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Thread: How do I make a non-primal listen, or atleast not judge me page 4

  1. #31
    OnTheBayou's Avatar
    OnTheBayou is offline Senior Member
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    Eva is exactly correct. Hubby is a misogynist, inseure jerk. I wonder how he treats any female colleagues of similar background.


    He doesn't deserve you.


  2. #32
    clayberg's Avatar
    clayberg is offline Junior Member
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    I like Kyrz's comment, sounds like a plan without ruffling any feathers.


    True SerialSinner, life is short and do what makes YOU happy!





  3. #33
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    Your relationship problems are clearly NOT about your DIET. Primal living is just what he has chosen to 'fight' about.


    To keep the peace for now you might eat a (grain free) vegetarian dinner with him in the evening and have your meat at other times of the day.


    Only you can decide if you can tolerate this man for the long haul. If you have been in marriage counseling for 2.5 years you certainly have many issues.


    I wish you peace and harmony in whatever choices you make.


  4. #34
    darienx19's Avatar
    darienx19 is offline Senior Member
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    I agree with the others that it doesn't seem like an actual diet issue, it's a respect issue. The only thing I could add would be to stand your equal ground. Anytime he tries to pick a fight or demean you, simply say "I am respecting you and your wishes to not talk about my choices of diet, I hope that you can respect me in the same manor." Then go about your business. If he continues, say something like "Your opinion is important to me, however I am going to continue with what I'm doing because you haven't considered all of the information concerning the subject." he likely won't know how to respond because you aren't playing into his game and getting emotional, but if he continues still, just end the conversation "Thank you for your concern, we can talk more about this later when you've had a chance to review the information."


    If you notice the trend in wordplay, it's a statement that respects him as a person followed by the action you are taking that sets an expectation.. all in a matter of fact, non-emotional way.


    The trick is to stay as calm as possible, don't respond emotionally, take a full breath before responding, and think of a way to phrase your statements that show you value him as a person but that you hold a differing opinion.


    And I apologize if I sound culturally insensitive, but it is not ok to be disrespected. My grandparents came over from the Ukraine and I have vivid childhood memories of my grandmother telling my grandfather "No, it's not that way here" or "We're in America now, they don't do that here." I don't know where you live, but it seemed to work for her?


    I hope I've been somewhat helpful and that you find the peace and happiness you're looking for!


  5. #35
    maba's Avatar
    maba is offline Senior Member
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    Thank you all for your insight and kind words. I have no one to blame but myself for letting myself be emotionally manipulated by him every single time. My counsellor even showed me a chapter on this kind of behavior in one of his psychology books. A lot of it is cultural too. I mean mutual respect is necessary, regardless of culture. But my decision of how to lead my life affects so many people in so many ways that making a decision is not easy. Ours is an "arranged marriage" and my husband is extremely chauvinistic in his outlook. He has his idea of fixed gender roles, such as how the woman must take care of all the chores no matter how tired she is or how busy she is at work. He is a researcher and sometimes spends all day at home but somehow I'm expected to still come home and make sure food is cooked and he is fed. And even then he complains about how he doesn't like it etc. I protested in the beginning of our marriage and it was counter-productive and I started going with the flow just to keep peace. But it's getting to a point where despite the compromises, I'm not really getting what I want out of this marriage - no respect, no trust, no faith, no affection. I just get blamed constantly about how I'm not ambitious as him, how my priority (read as interest in nutrition) is all screwed. Trying to eat healthy in his eyes is my being vain about my looks. I like reading, but reading anything other than what's related to my field of work, in his view, is a waste of time and lacking ambition. Doing anything I like which is not what he's interested is being a bad "Indian wife". Like I said earlier, I have no one to blame but myself for being a doormat.


    P.S.: My husband is not representative of all Indian men, many are like him but not all.


    P.S.2: I live in the US.


  6. #36
    wwld517's Avatar
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    Hi there -


    This sounds like a serious cause of stress. It's upsetting, when you're just trying to do what's best for YOU.


    In my own experience, I found that the people who have the biggest "problem" with my lifestyle are the ones most insecure about their own. It seems that the less I say, the more likely they are to approach me with legitimate questions, even for advice, once they can admit to themselves that the (usually emotional) way in which they eat is the real cause of their anger and/or anxiety.


    My only advice would be to keep mum. I agree with other comments that your husband's response is distinctly unscientific - refusing to harbor the very curiosity that fuels discovery. And though the official science behind our lifestyle is still young, its intuitive nature and common sense, no-nonsense approach transcends trial-and-error intellect - there's real WISDOM in it.


  7. #37
    Nick's Avatar
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    The Indian post-doc in my wife's lab uses a good bit of fat in her cooking (we talk about cooking Indian food most of the time), and is non-vegetarian. Of course she married a white dude. I get very little sass from her about the diet, but I get plenty from the fat endocrinologist who treats childhood diabetes..go figure.


  8. #38
    Cubical Inmate's Avatar
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    I think that some people just hate that you are trying to better yourself regardless of what method you are attempting. I have gotten so much shit at my office it is borderline comical. When I made all Paleo food for my UFC party on Saturday night (pictures in my challenge log) everyone loved it, then when my wife told everyone it was Paleo and started to explain the idea behind it, that when the fun started. By the second fight people were tying to get me to bet on who would win the fight and if I lost they wanted me to eat a plate of brownies :-) I just don't get it.


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