, or are enthralled by the idea of being in love?
    That's the million dollar question. I used to question if these people were really experiencing 'love' as they felt it, but now I think they do. Or maybe sometimes they settle, until they find someone to fall in love with?

    I don't know. I like being alone!!!
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    That's the million dollar question. I used to question if these people were really experiencing 'love' as they felt it, but now I think they do. Or maybe sometimes they settle, until they find someone to fall in love with?

    I don't know. I like being alone!!!
    I thought the question was about falling in love- to do it or not. Committing to a long term relationship requires love, sure, but it's not the same thing as falling in love. Like, at all. LTR is commitment and choice, not a feeling. The book passage I quoted above, to me, relates to the simple act of allowing yourself to fall in love knowing it will inevitably lead to pain. For that reason alone, I find it imperative to the richness of my life to allow myself to fall in love at the slightest provocation, with little questioning it. Rational decisions regarding that love are a separate matter entirely.

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    I like to actually deny that polygamy is natural, it's actually likely not, except in secluded communes, because monogamy was adopted as a defense mechanism against catastrophe of all sorts -- STDs being one example, large amounts of people in-house, and thus, in danger of all dying from a fire, as another example, or the fact they tend to live in poverty unless the income is large enough to be dispersed for the entire family. This is of course not the same thing as sexual promiscuity, which is what most people against monogamy are for. The feeling of being bored by one person and needing to experience sex with lots of different people.


    I think sexual promiscuity, and polygamy are both lonely feelings, as you're never really attached to all your partners, and you're always trying to look for something else, something better. It's like a gaping hole in your soul at all times. This seems to have more in common with the opening post, rather than calling it "serial monogamy", which seems to just be the act of getting married and subsequently divorcing the person for whatever reason.

    I might be old school, but, my true feelings, is that, I would rather walk this earth with a partner, sharing it all, and starting a secluded family, rather than trying to branch out my "love" to several different people, which causes the intensity to lose its spark. I want one person to come home to, a familiar feeling of comfort, someone that truly knows me, and I can share that same love and pass it on to whatever children I may or may not have. Or, who knows, maybe we can just wander forever hand in hand. Being truly in love, I never ever got bored of it, but with love often does come heartbreak, but there definitely is someone out there I believe that will truly resonate with each person. I believe so, because I've felt that intensity, of the fluke, of meeting one unique person, out of billions, that has altered everything about me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Derpamix View Post
    I might be old school, but, my true feelings, is that, I would rather walk this earth with a partner, sharing it all, and starting a secluded family, rather than trying to branch out my "love" to several different people, which causes the intensity to lose its spark. I want one person to come home to, a familiar feeling of comfort, someone that truly knows me, and I can share that same love and pass it on to whatever children I may or may not have. Or, who knows, maybe we can just wander forever hand in hand. Being truly in love, I never ever got bored of it, but with love often does come heartbreak, but there definitely is someone out there I believe that will truly resonate with each person. I believe so, because I've felt that intensity, of the fluke, of meeting one unique person, out of billions, that has altered everything about me.
    <slow clap>

    Well said.

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    I've spend a large part of the last few years alone, so just now I am enjoying being in relationships. If I finish one I'll go straight back into dating. Its an excitement thing for me, I like the creation of new sexual, intimate, romantic relationships and finding that one girl you can stick with.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iron Will View Post
    "And what of marriage master?"

    "You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of god. But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you"

    Gibran on marriage.

    Beautiful. Thanks Mo. Been a long time since I've thought of that.
    I read that at the last wedding I was in....it's lovely
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    <slow clap>

    Well said.
    +1
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  9. #19
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    I should probably clarify more here: I love people, but after a certain amount of time I get bored and I want to be alone. I rarely meet anyone I want to spend more than five hours with

    In past relationships I avoided these feeling by getting drunk / high / having amazing sex, but I'm over the escapism. Now, if I'm with someone, I want it to be real. I want to know straight up if this is someone who I can spend time with.

    So, if I meet someone I want to spend time with, it's really special for me. I tend to end up with other loners, but the partnering of two commitment phobes usually makes a cold relationship. Serial monogamists make me wonder if what we are experiencing is special for me, but just part of a pattern for them?

    Quote Originally Posted by moluv View Post
    I thought the question was about falling in love- to do it or not. Committing to a long term relationship requires love, sure, but it's not the same thing as falling in love. Like, at all. LTR is commitment and choice, not a feeling. The book passage I quoted above, to me, relates to the simple act of allowing yourself to fall in love knowing it will inevitably lead to pain. For that reason alone, I find it imperative to the richness of my life to allow myself to fall in love at the slightest provocation, with little questioning it. Rational decisions regarding that love are a separate matter entirely.
    I actually *really* know what you're tlking about. When it comes to friendships, and general people that I meet, my heart is open. I let people in, love them fully, and let them pass when the moment does. Not always, of course, but it's a state of being that I'm building to.

    Romances I am way more reserved, so I admire that you can love so openly in non-fraternal love. I have a friend like you: she dances through life with her arms open, and it's beautiful to watch. Her life is rich.

    Quote Originally Posted by JoanieL View Post
    Serious is the toughest part of that to answer. Is serious legal? Is a legal marriage of two years more serious than a live-in relationship of seven years? Is a relationship where the sex is rocket but so is the fighting more serious than one where both are more manageable? Is serious measured in time? As I got older, my choices had more of an element of logic in them - were these less serious than when I led only with my emotions?

    I've been paired up about 75% of the time since I was almost 17. Chronologically in years, they were: 7, 2, 2, 9, 7, and 4. When I was younger, being part of a couple meant a lot to me. That decreased over time. While I don't keep in touch with all of them, I have talked or emailed with all, except the dead one, at least a few times over the years. I keep in touch with one of them on a regular basis.

    They were all different in intensity. "Falling in love" at 17 is different from doing it as one has more experience with life in general. I don't consider any of them mistakes, though I could have skipped the one that was f***/fight and my life would have been fine.

    There have been different periods of not being in a relationship between each one, and I liked that also.

    Not sure if I answered your question. I tried.
    You did answer it... youve been the only one so far

    Quote Originally Posted by Derpamix View Post
    I think sexual promiscuity, and polygamy are both lonely feelings, as you're never really attached to all your partners, and you're always trying to look for something else, something better. It's like a gaping hole in your soul at all times. This seems to have more in common with the opening post, rather than calling it "serial monogamy", which seems to just be the act of getting married and subsequently divorcing the person for whatever reason.

    I might be old school, but, my true feelings, is that, I would rather walk this earth with a partner, sharing it all, and starting a secluded family, rather than trying to branch out my "love" to several different people, which causes the intensity to lose its spark. I want one person to come home to, a familiar feeling of comfort, someone that truly knows me, and I can share that same love and pass it on to whatever children I may or may not have. Or, who knows, maybe we can just wander forever hand in hand. Being truly in love, I never ever got bored of it, but with love often does come heartbreak, but there definitely is someone out there I believe that will truly resonate with each person. I believe so, because I've felt that intensity, of the fluke, of meeting one unique person, out of billions, that has altered everything about me.
    What you're saying in the first paragraph is really interesting... can you expand on that? You think serial monogamists are avoiding being lonely?

    THe second paragraph is beautifully written, but I see things in a different way now. The people I meet are threads in the tapestry of my journey. Some are significant, some are fleeting colours. Ultimately life is my lover.
    Last edited by YogaBare; 10-08-2013 at 12:41 AM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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    The Gibran quote fits like a glove.
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