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Thread: Is monogamy worthwhile; is there a point to it? page 3

  1. #21
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    It depends on what you want. If you just want to go have sex with a bunch of people, it really isn't worth it. However, if you want a reliable partner to clean up after you, raise your brats, change your adult diapers, bail you out of jail, accompany you to awkward family events, drop you off at the mechanic, help pay your bills when you are unemployed, take care of you during a man cold, still fuck you on your birthday when you are a gross 45 year old man with excessive hair and a beerbelly, then it might actually be important. Or maybe you can work something and have that support system that looks the other way, and as long as you don't mind that they have other partners... then maybe monogamy is not that important.

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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by 70in2012 View Post
    Are you guys sitting next to each other on the couch and typing away?
    We were, yes .

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aldergirl View Post
    We were, yes .
    You guys are so cute.
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  4. #24
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    This is going to vary by person, and also possibly by age. When I was in my 20's, I dated a lot. But at 28 I settled down with my DH and we've been together 13 years. I have zero desire to flirt with anyone else, let alone cheat on him. I find myself very content with him. I don't know that I would say he's my soulmate, but I think he's as close as it gets. We are excellent friends, good partners, have similar goals, enjoy each other's company, and most importantly can't see our future without the other being in it. In my early 20's I wasn't ready for that. Now, I am. And I hope it doesn't change.
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    it works for the people it works for, it doesn't work for the people it doesn't work for

    that's what all the conversations i've seen here amount to
    +1000
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  6. #26
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    I think maybe a more accurate way to say it is that some people say that it works for them...
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

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  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by 70in2012 View Post
    There could be some points to monogamy.
    Monogamy could be tied to hunter gatherer evolution and not just something invented by modern society:
    1. We were not naturally equipped hunters, so we hunted in groups and an "assured mate" back home is very important to cooperate among other men.
    2. Young ones take very long time to be able to fend for themselves. You need someone sticking around that long to rear them.
    This, I believe, is a misconception of what hunter-gatherer societies were like. See, for example, The New York Times Misleads on Monogamy | Psychology Today

    I'm about to start reading this book, Sex at Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and his wife. Ryan is the author of the above article. One of my facebook friends is obsessed with that book, and I'm intrigued. It's supposed to show that monogamy came into existence at a later time in human history--when women started to be treated as their husband's property. And hence the 9th and 10th Commandments. Coveting your neighbor's wife is really just like coveting his goods.

    To the OP, no, I don't think there is any point to monogamy. I think it is unnatural. It is imposed by social and moral norms that are inconsistent with our species's natural inclinations. And that is why people cheat.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
    I think maybe a more accurate way to say it is that some people say that it works for them...
    A majority of people who say they prefer it actually prefer it

    sometimes a cigar is just a cigar
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  9. #29
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    Back in the 50's, it used to be that people married for 3 big reasons:
    1. To have children and do your best raising them,
    2. To build an estate (capital) sufficient for your retirement and possible sickness. At that time it was considered really bad if you had to live with your children because you had insufficient capital to support yourself in old age.
    3. To have the company of a long term partner until the end of your life.

    I'm not sure that #2 is at all possible today

    So it depends upon your own personal goals. You're young now with strong hormones and drives. That will change in time and your desires will change. It's important to determine your own life goals and stick to them.
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  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cryptocode View Post
    2. To build an estate (capital) sufficient for your retirement and possible sickness. At that time it was considered really bad if you had to live with your children because you had insufficient capital to support yourself in old age.
    I'm not sure that #2 is at all possible today
    I think it is. I'm not yet 40 but our house mortgage is <$40K.

    Additionally, I have older friends who got divorced, and they are of the strong opinion that it sets you back almost to square 1 financially. Losing your house and having to pay child support, good luck paying off the new house you buy in less than 10 years....

    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    This, I believe, is a misconception of what hunter-gatherer societies were like. See, for example, The New York Times Misleads on Monogamy | Psychology Today

    I'm about to start reading this book, Sex at Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and his wife. Ryan is the author of the above article. One of my facebook friends is obsessed with that book, and I'm intrigued. It's supposed to show that monogamy came into existence at a later time in human history--when women started to be treated as their husband's property. And hence the 9th and 10th Commandments. Coveting your neighbor's wife is really just like coveting his goods.

    To the OP, no, I don't think there is any point to monogamy. I think it is unnatural. It is imposed by social and moral norms that are inconsistent with our species's natural inclinations. And that is why people cheat.
    SAD *is* interesting, but it overstates its premise significantly. Here's a post I made in a different thread a while back about the book:
    Quote Originally Posted by myself
    At the end of the day people can have whatever relationships they want. I'm not opposed to polyamory whether I practice it myself or not. I think that the SAD authors built an alternative narrative that has elements of truth in it (greater plasticity and range of female sexual desires than male, for example), but is not superior to conventional ones. Additionally, they cherry picked data to support their narrative, by:
    a. Preferring bonobos to paleolithic human relationship structures
    b. Preferring bonobos to chimpanzee relationship structures (when both are equidistant from us)
    c. Discounting evidence which refutes their narrative like male teste size with questionable science
    d. Failing to address the different social structures between a 'tribe' or 70 or so individuals (where everybody knows each other) and modern society (where most people in the same city are strangers to us)
    e. Discounting agricultural societies when they don't fit the preferred narrative, including them when they do
    f. Glossing over the polyamorous details of the one actual forager society (inuits) because they don't fit the preferred narrative

    I can see polyamorous behaviour working successfully in a small tribal setting (like a commune maybe)? But I can't see it working on a large scale in a much larger society more successfully than monogamy does.
    Last edited by magicmerl; 09-17-2013 at 04:18 PM.
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