I'm looking for some perspective on this from you guys, since I find myself in a quandary and a lot of you are older and have more life experience. For reference I'm 23 years old. This is a lengthy post, so you you donít need read it all, but it explains my perspective of the situation. You can look at the issue of monogamy from a more cultural academic approach, or a personal one. I'm interested in your thoughts.
Generally monogamy is idolised in the West, something to be striven for and maintained, doubly so once married. Partners stay faithful, they stay together for years and everything is simple, yay!
I've had my doubts about the status quo for a while. At university this year I was the guy that girls cheated on when they had boyfriends. The most innocent was flirting with and dancing with a girl all night (she used a fake name and never mentioned her boyfriend), the worst was having sex with a girl and her cheating turned her on more. I knew great girls who were tempted to flirt, flirted or cheat with guys. The take away message of Woody Allen movies, for me, was that cheating is natural since we regularly fall out of love, or find somebody better. One of my older friends (27) told me to never get a girlfriend. So I had a dull view of monogamy and decided that investing in a single girl was pointless, since people cheat, you should just date multiple girls.
In June I had at least one date with 5 girls, but 3 weeks after meeting one particular girl, I decided I wanted to be exclusive. Its 3 months now, she is quite in love with me, I enjoy my time with her a lot. Recently she told me she is/used to Skype a guy whom she found attractive, before she met me she wanted to have a drink with him, at one point he told her he wanted to have sex, at one point she mentioned we were dating and had sex outside, he asked her to join her for poker recently and she declined. I didn't ask the last time they Skyped or what details they share/shared about our relationship.
I wasn't insecure or bothered by this at all, I told her I didn't care. However other people seem to think it is inappropriate and could be borderline/emotional cheating if they are having conversations about our sex life, when they find each other mutually attractive. When it came to the subject of cheating I told her if someone is to cheat then they never really cared for their partner. I explained it apathetically, as if recounting a corporate quarterly report. I also told her if she were to cheat, we would be done.
This brings me to what I'm pondering now; is there any point to monogamy? Is there a point in investing in a single person, when cheating seems such the norm? Is there a point trying to navigating the murky depths of what is appropriate and inappropriate between your partner and the opposite sex? Is there a point when you feel that cheating should mean instant break up, but you donít know what constitutes cheating? Wouldnít it be simpler to date multiple people, so there is never any ambiguity? So you never waste your time?