Hey guys, I've got this new coffee recipe, its awesome, thought you should try it. You will need:

4 sheeps eyes
1 lb of butter
Scrapings from your oven wall
A turd
Some dead window shelf insects mashed into coconut oil
A sledgehammer
A dead cat
Some coffee

Basically, mix all the ingredients together with water, and then, using the sledgehammer, filter it through the dead cat, then put the sheep eyes in at the end so they bob around on the surface.

You know, I thought it would be revolting, but I am a convert! I'm having it every morning from now on.